DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em
A/N: Forgive this horrific fic, it was four in the morning and I had nothing better to do. Still, a little bit of humor is always good. Enjoy.
Heero was wasted. In fact, he was so incredibly drunk that he stripped to the Nelly song "Hot in Herre" while the other pilots were away on a mission. Holding a bottle of vodka in one hand, he stripped himself with the other, then ran a single hand over his body, giving himself cheap thrills. He sung at the top of his lungs as he caressed himself lovingly as some Michael Jackson song came on the radio next. He had done that all evening until he passed out from the heavy binge drinking he was putting himself through.
The next morning when the four arrived at the safehouse from their successful mission, Wufei was the first to come into the living room and noticed Heero passed out on the floor, stark naked. Rolling his eyes, he nudged Heero's lifeless body on the floor with his foot.
"Wasted," Wufei informed the curious others.
"I thought he stopped all this," Trowa said, picking up the empty liquor bottles with the help of Quatre and studied them. "We have a raging alcoholic from Heero and next thing you know, Quatre and Wufei going to be shooting up for the hell of it."
Quatre blushed. "No, I don't think so."
Quatre was as straight as straight could be. A lot of people pick on him for being a straight edge and he had wondered at times if it was a good thing. Heero didn't help much. He was constantly throwing new bottles of liquor in his face and everyone else's as well. Duo had no problem having a good time, either did Wufei on occasions when he wasn't so miserable with just about everything that stood in his way. Trowa had given up drinking for Quatre ever since they got together a few months back.
Wufei nudged a little harder at Heero at an attempt to wake him while Trowa and Quatre left for the kitchen to dispose of the empty liquor bottles.
"Yuy, rise and shine," Wufei said.
Nothing. Heero's body lay unmoving.
He picked him up and laid him on the couch, then leaned over and shook him harder and harder with every attempt to get him back to the conscious state. "Heero. Heero! HEERO!"
Nothing. Heero was out like a light. Duo noticed this and cracked up. He had to drape his arm around something so he wouldn't fall over.
Wufei growled and went to Heero's ear. "YUY, GET YOUR ASS UP!" he yelled.
Still, nothing. Wufei stood and stomped away while Duo's laughing got louder.
"What...is going on?" Trowa asked as he and Quatre got back from the kitchen, missing out on the whole thing. They showed up beside Duo, who was red in the face and had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
"Dude...what a fucking riot!" Duo laughed. It got to the point where he could hardly breathe. He held his stomach and struggled to take in breaths.
Quatre chuckled, still not getting the joke.
"Wu-Wufei tried to...to wake up Heero, but he won't budge!" Duo said, laughing at the same time. "H-He even yelled in his ear and everything!"
Trowa and Quatre just shrugged. It wasn't that funny...
Just then, Wufei returned with a bucket of ice water. That caught Quatre's eye.
"Whoa, whoa, hey, what are you planning to do with that?" he asked, stopping Wufei in his tracks.
"I'm going to bathe in it," Wufei said sarcastically. "Use your head, Winner, what do you think I'm going to do with it?"
Quatre scratched his head. "Um...that's not a good idea..."
Wufei just grunted and moved back over to the couch. He wasted no time in dumping its entire contents onto the face of Heero Yuy. Heero immediately jumped back to the conscious stage with a scream and a lot of swearing.
"Wufei?! What the FUCK was that for?!" he yelled, then clamped his hand over his head with a painful wince. His hangover was atrocious and this helped not in the least.
"For being yourself, it's obvious."
This had got Duo rolling on the floor now, busting a gut. Loads of tears soaked up his face as he continued to laugh and gasp at the same time.
"No more of those drinking parades you do when no one's here, Yuy," he demanded, throwing Heero's clothes back to him. "I hate picking up after you."
"No one said you had to," Heero muttered, sliding on his boxers only. "Don't be such a slacker, Wufei. It will do well for you to have some fun in life. You only live once."
"Keep it up Yuy and you won't even have THAT privilege."
"Okay...mom."
"Duo, I think you can stop now," Trowa said as Duo hadn't ceased his laughter and was gaining a splitting headache from it.
"Why is he laughing?" Heero asked dumbly.
"Take a guess," countered Trowa.
Heero stood, pulling up his boxers. He walked over to Duo and stood above him, hands on his hips.
"Duo, you mind?"
Duo's laughter had somehow gotten louder. "You should have seen it!" he yelled. "It was great!"
Heero's hangover throbbed excruciatingly in his head. It hurt so bad that he kicked Duo for yelling so loud.
"Shut up or I'll kill you," he said in a low growl.
Duo opened his teary eyes and looked at Heero. Just the sight of him made him start up start up again.
Trying to resist the urge to kill him, Heero had a better idea to stop him from laughing. He yanked the laughing teen up to his feet and, without warning, kissed him. It worked. Duo was no longer laughing as Heero continued to kiss him with all the passion he could with Duo's mouth being clamped shut in utter shock. His eyes sprang open in surprise. The rest in the room wore the same expression as Duo.
Their lips parted. Duo was as white as a ghost. He stood perfectly still, afraid to move.
Heero smirked. "Good, glad it worked."
"H-Heero?!" Duo asked, voice higher pitched than normal.
"You asked for it," Heero finished, then swung his jeans and tank-top over his shoulder and walked to the stairs that lead up to his bedroom.
