It's been three days. Three days since I left Christian. These three days have been the worst and every night I have cried myself to sleep. I told him I loved him, I gave him my heart and he broke it in pieces along with my backside, not that I can blame him for it. I asked him to show how worst it can be and he did. I knew this was going to happen, I knew this lifestyle was not for me, I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to try it. Maybe, I just wanted to be him, maybe I loved him the moment I saw him. It feels like yesterday when I first looked into those alluring grey eyes. He intimidated me but there has always been a spark between us that attracted me to him. Again, his words echo in mind,"No, Ana, you cannot love me". Fresh tears starts to fall from my eyes again. I hate this, I hate being like this. I miss those days when my greatest concern was to maintain my grades and work at Clayton's. I wonder if he is missing me, if he is as miserable as I am or if he has already found a new submissive, probably someone who can give him what he wants, someone who can take a beating. The thought immediately makes my heart hurt and bile rises in my throat. Urhg! Why does it have to be like this? I can't keep on going like this. I have to forget him and move on with my life. I don't start work till Monday so I have one more day for myself and Kate is still in Barbados with Elliot. I miss her. She must really be serious about Elliot to introduce him to her family. I have to come up with an excuse to tell her why Christian and I broke up. I don't want it to affect her relationship with Elliot. Well… I think she got the good brother. My thoughts again drifted back to the copper haired man who has my heart. Ughh! Enough is enough Ana you don't deserve to be treated like that by any man. He was right he is fifty shades of fucked-up; I hope he finds happiness one day.
I pushed myself off the bed and made my way to the bathroom. I don't recognize the girl staring at me from the mirror. I look pale, more pale than usual and there are big blue bags under my eyes. I look like a ghost. I opened faucet and took a much need bath. I dressed myself in blue and white rugby stripes dress with fancy flats. Thank god my mom took me shopping with her in Georgia. As much as I hate shopping I am glad I have something nice to wear for work. I pushed the cheque Christian gave me for Wanda in my purse which is way too much for what it was worth. I am not stupid even classic it wasn't worth $24,000, so I am keeping $10,000 which is actual payment of Wanda and returning rest to Christian. I left everything that Christian gave me at his apartment, I never felt comfortable with him buying me things. It made me feel like a whore like he is paying me for sex. Shit! This reminds me my phone is still in call forwarding mode to the blackberry Christian gave me, I quickly took it out of my bedside drawer and turned it off. Now, that I am going to be working I will need a smart phone so I will buy myself new iPhone. I locked my apartment and first went to cash the cheque. I kept $10,000 with me. I will send back rest to Christian tomorrow after work. The next stop was to get myself a new phone. Then I bought was some cosmetics on sale and after making last stop at local supermarket to buy some groceries I made my way home, satisfied with my purchase today. After eating dinner of mashed potatoes and some random vegetables I head to bed hoping I to get a good night's sleep without dreaming about certain copper haired man with alluring gray eyes. Tomorrow will be a new start of my life.
I wake up 6.30am and head to bathroom. After taking quick shower I dressed myself in white button down blouse and back fitted skirt paired with nude heels. I applied some makeup keeping it as natural as possible and styled my hair in wavy side ponytail with side bangs.
I am eating banana for breakfast as my intercom buzzes
"Hello! Who is it?" I asked
"Delivery for Ms. Steel"
I opened the door and a man was standing with two dozen white roses, a card is attached to it. I took the delivery and take the flowers inside. Even before I read the card I know who they are from
Congratulations! On your first day.
Hope it goes well
And thank you for the glider. That was very thoughtful.
It has pride of place on my desk.
~Christian
Tears started to form again. Why did he send these? I shake my head, he probably felt bad about how things ended and just wanted to congratulate out of courtesy. I put the flower in the vase before heading out.
I miss Wanda or Audi but my office is just few blocks away from the apartment so I decided to walk instead of taking bus.
