Okay, so, this is a companion piece to my story "Will", so if you want to read that, you can, though I don't think it's necessary to read to understand this one.
Got some father/son interaction going this time around!
Suffering and Days in the Future
Odin stood, silent, leaned against the doorframe as he watched his youngest son.
Loki didn't know he was there, and it gave the All-Father a moment, just to look.
It had been a week since the boy's fever broke, a day since he was finally deemed well enough to leave the healing rooms and be brought to his own.
He is still bedridden, though, and Odin didn't miss the way Loki's hands shook as he reached for the small chalice of water along the table beside his bed, shaking heavier as he lifted it unsteadily to his lips and tipped it slowly, drinking carefully.
The sickness had left him weak.
Weaker than usual.
Odin continued with his eyes upon him, still standing quiet as Loki replaced the chalice with the same, deliberate movements, making sure it was fully along the tables surface before he returned his attention to the open tome along his lap, reading.
Odin smiled at the sight.
He was proud of his youngest son's propensity for learning.
His fire bright mind.
So soon, after coming so near to death, and already he was back to searching, trying to find answers and ways for his unending and countless questions.
But gradually, the smile faded from the All-Father's lips, as his eyes fell over the form of the second Prince, studying him closer.
No child so young should know death so intimately as Loki did, Odin thought. Should feel the cold press of death's hands so close, so often.
But Loki did.
Odin had hoped, when he'd taken the boy from the temple that day, amidst the wastes of Jotenheim, that he may yet defy the prison of his small form, grow from it and grow strong. But in the century and a quarter since, Loki remained tiny in stature and width and strength of arm, remained plagued by illness in fragile constitution.
Odin found himself worried often over the reasons for this. He found himself burdened by doubt and guilt that perhaps the cause had been his own decision to take Loki from the land he was born to, bringing him here, a place so very opposite.
Asgard was warm. In the summer season, at times overbearingly hot even, and Loki fared not well in such stifling air.
The All-Father did his best to keep the boy indoors. But Thor spent a greater portion of his time out these days, and to keep Loki separated from his older brother was… nigh on impossible.
He followed him everywhere.
Thor didn't help by encouraging it.
And Odin couldn't explain to either of them why keeping Loki out in the sun was so ill advised.
Only he, Frigga, and Eir knew the truth. Eir for the obvious reasons that only a fool would believe a Jotun's constitution would be anything at all similar to that of an Aesir's, and Odin knew, when the boy fell ill, as he so often did, whoever was charged with his care must know of what he really was.
Right now, it was a battle just to keep Loki's temperature down.
Eir had ordered he be kept cool as possible, and now, the second Prince sat in nothing more than a loose shawl, tied round his thin waist, the rest of him bare. And still, his skin was covered over in a thin layer of sweat, hair damp with it.
For a while longer, the All-Father stood there, watching his son silently, watching him read, absorbing the words on the page at an alarmingly quick rate.
Until finally, Odin decided to make his presence known.
He reached out, wrapping softly along the doors frame so as not to startle the boy, and Loki looked up, eyes big in anticipation.
When he saw who was standing there, a grin spread over his delicate features.
"Father!" He exclaimed in his high pitched voice, and he began to move, pushing the covers bunched round his crossed legs aside, intending to get up.
Odin put a hand up, and shook his head no as he strode into the room.
"Stay where you are Loki." He said. "I do not want you straining yourself now."
Loki stilled at once, falling back onto the bed, obedient.
Odin smiled gently as he reached him, lowering himself into the seat which, for the past week, had been filled solely by Thor and Loki's Mother. This was Odin's first, real opportunity catching his son alone.
Loki watched him with wide, expectant eyes, and for a silent moment, the All-Father watched him back, studying him.
It almost unnerved him, at times, how intelligent Loki's eyes were. The boy was brilliant, he knew. His tutors often became frustrated with him for the speed in which he learned their lessons, and Odin knew also it was because they knew not, truly, what to do with one who made such quick work of their own work.
It wasn't unusual for Odin to drop in on Thor's and Loki's lessons, and catch Loki talking back to the tutors, explaining to them about how what they were saying was utterly incorrect, and here was why.
And more often than not, Loki was right.
