By Michael O'Hare
(A Quinn Martin Production)
(IN COLOR)
People all over the world,
Join hands,
Start a love train, love train.
The next stop that we make will be England.
Tell all the folks in Russia, and China, too.
Don't you know that it's time to get on board?
And let this train keep on riding, riding on through.
All of you brothers, over in Africa.
Tell all the folk in Egypt, and in the Blue
Please don't miss this train at the station.
'Cause if you miss it, I feel sorry, sorry for you.
People all over the world,
Join hands,
Start a love train, love train.
-The OJays, "Love Train"
The Digital World looked, as always, beautiful. The cloudless blue sky hung vibrantly over a series of beautiful grassy hills, the gentle wind sending waves of movement through the seas of grass.
The landscape seemed even more beautiful to Yamato and Taichi, as they sat on one of the many hills. They admired the serenity of the landscape, as they reveled in their shared love.
It had been many years since the final battle to save both worlds, and both boys were now 18, getting ready to go to college. In that time, however, they had both noticed something. They had noticed certain feelings for each other had started to blossom and grow. At first, neither boy had given it much attention, thinking if it simply as their close friendship. However, as time passed, the feelings only intensified, and became nearly impossible to ignore.
Taichi was the first one to fully accept his feelings. On his sixteenth birthday, he confronted Yamato, admitting how he felt. It probably took Taichi more courage to utter those three words than it took him to fight any battle he had gone through in the Digital World.
"I love you."
Yamato was, to say the least, speechless. In all his life, he could not have imagined his best friend saying such a thing to him. Looking back, however, Yamato realized that he should've expected it, and that, maybe, he should've been the one to reveal his love to Taichi, instead. At the time, however, his shock had given way to anger. He angrily demanded that Taichi never speak to him of such a thing, again, and was actually very close to demanding that Taichi never speak to him again, period.
Fortunately for both of them, however Taichi had not given up so easily. He was not willing to let his friendship or his love with Yamato die so easily. Taichi persevered, and, eventually, Yamato realized that his feelings were the same. One day, Yamato tearfully confessed his long - ignored love to Taichi, and, on that day, their lives had begun anew.
Despite the fact that Yamato had come to understand his feelings, both he and Taichi were worried that others might not be so understanding. It was for this reason that they only ever met intimately in the Digital World.
Both of them gazed up at the sky, Taichi in Yamato's arms, as they sat on one of the many grassy hills, enjoying the scenery and the privacy. Yet, despite the heavenly setting, and the company of his true love, Taichi was worried.
"Yamato," Taichi suddenly said, looking up
into Yamato's eyes, "how long are we going to have to meet like this?"
"Well," Yamato said, pausing to give the question
a good thought, "I'm afraid we won't be able to tell anyone until we can
be absolutely sure that they'll understand. Until then, this is the
only place we can really meet."
"Right," Taichi said, nodding in agreement.
"At least we know the Digimon won't freak out over - "
"OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING??"
Startled, Yamato and Taichi turned to see Agumon and Gabumon, each with looks of complete shock on their faces. Matt and Tai looked at each other in dismay. They had been discovered, as had their love.
Agumon and Gabumon had a nice day planned for themselves. They were going to go into the desert and look for shells, and maybe go and ask Gatomon to play some freecell with them. As they strolled towards the desert, through the grassy hills, both of them were looking forward to a nice, enjoyable, and mostly uneventful day of activities. The last thing they expected to see, as they crested a hill, was their two closest human friends hugging each other like they were on a honeymoon.
Agumon was the first one to react, and he could not help but to react by screaming. Gabumon could only stare in slack – jawed shock, allowing his expression to do the talking for him. For what seemed like an eternity, both parties simply stared at each other.
"Uuuh, look," Yamato finally said, as he and
Taichi stood up. "I can explain this. There's no need to look
so worried."
"You don't need to explain," Agumon said soberly.
"I understand what's going on."
"You do?" Taichi asked, a small amount of
hopeful optimism in his voice. Maybe, he thought, Agumon would understand
his feelings for Matt.
