I Wish I Had A River, an agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. fanfic

I Wish I Had A River

Disclaimer:
As always, I own nothing.

Rating:
T

Genre:
Romance/Angst

Pairing:
Coulsye

Lyrics Used:
Glee Cast "River"

"I just can't believe she would do something like that." Phil Coulson mused to his young team mate. "And, quite honestly, I'm not-so-pleasantly shocked by your actions, as well, Jemma." He added, half-glaring at the young bio-chemist. Finally, the senior agent seemed to have just given up. "Maybe Ward and the others were right...Maybe I shouldn't have let myself trust her..." He sighed, heavily, slumping down into his chair.

Of course Jemma Simmons knew exactly what her mentor and friend was talking about. Though, few others would be able to say the same. Jemma had been among the first to pick up on her mentor's mutual attraction with her friend and team mate, Skye, a young hacker from a past shrouded in S.H.I.E.L.D. mystery. Although, it didn't take long for the rest of the team to figure out their boss and friend was hopelessly in love with the hacker. Finally, after much meddling on Jemma's part, the two had finally gotten together. Their relationship hadn't been easy, of course-no relationship between a senior S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and an agent in training ever was. But, they had loved and trusted each other enough to make it work. Or, so Phil had thought. After Skye's meddling had threatened Ward and Fitz's classified mission, Phil had begun to call into question every interaction he'd ever had with Skye. He was beginning to wonder if he had ever really been justified in trusting her. "I wouldn't say that..." Jemma assured him, warmly. "Before you go leaping to conclusions, perhaps I should give you an early Christmas present..."

That was quite possibly the worst part of the whole situation. While what had happened with Skye and Ward and Fitz's mission had taken place several months ago, the holiday season had ripped open the wounds left behind by terminating his relationship with Skye. After his trust had been shaken, he just didn't feel safe continuing his relationship with her. "What are you talking about, Jemma?" He asked. His voice sounded tired even to his own ears.

Jemma, however, remained silent as she activated the television monitor in Coulson's bunk. "There's something I really think you need to see and hear before you draw any conclusions about Skye..." She explained, watching the screen come to life with an image of the young hacker in her bunk. "Skye knows she made a horrible mistake getting involved in Grant and Leo's mission. I highly doubt she's ever regretted anything more than she does that very decision. She knows how much danger she put them in and would gladly lay down her very life for the opportunity to go back and change what she did. But, she knows she can't." Crouching down next to her friend, Jemma looked straight into Phil's piercing blue eyes as she spoke with a voice that was soft and warm. "Make no mistake, Agent Coulson...Skye loves you more than anything in the world. She would give anything take it all back and make things right...At least give her a chance to tell you how she feels before you write her off, completely..." And, without another word, Jemma rose to her feet and took her leave, leaving Phil alone in his bunk, staring the young woman on his monitor.

Watching her on his screen, Phil noticed she had a guitar in her lap. The melody she was playing sounded soft and sad and seemed to reflect his current mood, perfectly, he noticed. Before he knew it, Skye had started singing. Phil's mind was metaphorically blown when he heard her sing for the first time. He had no idea she had such a beautiful singing voice.

"It's comin' on Christmas
They're cuttin' down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And, singing songs of joy and peace

Oh, I wish I had river
I could skate away on

But, it don't snow, here

It stays pretty green
Gonna make a lotta money
Gonna quit this crazy scene

Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly

Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on"

As he listened to her song, he couldn't help praying that she was wrong. That she would change her mind. He never knew she wanted to leave the team. The senior agent suddenly found himself hoping and praying that he hadn't been the reason she wanted to leave. He needed her and he didn't want to think what might become of him if she ever did leave. Suddenly, he began to wonder if he was really as done with her as he had previously claimed to be.

"I made my baby cry

He tried hard to help me
Ya know, he put me at ease
And, he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees

Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on"

As Skye continued singing her song for him, Phil began to suspect that maybe Jemma was right, all along. Maybe Skye really did still love him. The evidence was overwhelming. For the first time in a long time, Phil finally felt himself doing something he once thought he'd never be capable of, ever again. He'd begun to hope.

"I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now, I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had

Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on"

The more he heard, the more he believed in Jemma's words and the more he began to believe in a possible future for himself and the young hacker singing about him. Truthfully, he'd never known the break-up had been just as hard on her as it had been on him. He hadn't even known that she'd heard him cry over her. He knew he had to fix this. The question was 'How?'.

