A/N: In which I've squeezed all the random, not usable ideas that have floated into my head while writing Melinda's adventures through fandom thus far. What you will find here is unadulterated crack, if you were looking for serious please turn around you're not going to find it here. That being said you probably won't find funny either just mildly amusing which is good enough for me. All the characters characterizations are from previously (or to be posted in the case of Ino and Hinata) posted parts of Melinda's adventures through fandom and inexplicably told from Ichigo's perspective.

To start us out Ishida, Ichigo, Orihime, Ino, Hinata, Rock Lee, and Gaara at drunken karaoke with no explanation of how they got there and no idea who they were stuck with. You're welcome.

"Well since we're here..." Ichigo looked around at the odd company that he had randomly been thrown in with and wondered if he had ever even been to karaoke before let alone with characters obviously not from his own world with their abnormal hair colors and style. They weren't even like the odd ball customers he was used to seeing. Instead of thinking about it anymore he cracked open the beer that a waitress had placed in the room not moments before. They were still bringing in booze of all kinds and he wasn't sure who had ordered it.

"I agree!" The blonde smiled at him and grabbed a bottle of vodka throwing back a big chug. "We might as well party!" Her smile could have been considered blinding if it weren't for the one million watts coming from the green clad weirdo directly to her left.

"Why don't we start things out with introductions!" The green covered bowl cut was speaking but Ichigo was still left scowling even after chugging that beer. He had already subtly passed Ishida something fru-fru and probably more palatable to him and Orihime who was to the ravenette's left situated next to some other big chested girl. The waitress was still bringing in booze and as they each reached for something they would drink. Waste not want not he supposed.

"I think that's a good idea." Orihime was smiling a cocktail in hand another empty one hanging out of the other. Apparently no one else was going to hold back why should she? "I'll start!" She jumped up as carefully as she could so as not to knock the shy girl next to her who had started pulling from the tequila rose bottle. These girls were fierce not to need mixed drinks. "I'm Orihime! Currently twenty-two I'm going to university to be a sensei!" She smiled still sober for now and still completely oblivious of the way her breasts bounced with her every movement. "And next I'll select..." She looked at all the unknown faces in the room for a few minutes and centered in on the other red head. "YOU!" She pointed with the empty glass enthused, she didn't know very many of the people here but she was excited to get to know them.

The weirdo in green had started pouting and Ichigo downed another beer eyeing Ishida with his peripheral vision, it would be awhile before any of them were drunk but Ishida was still only sipping. It wasn't until he saw the other grimace that he remembered he'd never seen the other drink before. Though he couldn't think about it anymore with the killing aura that had suddenly filled the room in the last ten seconds like a cork had been popped off a very tightly sealed jar.

"Gaara no Sabaku..." The short red head situated next to the green clad weirdo spoke up voice soft and monotone, but there was something about it that left Ichigo's skin crawling or maybe it was the jagged scar of the kanji for love on his forehead. The red head shifted as if uneasy as he continued. "I'm the leader of a village called Suna." He looked at the weirdo in green beside him, no words were exchanged but the message must have gotten across as the man jumped up.

"I'm Rock Lee! The Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha! The youthful and hip leader of a dojo in Suna! Gaara and I are both a youthful twenty this year!" His smile was so blinding it would have won a competition with the sun, behind him there was an impression of waves crashing against a cliff, and his posture a bit extreme with a thumbs up and his right leg bent and thrown out as much as possible in the small space. He relaxed afterwards almost unnaturally fast and so easily it was like blinking and he was suddenly no longer standing on a cliff, or even standing. He then looked out over the others and blinked in concentration, the only person he knew there was Gaara. He smiled warmly at the shy looking girl next to Orihime, she had a bottle between her knees but she was currently pushing her index fingers together blushing. "I'll pick you!" He pointed at her all encouraging smiles as her face turned redder.

"M-Me?" She looked about ready to pass out from Ichigo's stand point but instead she nodded to herself looked at the blonde and took another drink. "I'm Hinata, I work at a shop in Paris." Her smile was sweet and her accent was adorable. "I'm twenty-three this year." Her white eyes scanned the room and landed on his and he smiled as nicely as he could he knew what was coming next. "How about you next?" Her cheeks were red and he knew it wasn't from the booze.