"Of course," Agumon replied. "You two
have been mind - controlled!"
Taichi and Yamato stared at their Digimon
friends, their once hopeful demeanor changing to one of dismayed shock.
"It has to be mind - control!" Agumon stated
grimly. "I can see no other explanation for it!"
"No!" Taichi yelled defensively. "We're
not being controlled! We're in love!"
"Yes!" Yamato said, a pleading look on his
face. "I know it's hard to believe, but you've got to understand,
Gabumon! Taichi is the person my heart belongs to!"
"Unbelievable!" Gabumon replied. "In
all the years I've known you two, I never saw anything that even hinted
at such a love!"
"Like I said!" Agumon added, almost yelling.
"This has to be mind - control!"
"What do you mean, mind control?" Taichi replied,
almost yelling as well. "We're not mind - controlled! We're
in - "
"You're in the grip of some evil Digimon's
mind – control, is what!" Agumon interrupted.
"I have to admit," Gabumon said thoughtfully,
"This is really unusual. I mean, I never saw this coming, at all.
But… Mind – control? I don't know..."
"So what do YOU think we should do?" Agumon
asked, this time keeping his voice down and his temper in check.
"Well," Gabumon replied, "I think we should
stop interrupting them and listen to what they're saying."
"I agree," Taichi replied.
"We can't do that!" Agumon yelled back.
"If we do that, we'll only be helping the mind – control!"
"I... Just think that maybe we should hear
them out... is all," Gabumon replied, rather awkwardly.
"No way!" Agumon shot back. "The mind
- control would get you, too! We've got to help them, and I think
I know how!"
"Guys, we're fine," Yamato said, his voice
an odd combination of reassuring and pleading.
"HA!" Agumon yelled back. "That's just
the mind -control talking!"
"... No," Taichi replied awkwardly.
"Stay here!" Agumon yelled to Yamato and Taichi
as he dashed off, Gabumon in tow. "We'll be right back with help!"
As both of them raced away, the two lovers gave each other worried looks.
"What do you suppose they're planning?" Yamato
asked as he and Taichi watched their Digimon friends race off.
"I don't think we want to know," Taichi replied.
You can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind,
'Cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, well they're
no friends of mine.
We can go where we want to, a place where they will never find,
And we can act like we come from out of this world, leave the real
on far behind.
And we can dance.
We can go when we want to, not as young and so am I,
And we can dress real neat, from our hands to your feet, and surprise
them with the big Chickeye
We can act if we want to, if we don't nobody will,
And you can act real rude, and totally removed, and I can act like
an imbecile.
We can dance, we can dance,
Everything's under control.
We can dance, we can dance,
We're doing it from port to port
We can dance, we can dance,
Everybody look at your hands.
We can dance, we can dance,
Everybody's taking the chance.
-Men Without Hats, "Safety Dance"
Palmon sighed happily as she looked up at the sky. Today was a beautiful day, especially for just sitting back and admiring the flowers. Palmon, never one to let a chance to practice her hobby go by her, sat back in the middle of a vast field of beautiful flowers, letting the heavenly fragrances and beautiful colors enchant her senses.
"What a nice day," she said to herself.
"Not a cloud in the sky, flowers everywhere. This is the perfect
day for relaxing, and - "
"PALMOOOOOOONNNN!!!"
Palmon suddenly tensed and sat up, looking for who had yelled her name. She immediately saw Agumon and Gabumon dashing towards her at high speeds. Upon reaching her, they gasped for breath, taking a moment to recover from their run before talking.
"Palmon!" Agumon said frantically, apparently
not having given himself enough time to recover from running so much.
"We need your help!"
"What's wrong?" Palmon asked as she stood
up. "You two look really worried."
"TAI!" Agumon yelled back suddenly.
"TAI! MATT! MIND - CONTROL! HUUUUG!!!"
Palmon stared at Agumon, a look of utter confusion
on her face.
"What?"
