This was a story I wrote recently in response to a challenge on another list. So I thought I would just post it as one of my regular stories.
TITLE: Rebuilding
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Takes place one week after Tahl's death in the JA series by Jude Watson. Qui-Gon deals with his loss.
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
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Rebuilding
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Qui-Gon stood alone on the balcony of his apartment. Thoughts flooded his mind. Feelings of sadness. Feelings of helplessness. Tahl was gone. She had meant so much to him, and before they had really gotten a chance to enjoy their new commitment to each other, she was taken from him. He needed time to grieve. Time to come to terms with his feelings. Then he would be able to move on.
He had an apprentice to teach. Obi-Wan had been the strong one through this entire ordeal. A boy that he hadn't really gotten to know since they'd begun their training. He'd spent so much time concerned for Tahl recently that Obi-Wan had become secondary. It was time that changed.
But thoughts of Tahl came back once again. And his heart ached at the loss.
~~~~~
Obi-Wan sat in the common area of the pair's shared quarters, watching his master. He was aware of the man's every movement. Wanting so much to help he knew that Qui-Gon did not seem to require a close relationship with an apprentice. As much as the padawan longed to reach out to his master, he was hesitant.
~~~~~
Qui-Gon's thoughts of Tahl turned to her murderer. Anger raged through him for a few moments, until he caught himself. Revenge was not the answer. Violence met with violence solved nothing. It would not bring Tahl back to him. Nothing could do that. Jedi life was hard and any mission could turn deadly in an instant. It was something they all had to accept. He'd lost friends before. And recently he'd seen his former padawan lost. A padawan that had turned to the dark side, but nevertheless, a person who Qui-Gon had had strong feelings for.
Mourning was a natural part of Jedi life. But it could not be allowed to consume one entirely. Qui-Gon knew that and forced himself to bring focus back to the present. He turned away from the setting sun and took a deep breath. His gaze caught the concerned face of his apprentice peering back at him. Obi-Wan had come to stand in the doorway. His face drawn in emotion.
"Master..."
"Obi-Wan."
"Are you...okay?" He reached out gently with his words. Hopeful that Qui-Gon would not push him away.
"I honestly don't know, Obi-Wan. Things are not settled. I am having trouble dealing with this loss." Qui-Gon wanted to look away but the boy's intense eyes refused to allow it.
"I didn't know Tahl as you did, but she was special to you. If you want to talk about anything...I...I can listen." The young Jedi held his breath. Had he pushed his master to far? Was he intruding where he should not be? He couldn't understand the feelings of losing someone close to him, however he was able to feel the great pain of his teacher. All he could offer right now was and ear to listen and the comfort of a familiar presence.
When Qui-Gon didn't immediately turn away, Obi-Wan knew something between them had changed in just that moment. It sparked hope in the apprentice that his master would not shut him out completely as he had so many times before.
The big master looked thoughtfully at the younger Jedi. He was touched by the concern. Even with their strained relationship, Obi-Wan stood with him now. He placed a hand on the slight shoulder and gave small smile.
"Thank you, Padawan. I don't know if I wish to speak of what has happened, but I would very much like for you to keep me company for a while. Would you mind?"
Obi-Wan let out the breath he was still holding and returned the smile. "I would be happy to, Master."
~~~~~
To Obi-Wan's surprise and shock, Qui-Gon invited him to walk with him to the meditation gardens. The place where the master went often to meditate alone. Obi-Wan had never been asked along before. Always assuming that he would be intruding on Qui-Gon's privacy. Qui-Gon had always seemed to be a man who preferred to be alone. At least until he'd learned about Tahl. When they found that Tahl had been killed, Obi-Wan saw a side of Qui-Gon that he'd never seen before. Angry. Filled with rage. Emotional. But the man had quickly hid those feelings from his apprentice. And Obi-Wan could not bring himself to approach his master about the loss, until their encounter a few moments ago in their quarters.
Now as they sat side by side in the gardens, Qui-Gon opened his mind to the boy. "Meditate with me, Obi-Wan. I wish to find peace. Perhaps you can help me with that."
Obi-Wan was again thrown for a loss. Qui-Gon Jinn asking him for help? And was even allowing him into his thoughts? The boy was stunned to silence for a brief time until a soft touch to his hand brought him back.
"Padawan?"
"Oh yes, Master. I'm sorry. I've never been here before. Well, at least to meditate. The Force is very strong here."