"I'm Ichigo." He did his best not to scowl watching the waitress deposit a crate of juice in reach of who he now knew to be Rock Lee and whisper to him. The bowl cut nodded along with her to whatever she had said and she started to bow her way out the door. "Waitress wait!" He found himself saying and she stopped with a uncertain smile. He couldn't bring himself to ask and instead waved her away. She probably didn't know how they got there either everyone else was giving him funny looks. As if he was the only one interested in knowing anything.

Instead of going immediately the waitress smiled and bowed again. "I'm Melinda just holler if you need me." With that she bowed one more time and left in a hurry, hiding a smile behind her hand.

Ichigo sighed to himself looked at Ishida and Orihime who were as far apart as possible and passed the ravenette another drink as he went on. "I'm twenty-six and I work in a coffee shop and go to school for architecture and history." He looked at the blonde her blue eyes not even hazy despite the fact she had already downed a third of vodka. He wasn't sure how much she could drink but he was sure she could drink him under the table, but he was willing to give it a go. "You're up blondie." He looked her dead in the eye with a smile ignoring the jab in his stomach from Ishida as he raised his beer at her in challenge at the same time.

The blonde raised her bottle in kind with a smile, it was on. "I'm Ino. I'll be twenty-two this year. I work in Paris but it's all hush-hush." She smiled and raised her bottle again pointing to the pitcher of beer in front of Ichigo that had been one of the last items brought in. "You're up." She needn't point or add more as there was only one person who had yet to introduce themselves but she did anyway with the bottle in her hand.

Ichigo grabbed the pitcher and looked at Ishida waiting for his introduction to be over before they had their chugging contest. There was lightening between his brown eyes and her blue as they held their drinks close. They were quite a different blue from the ones he was normally staring into, which were currently giving him a quizzical look which he ignored.

"I'm Ishida...I'm twenty-four this year and I work in a bookstore." Unconsciously Ichigo smirked at the other as he went on. "I'm not really sure why we're here but..." He picked up another drink and raised it then slammed it back. "Let's get along." He smiled over at Ichigo and the contest was on.

Everyone watched in understanding as Ino and Ichigo raised their chosen drinks and began to chug. The blonde was the first to the bottom. "That was a bad idea." He admitted looking at the last drops of the pitcher which he ended up finishing anyway. The others had just finished cheering them on and were all on their own second drinks if not thirds, besides Hinata who was still nursing the Tequila Rose.

"Since we're in a karaoke bar shouldn't we sing?" Orihime was smiling another empty glass in her hand. "Hinata do you sing?" She turned to the girl next to her and pointed to the book behind her head positioned so the cushion would hold it steady.

Hinata grabbed the book blushing again as she opened it. "Sometimes..." Her white eyes were down and Ichigo found her more adorable for it. "How about you start us off?" She looked at Gaara who was grabbing the microphone as he was positioned closest.

"Oh...well I don't sing..." Orihime blushed herself with a laugh. "I'm awful and wouldn't want to abuse your ears, but I bet your voice is wonderful." She giggled pushing her hands together in a non-clap but excited gesture. Ichigo was prone to agree with her but he really wanted to hear Gaara sing because he would put money on it being the most hilarious experience.

"No passes." Ino smirked opening a second bottle of vodka. "If you don't pick I'll pick for you!" She passed the shy girl beside her the mic Gaara had passed over. Ichigo raised an eyebrow at her but he was in agreement again the blond was growing on him too.

"I'll sing..." Orihime grabbed the book with determination and Ichigo sighed in internal relief that she didn't tip any further over as she did so. She'd already almost smacked the poor girl with her gestures at least twice and Ishida was steadily inching closer to him. They knew what kind of drunk she was, and hopefully she could keep her clothes on. She flipped open the book pouring over it somehow not spilling a drop of her new drink.

"I'll sing next!" Lee volunteered and winked at the red head next to him who nodded a small smile on his lips. Ichigo did his best not to cringe wondering what that voice would sound like singing but he knew it had to be better than Orihime.

"OOO" Orihime suddenly sat up from her slumped position over the book knocking into poor Hinata, who just smiled helplessly scooting away. "This is the prefect song!" She grabbed the mic and squeezed her way to the front of the table where everyone could see her and gave the third red head in the room the number of the song.