As soon as I enter I am greeted by the receptionist, Claire, she showed me around as Jack was out for a meeting and will be back soon. Finally, she asked me to wait in Jack's office.
"There is a local deli nearby I go at lunch with other colleagues, you can join us if you want" she asked
"I would love to" I agreed with a smile
It will be good to make some friends here and get to know people around
"Okay, see you at lunch" with that she left
After few minutes a woman in sharp black suit and red hairs pulled back in a perfect bun enters
"Good morning! You must be Ms. Steel"
"Yes and please call me Ana"
"Ana, it is. I am Elizabeth; Jack won't be in the office today so I will be giving you instructions." She says with a smile
Before I realize it's already lunch time and Claire makes her way to me
"Ready to go, others are waiting at the entrance"
"Just a sec"
I quickly turned off my computer and grab my purse
"Let's go"
We make our way to the group of people at the entrance and Claire introduces me to them
First, there is a handsome well-built man, Zackary, with tousled blonde hairs, which is thick and lustrous. He insists on calling him Zack. He is an editor in thriller department. Next is his assistant, William, with dark brown hairs. Apparently, he and Zack are good friends and goes along pretty well. And last is, Amelia, she is beautiful and has tan skin which compliments her lush brown hairs. She is dressed in formal suit and is also an editor like Zack in non- fiction department. She is sweet to me and I like her.
"Welcome to SIP, Anastasia" Zack says offering me his hand
"It's Ana please" I say before taking his hand
He offers a kind smile
We all take our seats, Zack and Amelia both on my either side and Claire is sitting opposite to me and on her right is William. Casual conversation is going on with me telling them about college and them telling me more about SIP. They are very nice and welcoming
Suddenly, I feel like being watched. Maybe, I am being a little paranoid but I can't shake off the feeling. I turned around and no one was there.
"So, do you have a boyfriend Ana?" Zack asked
"What?" I ask surprised. Taken off guard by his question
"You are beautiful there is no way you would be single" he says to which others agreed
His compliment immediately makes me blush.
"No, I am single" I replied softly
An emotion passes through Zack's face and before I can comprehend it, it was gone.
"So William you were going to tell us about the new girl you are going out with" Claire jumped into the conversation, thankfully taking attention of me.
For some reason Zack seems annoyed with her.
Hmm… even if I was with Christian I couldn't let them know. I signed an NDA. Christian made it clear what kind of relationship he wanted and I can't discuss it with anyone. But is that what I want? Do I really want to be with someone like him? Forget about him Ana, you are not even going to see him again. He made it pretty clear that if I walk out it will be it. He probably is beating the living shit out his new submissive. As always the thought immediately makes me sick to my stomach.
"Hey Ana, you ok? You look a little pale." Zack ask with concerned eyes
"Yeah, I am fine"
"You sure"
"Yes, I am fine" I answered with a smile
Zack is nice with me and I notice the change in his tone when he talks with me.
"I think we should head back the break is almost over" Amelia said and we all head back to SIP.
By Wednesday I get into the routine with office. My main work is to manage Jack's schedule and edit some manuscripts. I love working here and I have made good friends with Claire and Zack but Jack gives me creeps. I try to ignore him as much as possible but it's hard as I am working for him. I will just keep my distance. I am here to work and nothing else.
I am going through the manuscript Jack just handed me when my email buzzes alerting me of the new message in my inbox. My heart sinks as I open it. It's from him. It's from Christian
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Gallery opening
To: Anastasia Steel
Dear Anastasia,
Forgive this intrusion at work. I hope that it is going well. Did you get my flowers?
I note that tomorrow is the gallery opening for your friend's show and I am sure you have not had time to purchase a car and it's a long drive. I would be more than happy to take you, should you wish.
