So, I was taking my makeup off about five minutes ago for bed and it hit me that this quote of one of the many reams of dialogue I memorised from books (love the way photographic memory happens for books and then not for stuff like physics…) was perfect for these two. So here is the oneshot!

I own neither the quote from HP7 nor anything else in this fic… besides this interpretation of course!

I open at the close.

How quaint, that I only realised just how perfect Samuel and I were for one another when he was being ripped away from me. I only realised that this life was the one that we were to share together, happily, when the door to it was closing and the door of singlehood, of loneliness, was opening.

I only realised the releasing of these feelings as he lay in my arms, dying. It was a sudden release, one that made me quite sure that I had wasted what could have been the best years of my life pondering and wondering whether it was the right course to take. I knew then, at the closing of his life, that the life we would have had would have been wonderful.

He would have loved me everyday, told me that at every possibility he could, and he would have been there for me. He could have gone and done whatever he was to do, as I did my business, and then we could have been together for the rest of the time. He could have kept me calm, helped me make the right decisions for Morganville and simply have been there for me.

He was, is, the one for me, and I never realised it until it was too late. I opened this door of knowledge as his life ended. I opened this door when he was taken away from me, lifeless and in another world, with God and Jesus and every other innocent soul taken from this earth. Life is a test to see those who are worthy of heaven and those who ought to sink into the 9th circle of hell, and I know for a fact Samuel is an angel, heading straight for heaven.

I open at the close.

Peculiar, isn't it, how your whole life can change with one revelation. One revelation that you love at the time because it brings you hope but you curse and damn every single second for the rest of your (eternal) life because it brings the pain back, it brings the memory of your mistakes with him and the way that you destroyed him. it brings back the pain that you felt after you hoped because you found this switch, this release, in you that made you realise it.

Life goes on. Life changes and adapts to the situation. I have a life. I am living and moving and functioning; yet this isn't the same life as before, the life that had Samuel in it. No, that door closed with Samuel's death, a new, weaker and more pained, version of me walking through another open door.

Life is full of opportunities and changes. I just wish, with every fibre of my being, that I could have mine back. I wish that I could have made it count, for every single second I had it. I wish.

But that isn't possible. After all…

I open at the close.

So, tell me your thoughts? Like/not like… tell me! It always helps my writing for you to :D

Vicky xx