Hypothetical Questions
By River Eagle
During the hunt for the Horocluxes, 1997 or 1998.....
"Hypothetically speaking," Harry said, breaking the comparative silence that had fallen on the three friends. "What would you say if I told you that I was pregnant?"
Hermione, Harry thought, resembled something akin to a codfish. Ron, on the other hand, burst into laughter. "What? Are you gay or something?"
That broke their female friend out of her astonishment. "Ron!"
Harry joined in with Ron's laughter. "Or something, Ron. Or something." Turning to Hermione, the green-eyed teen tried to calm her down. "It's only a hypothetical question, 'Mione."
The words entered her fogged brain and after running over what Harry said a few times, Hermione burst out with, "Wait, wait, wait. Are you telling us you're pregnant?"
Harry was horrified at that. "No."
"Is Ginny?"
"NO! I haven't even slept with her. I'm only speaking hypothetically, 'Mione. I haven't slept with anybody in that way."
Ron's face was beginning to fill with a red tinge around his neck. "So you're saying you've slept with somebody, just not my sister?"
Harry's jaw dropped. "What? No!" He took a deep breath and tried to get his facial features under control. "Ron, besides the month or so this year when it was just Hermione and I, whenever I've been around you guys at school, the Burrow or Grimmauld Place, we've shared a room. Tell me, when have I been able to share a bed with someone?"
"As you said, in the month I wasn't here."
Harry and Hermione looked at each other and the former shuddered. "Sorry 'Mione but Ron. Eew. I didn't need that mental image. It'll be like, sleeping with my sister."
"What about at Privet Drive?"
Harry raised an eyebrow. "You really expect me to believe my 'relatives' would allow a 'slut' to share the same bed as me? Come on Ron. You've seen the size of the room I had. It was just big enough for a single bed and my trunk."
"Oh." Ron could be really thick sometimes, Harry thought. Firstly with assuming he'd jump at the opportunity of sharing a bed with his best friend and sister (even though they weren't siblings by blood) and secondly, that Ron had completely ignored the fact that though he'd broken up with Ginny (now he was wondering why he'd even considered that), he still felt strongly about the youngest Weasley that he had no interest whatsoever in replacing her. That would have been just wrong.
"Ron, I love Hermione to bits, but she's more my sister than anything else. Sure, we've been through so much together, but my heart belongs to Ginny."
"Why'd you break up with her then?"
"You know why, Ron. It's to protect her." Harry looked away from his two best friends, wondering why the conversation had turned to such sentimental things. "And whoever said we'd broken up?"
Hermione frowned. "You did at Professor Dumbledore's funeral." She saw a smirk forming on Harry's face. "You've had us all fooled, haven't you?"
Harry grinned at the two of them which gave them all the answer they needed. "Well, Harry. In answer to your question, hypothetically speaking, I'd have to ask how it was possible."
"What?"
"Hypothetically speaking, if you were pregnant, I'd ask how." Hermione kept a straight face but from behind Harry, Ron stifled a laugh.
Harry shrugged. "What's it to you?"
"Well Harry. You know me, I'm curious. How would you manage to become pregnant? You good as mentioned you're still a virgin." Harry blanched. "Or is there some genetic modification you've undergone that you somehow ended up with an implantation of a fertilized egg?" If anything, Harry's face became pastier. "I find it fascinating. Is it even possible for a male to carry a child to term? And is it possible for a wizard to give birth the natural way or does the child have to be removed by C-section?" Turning to Ron, she asked the questions again to see if he knew the answer. All the while, Harry was getting more and more uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.
"Hermione, I'm not pregnant and I sure as hope I'll never have to be." Hermione and Ron looked at each other and then back at Harry before they burst into laughter. Harry felt like folding in on himself. "I just want to die now." The other two shook their heads and blamed the topic of conversation on him.
"Mate, I can never imagine you with a bloated stomach," Ron said through his mirth.
"Oh shut up Ron."
2004
"Ron, Hermione! I've been looking for you," Harry said as he stepped toward the couple. He'd found them leaning against a tree not too far from the Burrow but out of sight from the back door. "Mum (he'd started to call Molly that after he married Ginny) said she saw you come out here."
"Yeah," Ron said with a smile on his face. "We just wanted to get out for a while. Can't this wait 'til later?"
"Sure." Harry turned his back on them, and after he got a few metres away, he turned to face them again. "Ron, Hermione, hypothetically speaking, what would you say if I was pregnant?" He didn't wait for an answer. Turning back to the Burrow, a wide grin spread across his face, Harry disappeared back to the house.
Ron and Hermione sat perfectly still for several moments before Hermione ventured, "Did Harry just say what I think he said?"
"It was a hypothetical question, love. You know what happened the last time he asked us something along these lines, it was unfounded." Ron tried to distract her by leaning in for a kiss.
"Yes, but last time he wasn't married."
"So you're thinking my sister could be...?" Ron didn't finish his question. He got to his feet in a hurry and pulled Hermione up with him. He led them toward the back door.
Harry, with a Cheshire grin on his face, slumped down on the couch beside his wife.
"Did you tell them?" Ginny asked.
"Not exactly. I just asked them a hypothetical question." Harry planted a kiss on her temple and laid a hand over her abdomen. "They'll be in to clarify."
Ginny giggled as her husband rested his forehead against her hair. "Was this the one where you said you were pregnant?"
"Hey, I was curious to see their reactions." He turned to look through the kitchen where Hermione and Ron frozen in their tracks, their jaws almost on the floor. "And love," he indicated to the pair with his eyes, "it was just like this."