words like silent raindrops fell

Summary: Bellamy can't comprehend what made Finn do the unimaginable.

Post 2x05

Important note: I do not blame Bellamy for what happened at the Grounder village. Not in the slightest. If it comes off that way in the story, it is because, knowing Bellamy, I believe he will blame himself.

In a way, I do not blame Finn either. I want to find an explanation. Please, don't hate.

The title is from Simon & Garfunkel's song "Sound of Silence".

"We want to believe in the essential, unchanging goodness of people, in their power to resist external pressures, in their rational appraisal and then rejection of situational temptations. We invest human nature with God-like qualities, with moral and rational faculties that make us both just and wise. We simplify the complexity of human experience by erecting a seemingly impermeable boundary between Good and Evil"

~ Philip G. Zimbardo

"He's not our responsibility! He's yours!" The words of the Grounder leader rang in Bellamy's ears. Nyko. Octavia had called him Nyko and Bellamy thought that it was important to know the names of those people. "We have dead to burry and mourn!"

Bellamy meant no disrespect. He had only asked what they were going to do with Finn, because he'd wanted to let them deal with him in accordance to their customs.

"This is our custom," Nyko had seethed. "One who succumbs to war-rage is the responsibility of the clan that raised him, of the commander that sent him into battle. Not those he attacked! Now, take him away."

Octavia had stayed. She had said she was more of a Grounder now, she hadn't wanted anything to do with... She wouldn't even say his name.

Bellamy had no choice. Bellamy had been the commander who had sent a damaged warrior into battle. He had known Finn was not it the right headspace and yet, he'd let him go, with Murphy and two machine guns. And Murphy had turned out to be the sane one.

What was he supposed to do with Finn now? Let the Council back at Camp Jaha decide?

"Bellamy," he heard Finn's whisper right next to him and he spun, like dabbed with a hot wire. Finn was looking around, not straight at him, his eyes searching the forest, breath quickened. "Give me the gun." He reached for the weapon Bellamy had requisitioned at the village.

"What?" Bellamy instinctively took a step back and pulled the firearm out of Finn's reach. "No!"

Now Finn met his gaze. Eyes glazed over with fever, burning, yet empty.

"Come on!" he demanded. "They're after us. If they attack, it's better if all of us can defend themselves, don't you think?"

Oh, no! Bellamy didn't think so. He shook his head. "No. No way."

Clarke backtracked from where she scouted ahead and Murphy almost caught up.

Finn only glared at Bellamy, frowning in disbelief.

"Wha-? What the hell? Bellamy!"

"Finn. You are not getting a gun in your hands ever again."

"W- Why?" Finn stuttered. He seemed genuinely surprised and Bellamy had no idea what to make of it. It was like Finn didn't think he had done anything wrong. It was like what he had done had been normal, not outrageous and reprehensible and unimaginable.

"Seriously?" It was Murphy who voiced what each of them was thinking.

"Shut up, Murphy," Finn shot him down, then turned back to Bellamy. "Is it about that Grounder?"

"Grounder?" Singular?

"That one in the bunker?" Finn clarified. "Is it about him?" He was breathing fast, words fell from his lips with increasing speed and volume. "Because you may disagree, you may be noble and righteous now, all you want, but he could have escaped! You know that he could have. And if he did, if he had warned his people – they would have killed Clarke!" At the end he was out right yelling and spitting in Bellamy's face.

Bellamy was only able to ask, "What?"

Finn deflated. He took a step back, raised both hands to his head and ran his fingers through his hair, knit them on the top of his head and Bellamy could see his hands were shaking. Then he wiped his face forcefully and glanced at Bellamy again. His eyes were dark and scared.

"We made it. Okay?" he breathed out. "We made it on time, we found her. That's what matters. So I killed him, executed an unarmed prisoner, yeah, I did." He paused. Swallowed. "I'm gonna have to live with it for the rest of my life, but if that means that Clarke is safe, then I don't regret it."

"Finn..." Clarke reached out a hand to touch his shoulder and pulled it back. He didn't even notice. She looked up to Bellamy, her eyes begging him to explain what the hell Finn meant, but Bellamy was non the wiser.

"What? Are you? Talking about?" he asked, completely perplexed. Clarke was safe, but not because that Grounder was dead. One had nothing to do with the other. Clarke was never at the village.

Finn shook his head, then wiped his face again. Shrugged.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Okay. I know." He walked a few paces away, head bowed, arms wrapped around his middle. He spoke still with his back to them. "I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish I didn't do this." He turned to look at Clarke, at Bellamy. "But what's done is done."

Bellamy just shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. What? The hell? Was that?

Clarke sighed, like something heavy rested on her chest.