Ichigo grabbed something a little harder and looked over at Ishida who was already looking at him. Something about being squeezed into a room with your only ex was a bit embarrassing he was sure. "How are you doing?" He found himself eyeing the ravenette seriously all he got in response was a raised glass.

As the music started though he shifted his attention as there was bright flash and loud whooshing noise. Ichigo almost dropped the bottle of schnapps he was pouring from. While Orihime had been wearing a long skirt and t-shirt before she was now in a punk rock get up with shortest skirt he'd ever seen her wear, the tightest leather jacket he'd ever seen fit her, tight leather thigh-high boots, and to finish it off enough cleavage was showing to drown a straight man. Not to mention her hair was now up in two high pigtails held up by spiky death holders when her hair had been down.

"Um...what just happened?" It was Ino that found her voice first and she sounded a bit more sober than Ichigo felt she had right to looking at the already half gone vodka in her hands. He honestly wasn't sure where she was putting it or how.

"Oh wow..."Orihime looked down at herself blushed and then the part where the lyrics came in was playing and she started belting out her best absorbed by the music. It blew them away just as much as her new look. "Do you know the enemy?" She sang her body swaying as she began to dance. "Do you know your enemy? Well, gotta know the enemy..."

Ishida blinked stupidly behind his glasses and just gawked. Ichigo downed yet another beer and watched as Lee threw back a juice pouring over the song book while Gaara simply poured his first sake. Everything was starting to feel surreal as Orihime's song kept going sounding better than expected by far and her dance routine exploded into the crazy about halfway through. He was more than slightly excited for Ishida's song. Though as it was he took in the reactions around the room instead of watching.

Ino and Hinata were looking on in what could only be described as abject horror, at what he wasn't sure. Orihime didn't look that bad and she certainly had more clothes on than the night she had tried to get back with Ishida. Lee was too busy pouring over the book whispering things to Gaara who was nodding and pointing at the book as well. They looked cozy in an unexpected way. Ishida was now tossing back a shot of the schnapps Ichigo had been mixing with.

When the song played the last note there was another whooshing sound and Orihime stood there looking a little wobbly and quite a bit disoriented. "Well... That was unexpected." She looked at the microphone, handed it off and made her way back to her seat grabbing a bottle of gin and one of Lee's juices as she went. "You're up." She told the bowl cut who looked up in surprise at her but smiled blindingly again.

"YOSH!" Lee got up with a flounce and with the speed from earlier he was in front of them, well mostly positioned in front of Gaara. He grabbed a juice and downed it one go then grabbed the offered microphone with a delicate gesture.

It was then that Ichigo realized Lee was the only one that was completely sober followed by Gaara who so far had one glass of sake. Just as he realized this he was blinded again by the light and whoosh this time just as the music started. Then there stood Lee in a full tuxedo of forest green, an orange tie, and a red rose in the pocket. It was quite the change from the green spandex and orange leg warmers. As the music went on everyone groaned but Gaara who looked at them confused, of course they were about to be Rick rolled.

Lee began singing and it blew them away how good he actually was. Ichigo blinked in shock setting his drink down in surprise the clothes of course had been expected, the talent had not. Neither had the sincerity on Lee's face as he looked only at Gaara as he sang barely blinking.

"Never gonna give you up" Lee sang his heart out getting passionate in his movements as he went. "Never gonna let you down..." His voice was very good and Lee was smiling blindingly again in the most charming way that oozed sincerity.

Ino giggled again and cheered him on with a toast of her bottle along with Hinata. Orihime decided to join in by tossing him her skirt which she had wiggled out of between sips of her gin and juice. Ichigo did his best not to look over at her voluminous thighs as she scooted closer to Ishida who was inching closer to sitting in his lap. Instead he clapped and supported the straight face the singer who could sing that sincerely with a straight face, obviously to the person they were devoted to while catching the skirt thrown at his head.

"Never gonna say goodbye..." Lee was on a knee before Gaara before any of them knew it a box procured from somewhere and a ring slipping onto a finger as they all blinked. Then the song ended and they were still in that pose with Lee blinking stupidly and the ring gone. "Um..." He blushed looking up into aqua eyes and smiled bashfully scratching the back of his head. He absolutely avoided looking over at Orihime who was barely covered below the waist by her shirt as he stood up, bowed, then got back in his seat smiling meekly again. "Sorry..." It was barely a whisper but everyone heard it and Gaara nodded and took Lee's hand in his own.

