I can't believe I wrote this giant pile of cavity-inducing fluff, but hey, it's Christmas! lol I hope you all like it! Written for captainswanouat who asked for daddy!Killian and Emma/Killian cuddling.
She was a terrible mother.
That's all Emma could think as she continued to rock her screaming one-and-a-half year old in her arms, walking briskly to the kitchen to turn off the stove and mumbling words of comfort as she went.
"Come on, honey, just calm down for mom, okay? Just give me a minute, A," she begged, cradling him closer to her chest with one hand and moving the whistling kettle from the heat with the other.
He only cried louder, flailing his arms and legs so wildly that she nearly dropped him (she definitely didn't shout a very inappropriate word for toddlers with growing vocabularies to hear) and yep, she was undeniably out of the running for Mother of the Year at this point.
"Aiden! Stop, honey," she snapped, adjusting the way she was holding him and finally settling on setting him down on the kitchen floor before he fell head first onto it, or worse, the hot stove.
Upon the (apparently traumatizing) realization that he was standing rather than being held, Aidan promptly crumpled himself to the ground in a dramatic move that might just win him an Oscar one day and began sobbing even harder, looking her straight in the eyes (and how did kids even know how to look at someone like that?) like he'd just suffered the ultimate betrayal.
Emma took a deep breath and forced herself to turn away from him, feeling like the worst person in the world as she hurriedly reached for her favorite mug and began scooping the new instant stuff she had just bought at the store that morning into it.
Coffee. She needed coffee now.
"You're ok, baby, you're ok," she murmured, a soothing bounce to her tone as she poured the steaming water into her cup and sighed in relief at the thick smell of coffee beans and much-needed caffeine, inhaling the aroma long and slow.
God, she was an addict – but she couldn't be blamed this time. She felt like she was dying.
Aiden had been sick the last three nights with a cough and a fever and even though his fever had broken early that morning and she'd dutifully continued to give her angry child the cold medication that Dr. Whale had prescribed, her little son hadn't given her a moment's peace in hours and now she felt like she was getting whatever he had. Her nose was running, her stomach was turning (thank God, Aidan hadn't gotten that part of whatever illness was going around), her throat scratched and she just wanted to curl up in a ball of blankets and sleep for a day. On top of all that, Killian would be home any minute now and the house was still a damn mess and dinner wasn't started and she was still wearing pajama pants and the same shirt that she'd worn all of yesterday, her eyes were red and puffy from her cold and now, here she was, making herself some much needed coffee and this wasn't how she had pictured his homecoming at all.
"Mom-om-om-om," Emma glanced over out of habit when Aiden whined and let out a tiny cough, his lips trembling, tears staining his chubby cheeks and as soon as she made eye contact he let out another cry. A sharp pang shot through her temple and she really should just finish making her coffee.
"Baby, you're fine, just give me a minute and I'll get you," she promised, sounding like she were whining herself, letting out a whimper and rubbing at her forehead with her thumb and forefinger.
She loved him, she really did, but he was her and Killian Jones' child, that was for sure, and watching him on her own for two weeks, with Killian at sea and Henry on a summer trip with Neal was harder than she had initially imagined. She could ask her parents for help, she knew she could, but David was already running the sheriff's department by himself as it was, and with her mother 7 months pregnant with a little guy of their own, the last thing she needed was to be running after a sick and cranky toddler.
Emma tossed the spoon she had been using to stir her coffee into the sink and sighed. "You're gonna tell your daddy that he's gonna take you with him next trip, right?" she teased dryly as she sipped at her mug, finally able to look her son in the eyes without his light, icy green eyes (that looked a bit like hers and a bit like something entirely his own) filling with tears.
