Disclaimer: We do not own any part of the Labyrinth especially not what's
under those extremely tight pants of Jareths, though Cathan is extremely
upset by this fact.
A/N: We are seriously trying to make this funny but Cathan prefers a Dark evil Jareth and can only write an evil Jareth, also she has the humour of a frog and Cirfia's humour is not of this Universe so not many would understand a thing we wrote. You see we are trying but it ain't workin'. So you shall be stuck with what ever comes out. By the way if you read and do not review this story you shall suffer from "a severe accident" due from a visit from the evil Cathan the All Knowing Weird and Crazy One.
The Love Triangle Chpt. 1 Jareth woke to the sound of his large oak carved door creaking over to a close. He looked to his right at his large 13 hour titanium based clock to see that it was just sunrise, 5a.m., then to his left to see if Hoggle had already gone. And as usual he'd already fecked off.
*Why do I always allow that stupid little Fuck into my bed? I just can't understand why, after I tell myself No all day I just can't help myself. I wish I could control these bloody urges*
It used to only be once a month, then once a week and now he was lucky if he got the bed to himself just once a week. It had begun that most awful night when he woke to that terrible revelation. He'd been the Goblin King for over 3 and ½ thousand years And he'd not wed one woman or borne one child; reality gave him a good kick in the butt and told him "Hey Jareth, your whole damn fucking life has been a complete and utter waste. The best thing about your life so far is that you're King of a bunch of useless dumb ass Goblins" Jareth was having a mid- life crisis. After he had stopped totally freaking out he came up with a solution that he believed would solve all his problems, he was going to look for an heir. Little did he realise that this decision would only increase his problems further. He'd told Hoggle, who was now his royal scribe, his fantabulous idea.
So far though Jareth had done sweet fuck all to find an heir, he decided that it was finally time to put his plan into action and stop screwing around with dwarfs.
'Oggard!!' he cried with an ear splitting shriek as he threw off his covers and leapt out of beddybies.
'Yes my oh sexy god like Jareth' he said as he immediately came rushing into the room carrying his scribes equipment.
'Take this down! For an heir I need someone who is, let me think…em…? Intelligent!! Beautiful.'
'Beautiful, oh sexy one??'
'Yes, beautiful damn it!!' he said harshly. 'Just like me' he said more to himself than to Hoggle but apparently the dwarf wasn't as deaf as he sometimes let on.
'Oh of course, my most beautiful one,' he said with a sneer to Jareths butt as he always got a creak in his neck if he stared at his face too long.
'Also they should be cunning and determined. Who fits that criterion? Well there's Lucas, my stepsisters son, but he's dumber than even you Hogghead."
"Yes he is indeed, ehem, oh great one,"
"Hmmm, who else do we know that would be suitable?" he pondered. "Well Higgle?!!" he demanded
"Well your greatness, I am indeed as dumb as your stepsister's son, I wouldn't even take my own advice if I was you. Your intelligence is far superior to mine, your sexiness"
"Yes, I know that already fool! What do you take me for?"
"A most intelligent and hot king"
"Yes alright. Hmmm, since your brain is the size of a peanut and I seem to be lost for ideas at the moment, I'm going to go take a nap on my throne. All that rowdiness last night has left me slightly exhausted."
He strolled over to his extremely large walk in wardrobe the size of a basketball court and threw the doors open. He was dressed in just under two hours, which was a record for him, his white poets shirt and extremely tight pants that leave nothing to the imagination and his knee high black leather boots. He headed out the open door and strolled towards his throne room. He thought he heard something and turned around only to trip over a small dwarf.
"Hoggle!!! Feck off!!"
The small dwarf did a runner and disappeared behind the corner. Jareth then continued his walk to the throne, flopped down and soon drifted off into slumber.
(Dream) Jareth couldn't see a thing, same as before; all he knew was that he was surrounded by his subjects who were engaged in sexual intercourse with him.
'Hey I've had this dream before' was all that was going through his mind.
Suddenly light burst into the room as if a door had been opened and for the first time in this dream Jareth saw something that wasn't one of his subjects.
It was Sarah.
'Care to join us Sarah?'
'Thanks but no thanks Jareth. Can't even figure this one out?'
'Huh?'
And then the penny dropped.
Jareths eyes flew open; he leapt out of the throne and disappeared in a wave of glitter and a small popping noise.
A/N: Yes we know this is perverted but you must know this is only our alter egos coming out we are mostly normal, as far as that goes for two weirdoes. By the way YOU MUST REVIEW!!!!