Let me know
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
I make my way to the bathroom as fast as my feet could take me without raising any suspicions and locked myself in one of the stall when tears swim in my eyes. Why? Why is he doing this? This is all so confusing, Christian is so confusing. He says one thing but does another. And how did he get my e-mail address. Come on Ana, he knew your bra size; an e-mail address is hardly anything.
I need daddy; he always knows how to make me feel better. Oh! Ray I miss you so much. I quickly pulled out my phone and called him. He picked after two rings.
"Hello moon-face"
That warm feeling, feeling of home rushed through my body on hearing his voice
"Daddy"
"What's wrong moon-face? Are you crying? Are you ok? Is that boyfriend of yours not treating you well" he asked in concerned tone
"No, daddy everything is fine. I am fine and Christian is amazing. I just missed you" I lied
Oh daddy! Only if you knew. I felt a sting at the back of my eyes as I lied to him.
"Ohh! Moon-face you got me worried there. I miss you too sweetie. Come visit your old man soon and bring that boyfriend of yours too."
"Ok daddy I promise I will"
"Ok bye honey. I love you"
"I love you too daddy"
With that I hung up. I can only imagine what his reaction would be when I tell him Christian and I broke up. He will not be pleased.
The next I dialed Jose. I completely forgot about his show. I am such a poor friend
"Hello" a familiar Hispanic accent makes me smile
"Hi Jose, How are you?"
"Banana, I am good. I miss you so much. College isn't fun without you guys. So how are you?"
"I miss you too, Jose. So, I called to ask you about tomorrow. What time does your show start?"
"You still coming?" he asked surprised
"You bet I am, it's your show how I can miss it"
I just forgot about it
"It starts at 7.30, Oh Ana I am so excited to see you"
"Me too, I will leave work at 5 tomorrow and its 3 hours' drive so I will be there by 8. My boss is leaving for Vancouver tomorrow for a business conference and I don't have to be in the office on Friday. I am thinking to stay in Portland tomorrow so I don't have to drive back late. Can I crash at your apartment?"
"Of course Ana, you know you are always welcome"
"Ok then I will see you tomorrow"
"Bye banana"
"Bye"
I really want to see Jose but am I ready to face Christian again? Making up my mind I returned to my seat. I know it would be rude to not reply so I carefully think about what I want to say. Taking a deep breathe I started typing my response
From: Anastasia Steel
Subject: Gallery opening
To: Christian Grey
Dear Christian,
I did receive your flower, thank you, they were lovely.
With regards to Jose's show, thank you for your kind offer. But I will use Kate's car as she is in Barbados to drive myself tomorrow after work.
Thanks again
Anastasia Steel
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP
I quickly re read it before pressing send. There! Done, this is the best, seeing him again would bring back the painful memories and it would kill me if I found out he is with another submissive.
"Ready to go" Zack said startling me
"Oh gosh you startled me" I playfully hit him
I like Zack; he is so easygoing and fun.
"Come on blue-eyes, daddy here is hungry"
"Eww…Let me just tell Jack"
"Mr. Hyde I am going out for lunch do you need anything?"
"Ana, it's Jack for you and no, I am ok. Enjoy your lunch."
The way Christian said my name, it made me weak in my knees but when he said, it gave me creeps and makes all the hairs on my body stand. I quickly walk out of his office.
"Let's go" I said grabbing my purse
Claire and William were waiting for us at the entrance. Amelia is on leave due to some family emergency. We all take our seats and Zack goes to get my order even though I said I can get it myself.
"So Ana do you like here at SIP?" Claire asked
"Well I love reading and always wanted to work in publishing so yeah it's like a dream come true" I replied honestly
And it is true, except Jack everyone is so nice. With that Zack returns with our orders
"Thank you"
He just smiles passing me my food
"So what are your plans for weekend?" Zack asked
"Nothing much" I answered with a shrug
"Oh! It's been really long since we have been for bowling. Let's go to bowling. Would like to join us Ana?" Claire asked excitedly
"Sure"
It's better to go out rather than spending weekend alone at my apartment and it's not like I am expected somewhere to be beaten and fucked. Shit! You need to stop thinking about him, Ana.