Killian had been offered a job on a fishing vessel months ago, and despite his initial skepticism, she knew that he couldn't pass up an offer like that and she didn't want him to. He was restless. It'd been over a year since he'd been out on the ocean for more than a few hours, and as strangely endearing as it was to hear him be so utterly offended at the idea of being unfaithful to The Jolly Roger (she hadn't realized it was even possible to cheat on a boat – it was very possible, apparently), she wasn't surprised when he eventually accepted. He was a pirate with the sea in his blood, and fishing boat or not, the carefree grin on his face after kissing her goodbye was almost worth the ache in her heart when she watched the small vessel sail away.
"Nah, you can't go," Emma shook her head, smiling as Aidan began to play with the frayed edges of the rug beside him. "I'd miss you too much, monster," she laughed, setting her cup down (the strong smell that had been wonderful a moment ago suddenly making her feel sick) and scooping him up just as he was about to put a handful of loose threading into his mouth.
Deciding quite suddenly that he still hadn't forgiven her for her earlier betrayal, he let out a shriek at the loss of his new 'toy' that gave way to a full blown temper tantrum, and just like that, her pleasant moment of calm was over and the tiredness and headache and the sound of her crying son brought back her own urge to crumple on the ground and cry.
"Aiden Connor Jones," she groaned, balancing him on her hip despite his squirming. "I swear, sometimes you're as frustrating as-"
"As frustrating as who, love?"
His voice was like a breath of fresh air. She could feel her heart speed a pace or two as she spun on her heel, following the voice to see her pirate, tanned a shade ever so slightly darker from the sun, giving him a glow to his skin and a shine to his blue eyes. He looked tired but rested all at once, and damn, she'd missed that man's grin.
"Killian!" A small lump rose up in her throat because being away from him for two weeks had been worse than she had thought it would and god, she was glad to have him back. All she wanted was a hug and a kiss and-
"Mom-om-ommm! Down," he shoved grumpily at the arm holding him safely in place at her hip and Emma let out a sigh of frustration, holding him tighter, and suddenly hot tears pricked the back of her eyes (where did those even come from), and it was too much, that overwhelming feeling of needing a minute to de-stress and she needed that minute, right now.
"Please just take him for a second," she asked, hoping she didn't sound like she was begging as much as she thought that she did, holding out their child expectantly.
Aiden let out a sound barrier piercing yell and Killian chuckled, scooping him into his arms. "Looks like someone isn't quite so pleased to see me?" The silly smirk on his face dropped when he saw the utterly exhausted and distraught look on Emma's face. "I'll take him, love, is everything-"
"I'm fine, I'm sorry, I just- I'm fine," she assured him, grabbing her coffee cup and plopping into the kitchen chair, ignoring the rolling of her stomach, wishing it away (she really needed to remember to eat more than once a day) and dropping her face into her arms.
She glanced back, a pang of guilt tugging at her as she watched Killian cluck his tongue and shake his head at his son, casting a sidelong, worried look at Emma and then turning back to the toddler. "Have you quite exhausted your mum then?"
She wanted to argue or follow when he disappeared around the corner and into their bedroom but finally it was quiet. Emma took a deep breath and closed her eyes, enjoying the peace and the distant sounds of Killian playing with Aidan and yep, it was amazing how quickly she had been dropped from the running for Mother of the Year and became the runner up for Worst Welcome Home From A Wife because shoving a screaming, sick, one year old into your husband's arms after getting home from working two weeks straight had to be up there with being caught in bed with someone.
Emma habitually lifted the mug to her lips again and why the hell did this coffee smell so damned awful- she froze as a new thought crossed her mind and nope, nope, she wasn't going to even let it go there because they had been careful.
She was sick, that was it. Sick and having an off day.
Emma pushed the cup to the other end of the coffee table and closed her eyes again.
Not that it would be so bad. The thought snuck into her head without permission.
Sure, they had their hands full with Aiden on the cusp of the terrible two's, but they'd always considered the idea of having another eventually… but with Killian's new job and him leaving every couple of months and Emma struggling to work at the sheriff's station and with how she had been for just two measly weeks alone with Aidan, she was seriously doubting her mommy skills all of a sudden.