"That it is. Close your eyes. Open your mind."
Following Qui-Gon's lead, Obi-Wan did just that. At first he was overwhelmed by the emotions and images flooding from his master's mind. The pain was so great at times that the younger Jedi had to struggle to keep his focus on those feelings being thrown at him. Anger. Pain. Confusion. Regret. Hate? Obi-Wan was sure he felt hate coming over their now open bond. Hate for those who killed Tahl. The apprentice had seen hate before. Xanatos. But never had he seen it in his master. He didn't know how to take those feelings. And didn't completely understand them. So he did the only thing he could think of. Hate was countered with tendrils of comfort and support. Obi-Wan drowned out the angry emotions with just the opposite. And after a few moments, Qui-Gon's mind began to relax. The tension lessened. And master and apprentice had become one.
~~~~~~
Qui-Gon opened his eyes. They were rimmed with red, but dry. He breathed in the clean air of the gardens before speaking. Obi-Wan too sat in silence, awaiting his master to break the mood.
"I'm sorry I've held you away for so long, Obi-Wan. Losing Tahl has caused me to think about things in a new light. The time you spend with ones that you love is very important. It must not be taken for granted. I believe both she and I thought we would have years to spend in each other's company. As I found out, we had very little time. And...I regret not only her loss but the time I would spend with her in the future. Pleasant memories have been replaced with ones that fill me with emotions that I am not comfortable with. I need to put this behind me. And I believe I have begun to. Thanks to you."
"Me?" Obi-Wan wasn't used to this type of attention from his master. Qui-Gon had never opened up to him as he just did.
"Yes. You could have very easily left me to myself during this time. I know our relationship has not been strong, and I would not have blamed you if you'd walked away. But you didn't. I am very grateful for your support, Padawan. As I've told you in the past, everything in the Force happens for a reason. And I can't help but think that Tahl's death was meant to bring you and I closer together."
Obi-Wan smiled. He could sense that Qui-Gon's struggle was still not over, but the raw feelings of anger and intense pain had lessened. The boy wanted to say more. Wanted to continue to offer that support that Qui-Gon needed, but he was lost for words. His master sensed the uncertainty and knew it was his turn to be supportive.
"You are unsure. I know. It's all right to feel that way. We've been through something that is new to both of us. It's okay to be uncertain. Nervous. They are normal human emotions, Obi-Wan. Do not fear them."
The young Jedi nodded, but still no words came. Qui-Gon took it upon himself to move them along.
"I will speak with the council tomorrow and inform them that we are prepared for a new mission. I think it'll be good for us. Help to take our minds off of things and...we can get to know each other better. It's time we allowed our relationship to develop as it should have from the beginning. I will always have my memories of Tahl to comfort me when I need them. But you and I must live for today. We will honor her life, but we will not dwell on that which we cannot change."
Both Jedi stood and Qui-Gon draped an arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders. A show of affection that Obi-Wan was not used to. Qui-Gon was surprised too that things between them had changed so much in so short a time. And that he'd suddenly felt a closeness with the boy that hadn't been there previously. As they left the gardens and into a new future, Qui-Gon's dark eyes lightened a bit. After Tahl's death he found himself almost dreading those days that lay ahead. After one last look at the loyal apprentice beside him and a securing touch to their bond, he knew everything would be all right.
END
TITLE: Rebuilding
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Takes place one week after Tahl's death in the JA series by Jude Watson. Qui-Gon deals with his loss.
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
==========
Rebuilding
==========
Qui-Gon stood alone on the balcony of his apartment. Thoughts flooded his mind. Feelings of sadness. Feelings of helplessness. Tahl was gone. She had meant so much to him, and before they had really gotten a chance to enjoy their new commitment to each other, she was taken from him. He needed time to grieve. Time to come to terms with his feelings. Then he would be able to move on.
He had an apprentice to teach. Obi-Wan had been the strong one through this entire ordeal. A boy that he hadn't really gotten to know since they'd begun their training. He'd spent so much time concerned for Tahl recently that Obi-Wan had become secondary. It was time that changed.
But thoughts of Tahl came back once again. And his heart ached at the loss.
~~~~~
Obi-Wan sat in the common area of the pair's shared quarters, watching his master. He was aware of the man's every movement. Wanting so much to help he knew that Qui-Gon did not seem to require a close relationship with an apprentice. As much as the padawan longed to reach out to his master, he was hesitant.