"Yeah." She nodded at Finn. Apparently nothing better came to her mind. "Okay, I think we gotta go."

To the surprise of them all, Finn nodded and started walking again, the request for the weapon completely forgotten.

They made the same formation as before, Clarke up front, Bellamy in the middle, next to him Finn and Murphy taking the rear. They walked in silence for a while, only leaves shuffling under their feet and Finn's heavy, irregular breathing interrupted the stillness of the forest.

Bellamy tried to recall Finn's words and the only conclusion he came up with, was that Finn didn't remember what happened at the village. It was like he erased the massacre completely, like he couldn't handle the truth, so he replaced it with some false memory of Clarke being there, anyway... Somehow... Bellamy wished he could do that too. That he could forget the horrifying echo of machine gun in the forest, the sight of bodies lying in pools of blood and Finn, his gun raised, standing in the middle of this chaos. Finn's face as he saw them, the way it was before and the way it changed, shifted, as if he was that whole different person and now flipped a switch and became himself again. Was that what happened?

Finn spoke out of the blue again, "Too bad we didn't make it on time for the others."

He made no sense. He made no sense whatsoever, what others? Clarke stopped and her gaze locked with Bellamy's. Saying she was worried didn't even begin to cover what he saw in her eyes and Bellamy wondered if he looked the same.

"What did they do to them?" Finn asked. "Clarke? Do you know?"

"What?" she almost cried.

"What did those Grounders do to the rest of our people? They weren't in the village, were they?" Finn looked from Clarke to Bellamy and back, brow furrowed. "There wasn't any... maybe... underground..." His breathing quickened. "Was there? Maybe there was, maybe we missed something.

Bellamy knew he had to contain him, somehow. If he didn't, Finn could become dangerous all over again; he was unpredictable.

"No, Finn, they were not there. We have to go." He grabbed Finns arm and tried to push him in the general direction of their march but Finn wrestled out from his grip.

"No!" He jumped away, like he got burned, panting, his eyes skipping from one of them to the other. "What?" he spat. Acted like a caged tiger on that movie Bellamy had once seen back on the Ark and it was scary. "What is it?" Finn furrowed his brow in concentration. "What are you not telling me?"

Oh, god, how could this get any worse?

"They were there..."

"Finn, let's go."

"They were..." Finn shook his head as if trying to get rid of the fog. "Their clothes... Uh, gohd!" He choke. Grabbed his head in both hands and squeezed his eyes shut. "Their clothes... their clothes and their boots. They were there." He looked up at Murphy, evidently demanding an answer.

Murphy was probably even more lost than Bellamy or Clarke. He had been there, he had witnessed Finn losing his mind and he couldn't stop it, couldn't prevent it. He now looked for help in Bellamy or Clarke and Bellamy knew that it had to be him.

"Finn, let's..." he started, reaching out his hand but hesitated before touching Finn again.

The look on Finn's face made him stop. The look of pure terror.

"They're all dead," Finn mouthed, "aren't they?" His eyes begged for a different answer, his chin shook, his whole body trembled. "I saw... bodies... Blood..." Tears dampened his cheeks.

Would the truth be any better? Would telling him, that those were the bodies of the Grounders he murdered, help in any way?

Bellamy was quite certain it would only make things worse.

"Our people are in Mount Weather." He decided to tell the truth, but not the one that could do damage. "The Mountain Men took them. And we have to get back to Camp Jaha as soon as we can, so we can organize a rescue mission. Do you understand, Finn?"

Finn glared at him, blinking, then nodded. He looked like he wanted to ask something, like he was thinking about something important but the thought eluded him. Eventually he nodded again, sniffed, wiped his cheeks with the heels of his palms and grunted, "Let's go."

Maybe he would calm down. Maybe focusing on the next task would keep him grounded long enough so they could all safely return to the Camp. Of course Finn would not go with them to Mount Weather. Finn could never be trusted again, with anything, he should probably be locked up. Bellamy wondered how they were going to tell the Council about what happened. What would the Council do? On the Ark, Finn would be executed, no questions asked. Down here? Could they be a little more lenient? And should they? Against such a horrible crime?

They were still a day of walk away from the Camp and the trip would be trying, but Bellamy knew that he had to make a decision, it was his responsibility. For letting Finn go. For leaving him unsupervised. For not recognizing the signs when they glared him in the face. It was his own retribution – he had to decide what kind of a sentence Finn would face for what he had done.

Somehow Bellamy thought that remembering the truth alone would make for the most cruel punishment of all.

.end

A/N: If you're going to say something hateful about Finn, please don't. Keep it to yourself. His storyline gave me enough hurt already.

Thank you for reading.