"Matt and Tai are in trouble!" Gabumon responded,
rather than risking another of Agumon's frantic attempts.
"Oh, no!" Palmon said. "What's happened
to them??"
"They're under mind - control," Agumon replied,
finally composing himself. "They think they're in love."
"Aaaaw," Palmon replied, her demeanor instantly
changing from fearful to enchanted. "That's sweet."
"Sweet??" Agumon replied. "It's not
sweet, it's mind - control!"
"No it's not," Palmon replied, holding back
her laughter. "They're in love, and it's sweet."
"Well, we just think it's a little fishy,"
Gabumon said, once again not entirely willing to let Agumon reply.
"Can you help us?"
"Of course!" Palmon replied. "I'll do
anything to help Matt and Tai!"
"Okay," Agumon said, motioning for his two
fellow Digimon to huddle in close, "here's my idea..."
I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough; I've seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You got to roll with the punches to get to what's real.
Can't you see me standin' here? I got my back against the
wrecking machine
I ain't the worst that you seen.
Oh, can't you see what I mean?
Might as well jump(JUMP!)!
Might as well jump!
Go ahead and jump (JUMP!)!
Go ahead and jump!
Ho, that you? Who said that? Baby, how you been?
You gotta know, you won't know until you begin.
Can't you see me standing here? I got my back against the
wrecking machine
I ain't the worst that you seen.
Oh, can't you see what I mean?
Might as well jump (JUMP!)!
Might as well jump!
Go ahead and jump (JUMP!)!
Go ahead and jump!
-Van Halen, "Jump"
While Agumon and Gabumon were frantically formulating a plan to help Yamato and Taichi in their supposed hour of need, the two lovers had decided on something important.
"It doesn't matter what our Digimon think,"
Taichi said to Yamato, as they stared into each other's eyes. "It
doesn't matter what anyone thinks! What's important, Yamato, is that...
I love you."
Yamato smiled gently as he looked into Taichi's
tear - filled eyes. He wrapped his arms around Taichi's waist, and
pulled him closer.
"I love you too, Taichi," he replied.
"I love you more than anything else in either world..."
And, with that, their lips touched.
You got the touch! You got the power!
After all is said and done,
You've never walked, you've never run.
You're a winner!
You've got the moves, you know the street.
Break the rules, take the heat.
You're nobody's fool!
You're at your best when the going gets tough.
You've been put to the test, but it's never enough.
You've got the touch! You've got the power!
When all Hell's breakin' loose, you'll be right in the eye of the
storm!
You've got the heart, you've got the motion!
You know that when things get too tough,
You've got the touch!
YEAH!
-Transformers, "You've Got The Touch"
Agumon and Gabumon had hardly been gone less than five minutes, and, when they had returned with Palmon, their human comrades were already kissing each other. Although Gabumon was beginning to become accustomed to it, Agumon's level of shocked horror remained unchanged, as did Palmon's level of enchantment at what she saw.
"Aaww, isn't that sweet!" Palmon said, cooing
over the scene before her. "They're in love!"
"See?" Gabumon said to Agumon. "I told
you it wasn't mind - control."
"Nevertheless," Agumon replied matter-of-factly,
"we have to make absolutely sure!" He turned to face Palmon.
"Palmon! You know what you doing!"
Palmon nodded. "Take off every Digivolution!"
"Okay," Gabumon said, he and Agumon moving
away. "We'll be out of sight, as you asked."
"Right," Palmon said, focusing her attention
on Matt and Tai.
"For great justice!" Agumon yelled as he and
Agumon ran off.
It was only when they heard Palmon's shouts and saw the flash of light that Matt and Tai really noticed the Digimon. Before them, giving the two boys a come-hither look was Lilymon.
"What's going on?" Matt asked suspiciously.
"What are you doing?"
"Okay, you two," she said in as alluring a
tone as she could muster, "pay close attention. This is going to
be the most important lesson of your lives."
With that, Lilymon grabbed her dress, and, in one swift motion,
disrobed and gracefully threw the dress to the ground at Matt and Tai's
feet.
