A/N: Dedicated to the lovely people over at the Doccubus forum. :) This was written a few weeks ago because everyone was sharing their fan art. Hopefully, some people will get inspired and share some of their own illustrations. I can't update anything till next because of other responsibilities but I will. Pinky-swears.
Much thanks to Cleo who suggested the prompt. I really appreciated her plentiful suggestions and patient editing.
"How have you been?" she asked nervously, hiding behind the case file, clutching it like a shield against her chest.
"Fine." Bo answered flatly.
Lauren mustered up her courage and took a breath. "You haven't been returning my calls." She must've left at least thirty messages that morning alone.
Bo ignored the hint and gestured at the folder almost impatiently, "Can we just, uh..." She was on a case. This was not social hour. She really didn't even want to see Lauren. Standing there felt suffocating and all she wanted was to get the information and get out as fast as she could.
"Okay," Lauren said, face falling as she dropped the topic completely. Professional was what she did best. Science was safe insecure feelings were not. "Um, I took a look at the file Dyson sent over."
She discussed the case's details to best of her knowledge but Bo asked questions in such a way that forced her to get to the point. Every word out of the succubus's lips had a hardened, resentful edge and Lauren tried her best not to sound too apologetic or meek because it seemed to piss Bo off more.
"Death by hair dryer," Bo finally said, "That's a lousy way to go."
Lauren had to physically move away fromthe succubus because it was getting harder to breathe in Bo's presence without feeling like her heart was being cut out of her chest. "Also, she had sex about an hour prior to her death. Appears consensual."
"Not so sure I trust your judgment on sexual matters," Bo muttered darkly.
"Pardon?" Lauren looked up, not really sure how to respond to what Bo was saying .
And, Bo's words came just when Lauren thought she could let her guard down and the succubus verbally attacked with the same deadly precision she used when fighting with her dagger. "I mean, let's say, hypothetically, that one party thought the connection was real and they then found out that the other party was just manipulating them into bed to impress their controlling asshat of a boss."
Lauren expected the backlash but not the intensity of the pain. The words stung, hitting her directly, and leaving her almost weak at the knees, bleeding.
She didn't expect Bo to be so cruel.
"Bo, do you really think that we weren't headed that way on our own anyway?" A pleading, please read between the lines, tainted her voice. Please, listen.
"I think that you ruined any chance of us finding out," Bo said through gritted teeth. "And I think that's really shitty."
It was the finality in Bo's tone that led Lauren to her desperation and, near tears, she implored, "I don't know how many different ways I can tell you that I'm sorry." She was pleading, "Bo, if you'd just let me explain-"
But Bo's heart hardened and she turned a deaf ear to Lauren's explanations and apologies. "Kenzi's waiting for me. I gotta go."
Lauren didn't have the words to stop her. She didn't have the words to make her listen. And she didn't have the freedom to leave the lab to chase after her.
Lauren didn't even know if she even had the strength to beg Bo again.
Because Lauren didn't have much to begin with, really.
She didn't even own herself.
The doctor stuffed her fists in her lab coat pocket and clenched her fingers tight, leaving deep red half-crescent marks on the soft skin of her palms. She turned away from the door, her hip accidentally hitting the edge of the table, unsettling the items sitting on top and sending a beaker teetering.
She watched in a trance as the beaker rolled off the table in slow motion, and made no move to catch it. She flinched at the sound of shattered glass and quickly kneeled in an anxious reflex to pick up the larger broken pieces.
Glass littered the floor like an accusation.
How apt, Lauren thought as she fingered the glass carefully so as not to cut herself, all the while musing over her situation amidst the destruction. An object in motion remains in motion unless acted upon by an opposing force. This was the trajectory of her life, moving mindlessly controlled by a force greater than she could ever be. It would only end in something broken.
She wondered if she was broken enough. It felt like there was nothing else to break.
That was how Bo found her, on her knees on the floor. Bo had stomped down the halls of the Ash's compound with a scowl as she thought about Lauren's words and the raw emotion on her face as she said them. Bo didn't know why it felt like something heavy was crushing her chest but the feeling only made the succubus angrier.
It was the anger that made her turn around halfway and march back into the lab, ready to say more to the doctor. She stopped as soon as the doors opened.
Lauren's mind was occupied as she mechanically picked up the shards of glass off the floor. Dr. Lewis's body was in the Ash's lab performing a simple task but her mind was elsewhere, re-playing her exchange with the succubus over and over. She kept running all the possible words she could have said and half-wondered what Bo would have done in response. She knew that Bo was not likely to forgive her as soon as she'd hope and there were not enough words in the dictionary to bridge the gaping chasm between them. Trust is like glass, she thought despondently.
The lab doors swished open and the doctor jerked at the sound, slicing her finger on the sharp edge of the beaker. She hissed and instinctively pulled her hand to her chest in pain.
But she didn't turn around.
She knew it was Bo.
A red line of blood bloomed across the pad of Lauren's thumb and she stood up to grab some cotton and antiseptic to clean the wound. She turned sideways but hair hid her profile, shielding her from Bo; she couldn't look at her. Couldn't listen to her anger and her pain.
Lauren was already angry at herself and the mess she created. As if her life wasn't enough of a mess as it was.
She swallowed and composed herself, trying to breathe as if there hadn't been a sob stuck in her throat. She knew she had to be strong.
"Did you forget something?" Her voice soft but steady. With her back to Bo, Lauren opened the container of swabs, soaked one in iodine solution, and systematically cleaned the small cut. She thought it was best to keep occupied because if not… She closed her eyes tightly.
