So I thought I mustn't be the only one who wanted to know how the second dinner went and what led to them ending up in bed. So thought I'd give this a shot. It'll be short, 3-4 chapters. T for now. First fic so please be kind.

All mistakes are mine & characters are Shonda Rhimes & company's.

Jackson's mind was swimming. He was driving to not-so-his-apartment & trying to organize his thoughts before attending what was going to be one of the worst dinners of his life. So okay, he felt a bit embarrassed and pretty stupid that he didn't notice Bailey & Ben getting tired of him hogging their couch but in his defense there was a reason.

A beautiful, infuriating reason that had made him lose all common sense. April. His wife. Well, soon to be ex-wife. No matter how uncomfortably his stomach twisted when he thought about the divorce he was definitely (definitely) going to bring up tonight, he convinced himself that it was the right thing to do. He loved her. And frankly couldn't imagine ever not being in love with her but the damage was too great. He believed that instead of holding on to shreds of what they once had, moving on would serve them both better.

He would bring it up tonight, it made no sense to stretch it out when this is what he wants (what he should want, at least). He didn't want April to get her hopes up (Or did he?... No.). He already felt himself starting to soften ever since the dinner party. He hadn't paid much attention to it at first. Convinced himself that even if their marriage didn't work out, April always has been and always will be an integral part of his life and being civil to her was the only way to keep her in his life at least as a friend.

Yes. They could be friends again. Not like they used to be but they could leave this pain behind and find a way. He ignored how fake and seemingly impossible that sounded even in his head because the thought of losing her completely wasn't something he could handle yet and would probably make him chicken out of the conversation for the second day in a row. But after working on Kamal, he knew that he had to discuss the divorce with April before he started talking himself out of it.

As much as he wanted to help the kid, his fundamental motivation to put in everything was April. Her faith in him. Her desperation to help Kamal made Jackson desperate to help Kamal. Does this bother him? Yes. Not because it makes him question himself as a surgeon or a doctor but because he genuinely believed that she didn't have that kind of power over him anymore . At least she shouldn't. But she does. He would still move mountains if it meant getting her to smile like that. Is this normally how a guy asking for a divorce feels? He ignores the question, knowing what the answer is and that's not a road to go down now. Nevertheless, he was pretty elated that he had helped out a child in a pretty life altering way and April was to be thanked for that.

It was all well and good till that hug. That fucking, life ruining hug. The hug that was followed by an overwhelming, soul crushing desire for him to grab April and kiss her with all that he had. The hug that had kept him up for two days straight thinking about how much he missed her, how right it felt to have her in his arms again and that had awoken his long dormant primal feelings. It had him thinking about her lips, her body flush against his and how he hadn't had sex with her in 5 months and hadn't really made love to her since, well, since before Samuel's diagnosis.

That's when he knew. Knew that he was going to start rethinking things and questioning his decision. Honestly, he knows how easy it would be to give in, to try to work things out. He has no doubt about his feelings for her or hers for him. But he wasn't sure that their feelings were enough anymore. Losing Sam took a toll on them both and they both handled it differently. He felt that he needed to be strong and silence himself for her. She needed control, the ability to save people that were in an impossible situation. He understood that. Which was why he sincerely hoped that once she got back the first time, they could begin healing together. But her desire to go back gutted him in a way that blindsided him. She didn't need him to heal like he needed her and that broke him. April broke him. That is what he felt for the 3 months that she was gone. That even with their relationship on the line, she still chose to go. Even if there's more to it than that, that was the only thing that stuck with him.

He loved her, always will but tonight a decision needed to be made and as unsettling or upsetting or downright nauseating as it is, he will talk to her about it. He chickened out last night, partly because it was really nice having a meal with her after so long and partly because he was distracted by how utterly gorgeous she looked. But he will get himself to focus tonight and although highly unlikely, he hopes that April finally understands his prerogative and they can get through this in the most civilized way possible and look back on their time together as a happy one.

He pulled up near the Apartment complex and sighed, willing away the slight tears stinging his eyes. This was right. This was what needed to be done. He picked up the bottle of wine and worked his way to the apartment. He couldn't help but feel that under different circumstances, this would feel like a perfect date night. April cooking, him coming home with wine, talking, laughing, kissing, sex.

At this, Ben's voice filled his head; "I need to have sex with my wife". Jackson shook his head. As much as Jackson wanted or needed to have sex with his wife, that was exactly what he had come to put a permanent end to tonight. He felt a sudden urge to turn around and run but he worked up the courage to knock on the door and waited for it to open.

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Thoughts? Suggestions? This was more to get an idea of Jackson's headspace during the dinner. Next chapter will explore April's. Please review!