"Whoa..." Ino fanned herself and smiled at Lee. "That was hot." She winked at them and everyone laughed it off and she grabbed the book for herself. "Just give me a minute and I'll show you up." Ichigo somehow had no doubts about that as she skimmed through a section of the book quickly probably already knowing what was she was looking for. "Alright Gaara number's 116." She bounced up from her seat and turned kissing Hinata's cheek before getting in front of the table like everyone else accepting the microphone tossed at her by Lee. No one batted at eye at the action.

Ichigo sighed as Orihime finished her gin and juice with a pout pulling at her shirt. He sighed internally as she put it back down instead grabbing another drink. If they were lucky she'd pass out before she lost her shirt. He looked over at Ishida who was still sipping on his drink ignoring the red head who was starting to tilt his way.

The music started and once more there was a flash and whoosh as Ino's transformation took place. Her long blond hair was now up in a high pony tail instead of the sloppy braid it had been in. Her simple jeans and gray t-shirt replaced with skin tight leather pants, knee high boots of bright purple, a matching blazer with huge shoulder pads over a tight black tank that left little to the imagination. She put her foot up on the table and started singing. "Let's get it started in here..." She grabbed a third bottle of vodka popping it open, dancing with it as she continued drinking from it so often as she hit it.

Hinata was the first to start cheering finishing her tequila bottle with a blush that hadn't left her cheeks since Ino had gotten up. He wasn't really surprised Hinata seemed reserved, or more accurately shy, for being French, though as far as he could tell they were both very good at handling their liquor, he was starting to wonder if maybe Ino had some Russian in her with the way she was handing that vodka and her slightly off accent.

"Everybody, Everybody..." Ino went on with a stomp to floor and Ichigo grabbed the book deciding he would be next for sure. He even had a song in mind watching Ino's act with a smile. She was good and he wanted to show her up in this at least, even if he wasn't confident in this. As the song ended and Ino transformed back with a flash of light and the whooshing again he smiled standing up and letting her through at the same time.

"Song 1006." Ichigo requested taking the microphone with a smile as Ishida scooted himself into his seat and Hinata scooted so Ino was between herself and Orihime who was fanning herself and pulling on her shirt again complaining it was hot. When the music started he felt himself drifting away from their problems and the people in the room instead being transformed into a super confident version of himself and suddenly he was wrapped in a wind that took his clothes replacing them with new ones.

The clothes kind of just formed around him a way that felt like they floated into existence. However they he found that this hakama felt more familiar than he could have ever imagined and the huge ass sword on his back was more comforting than he ever would have thought. He felt his hair also cascading down his back no longer red but deep and black just like the center of a black hole. As the light was gone in flash the whoosh just as quickly he stood before his friends.

"Whoa..." Orihime had somehow kept her shirt on ever though it was pulled up to her stomach and Lee was a bright red leaning into Gaara to avert his eyes. Ino and Hinata were ogling just a little probably no longer concerned about the showy clothes from before. It was Ishida who had spoken though and he was pleased with the look on his face. Ichigo growled from whatever feeling was taking over him.

Ichigo held the microphone firmly and began singing with all the power he held. "Back in black..." He could feel the power of the lyrics as he sang and wondered where they came from. He wondered if this what the others had felt as he suddenly pulled his sword and played it like a guitar still singing the microphone in one hand. "Yes, I'm back in black..."

Everyone was cheering and Ichigo didn't even mind when Orihime's shirt landed at his feet as he went on dancing, playing guitar, and singing his lungs out. He barely noticed his new friends in front of him as he went on. When the final note played he felt that wind again and almost wanted it to go away then he was back that super confidence gone unnaturally fast and he blinked at the room. Everyone was still smiling at him cheering so he took a bow. He tried smiling but from the looks he got it came off more as scowl.

"That was pretty cool." Ino commented over the Orihime who was currently stuck to her side like some kind of leech. Hinata was somehow glaring daggers out of the corner of her eye as she poured over the book for a song as Lee handed her the book from Gaara.