Tai, a glazed look in his eyes, almost the
look one would expect if they had seen God, reached down and picked up
Lilymon's dress.
"My God," he said, staring off into space,
"I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life..."
"It's working," Lilymon thought to herself.
"The mind - control's wearing off." Her optimism, however, was quickly
shattered and replaced by shock by what Tai suddenly did.
We'll sing a song, a soldier's song
With cheering, rousing chorus.
As round our blazing fires we throng,
The star in Heaven's chorus.
Impatient for the coming fight,
And as we wait the morning light,
Here in the silence of the night,
We chant a soldier's song.
Soldiers are we,
Whose lives have pledged to Ireland.
Some have come from a land beyond the waves.
Sworn to be free, no more our ancient sire land
Shall shelter the despot and the slave.
Tonight we man the Barnum wheel.
In Ireland cause, come whoa or win.
When cannons roar, and rifles peal,
We chant a soldier's song.
-National Anthem of Ireland
"We should be finding out if it's mind - control
or not any second, now," Agumon stated as he and Gabumon waited for Lilymon's
return.
"And, if it isn't?" Gabumon asked.
"Then... Well..." Agumon thought about this
possibility. "... I hadn't thought about that. I guess we could
always-"
"Wait," Agumon interrupted. "Here comes
Lilymon."
Indeed, Lilymon was returning from where Yamato
and Taichi were, now wearing a robe instead of her pink - red dress.
She looked extremely upset, almost hurt.
"What happened??" Agumon asked
"Aah, go look for yourself!" Lilymon responded
bitterly.
"That sounded bad," Gabumon said as he and
Agumon watched Lilymon storm away angrily. Agumon sighed in resignation
that his plan had failed.
"We'd better go check on them," he said, his
tone more than just a little upset. Gabumon nodded, and they both
raced towards Yamato and Taichi, expecting the worst.
From the way Lilymon sounded, Agumon and Gabumon were not expecting their plan to have come to any fruition. They were prepared not to see any measure of success. But, they were not prepared for what they saw.
Taichi had donned Lilymon's red dress, and was now prancing about in a circle, singing the Christmas song, as Yamato smiled and clapped along to the singing.
"Oh, no!" Agumon said. "It didn't
work!"
"Well," Gabumon said soberly, "I guess this
means they're actually in love, after all."
"Impossible!" Palmon yelled, as she raced
back to the group. "How could they have resisted me as Lilymon??
It's impossible!"
"We felt nothing," Taichi yelled back, "because
we're truly in love!"
"It's got to be mind - control!" Agumon yelled.
"I tell you, it isn't!" Taichi yelled back.
"I don't get it," Palmon said, staring at
her dress on Taichi. "What was it about Lilymon that they didn't
like?"
"I think it was your inhuman eyes," Gabumon
replied.
"Hey, shut up!" Palmon yelled angrily.
"Is anybody listening to me, anymore??" Agumon
shouted.
"Alright, that's enough of this!" Yamato yelled
as he stood up. The tone and severity of his voice caused everyone
to stop and give him their full attention.
"The way you're all acting is ridiculous!"
Yamato said sternly. "I can't believe you'd all be so shallow and
uncaring as to try to get in the way of Taichi and myself!"
"But - " Agumon replied, trying to say something
in his defense.
"No buts!" Yamato interrupted. "You
have no right to try and get in the way of two people's feelings for each
other! We were hoping that you guys would all understand! I
guess we were hoping for too much..."
At hearing those words, the Digimon felt the burden of shame hit them. Realizing the mistake they had made all too late, they hung their heads in apologetic shame.
"Look," Yamato continued, his tone softened greatly, "we understand that your intentions were good, and that you were just trying to help, but there's no need for that. Love is love, regardless of who it is."
After those words, everyone was silent, the Digimon letting the realization of their situation fully sink in, and Yamato and Taichi staring at each other lovingly.
"Wow, I didn't realize what I was doing," Agumon
said shamefully. "Yamato, Taichi, I'm sorry I - "
"Wait, I'm not done, yet," Yamato interrupted.