A/N: Forgive this horrific fic, it was four in the morning and I had nothing better to do. Still, a little bit of humor is always good. Enjoy.
Heero was wasted. In fact, he was so incredibly drunk that he stripped to the Nelly song "Hot in Herre" while the other pilots were away on a mission. Holding a bottle of vodka in one hand, he stripped himself with the other, then ran a single hand over his body, giving himself cheap thrills. He sung at the top of his lungs as he caressed himself lovingly as some Michael Jackson song came on the radio next. He had done that all evening until he passed out from the heavy binge drinking he was putting himself through.
The next morning when the four arrived at the safehouse from their successful mission, Wufei was the first to come into the living room and noticed Heero passed out on the floor, stark naked. Rolling his eyes, he nudged Heero's lifeless body on the floor with his foot.
"Wasted," Wufei informed the curious others.
"I thought he stopped all this," Trowa said, picking up the empty liquor bottles with the help of Quatre and studied them. "We have a raging alcoholic from Heero and next thing you know, Quatre and Wufei going to be shooting up for the hell of it."
Quatre blushed. "No, I don't think so."
Quatre was as straight as straight could be. A lot of people pick on him for being a straight edge and he had wondered at times if it was a good thing. Heero didn't help much. He was constantly throwing new bottles of liquor in his face and everyone else's as well. Duo had no problem having a good time, either did Wufei on occasions when he wasn't so miserable with just about everything that stood in his way. Trowa had given up drinking for Quatre ever since they got together a few months back.
Wufei nudged a little harder at Heero at an attempt to wake him while Trowa and Quatre left for the kitchen to dispose of the empty liquor bottles.
"Yuy, rise and shine," Wufei said.
Nothing. Heero's body lay unmoving.
He picked him up and laid him on the couch, then leaned over and shook him harder and harder with every attempt to get him back to the conscious state. "Heero. Heero! HEERO!"
Nothing. Heero was out like a light. Duo noticed this and cracked up. He had to drape his arm around something so he wouldn't fall over.
Wufei growled and went to Heero's ear. "YUY, GET YOUR ASS UP!" he yelled.
Still, nothing. Wufei stood and stomped away while Duo's laughing got louder.
"What...is going on?" Trowa asked as he and Quatre got back from the kitchen, missing out on the whole thing. They showed up beside Duo, who was red in the face and had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
"Dude...what a fucking riot!" Duo laughed. It got to the point where he could hardly breathe. He held his stomach and struggled to take in breaths.
Quatre chuckled, still not getting the joke.
"Wu-Wufei tried to...to wake up Heero, but he won't budge!" Duo said, laughing at the same time. "H-He even yelled in his ear and everything!"
Trowa and Quatre just shrugged. It wasn't that funny...
Just then, Wufei returned with a bucket of ice water. That caught Quatre's eye.
"Whoa, whoa, hey, what are you planning to do with that?" he asked, stopping Wufei in his tracks.
"I'm going to bathe in it," Wufei said sarcastically. "Use your head, Winner, what do you think I'm going to do with it?"
Quatre scratched his head. "Um...that's not a good idea..."
Wufei just grunted and moved back over to the couch. He wasted no time in dumping its entire contents onto the face of Heero Yuy. Heero immediately jumped back to the conscious stage with a scream and a lot of swearing.
"Wufei?! What the FUCK was that for?!" he yelled, then clamped his hand over his head with a painful wince. His hangover was atrocious and this helped not in the least.
"For being yourself, it's obvious."
This had got Duo rolling on the floor now, busting a gut. Loads of tears soaked up his face as he continued to laugh and gasp at the same time.
"No more of those drinking parades you do when no one's here, Yuy," he demanded, throwing Heero's clothes back to him. "I hate picking up after you."
"No one said you had to," Heero muttered, sliding on his boxers only. "Don't be such a slacker, Wufei. It will do well for you to have some fun in life. You only live once."
"Keep it up Yuy and you won't even have THAT privilege."
"Okay...mom."
"Duo, I think you can stop now," Trowa said as Duo hadn't ceased his laughter and was gaining a splitting headache from it.
"Why is he laughing?" Heero asked dumbly.
"Take a guess," countered Trowa.
Heero stood, pulling up his boxers. He walked over to Duo and stood above him, hands on his hips.
"Duo, you mind?"
Duo's laughter had somehow gotten louder. "You should have seen it!" he yelled. "It was great!"
Heero's hangover throbbed excruciatingly in his head. It hurt so bad that he kicked Duo for yelling so loud.
"Shut up or I'll kill you," he said in a low growl.
Duo opened his teary eyes and looked at Heero. Just the sight of him made him start up start up again.
Trying to resist the urge to kill him, Heero had a better idea to stop him from laughing. He yanked the laughing teen up to his feet and, without warning, kissed him. It worked. Duo was no longer laughing as Heero continued to kiss him with all the passion he could with Duo's mouth being clamped shut in utter shock. His eyes sprang open in surprise. The rest in the room wore the same expression as Duo.
Their lips parted. Duo was as white as a ghost. He stood perfectly still, afraid to move.
Heero smirked. "Good, glad it worked."
"H-Heero?!" Duo asked, voice higher pitched than normal.
"You asked for it," Heero finished, then swung his jeans and tank-top over his shoulder and walked to the stairs that lead up to his bedroom.