Indeed, the boy's teachers were at their wits end with him, Odin thought with a small smile.
He reached out, brushing gentle fingers across a sweep of hair hanging across Loki's forehead, pushing it back behind his ear.
"How are you feeling boy?" He asked quietly.
And Loki nodded, eyes slipping away from his finally.
"… I am well Father." He answered in a barely audible voice.
That was a lie, Odin could see clearly.
There was a vague tremor working its way through the child's body, even now, imperceptible to the eye, but when Odin reached out to touch Loki's shoulder, he felt it well enough.
But Loki, already at such a young age, was so terribly proud, and would never admit to any such weakness.
Odin frowned slightly, running his hand down the length of Loki's thin arm, grasping him gently at the elbow.
"It is alright to tell the truth Loki." He said quietly.
Loki didn't give reply, keeping his eyes cast down.
Odin reached up with his other hand, laying his knuckles softly along the Prince's forehead, feeling for his temperature.
It felt fairly normal, he supposed, though he decided he would send Eir in here after he left to make sure.
Another moment of silence passed, before Odin sighed, tapping down along the book in Loki's lap.
"What are you reading?" He asked, hoping to coax the boy out of his uncertainty.
It did the trick.
Loki looked up, eyes shining as he smiled broadly, voice pitched in excitement as he answered.
"A history of Alfheim Father!" He said enthusiastically. "Thor has promised he would take me there soon!"
Odin cocked his head slightly to one side, eye narrowing.
"Did he now?"
And Loki nodded.
"Yes Father! I have read that the Light Elves are great sorcerers, their lands filled with magic! Do you think… do you think perhaps I might learn from them? If Thor were to take me?"
Quickly, the amusement drained from the All-Father's face, and he regarded his youngest carefully.
Loki was already a skilled mage, already powerful beyond what any child his age should be, and admittedly, it worried Odin.
Seidr had its place, certainly. An invaluable tool which found its uses through many avenues.
But it could also be dangerous, if not properly exercised, and the All-Father felt concerned that Loki would come to regard it as a crutch, to rely upon it where his physical strength failed him.
There was nothing strictly wrong with a man of Asgard wielding magic. But it would be looked upon poorly were a Prince of the Realm to become too comfortable in its application, and Odin knew many of the land feared magic users. It was accepted within him, being King. And with the understanding he only used such when absolutely necessary.
But already Loki was met with taunting and derision from the other children for his frailty, and the All-Father knew, with Loki's pride, in his desperation to prove himself as fine a warrior as his older brother, he may yet resort to wielding magic in the training yards.
And Odin knew this would only win Loki further harassment than already he was burdened with.
He wanted desperately then to discourage the use of it in his son, though supremely gifted he was in its craft.
If Loki was not meant to be a warrior, so be it. He would be a scholar, and advisor to Thor, that day Thor took the throne.
But a sorcerer… Odin prayed dearly it was merely a passing phase in the boy, something he'd taken an interest in only in his desire to best his older brother in some field. Loki always latched with a kind of desperation to things he found he excelled in, always trying to impress. Odin supposed it was born from insecurity. He lagged so terribly behind other children his age and even younger in matters of physicality, whereas Thor was already leaps and bounds ahead of boys several years older than himself in strength and warrior skill.
Odin worried so for his youngest.
Loki looked at him still with that terrible hope in his eyes which made the All-Father want to look away.
It was becoming more and more difficult to hide the difference in the second Prince, and as those differences became more glaring, so too would the singling out become more pronounced.
And Loki was already so sensitive a child.
So affected…
Odin laid a hand to rest on the boys head, ruffling his hair playfully and forcing a smile onto his lips.
"You are still a mite unwell for such travel, do you not think Loki?" He said, hoping to steer his son from his original course of thought.
The smile quickly faded from Loki's face, his brows scrunching together in a worried expression.
Quickly he shook his head no, determinedly.
"No Father!" He insisted adamantly. "No, I promise, I am well! I am! And Thor said… he said!"
Odin reached out, taking hold of Loki by the arms, squeezing gently.
"It is well child." He said, a note of urgency in his tone. "Calm yourself. It is well."
The last thing Loki needed was to work himself into a fit and make himself ill again.