"Thanks." Ichigo smiled at her and sat between the red headed leech and the blonde. "You were great too." He made sure to give Lee a thumbs up as he glanced over quickly the away again. He saw him grab another juice while pouring Gaara another sake.

"What about me?" Orihime squealed a little drunkenly and let go of the blonde and lunged at him and in a move he'd perfected the last couple of parties he squeezed her into her shirt. Beside him he felt Ishida breath a sigh of relief and Lee was giving a thumbs up of approval, gay or not it bothered them.

"You were great too." He let her bury herself in his side squeezing Ishida's hand before grabbing another drink he wasn't drunk enough to deal with a mostly naked and affectionate Orihime yet. Ishida must have thought the same thing as he grabbed the schnapps again. Ichigo noted that Ino and Hinata were on fresh bottles themselves. Gaara was already getting up with a song in mind, sake cup sitting empty as he began punching the numbers in himself. Ichigo was curious what song it would be and looking at Lee it was likely something to do with the bushy brows in the corner. He wasn't going say the idea of being with Lee didn't turn his stomach but it seemed to work for the two of them.

Everyone turned to watch the transformation wondering what Gaara would like it. It would be hard to get scarier than he already was with that monotone, piercing look, the kanji for love scarred into his forehead, and blood red clothing that was tight as well as it looked like it might be efficient for hiding blood stains. When the light dissipated and the song started at the same time it sent creepy chills through the whole room. "Every breath you take..."

The voice was less monotone and more possessive in a way that sounded entirely too serious. Ichigo found himself blinking at the image before him mixed with the lyrics of the song. Gaara was now in an over sized sweater with the sleeves hanging over his fingers leaving only the tips showing and the oatmeal color only served to further highlight his scar and the dark circles under his eyes. The barely there shorts were almost completely covered by the length of the shirt that looked more like it would fit Lee. Honestly with the creepy tone of Gaara's voice and the stalker look he could feel the temperature of the room drop as everyone cringed as he went on.

"Can't you see you belong to me..." The short red head went on and no one in the room could keep a straight face though Ichigo noticed Lee was blushing and smiling while everyone was else was creeped out. Suddenly it wasn't creepy anymore though as Gaara caressed Lee's face and the bowl cutted weirdo just smiled and leaned in and if it were possible his eyes would have looked like hearts. Now it was like they were invading a private moment, like when Lee had sung to the other male. He had to wonder what kind of love they had as he grabbed another beer. He was already going to have a hell of a hangover anyway.

"I'll be watching you." Gaara went on and Ichigo looked at Ino over Orihime who was now reaching for a new drink.

Ino smirked at him and raised her bottle again her cheeks were slightly flushed now and Hinata beside her was giggling to herself a little at the scene in the corner. Even if was slightly disturbing it was also disturbingly cute and all of them could agree on that. He looked to Ishida at his side and squeezed his hand again listening to the song and wondering how it came to be that they all picked something so different.

As the song ended they clapped for him and Gaara blinked startled as if he had forgotten they were there and Lee jumped as if had done the same. Ino and Hinata giggled more and the flash of light brought back Gaara's normal appearance he took another cup of sake as he sat down.

"I'll go next..." Hinata pushed her fingers together nervously everyone else had performed amazingly, but unlike them she was naturally shy. And who knew what clothes it would change her into. Her song wasn't chosen for anything romantic, or fun. She just liked it.

"You'll do fine." Ino smiled kissing a red cheek cheek before Hinata got up and she only found a deeper red greeting her and shining white eyes in return.

"I can't wait to hear it." Ishida spoke up for the first time in forever and smiled at her and she realized that maybe she wasn't the only shy one there. Though Ichigo knew it was more the ravenette was reserved than anything else he couldn't help smiling over the rim of his beer.

"I'll do my best." She moved towards the front past Gaara giving him the song number and taking the microphone. She took a deep breath as the music started, noticeably steadying herself. Then the flash took her as it had all the others. The interest written on the blonde's face was far from subtle.

The purple haired cutie had been wearing a cute skirt that floated out from her knees making it look shorter than it was. It complimented her innocent look while the blouse she had been wearing was tight it left more to imagination than Orihime's shirts ever did and the layered jewelry had made it more cute than sexy. While her hair had been down it was styled short and played up the innocent look. Now though with the flash fading away and the intro still playing she stood there her hair long and flowing bangs gone and her cute style replaced with elegance. She now wore a deep blue dress that sparkled when she moved with a high slit on her tender thigh. Ino's look of absolute adoration was not to be missed as well as the hoot of approval.