"Lauren?" Bo remained rooted by the doors, brows furrowed and lips pursed.
"Take what you need and leave," Lauren all but whispered.
"Lauren."
"Bo, I have nothing left for you today."
She barely felt Bo come up behind her. The hand on her shoulder made her shrink back.
"Lauren. Look at me."
She met Bo's brown eyes which were brimming with tears.
"Why are you crying?" the succubus asked her.
Confused, Lauren brought a hand up to touch her own cheek and was surprised that her fingers came away wet.
"You hurt me," Bo accused, choking on a sob, "I-I have every right to be hurt and angry... and you're the one standing there crying like you're the one who… who..." She growled at herself. She was trying very hard not to weep so openly but she was so hurt and so angry.
Lauren stood mutely, unable to disagree or defend herself as tears continued to slide down her cheek. She hid her hands in her pockets, clutching at the fabric.
"It's not fair," Bo said. "It's not fair... you lied, you used me... and for some reason it still feels like it was my fault. Like I'm the one who did something wrong."
She grabbed Lauren's hand, pulling it from her lab coat pocket, "Why did you do it, Lauren?" How could you do this to us?
"I didn't want you to die!" Lauren said, pulling her hand away, "God, Bo, you are so damn stubborn, pushing against rules that you don't even bother to understand and I didn't want you to get killed!" She ran her hands through her hair, distressed. "If you died, I couldn't bear to live with the thought that I just let it happen." Her outburst drained so much of her energy, and she looked defeated, as her body appeared to visibly deflate. She felt so small. "I couldn't bear it."
"And the Ash's orders?"
Lauren shook her head and just didn't get it. She wiped her tears away with the edge of her sleeve and chuckled dryly. Almost bitterly, she murmured, "I can't say I ever really follow orders when it involves you."
Bo opened her mouth to speak and then hesitated. She licked her lips exasperatedly and paced. Finally, she stopped, controlled her emotions, and asked, "Why did you sleep with me, Lauren?"
A wall of silence rose up between them, but their eyes spoke volumes, screaming out what what their lips couldn't dare to say. "I think that you know the answer to that," Lauren said, grabbing a clipboard and walked towards some lab equipment so she could fiddle with the knobs and switches.
"I could have killed you," Bo said.
Lauren shrugged self-consciously and fidgeted, as if she had just realized that she did not care for her own mortality. She was so sure of Bo's control - was not afraid of her nature. In fact, she was drawn to it. "I did what I had to do."
Bo frowned, stepped closer to finger Lauren's necklace. Her dog collar. It suddenly felt so heavy around Lauren's neck, its weight dragging them both down.
"You manipulated me, knowing it meant something to me," Bo said, lips tight at the corners.
"And you think that night didn't mean anything to me? Bo, I-" then Lauren stopped and rolled her eyes, "We... we shouldn't be having this conversation here." Not that having the conversation elsewhere would have prevented the Ash from knowing everything anyway.
"You're the one who wanted to talk, so talk." Bo crossed her arms and cocked her hip against an exam table next to the doctor.
"I know you probably don't want to hear it, Bo," Lauren said, matching her gaze, "But I care about you... maybe it wasn't the best way to keep you safe but I'd do it again if I could, even knowing how it would end." She looked down at her hands, "The only thing I regret is hurting you and losing your trust." Losing the chance of having an us before it was even offered.
"I'm so, so sorry." Lauren closed her eyes and pushed away the ache in her heart at the thought of Bo not being able to even tolerate her presence. A warm tear slithered down the side of her face, splattering to the floor in silence.
"Lauren. Look at me."
She clenched her closed eyelids tighter together, a worried wrinkle forming between her brows.
"Please, Lauren."
Lauren looked up and her eyes widened when she felt Bo gently take her hands between hers, brushing their fingers together like the first time. Bo laced their fingers together and looked directly into Lauren's eyes.
"You'd risk your life for mine." It was not a question.
I'd risk my heart for yours. "Always."
Lauren gave Bo a wan, quivering smile and Bo hesitantly smiled back, almost shyly, as she bit her still so many words left unsaid but they could wait because, suddenly, they could breathe again.
The phone in Bo's pocket vibrated and Kenzi's shrill voice filled the background when Bo accepted the call, "Yo, Bo? Should I send back-up? Did the doctor finally science you to death?"
"No, Kenzi," Bo said, looking at Lauren. "We were just… talking."
"Hopefully with your clothes on?" Kenzi inflected cheerfully. Seriously, she hissed, "Because, I'd totally kick her bony ass to defend your virtue -or what's left of it… or whatever vaguely resembles it because I'm pretty sure there is no virgin territory left to be plundered and-"
"Kenzi," Bo rolled her eyes. "Sit still, okay? I'm on my way." Clicking her phone off, she stood awkwardly in front of the doctor, "I have to go."
"Okay," Lauren said in a soft voice, giving Bo an understanding nod.
Bo nodded and made her way to the door while Lauren turned around to resume her work.
"Lauren?"
Lauren looked up with a question on her face. She was surprised when a pair of hands cradled her face and a warm set of lips were pressed against her own, stealing her breath.
Lauren blinked and wasn't even sure if the kiss was real or imaginary because of how quickly it ended, but the way her entire body shook from the lingering tingles felt real enough.
"I… I lo-c-care about you, too," Bo sucked her own bottom lip. The vulnerability and trust in Bo's gaze left her speechless.
The succubus pulled away and gave Lauren a little embarrassed shrug before finally leaving, her footsteps echoing down the long hall. Lauren could only nod at the empty space the succubus left, a warmth fluttered from her stomach all the way to her heart.