Odin vexed at times over how quickly and easily his youngest could fall into such panicked behavior. It was such an odd and sharp contrast, how deeply troubled and affected this boy could be over certain things, when those same such things seemed to have no affect at all on Thor, would in fact seem to deflect right off the crown Prince, as though he wore some sort of protective shield at all times.
It was often Odin wished Loki could be more like Thor, in this one way. If only to spare the boy the pain of feeling so deeply.
But then, Thor was a happy child.
Loki, though the All-Father was hesitant to admit such, and tried often and fervently to make it different, was not.
He could see it in Loki's very demeanor. In the way the child held himself even, and the troubled expression which often etched his brow; a burden unnatural in one so young.
There was a sadness in Loki which Odin did not quite understand, and which broke his heart to realize.
He prayed to the Norns it would not always be such for the boy.
But already, the Norns had been less than kind in their weavings for him, his life begun in such cruel circumstance, and Odin found himself doubtful.
"Please Father," Loki continued to speak, his bright, green eyes filming over with tears, though none yet fell. "I am well. I promise, and… and strong. I'm stronger than I seem. I know I seem sick all the time, but… but I promise I won't be anymore. I promise I'll stay well, and then… then Thor and I can go to Alfheim, and learn about magic and…"
"Loki…" Odin cut him off with a stern voice, and immediately, Loki fell silent.
The All-Father looked back at him a moment.
And then he sighed, glancing away, giving the boy's hair another tousle.
"Let us make certain you are well Loki." He said, looking back to his son. "And then we may discuss trips to other Realms. For now, I want you to focus on getting better."
Loki continued staring back only a brief instant, before his gaze slid away, and he nodded solemnly.
"… Yes Father." He whispered, almost shyly.
Odin felt bad.
Loki worked himself up into excitement over these things too often, and was so invariably disappointed when it turned out he was unable to do it.
And it seemed these days there were fewer and fewer things the boy well and truly seemed to look forward to.
He seemed to grow more withdrawn by the day, and Odin was at a loss as to how to amend the problem.
It was a while longer then the two gods fell into silence. Loki's eyes remained fixed down to his lap, and Odin sat wordless, hands cupped together, eyeing the boy as he tried to think what he could say to lift his spirits.
But he could think of nothing, and he felt like damning himself for his ineptness when it came to these sorts of moments, instances requiring a more sensitive, kind comfort.
The All-Father had never been particularly skilled at such things. He left that sort of comforting to his wife.
And so it was with great relief to Odin when he heard Frigga knock on the door, and come striding in a moment after, smiling.
"How is my boy doing?" She asked, walking swiftly towards the bed, and Loki looked up immediately, eyes bright and relieved to see his Mother.
Odin stood, going to meet her, taking her by the elbows and leaning in, whispering softly into her ear…
"He is a tad upset." He said. "I think he feels unwell still, though he won't admit such to me."
Frigga only nodded, understanding. She didn't pause for further explanation, going instead and taking up the seat Odin had only just vacated.
"I shall leave you to it then." The All-Father announced, stepping back.
He stood, waiting a moment longer, watching.
Loki pitched forward the moment his Mother was in range, the covers slipping from around his hips and legs, the book falling from his lap, forgotten, and without hesitation, he threw his arms around her, burying his face against her chest and holding tight.
Frigga held him in return, one hand coming to the back of the boy's head, fingers kneading soothingly along his scalp as she rocked him gently.
"Shh, shh, shh…" She hushed him, pressing a kiss to his crown. "All is well."
Odin couldn't be quite sure, but he thought perhaps he heard the child weeping softly, and the way Frigga rocked and soothed him, it seemed likely to be so.
"… Will Thor be done with his lessons soon?" He made out Loki's small voice after a moment, muffled against her breast.
Frigga nodded, running fingers through his hair.
"Soon, my darling." She said.
And Loki held tighter.
Odin watched only a short while longer.
When Frigga began to sing quietly to the boy, that was when the All-Father decided to turn and take his leave.
Loki needed his mother now.
Odin would remember to send Eir in here to check after the child's health later.
And he prayed silently he would hear from the healer good news, and that for his son, there would be less days of suffering in the future.
/
Hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave a review and let me know what you think!