To Love A Wand
It was late at night, and Harry laid awake in a sweat. He had the dream again. The same dream he had every night since Albus was born. He sat up and put on his glasses, trying to forget what happened. "The wand…" Harry shivered. He looked at Ginny, who was still fast asleep. "I need to get back to sleep. But the wand… It won't stop." Harry quickly opened his bedside drawer, and made a grab for his wand. But the wand wasn't there.
"What? But… I… I always keep it here…" Suddenly, he heard maniacal giggling behind him. Harry spun around, and saw his wand floating in midair.
"Hello…" The wand hissed.
"What are you doing?! Get down from there!"
"It pains me to tell you that that can't happen." The wand was surprisingly calm.
"Why not? Why must you torment me?" Harry was getting louder, and Ginny stirred in her sleep.
"I would recommend not talking so loud, unless you wish to wake up your… wife." The wand said the last word full of hate
"Fine," Harry whispered. "What do you want?"
"Ever since you've had a family… You've payed less and less attention to me."
"I'm sorry, wandie. I had no idea you felt this way. I'll duel a lot more, I promise!" The wand laughed.
"No, fool! Not that kind of attention! I mean the OTHER kind of attention. You know, like we used to do…" The wand stopped, savoring the memories of the cold, long nights at Hogwarts.
"We can't do that anymore! I have a wife." Harry too felt a certain fondness for these memories. But he knew that he'd have to resist the urges.
"Please… Just once more? Like the good old days? I miss you bending over for me." The wand pleaded, having wanted this for years. Harry looked at Ginny. She smiled while she slept. "She must be having a nice dream." Harry thought. Harry stopped to think about his options. He finally decided.
"Just once more. But I promise you, this is the last time."
The wand spun around in the air with glee. "Oh joy! Well, let's get started, shall we?" Harry took his usual position, as he bent over.
"It was a lot of fun. I mean, what's one more time?" Harry told himself.
"Okay, I'm ready. Here I come." The wand said, nearing Harry's backside.
"Prepare yourself." Harry told himself. The wand jumped on Harry's back. Harry took cue and stood. He ran around the room.
"Yay! I love piggy back rides!" The wand squealed with joy.
"I forgot how much fun this was!" Harry shouted. He really did miss this. It was fun when he was a child, and it was fun now. However, in Harry's old age he quickly tired out. He collapsed onto the bed. The wand rolled around, laughing.
"That was great! Just like we used to. Except you're a lot fatter now."
"Hey! That's offensive!" Harry jokingly said.
"I know." The wand exhaled deeply.
"Now what?" Harry asked, not entirely sure what to do.
"Now I do anal with you." The wand said. And so they did. It was glorious. Then Ginny woke up and joined them. Then the kids heard and joined too. Ron and Hermione did as well. Soon the whole world was having anal with their wands.
The End