"You see, even though what you all did was wrong and reprehensible, I did
realize something, just now." Yamato turned and looked at Taichi.
As their eyes met suddenly, the look of love on Taichi's face was replaced
with one of surprise. For what seemed like an eternity, they simply
stared, lost in each other's eyes, and in each other's love...
"Taichi," Yamato finally said. "I...
I don't love you."
Tai stopped cold. He stared at Yamato,
a look of shock and disbelief on his face.
"... What??"
"I don't love you, Taichi," Yamato continued.
"I love... Sora!"
"WHAT??" The statement hit Taichi like
a wrecking ball. "You're in love with... SORA??"
"Hell yes, I am," Yamato answered. "I
don't know why it took me so long to realize it, but she's the one my heart
belongs to. I understand my heart's feelings, now! And, those
feelings belong to Sora!"
Taichi was shattered. He could not believe
what he was hearing. "You... you love... Sora??"
"Yes," Yamato responded. "In fact, looking
back, I don't know what lead me to fall in love with you, Taichi."
At first, Taichi was going to feel even more hurt by this statement. But, he paused, and thought about what Yamato had said. It did make sense. Nothing they had ever gone through in the past had ever hinted of love between the two old friends.
"But," he thought to himself, "why does it still hurt, so much?"
"I'm sorry, Taichi, "Yamato continued, an overwhelming
look of sadness in his eyes," but that's just the way things are.
That's just the way they've always been. We just didn't realize it."
"But... But... What am I supposed to do??"
Taichi asked, trying his best to hold back his tears, and failing.
"I don't know," Yamato responded plainly.
"Me, on the other hand, I'm going to go propose to Sora. Oh, I almost
forgot: Taichi, you want to be best man at our wedding?"
"I - "
"Great," Yamato interrupted. "See you
there! Don't forget to bring a dish to pass, it'll be pot – luck."
Before anyone could say another word, Yamato
was enveloped in a flash of light, and was instantly transported back to
the Human World, leaving a bitter, broken - hearted Taichi by himself to
wail his despair to an uncaring Digital World.
P.T Barnum said it so long ago.
There's one born every minute, that you know.
Some will make us laugh, some make us cry,
These clowns, honey, gonna make-a you die!
Everybody's runnin' when the circus comes into their town.
Everybody's gunnin' for the likes of the
KILLER KLOWNS
FROM OUTER SPACE
The ringmaster shouts, "Let the show begin!"
Send in the clowns, let them drag you in!
See the rubber nose on the painted face,
Bringing genocide to the human race!
It's time to take a ride on the nightmare Merry-Go-'Round!
You'll be dead on arrival from the likes of the
KILLER KLOWNS
FROM OUTER SPACE
-The Dickies, "Killer Klowns From Outer Space"
Agumon, Gabumon, and Palmon stood atop the grassy hill, watching the setting sun bathe the sky of the Digital World in a haunting orange light. All of them slowly digested the day's events, and thought about what lessons might be learned from them. After several hours of crying and weeping, Taichi had finally returned to his world, taking Lilymon's dress with him. He had decided, after about two seconds of thought, to go after Davis.
The three Digimon, still trying to fully comprehend what had truly happened, turned inside to see what they had learned from today's events.
"Well," Agumon said thoughtfully, "I learned
that, regardless of your good intentions, any attempt you make to help
your friends won't do any good if they aren't willing to be helped."
"I learned," Palmon said, "that, if one is
focused enough on their infatuation, they can ignore just about anything.
Also, that spinning around a black hole really fast does not destroy it,
especially if the Legion of Doom threw some kryptonite into it."
"I didn't learn a damned thing," Gabumon said.
"Well," Agumon said thoughtfully, "the important
thing is that Yamato and Taichi both learned something important today:
Love is something that, in the end, will never succeed if based on a whim
or a misconception."
"Indeed," Gabumon and Lilymon replied in unison,
as all three Digimon watched the setting sun, smiling at its beauty.