"Okay it's settled then" Zack said
"Yeah! I am in too. It's about time someone beat Zack at it" joined William
"You wish" Zack said with smirk
We all returned to work and Zack stopped me after everyone was gone
"Hey, blue-eyes, there's new Chinese place I have been dying to try out. So will you accompany me for dinner tomorrow?" he seems a bit nervous
"Oh I can't tomorrow I am going to Portland for my friend's gallery opening after work. Rain check?"
"Yeah it's cool but it's a long drive. Will you be okay?" he ask concerned
"Oh I am staying the night since I don't have to be in office on Friday."
"Okay then" he says with a smile
I return to work and an email from Christian is waiting for me. Shit! What is it now?
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Gallery Opening
To: Anastasia Steel
Dear Anastasia,
It's a long drive and you have work on Friday. Seriously, it's no issue for me. We'll take Charlie Tango. Let me take you there.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
Charlie tango, I liked it and the last time he took me in Charlie tango was the night I gave him my virginity. My face heats up remembering that night. Snap out Ana! You don't want to get hurt again
From: Anastasia Steel
Subject: Gallery Opening
To: Christian Grey
Dear Christian,
Again thank you for your kind offer. But it is not necessary. I will drive myself there and I don't have work on Friday so I will stay the night.
Please don't worry
Anastasia Steel
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP
I once again busied myself in manuscripts.
The next day went by quickly. I didn't hear from Christian again, not that I was expecting. I drove myself in Kate's car today instead of walking so I can leave directly from office. I so not am looking forward to 3 hours' drive.
Jack is also about to leave for Vancouver
"Ana"
I roll my eyes. Speaking of the devil
"Yes Jack" I replied with my business smile
Shit! He is standing two feet away from me. Just get out already.
"I am leaving now. You can also call it a day"
"Okay, goodbye Jack. See you on Monday"
"See you on Monday" he smirks
With that he left. I make my way to powder room
I reapplied my makeup and fixed my hair. I am dressed in faux-fur jacket over a simple black dress with platform shoes and I am keeping my hair open. I can't wait to see Jose again. I know today is a big day for him. I have seen some of his work before and they were amazing.
I make my way to Zack's office to say goodbye, I see William outside texting on his phone
"Hey, Will is he in there?"
"Yeah just go right in"
I open his office door and he is sitting behind his laptop
"Hey, looney-tones just left and I am also leaving" I said
He looks up at me and smirks at the word I used for Jack. He and I came up with it today during lunch
"Okay, drive safe. Call me once you reach"
"Ughh... I miss Jose but I don't wanna drive 3 hours" I said with a pout
He chuckles
"Go now else you will be late and don't forget to call me. I will see you on Monday"
"Yes, sir."
I said with a salute and he laughs
"Ok bye"
"Bye blue-eyes"
I see Claire at the reception and I wave her goodbye
"Bye Ana. See you on Monday"
She is very sweet, I really like her.
Thankfully traffic is kind today. I reach there by 8.15 and call Zack to inform him that I am reached safely before making my way to the entrance.
I was welcomed by a blonde lady of my height with bob cut hairs and bright red lipstick. She eyes me up and down
"Oh it's you, welcome"
Well that was weird.
I enter the first room and spot Jose, chatting with group of people. I make my way to him and call from behind
"Jose"
He turns around and his face breaks into a huge smile
"Ana, you came" he said engulfing me in a hug
"You look good" I said pulling away from him
He does look good in suit. I have always seen him in casual jeans so it's a nice change.
"You too banana. So how have you been?"
"I am good"
I really missed Jose.
Group of reporters call Jose to ask about his work
"Go I will look around"
"See you in a bit Steel"
I wander around admiring Jose's work. He is really talented and judging by the reactions of others they like it too. I am happy for him.