"You're just sick, stop freaking yourself out, Emma," she muttered to herself, putting her head back down onto her arms and closing her eyes, just for a minute.
Emma woke up with a start, the whole house dark and quiet, eerie really, it was never quiet. How long had she been sleeping? She looked around the room, sitting up slowly, stretching out her arms and arching her back to work out the kinks from taking a nap at the kitchen table as she glanced around the empty house. She couldn't remember the last time that it was this quiet and it took her a moment to calm the sudden jolt of fear before she remembered that Killian was home with Aidan.
She walked towards their bedroom to see a dim glow of light underneath the door, slowly creaking it open and peeking inside.
"Killian?"
"Shh, love," he drew a slow finger to his lips, careful not to disturb the sleeping child sprawled flat against his chest. "The little pirate's finally decided to call it a night."
"Little pirate, huh?" she asked, leaning against the doorway and smiling softly, her heart welling up with emotion. "Don't let my parents hear you say that. They still call him their little prince," she scoffed teasingly, surprised to find that her voice sounded a bit choked, but the picture of her little dark haired baby boy (except for his eyes he was practically the spitting image of Killian) sleeping peacefully on his dark haired daddy's chest was too much for even tough as nails, ex-bail bondsperson Emma Swan.
Killian glanced up quickly, having caught her change in tone and the slight sniff, a flash of worry crossing his face. "Are you alright?"
"Fine," she mumbled, blinking back the pesky threat of tears and forcing a smile. "You two are just cute, okay? I'm sick. My brain's all messed up right now."
Chuckling softly, he grinned, beaming down at his son before jerking back up when she sniffed again, genuinely confused as he watched a tear slip down her cheek. "Emma?"
"Don't you dare make fun of me, Jones," she grumbled, dabbing at her eyes with the corner of her sleeve, embarrassment slowly creeping in because what was wrong with her today? "I'm allowed to be emotional about seeing you with him again for the first time in two damn weeks, okay?"
Killian stared at her pointedly for a long moment, tipping his head in curiosity, reading her, realization and a certain familiarity beginning to dawn in his eyes. "Darling, do you mind if I ask you a terribly personal question?" he asked, a soft smirk playing at his mouth.
"I don't like that look on your face," she warned slowly, narrowing her eyes as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "What's the question?"
"Are you pregnant?"
"What?" she repeated, eyes widening that he had asked the question that she had briefly considered before falling asleep. "No, I'm just- I mean, we've used... No, it's just some sort of bug or…"
Killian was biting his lip to fight back a smile, his gaze drifting down to Aidan who had fisted his little hand in his shirt tightly as he slept. "Just asking, Darling, no need to get flustered."
Emma paused, chewing her lip slowly. "If I was… would that be okay with you?"
"Okay?" his eyes shot back to hers, disbelief clouding his expression. "Of course. A little pirate and a little princess," he murmured under his breath. "Maybe this one'd have her mum's golden hair."
"Oh, so we've decided that I am and it's a girl?" she raised an eyebrow, placing a hand on her hip, but damn, there were those emotions again (whatever it was that was causing them) because she suddenly felt herself warming to the idea and this was crazy! The one they had had been on the verge of driving her crazy for the past few days and dammit, maybe she wanted another one.
Just one more.
He shrugged, smiling softly as he continued to stroke Aidan's hair as he slept. "A boy would be just as well."
"I can't believe you're talking about this so calmly."
"Would you prefer I shout?"
Emma rolled her eyes and mumbled something about bastard pirates as she eased herself down beside them, resting her head on the shoulder of his outstretched arm, rubbing a gentle hand over Aidan's back as Killian's arm curled around her shoulders.
"I missed having you here, you know."
"I missed being here."
"Good," she whispered, closing her eyes as the need to sleep began to drift back over her thicker and thicker. "I'll get a test tomorrow, okay?" she mumbled, snuggling in a little closer.
"Okay, love."
His quiet, happy laugh was the last thing she heard before they fell asleep.
Review?