Albert and Germs: Why Kongol Shouldn't Cook
It was Kongol's turn to prepare dinner, Albert looked on with worried brow as the giganto stirred his stew with a stick he'd found lying about. Pieces of the bark that had been on the stirring stick had rapidly fallen off into the questionable concoction the chef was creating. Albert had winced, watching bit by bit the dirty bark dissolving into the brown goo Kongol was calling their 'meal'.
The worst of it wasn't the stick and the bark, Albert had other issues with their gigantic friend cooking. Albert knew for a fact, that Kongol never washed his big meaty hands after using nature as his chamber pot. Most of the team tried using streams or creeks to wash off any lingering bacteria that might have been on their palms, not Kongol.
He'd wander off and pick at his teeth afterwords, or worse, he'd try to be 'friendly' and tousle Alberts hair playfully. His large palm would wreck havoc on Alberts hair, along with his gag reflex. Albert could smell the stench of fecal matter on the big palm assailing him, and that palm would touch his forehead at times while Kongol would tousle and tease the 'Human King' as he was so called by the large Dragoon.
Albert was not fond of thinking about his hair smelling of Kongol's poo after the companion did his friendly act...Albert knew that traveling like they did would require him to be strong, to do without clean running water for baths and indoor plumbing. But even though they all were 'roughing' it, most of the team tried to stay cleanly. Kongol did not.
So Albert watched on as the enormous chef added berries and other objects into the pot, Alberts stomach was clenching as he silently noticed Kongol picking at his right nostril, then wiping the snot and boogers he had mined, onto his apron...The apron they all shared when it was their turn to cook...
"Human King look pale, feel sick?" Kongol worriedly inquired, Albert took a deep breath to steady his frying nerves, and proceeded to tell Kongol that he was fine.
"Achoo!" Rose, for the life of him, did not bother covering her mouth as she sneezed. The spray of snot floating in the air above the cooking pot. Albert twitched, his eyes widening as he felt his apatite vanishing.
Rose...She was another individual that would sometimes bother Albert in obscure ways, ways that he never mentioned to anyone. Albert had a slight case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He enjoyed things symmetrical, and it bothered him greatly when things weren't. For example, Rose had one long stocking on her right leg while her left did not. Albert didn't say anything, but his mind was always thinking about that lone stocking.
Where oh where could the other one have gone? Did she misplace the thing or was she trying to make a fashion statement? The mystery behind her lone stocking was possibly never going to be solved, but right now Alberts mind was on Kongol's cooking. He'd taken his eyes off that pot for one second, and Albert could have sworn the chef had abandoned all logic and tossed what looked like rocks into the stew.
"I'm going for a brisk walk." Albert had informed whoever wanted to listen. He'd had enough of staring at the mess that was suppose to be their evening meal. The Jade Dragoon walked along the outskirts of their campsite, taking deep breaths to steady his unpleasant stomach pains.
The group had stopped within a forest, the trees piney scent seemed to be helping his nausea when the fellow lost his footing. A tree root had tripped him, Albert's head had turned to the side as he had fallen, and it was a good thing that he did. The king's face had landed in something. It was wet and squishy, and there was a horrid stench coming from it that almost made him lose his lunch. He lurched upwards and had to walk around, searching for a stream, with one eye closed. The gunk had gotten on his lid and he preferred keeping out whatever the bile was without catching an eye infection. Stumbling around, feeling like a dolt, Albert soon found a small stream and with the moonlights help, he was able to look at his reflection.
Between the stench and the color of it, Albert had a terrible feeling that he knew what it was. Sliding down his face as he gaped at his reflection, the goop sliding down his ear, his neck.
'Don't vomit, it will only make things worse.' Albert mentally chanted over and over again as he slowly began to use the water to rinse away the mess on his face.
Albert sat there a good twenty minutes, rinsing himself until he felt safe enough to open his left eye. The Gods help him if any of that...that bile got into his eye.
"You're doing good, Albert, just go back to camp and try to forget it ever happened." He talked to himself, slowly making his way back to the firelight.
As he got there, chef Kongol was dishing out bowls filled with his hodgepodge concoction. Sweet Shana handed him his portion, smiling kindly.
"I know Kongol tried very hard this time, and I hope everyone is able to enjoy his meal without any negative comments." Shana looked sharply at Rose who promptly ignored the girl.
Rose possibly wouldn't be the only one complaining, Albert had witnessed how 'well' Kongol had cooked their meal, and he wasn't sure he felt up to the challenge of being polite and simply tasting the gnarly looking stew.
"Albert, aren't you hungry?" Shana was watching him like a hawk, giving him a meaningful look that demanded he try the stew.
'Deep breath, Albert. Deep breath.' He mentally prepared himself as his wooden spoon dipped in and scooped up a healthy amount of stew.
Thinking it'd be best to take a quick bite, the king lowered his spoon and crunched down on something hard.
"My tooth!" Albert cried, tossing the bowl and putting his hands in front of his mouth. He spat out two items. The first, was one of the rocks Kongol had put into their meal. It was brown and notched, as if someone had tried to chew it.
The second object in Alberts palms, was a blood covered tooth. A molar, to be more precise. Everyone was gathered around him now, staring at the fire lit objects within his trembling hands.
"I'm not eating mine." Dart shook his head, getting a glare from Shana.
"He tried hard, Dart! Accidents do happen!" Shana was trying to defend their chef.
"Hey, what's that stuff on your shoulder?" Haschel had spoken, getting everyone to look away from the kings dislodged molar to eyeball the brown, smelly goop on the kings cloaked shoulder. Haschel moved in closer, his nose above the kings shoulder as he took a big whiff.
"Wow! I know that stench, stepped in a pile of it a week ago. That's Kongol's shit." Haschel's revaluation made everyone gasp, all except Albert.
He had known, of couse, that it had been poop. He had assumed it was bear shit from the size of it, but now, he knew. He knew it was Kongol, the companion they constantly warned and chided about doing his business way outside of their camping area. He never heeded them, and now, it appeared Albert was not only without a molar because of the giganto, but he was also wearing the big galoots shit.
"Kongol feel bad." The big brutes voice broke through everyone's awkward silence. He pushed his way over to stand directly in front of Albert.
"Teeth no grow back? Giganto like shark, lose tooth, it come back new!" He enlightened the group with Giganto information.
"No, Kongol, human teeth don't grow back." Alberts voice was high pitched, as if he were about to lose all self control.
"Tell me, Kongol, when a giganto's balls are hit hard enough to lodge them up inside, how long till they drop back down?" Albert had a goofy look on his face as he produced his beloved lance. Kongol tilted his head, not completely understanding the question.
"Let's find out, shall we? Harpoon!" Before anyone could stop him, the king took the dull end of his lance and hit the giganto right in the gonads.
For a moment, Kongol looked completely healthy. As if the attack had no effect on the hard skinned giganto. Then, the large companion let out a 'Eeeee' sound and slowly fell backwards.
"Oh Kongol!" Shana was the only one running to the downed companions side. Everyone else was obscenely laughing, even Rose was seen chuckling as the big baby Kongol held himself, going into a fetal position.
"I think from now on, Kongol should be taken off the cooking schedule." Dart voiced his opinion, everyone nodded their heads in agreement.
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Disclaimer: I don't own Legend Of Dragoon or its characters.