I don't own MASH or any of the characters. Quite frankly, I don't know who does. But it is not I. Nor am I making any money off of this.

Here at the MASH

I was working in O.R. late one night
While the bombs burst in air, it was quite a sight
The puns were flying rampant, through the air
And then I realised, to my despair

This was a MASH
This camp was a MASH
This was a MASH
This patient has a rash
This was a MASH
They're serving army hash
This was a MASH
This camp was a MASH

From the swamp you could sniff the smell of dirty socks
And taste terrible gin while Hawkeye sleepwalks
His bunkmates are a snob by the name of Charles
And don't wake up ol' B.J. lest you provoke snarls…

They're in a MASH
They're in a camp called MASH
They're in a MASH
Where people patch the gashed
They're in a MASH
Where they serve army hash
They're in a MASH
They're in a camp called MASH

The 4077th is the place to be
If you're a wounded man in the army
They provide the 'Best Care, Anywhere'
Watch and you'll see!!

The C.O.'s office jumpin', with ol' Potter's yell
As the clerk by name of Klinger tries to scam and sell
The supply truck's in the compound with supplies from H.Q.
It's the middle of winter, so will ice cream churns do?

There at the MASH
The camp was called a MASH
There at the MASH
Where they will cure your rash
There at the MASH
Where they serve spam and hash
There at the MASH
The camp was called a MASH

Out of the Swamp, a voice did shout
And cursed two delinquents as unfeeling louts
He told them to shut up, to desist and cease
To leave him alone to his music in peace

He played in the MASH
In a camp called MASH
Yes in a MASH
The movie's in the trash
Yes in a MASH
Yes they're all strapped for cash
Here at the MASH
Here at the camp called MASH

The Head Nurse is on the scene, Hot Lips Houlihan
And we all know she thinks that Hawkeye is quite the man
But neither will admit that the attraction exists
But watch them in surgery, while you assist

Here at the MASH
Yes come and join the MASH
Here at the MASH
Just never eat the hash
Here at the MASH
You'll be prepped in a flash
Here at the MASH
Come and join the MASH!!!