Orihime raised her glass as Hinata started singing her voice deep and luscious. "There's a fire starting in my heart..." The elegance that poured off of Hinata as she sang her soul out filled the room and she began to dance in swaying motions. "Reaching a fever pitch..." She sang on twisting in elegance that made Ichigo wonder if she danced often.

Lee cheered loudly raising his juice and Gaara raised his sake so he went ahead and raised his beer with Ishida who raised his newest drink. Orihime just clapped gleefully a bottle stashed between her knees. Ino was already through a fourth bottle of vodka, or at least he thought it was her fourth. As the song ended they all clapped for her at what an amazing voice she had been hiding.

"Thank you." She bowed already back in her normal clothes and her face redder than it had been all night. She grabbed a new bottle of Tequila on the way back to Ino whose shoulder she buried her face into.

"Looks like you're up Ishida." Orihime was looking over him to say it her shirt already riding up again as she slung her arm over his shoulder a drink dangling over it. Ichigo sighed the two hadn't talked at all and as a possessive boyfriend he was kind of glad for it.

"I've got the prefect song." The ravenette smiled politely pushing his glasses up and it was then that he notice the flush under his glasses, Ishida was good and truly drunk for once. Though he felt a little begrudged that he didn't even slur as he gave Gaara the song number and got up to take his place before everyone else.

The music started and as the flash faded Ichigo's mouth found all moisture suddenly gone. There stood Ishida shirtless, with his glasses positioned just right for a sexy glare. But the mouth dropping part of his outfit was the skin tight short shorts and thigh high boots that looked like latex. Ichigo had to use the bottle he'd been pouring with to hide behind. This was just wrong and the most dramatic change for personality as he had been wearing slacks that were perfectly proper with a white button up, that was indeed buttoned all the way up with the only adornment being his glasses and a small bracelet with a tiny cross hanging from it.

Suddenly as the song started Ishida was on the table heels of six inches holding him up somehow as he danced light on his feet between bottles his back turned towards his friends. As soon as it started his hand was up and his ass was shaking. "All the single ladies put your hand up..."

Ino burst out laughing first followed by a very drunken Orihime who was barely keeping her shirt on as she did so, as somehow it had once again slipped up to just under her bra. Lee blushed and downed another bottle of juice while beside him Gaara blinked in response. Ichigo just looked around then back down at the bottle as Ishida went on not looking at them still.

"If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it..." He turned suddenly facing them still somehow missing all the empty cans and bottles still on the table even as he pointed at Orihime and kept singing. The red head in turn laughed harder missing the context as Ishida continued dancing with those thigh high boots on the table singing his heart out.

Towards the end of the song the waitress walked in so he grabbed Ishida around the middle hauling him into his lap as he looked at her waiting. Everyone turned to her. The music suddenly stopped and she opened her mouth and nothing but meows came out. Ichigo stared harder at her and she started shifting into a cat and somewhere in the distance he could feel something licking his hand. Of course this caused him to look down at it only to feel the world shift.

Blinking her eyes open Melinda looked at her left hand seeing her cat licking it begging for food. She glanced at her computer where her music list was still on shuffle then down at the pages of notes for fanfictions she had written, then finally at the bottles of beer to her right. She blinked blearily at the screen one more time then around the models on her desk an recalled her dream with a yawn pulling her hand away from her cat to start her day with her hangover. She found herself thinking aloud as she turned the music off. "What kind of fuckery was that?"

The end

Don't be surprised but the whole reason this was born was Ishida's fault, because I couldn't resist once I'd thought of it...As to Melinda, who hasn't had weird dreams? Sorry for my odd musical tastes... I'll edit more later for now it's finished as is. Anything too glaring please let me know. Other than that to the the credits we roll.

Musical credits:

Greenday: Know you Enemy

Rick Astley: Never Gonna give you up

Black Eyed Peas: Let's get it Started

AC/DC: Back in Black

Police: Every Breath you take

Adele: Rolling in the Deep

Beyonce: All the Single Ladies