"Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-initiate-ate-ate-ated enrichment center. We would like to remind you that while the Regeneration-Respawn clause has been included in your renewed contract, death is not considered progress, and will result in a test reset, a loss of Science points, and an increased percentage of the possibility of serious injuries. Further information and rules will be provided upon-on-on the completion of a preliminary round of your tests. We are now ready to begin the test proper. Good luck."
We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant o-o-one-one-one-one. . .
Reprocessing, please stand by.
Hello [insert subject name here], and welcome to the Aperture Science Alternate Test Subject Study and Research Initiative.
We apologize for any inconvenience that was not stated in the brochure and contract you received before initiation.
If you have not received the brochure and copy of said contract, we apologize for that as well, for you must have been forgetful about it in the joy of your discovered promotion to be an Aperture Science Alternate Test Subject.
Before we start, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all Enrichment Center activities, serious injuries may occur, and given the nature of your previous employment, we at Aperture Science have made sure that you would be familiar with and aware of said serious injuries. Some of these serious injuries include bullets, fire, stupidity, sharp blades, and death.
Scout blinked as the voice went away, and looked around at the almost stupidly clean white walls, and this even more stupid orange pajama thing that he had no idea how he got on, and frowned at the door that had hissed open in front of him.
"A'right, what th' heck is up wit' this crap?"