"I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly

Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

I made my baby say 'goodbye'"

If there had been any doubts in his mind, before, they were gone the moment he saw the thin, clear, ribbons glistening on her cheeks. Seeing Skye in so much pain caused him physical pain. He felt his heart clench painfully in his chest as he finally felt his mind jump into overdrive, formulating a plan to win back the woman he still loved.

"It's comin' on Christmas
They're cuttin' down trees
They're puttin' up reindeer
And, singing songs of joy and peace

I wish I had a river
I could skate away on"

Once the song had come to an end, Phil was out of his seat before he'd even registered his body moving. The next thing he registered was that he was standing just outside the door to Skye's bunk. He had considered knocking until he heard the sound of quiet sobs coming from the bunk, inside. Feeling his heart shatter in his chest, the threw caution to the wind as he threw the door open.

"Phil?" Skye gasped, shakily. She couldn't believe Phil was actually in her bunk. Part of her mind was curious to know whether he had heard her song for him. She never actually intended to sing it for him, it was only ever meant to be a means for her to vent her feelings for her former lover. Looking up at him, she could see the strain their break-up had had on him. His face looked like he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in years. Seeing that made her hate herself even more. She ached for the pain that she had caused the only man she'd ever truly loved.

"Skye..." Phil breathed, his voice just as shaky as Skye's. Looking in her eyes, he knew that Jemma had been right all along. Skye was still in love with him. "I heard your song..." He blurted out before he'd even realized he'd spoken. "What were you singing?" Even though he was certain he already knew the answer, part of him still needed to hear it from her.

Hell, I'm already through the looking glass, anyway...Skye thought to herself as she drew a deep breath as she suddenly found herself unable to speak. "You..." Was all she managed to force out of her mouth. "I...I-It was about you..."

A tense silence settled over the two of them before they stunned each by speaking in unison. "I'm sorry."

Looking at Phil as if he'd gone insane, Skye asked "You? What could you possibly have to be sorry for? I'm the one who fucked everything up..."

"I lied." Phil blurted out. He really needed to watch that. Seeing the confused look on Skye's face, he knew she'd need more to go on. "When I said I was done with you...I lied..." He elaborated, watching realization dawn on the hacktivist's face. "I could never stop loving you, Skye..." He added, desperately. "I could never stop needing you..."

For a moment, they both remained silent-unsure of what to say or how to act. Finally, just as Phil was beginning to think that it had been a mistake to come here, Skye leapt from her seat on her bed and crossed the small bunk to throw her arms around him, holding him close as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "I love you, too, Phil..." She breathed, her voice shaking and cracking. "And, I need you so bad it hurts. It physically hurts to see you without being able to hold you in my arms...To know that it was all my fault...That I had betrayed the one and only man I've ever truly loved..."

"Shhh..." Phil cooed, gently, stroking her hair as he buried his own face in her neck. The senior agent soon felt tears streaming down his own face at the hacktivist's confession. "It's okay...It's okay, Skye." Before she could argue, he pulled just far enough away to look her in the eye for only a moment before leaning in capture her lips with his own. The kiss was warm and tender-just enough to show his forgiveness toward her and to make all of the promises he could never put into words.

Finally, as the two parted for air, Skye rested their foreheads together-still craving the intimacy. "Please..." She choked in a hushed whisper. "Please...Forgive me..."

Smiling ever so slightly to himself, Phil took her face in his hands and stared directly into her soft doe eyes as he spoke. "I already have..." It was a promise he sealed with another chaste kiss. "Merry Christmas, Skye..." He whispered, gently.

"Merry Christmas, Phil." Skye breathed as she smiled her first true smile since their split. She wasn't an idiot. She knew there would always be challenges and obstacles along their path. But, she just knew that-with Phil by her side-there was nothing they couldn't do. No mountain they couldn't climb. No problem they couldn't solve. They wouldn't let their problems beat them, again. Phil had been right from the beginning. They loved and trusted each other enough to make it work.

Author's Note:
Okay, so, yeah...Not really sure exactly how to feel about this. Not my best work, obviously. But, I definitely don't hate it. Anyway, this just came to me, literally like...not even forty-five minutes ago while I was listening to the Glee Cast's version of "River" and I just thought it was such a beautiful song, it was just begging me to do something with it. So, I hope you enjoyed my second Christmas offering. Merry Christmas, Coulsye shippers!