As I enter another room I hear few people gasp. People are looking at me though trying not to be obvious but failing. Is something wrong?
Do I have something on my face?
As I turn around I am confronted with seven huge portraits of me. All with me smiling, laughing, pouting, me faking a sad face, one with me sitting on grass reading my favorite 'Pride n Prejudice', in another I am trying to say something and last with me sitting on a couch with both my legs on the side. They are all so beautiful and I admit I do look beautiful in them all.
Now that explains the reaction I am getting.
"Seems like I am not the only one" a familiar voice said from behind
"Christian" I gasped
"Hello Anastasia"
"What are you doing here?"
"You invited me baby when we were in Georgia"
"That was before..." before the end of whatever we had
He closed his eyes. He looks handsome as usual dressed in his signature grey suit, no tie, and white shirt open at the collar. My mouth went dry and all the feelings I have for him come rushing up again. No Ana stay strong.
He slowly opens his eyes again
"Ana baby please we need to talk"
"About what? You said if I walk out that will be it then why are you here?"
"Ana I'd rather discuss it somewhere private. Have dinner with me" he asks nervously
For the short amount of time when we were together I have always seen him confident and so in his element but this is something new.
"Not today Christian. I am here to support Jose"
"Ana please, just dinner"
Before I can answer a man approached us
"Hey! You are the muse, these portraits are beautiful"
I smiled politely and I feel Christian stiffen beside me as he pulls me towards himself
The man turned to Christian.
"You are a lucky man"
"That I am" Christian replied still keeping me at his side
The man left and I pulled away from him
"What the hell was that?"
He just shrugs
"You look very relaxed in those pictures; I don't see you like that with me"
Woah! What the hell!
"You have to stop intimidating me"
"You need to learn to communicate more"
That's it
"You see Christian, you wanted me as a submissive and that's where problem lies. It's in the definition of the submissive you e-mailed me once and I quote 'compliant, pliant, amenable, passive, tractable, resigned' I wasn't supposed to look at you, not talk to you unless you give me permission. It's so confusing being with you. You don't want me to defy you but then you like my 'smart mouth'. You want obedience, except when you don't so you can punish me. I just don't know which way is with you."
I paused and take a deep breath before continuing
"Please Christian leave me alone. You were right I don't have a submissive bone in me. I can't do this."
With that I left him there and walk towards powder room. I try to calm myself. Seeing him here again brought all those feelings. I just wanna go home now. I will drive myself tonight to Seattle.
After taking few deep breathes to calm myself I walk out of powder room to find Jose.
He is talking to a group of ladies. I stalk off towards him
"Jose"
"Ana. Excuse me girls"
"You ok banana? You look a little off" he ask concerned
"Yeah I have to go" I replied sadly
"But you just got here half an hour ago and I thought you were going to stay the night at my apartment" he says disappointingly
"Yeah, I am sorry but my boss just called I have to be in office tomorrow. I can't refuse since it's only my first week." I lied
He smiles. I hate lying to him
"It's ok banana. I am glad you came"
"I promise I will make it up to you next time"
"Will be looking forward to it" he says excitedly
"And Jose thanks for the warning about the portraits of me"
"Oh shit! I am sorry Ana I should have told you. So do you like them?"
"Umm… I don't know" I answer truthfully
"Well someone does because they are already sold"
What? Who would want to buy posters of me? Well I have my suspicion
From the corner of my eyes I see Christian watching our interaction closely with a tense jaw. Hmm... Let's mess with him a little
I pulled Jose in a tight hug
"Goodbye"
I see Christian walking towards me. Shit! He is angry
He pulls me away from him. Jose was surprised to see him
"Ready to leave baby?"
I know what he is doing. He is sending a message to Jose. Fuck you Grey!
