August 15th2010

After he left, I stopped living. I walked through life like a zombie. Repeating the same actions everyday but never really participating with the world around me. The pain in my chest never ceased. Increasing at night when my dreams were filled with him. I thought I was doing an okay job of masking the shell I'd become but I was wrong.

Charlie noticed and tried to get me to go live with Renee. That was a moment filled with me screaming and throwing everything I owned around my small room. They didn't understand. No one could.

Because when you meet you the one you want to spend forever with, losing them is a hard thing to recover from.

But I've resolved myself to keep breathing through the pain. He's gone. He's been gone for almost a year and I've come to the realization that he will never return to me. I knew I was never good enough for him. Never pretty enough. I was never confidant enough and I surely didn't have the grace either. I didn't deserve him then.

But I will spend the rest of my dark life trying to get there.

"Bella it's time to go", Charlie yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

I closed my journal and placed it in my bag. Heading down the stairs I can see dad holding one of my boxes.

"Ready Cha-Dad"

"Come on kiddo. You're going to Dartmouth! You should be more excited", he said as he walked out the door with me behind him. Charlie bragged to everyone who would hear that I had gotten into Dartmouth. He told everyone about my full ride scholarship. Not hard to come by when I spent the year doing nothing but homework and extra credit assignments.

"Yeah Dad, I'm excited. Just nervous a bit, I guess" I got into the passenger side of my truck and waited as Charlie locked up the house and jumped into the driver seat. He was driving there with me and taking a plane back home. Said it was his last chance to bond with me until Christmas.

"Alright. College here we come", he yelled. I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

Edward I hope I make you proud. I'm living my life like you wanted; I just wish you were here with me. I watched as the house got smaller in the distance. Goodbye Forks. Hello future.

So this is my first fanfiction and I'm not really sure where I want this story to go. I just know that I needed to write this down.

Reviews are great and make me smile :)