The sentimental nature of the scene, however, was suddenly and abruptly destroyed when Palmon spontaneously inflated and sprayed confetti out of her tits.
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Fuck! Shit! Piss!
Fuck! Shit! Piss!
Fuck! Shit! Piss!
Fuck! Shit! PISS!
-Unknown, Untitled
THE END
(This has been a Filmways presentation, dahling)
DISCLAMERS
Fox owns Digimon. This story is in the
sole ownership of none other than William Shatner. Yeah, you heard
me, William Shatner. I saw him in a crowd, and asked him if he wanted
to be in ownership of a Digimon yaoi. He said yes. At least
I think he said yes. It just as easily could've been "Screw you!"
However, I'm going with the assumption that he does, indeed, own this story.
And, c'mon, you really don't want to be messing with Shatner's property,
do you? The guy hosts the American Iron Chef, for crying out loud!
NOBODY messes with an Iron Chef!
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Well, then... Merry Christmas, Musouka… God
Damn it…
Look, I'm going to be brutally honest, and say the following: The Pairing of Matt and Tai together is stupid. It's the stupidest pairing in a genre that's infamous for incredibly stupid pairings.
Where the Hell in the history of Digimon did this pairing become justified? I ask that, now! Was there an extra-special yaoi episode that I somehow missed? Did Liberacemon show up and sprinkle EltonJohnmon's Fire Island flowers on Matt and Tai after they were lured to a Village People concert in some super-secret episode? Where in God's name are you getting the basis for this pairing, and so many others? I want a plausible reason, too! No speculation on some action that took place in the series that MIGHT have been construed the proper way... you know, if you squinted and turned your head to the side and ignored what was happening on – screen while doing the Brown Acid.
Oh, but I guess that you're all now writing freakish pairings between Henry and Takato, or Growlmon and Alan Funt, or God knows what you maniacs are trying to torture me with, nowadays. I mean, don't get the wrong idea, here. I love Digimon. I'm a big fan of Digimon, especially when I get the chance to see it on Mexican TV, where they keep the original opening and endings, AND the music. But this, these pairings that make no friggin' sense, they're just… Come on, people!
Now, do not get the wrong idea from my statements. My purpose here is not an attempt to stop people from writing yaoi. I'm not so arrogant and stupid as to think I can do anything of the sort. I am, however, stating my (very justified) suspicion that the vast, VAST majority of yaoi pairings are decided not on the continuity of the series, but on the rather twisted and, for lack of a better term, OUT THERE desires of the stories' writers. Staying faithful to the show takes an unfortunate back seat to one's desire to see two characters together that should not be together at all.
To quote (NOT paraphrase) a friend of mine on the subject of OOC yaoi: ''HELLO?! Did you even WATCH the show?! Or are you writing this because of some freakish chemical imbalance that causes you to lose grip with reality?! Did you see a picture of the characters and decide they looked cool?! WHAT?!''
... I mean, I would've put it in much more formal words, but this works better than that, so there you go.
So, yeah, basically, it is my (severely justified) opinion that the pairing of Matt and Tai is the stupidest of all pairings in a genre packed to the gills with stupid parings, and I do believe this is a logical conclusion for one to make. If you disagree with me... Well, that's your opinion, I suppose. And, not to sound rude, but you also suck.
... I don't really mean it like that, I really don't. I'm trying to think of a more polite way to say "You suck," but nothing's coming up. So, you suck.
If it's any consolation, writing the romantic scenes between Matt and Tai really, really hurt me. It really, REALLY hurt. Hurt beyond anything I could hope to convey. It just... REALLY hurt me...
Oh, and, apparently, this is not only Musouka's
Christmas present, but also her NEW birthday present, since the old one
mysteriously vanished into the night, a lonely memory the only thing reminding
us of it's once vibrant being... And... Uuh...
...
...
...
... Did you know that every time I hear Malomyotismon's
name, I think of the marshmallow treat Malomars? I really do.
No joke. I hate you people so much, I really do...