But before I can say anything
"Mr. Grey, I didn't see you with Ana earlier" Jose ask surprised
"Mr. Rodriguez, Yeah I had some business to attend to which was postponed so I came here to surprise her"
Jose looks at me questionably and I just gave him a tight smile. Bastard is making me play his game
"Your work is very impressive. I am sorry we can't stay any longer. We have to head back to Seattle today. Anastasia?"
"Bye Jose" I just gave Jose one quick kiss on cheek and before I know Christian was dragging me out the room. What the hell? I should be the one getting angry here.
"Christian stop. Stop" I say as he continues to drag me
Suddenly he sweeps me into a side alley and before I realize his mouth is on me. He is kissing me frantically, his hands are on my face keeping me in place and his tongue enters my mouth. Desire flooded through my body and I pushed my hands in his hair pulling them hard and kissing him back with equal fervor. A low groan escaped his throat and his hands travel down, exploring every part of my body.
I pour all my feelings of past few days, heartbreak, anger, desire into the kiss.
He pulled back slightly, his thumb caressing my cheek
"Please baby, have dinner with me"
"Okay" I replied
He takes me to a small restaurant
It's very cozy with an industrial character but it's also contemporary and stylish. The color palette and the material used are elegant and simple, making the atmosphere inviting.
"What would you like to eat?"
"I am not hungry" I say stubbornly
He closes his eyes for few minutes before calling for the waiter
"We'll each have sirloin steak cooked medium, fries and green vegetable and bring me the wine list"
The waiter scuttles off quickly. Jeez! It this how this night is going to be
"I said I am not hungry."
"You need to eat Anastasia"
So I am Anastasia now. Ughh…This man is so frustrating.
My phone rings breaking the tension between us. The caller-id makes me smile, its Zack
I see Christian frown. I roll my eyes at him and his jaw hardens
"Excuse me" I say
"Hey, Zack"
"Blue-eye, how did it go?"
"It was awesome, he had seven huge portraits of me for display, they were beautiful and someone already bought them all of them. At first I felt weird as everyone was staring at me but then I saw seven huge portraits of me." I tell me excitedly
"What! That's amazing. Tell me more when you come back"
"Okay byee"
"Byee"
I see Christian scowling. What now?
He has ordered wine when I was on the phone.
"Who was he?" he ask serving me wine
"A friend from SIP"
He is waiting for me to elaborate but I don't. It's none of his business.
"Ana, really how are you?" he ask in a soft voice
I am shit…. "If I told you I was fine, I'd be lying"
"Me too" he murmurs and clasp my hand "I miss you baby" he adds
Oh no please no skin contact. I won't be able to think straight. I pulled my hand away from him. He looks hurt and dejected. Oh! Fifty
"Ana… Ana I am bit nervous because last time we spoke you left me. I … I want you back, baby"
What he wants me back. He missed me. Hope rushed through my body. But reality hits home
"Nothing has changed Christian; I can't be what you need"
"I need you more baby. Past week was miserable. I was miserable. If you want a complete vanilla relationship with no kinky-fuckery at all then I am up to it"
"Kinky-fuckery? I can't believe you said that"
"Well I just did. So..?"
Do I want to be with him again? I know he is telling the truth but can he really give up that lifestyle that has been a major part of his life for more than a decade? But we are both very different. He needs to be in control but I wouldn't wanna be controlled by anyone.
"Christian I don't think it's a good idea"
"Ana please just give me a chance. I know I acted stupidly last time" he takes a deep breathe "Please give me a chance baby" he looks at me with hopeful eyes
"I think I should go" I stand up collecting my purse
"Ana pl…" he stands up with me but I interrupted him
"Christian please, goodbye" tears forms in my eyes and I left before he can see it
I run towards my car and drive off towards Seattle. Maybe I did the wrong thing, maybe I should give him a chance, maybe I should give us chance. No Ana, you can't be what he needs and he can't be what you want. This is best, It will save both of us from anymore suffering and heartbreak.