Title: A Place to Remember

Rating: T - sorry bumping the rating up. I wouldn't want to risk someone reading that shouldn't

Chapter: 1

Author's note: first season story

I don't want to be alone. When I'm alone is when the voices in my head are the worst. They whisper in my head and I can't not hear them.

"Stupid."

"Worthless."

"Weak."

"You are the worst Paladin."

"You don't take anything seriously!"

"Why can't you be more like Keith?"

"Why can't you do anything right?"

"Why do you even try?"

"Failure."

"You are going to get someone killed!"

It's like an endless looping cycle of pain. I can't break out of it. I can't convince myself that I don't deserve it. Back on earth there was something I took that helped. Helped me focus my thoughts and stopped the loop - stopped the negativity. Without it I was desperate for company, for attention. I tried everything I could think of. I challenged Keith to a race. He ignored me, and when I persisted he got mad and punched me in the arm so hard that it left a bruise.

"Keith, bet I can beat your time for the mile in the gym!" I challenged, cocky grin firmly in place.

"I don't care." He didn't even look up from the computer screen he was looking at.

"You just say that because you know I'm faster than you." I dug a little harder.

"So go somewhere else - faster." He growled. I'm not sure what he was working on. It looked like a map of some kind.

"So you are just going to wuss out on training? Can't handle it, Mullet?" I tried the training angle, he was always training.

"Lance, just shut up." He turned and gave me the angry Keith look.

"Make me." I probably shouldn't have said that. He got up and punched me in the arm. It hurt. He sat back down as I was rubbing the pain out of the spot he had slugged.

"Gee, mature much." I muttered, but even I can get that hint. Not wanted. Not going to get him to go train.

I tried to get Pidge to play a computer game with me. She called me stupid and immature.

"Pidgey, guess what?" I bounced on my heels.

"I don't have time, Lance." She didn't even move, just spoke.

"I found some Altean games on the computer, wanna help me figure out how to play them?" I knew she liked computer games and thought maybe the challenge of learning a new one could lure her away from her current project.

"Figure it out yourself, oh but then maybe you can't." She growled, "I'm busy, leave me alone."

"But Pidgeon, they are two player games, don't make me play with myself." Now I didn't say it on purpose but once it was out I couldn't help the giggle that came with it.

"Oh for the love…Lance leave me alone! Go somewhere else with your stupid immature jokes. I have actual work to do!" She pushed me out the door and then keyed it locked. I know it was locked because I tried to get back in to apologize. She wouldn't open the door though.

I actually managed to annoy Coran. I didn't think that was possible. Leave it to me to be good at something that sucks.

"Coran, my man." I wondered up to where he was working under a console.

"Hello there, Number Three, what can I help you with?" He asked from under the console.

"No the question is what can I help you with? I have some free time and thought I would offer up my superior assistance to you and whatever it is that you are doing." I was bored. I really needed something to do, but you have to sell these things I think. I've never had any luck asking someone for something to do, it usually ends with me scrubbing something.

"I am checking some 10,000 year old wiring which seems to have suffered some degradation in the shielding and is now producing a short in one of the small crystals. You could hand me the havman geermesher." Coran asked reaching out a hand.

Now I have no idea what that is, but rather than ask I picked the one that looked most likely to be able to mash a gear.

"No, that's the derflicker. I need the geermesher."

I handed him the next one over that looked kind of like a hammer with a screwdriver at the end instead of a flat face.

"No, that's the yarpulp. Really, Number Three if you are just going to fool around I can do this myself." He pulled himself out from under the console and picked up the tool he wanted which, for those of you wondering, didn't look like it could smash anything.

"Oh, um, sorry Coran." I am clearly no help to him either. So much for doing something right today.

I made my way through the castle, trying to outrun my thoughts. It was still a strange place, full of rooms I'd never been in. I didn't like not knowing what was out there and not doing anything made the voices so much worse, so I explored. Some of the corridors were dark. I'd asked Coran about it and he said there wasn't need to waste power on keeping them running. It made it seem like a ghost town. Most of the rooms were empty. There must not have been too many people manning the castle at the end. At first I just wondered around with no real purpose in mind, the empty dirty rooms bothered me, but not as much as the ones that looked like the occupant had planned on being back at the end of their day. It seemed wrong for the rooms to just sit there waiting for them. I had been standing in a room like this about a week or whatever Altean time measurement it was ago.

The bed wasn't made. There were bottles of something on the desk that were turned on their side and a brush with a few long brown stands still hanging from it. The chair was pushed out like waiting for it's occupant to return. There was a picture stuck to the mirror of an Altean with brown long hair and blue face marks. She was lovely, next to her stood another Altean with short white hair and darker skin with green face marks. They had their arms around each other's shoulders and were laughing.

It struck me so hard I sobbed. She was forgotten. No one was left to remember her, to mourn her, to think of her. She was no one anymore. She had probably given her life fighting evil and now, there wasn't anything left of her but this picture in a darkened room that no one visited. No one but me. I couldn't help but wonder if this was going to be my fate, a forgotten cold room.

I was raised to respect family and heritage and memories. My Abuela had taught me my family tree back over 30 generations. She used to quiz me on them every time she visited. I remembered once when I was 10 she had taken me on a trip. It had taken an entire day. We stopped and got snacks and drove and drove and talked about family and dreams and what I wanted to be when I grew up. When we arrived in a large city she took me to a shrine. I helped her bring a wreath of flowers we had woven together at home and we laid at the feet of the image of Mary. It wasn't as big of a statue as what I had expected, but the place just felt special, reverent.

She had also brought a few copper medallions with her to have blessed at the church. One of which she strung on a chain and put around my neck. She had kissed me on the forehead and told me that it would protect me.

I reached under my suit and pulled the medallion out. I remembered Abuela's warm eyes and soft hands and how she smelled of flowers and sunshine. She had passed before I left for the Garrison, but I will never forget her.

I stared at the picture of the Altean soldier. I could make her not forgotten too. I just needed to figure out how to do it. I needed the right place.

I had been searching for it since then. Today I found it. It was a small room compared to most of the common areas of the castle, but as large as three of the individual compartments. I didn't know what purpose it had served before, but I knew what purpose it was going to serve now. The wall opposite the door was covered with a huge viewport that looked out into space. It was inset about three feet. So there was a large ledge at the base. In front were simple wooden benches in three rows. The walls glittered with crystals, they would catch the light from the stars outside and sparkle as the ship sped through space and they reflected the light of my armor. Call me paranoid, but after nearly being blown into space I wore my armor when exploring.

The room was serene and perfect for my purpose. It's funny how moments like this shut the voices in my head up, kinda like I get to say ha ha, not worthless today. Anyway, it didn't matter what the voices had to say, this was good and I knew it. This was going to be a place to remember.