A/N: We are seriously trying to make this funny but Cathan prefers a Dark evil Jareth and can only write an evil Jareth, also she has the humour of a frog and Cirfia's humour is not of this Universe so not many would understand a thing we wrote. You see we are trying but it ain't workin'. So you shall be stuck with what ever comes out. By the way if you read and do not review this story you shall suffer from "a severe accident" due from a visit from the evil Cathan the All Knowing Weird and Crazy One.
The Love Triangle Chpt. 1 Jareth woke to the sound of his large oak carved door creaking over to a close. He looked to his right at his large 13 hour titanium based clock to see that it was just sunrise, 5a.m., then to his left to see if Hoggle had already gone. And as usual he'd already fecked off.
*Why do I always allow that stupid little Fuck into my bed? I just can't understand why, after I tell myself No all day I just can't help myself. I wish I could control these bloody urges*
It used to only be once a month, then once a week and now he was lucky if he got the bed to himself just once a week. It had begun that most awful night when he woke to that terrible revelation. He'd been the Goblin King for over 3 and ½ thousand years And he'd not wed one woman or borne one child; reality gave him a good kick in the butt and told him "Hey Jareth, your whole damn fucking life has been a complete and utter waste. The best thing about your life so far is that you're King of a bunch of useless dumb ass Goblins" Jareth was having a mid- life crisis. After he had stopped totally freaking out he came up with a solution that he believed would solve all his problems, he was going to look for an heir. Little did he realise that this decision would only increase his problems further. He'd told Hoggle, who was now his royal scribe, his fantabulous idea.
So far though Jareth had done sweet fuck all to find an heir, he decided that it was finally time to put his plan into action and stop screwing around with dwarfs.
'Oggard!!' he cried with an ear splitting shriek as he threw off his covers and leapt out of beddybies.
'Yes my oh sexy god like Jareth' he said as he immediately came rushing into the room carrying his scribes equipment.
'Take this down! For an heir I need someone who is, let me think…em…? Intelligent!! Beautiful.'
'Beautiful, oh sexy one??'
'Yes, beautiful damn it!!' he said harshly. 'Just like me' he said more to himself than to Hoggle but apparently the dwarf wasn't as deaf as he sometimes let on.
'Oh of course, my most beautiful one,' he said with a sneer to Jareths butt as he always got a creak in his neck if he stared at his face too long.
'Also they should be cunning and determined. Who fits that criterion? Well there's Lucas, my stepsisters son, but he's dumber than even you Hogghead."
"Yes he is indeed, ehem, oh great one,"
"Hmmm, who else do we know that would be suitable?" he pondered. "Well Higgle?!!" he demanded
"Well your greatness, I am indeed as dumb as your stepsister's son, I wouldn't even take my own advice if I was you. Your intelligence is far superior to mine, your sexiness"
"Yes, I know that already fool! What do you take me for?"
"A most intelligent and hot king"
"Yes alright. Hmmm, since your brain is the size of a peanut and I seem to be lost for ideas at the moment, I'm going to go take a nap on my throne. All that rowdiness last night has left me slightly exhausted."
He strolled over to his extremely large walk in wardrobe the size of a basketball court and threw the doors open. He was dressed in just under two hours, which was a record for him, his white poets shirt and extremely tight pants that leave nothing to the imagination and his knee high black leather boots. He headed out the open door and strolled towards his throne room. He thought he heard something and turned around only to trip over a small dwarf.
"Hoggle!!! Feck off!!"
The small dwarf did a runner and disappeared behind the corner. Jareth then continued his walk to the throne, flopped down and soon drifted off into slumber.
(Dream) Jareth couldn't see a thing, same as before; all he knew was that he was surrounded by his subjects who were engaged in sexual intercourse with him.
'Hey I've had this dream before' was all that was going through his mind.
Suddenly light burst into the room as if a door had been opened and for the first time in this dream Jareth saw something that wasn't one of his subjects.
It was Sarah.
'Care to join us Sarah?'
'Thanks but no thanks Jareth. Can't even figure this one out?'
'Huh?'
And then the penny dropped.
Jareths eyes flew open; he leapt out of the throne and disappeared in a wave of glitter and a small popping noise.
A/N: Yes we know this is perverted but you must know this is only our alter egos coming out we are mostly normal, as far as that goes for two weirdoes. By the way YOU MUST REVIEW!!!!