Title: In The End

Rating: PG

Archive: With my permission

Summary: Sara finds Grissom in his office while Brass is in surgery

Spoilers: 6x24

The office was completely dark and the door was closed. Anyone passing by would have thought the night shift supervisor had gone home hours ago. But the truth was that Grissom had been in there for the past two hours, leaning back on his small couch and staring into the darkness, waiting for two calls. The one that would tell him the outcome of Jim's surgery, and the one from Catherine about Lindsey.

His mind kept flip flopping between his two friends. The fate of one he had been directly responsible for. He didn't think 8 years ago when he had agreed to have Brass' power of attorney that he'd actually have to use it. Again he heaved a huge sigh and berated himself for his decision.

This is how Sara found him. She knew what was going on and she knew he wouldn't have the sense to go home. The dark office didn't fool her. She rapped lightly on the door twice before letting herself in quietly, not waiting for a response, she knew there would be none.

He barely glanced up when she walked in. He knew it was her. Who else would it be? Catherine was at the hospital with Lindsey, Nick and Greg wouldn't come into his office without permission, and Warrick was sitting vigil at the hospital with Robbins. She stood just looking at him for a moment before moving. She picked up one of the chairs from in front of the desk and put it down about three feet in front of Grissom and the couch, still not saying a word.

After about thirty seconds she spoke.

"I'd ask how you are…but… is there anything I can do?" she intoned quietly

Grissom very slowly dragged his eyes up to meet hers. She could see that they were bloodshot and she could also see the pain he was in. Grissom wasn't usually one to let his emotions show through, but at this point, even a half-wit like Ecklie could see it.

"I really wish there was. I'm just waiting for them to call." He pointed to his cell phone. His voice was hoarse and tired

They continued to sit in silence until Grissom's cell phone began to vibrate loudly at his hip. The display showed it was Desert Palm Hospital. Grissom glanced at Sara and braced himself.

"Hello?"… "Oh"… "Catherine that's, that's great."… "Yes"… "I will, okay bye."

A tiny relieved half smile graced his lips.

"Lindsey is going to be fine. She's got a concussion, a broken collarbone, right arm and a few fingers and a fractured right fibula but she'll, she'll be fine." He reported

Sara let out a huge breath and smiled a little.

"That's wonderful. Catherine must be so relieved."

Grissom just nodded and stared at the fabric of the couch next to his leg.

"Grissom" Sara said "Jim is going to be okay, too, he'll be fine."

"What if he's not?" Grissom answered so quietly that Sara wasn't sure he'd said it at all.

"He will be-" she started

"You can't KNOW that." Grissom interjected a little louder. "Nobody can't know that. And if he… if he's not okay, it's my fault." He finished in almost a whisper

Sara was shocked

"Grissom! No-"

He interrupted her again.

"Sara, I have his power of attorney, it was my decision to put him in surgery or leave him alone. My choice is what has him in the operating room right now. And if he…if he dies, because of that, it's my fault. I'm-"

Now it was Sara who interrupted.

"NO!" she said rather forcefully

She flew off her chair and sat on the small couch next to him, facing him.

"Listen to me. This is NOT your fault. You can't think that it is." She said

Grissom just shook his head.

"Can't I? Sara, we deal with facts. We get all the facts and come up with a workable solution. The cardiologist gave me the facts, for the repercussions of both options. I have the facts, but when facts don't add up to an answer, I don't know what to do. It's… scary."

Sara looked at him for a few long moments. Eventually his eyes came back to hers.

"Grissom. This isn't your fault. It is the fault of the man that shot him. That's why Brass is where he is. It's unfortunate and it's terrible but it isn't because of you."

Grissom didn't look convinced and he turned his face away from her again.

"Grissom, look at me."

He didn't

"Look at me."

This time she took her left hand and gently put it on his cheek to turn him to her. It took all of Grissom's willpower not to lean into that hand and close his eyes. She left her hand there as she spoke again, quietly, slowly, and every so often tenderly stroking his cheekbone with her thumb.

"I know that this is a horrible situation. But Brass knows what his job is, he knew this was a possibility. In the end, this was his decision. He asked you to have his power of attorney because he trusts you to make the decision that is best for him when he can't. If you think for a second that anyone blames you for this, that Jim would blame you, you're wrong."

Grissom exhaled audibly and finally did close his eyes for a couple seconds, silently absorbing the warm from Sara's hand.

"I just, feel helpless, he's my friend. This is so wrong." He said as her hand slid slowly off his face.

"I know." she said simply

He faced forward again and leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. He should go home. The hospital was calling his cell phone, so he didn't have to stay at the lab. But he didn't think he could make his mind focus on driving right now.

He felt Sara's right hand on his left and her thin fingers intertwine with his bigger ones. Her other hand came to rest on the back of his, effectively cradling it in both of her hands on top of her right leg.

"Come on," She said, "I'll take you home."

THE END