~~~~~
Qui-Gon's thoughts of Tahl turned to her murderer. Anger raged through him for a few moments, until he caught himself. Revenge was not the answer. Violence met with violence solved nothing. It would not bring Tahl back to him. Nothing could do that. Jedi life was hard and any mission could turn deadly in an instant. It was something they all had to accept. He'd lost friends before. And recently he'd seen his former padawan lost. A padawan that had turned to the dark side, but nevertheless, a person who Qui-Gon had had strong feelings for.
Mourning was a natural part of Jedi life. But it could not be allowed to consume one entirely. Qui-Gon knew that and forced himself to bring focus back to the present. He turned away from the setting sun and took a deep breath. His gaze caught the concerned face of his apprentice peering back at him. Obi-Wan had come to stand in the doorway. His face drawn in emotion.
"Master..."
"Obi-Wan."
"Are you...okay?" He reached out gently with his words. Hopeful that Qui-Gon would not push him away.
"I honestly don't know, Obi-Wan. Things are not settled. I am having trouble dealing with this loss." Qui-Gon wanted to look away but the boy's intense eyes refused to allow it.
"I didn't know Tahl as you did, but she was special to you. If you want to talk about anything...I...I can listen." The young Jedi held his breath. Had he pushed his master to far? Was he intruding where he should not be? He couldn't understand the feelings of losing someone close to him, however he was able to feel the great pain of his teacher. All he could offer right now was and ear to listen and the comfort of a familiar presence.
When Qui-Gon didn't immediately turn away, Obi-Wan knew something between them had changed in just that moment. It sparked hope in the apprentice that his master would not shut him out completely as he had so many times before.
The big master looked thoughtfully at the younger Jedi. He was touched by the concern. Even with their strained relationship, Obi-Wan stood with him now. He placed a hand on the slight shoulder and gave small smile.
"Thank you, Padawan. I don't know if I wish to speak of what has happened, but I would very much like for you to keep me company for a while. Would you mind?"
Obi-Wan let out the breath he was still holding and returned the smile. "I would be happy to, Master."
~~~~~
To Obi-Wan's surprise and shock, Qui-Gon invited him to walk with him to the meditation gardens. The place where the master went often to meditate alone. Obi-Wan had never been asked along before. Always assuming that he would be intruding on Qui-Gon's privacy. Qui-Gon had always seemed to be a man who preferred to be alone. At least until he'd learned about Tahl. When they found that Tahl had been killed, Obi-Wan saw a side of Qui-Gon that he'd never seen before. Angry. Filled with rage. Emotional. But the man had quickly hid those feelings from his apprentice. And Obi-Wan could not bring himself to approach his master about the loss, until their encounter a few moments ago in their quarters.
Now as they sat side by side in the gardens, Qui-Gon opened his mind to the boy. "Meditate with me, Obi-Wan. I wish to find peace. Perhaps you can help me with that."
Obi-Wan was again thrown for a loss. Qui-Gon Jinn asking him for help? And was even allowing him into his thoughts? The boy was stunned to silence for a brief time until a soft touch to his hand brought him back.
"Padawan?"
"Oh yes, Master. I'm sorry. I've never been here before. Well, at least to meditate. The Force is very strong here."
"That it is. Close your eyes. Open your mind."
Following Qui-Gon's lead, Obi-Wan did just that. At first he was overwhelmed by the emotions and images flooding from his master's mind. The pain was so great at times that the younger Jedi had to struggle to keep his focus on those feelings being thrown at him. Anger. Pain. Confusion. Regret. Hate? Obi-Wan was sure he felt hate coming over their now open bond. Hate for those who killed Tahl. The apprentice had seen hate before. Xanatos. But never had he seen it in his master. He didn't know how to take those feelings. And didn't completely understand them. So he did the only thing he could think of. Hate was countered with tendrils of comfort and support. Obi-Wan drowned out the angry emotions with just the opposite. And after a few moments, Qui-Gon's mind began to relax. The tension lessened. And master and apprentice had become one.
~~~~~~
Qui-Gon opened his eyes. They were rimmed with red, but dry. He breathed in the clean air of the gardens before speaking. Obi-Wan too sat in silence, awaiting his master to break the mood.
"I'm sorry I've held you away for so long, Obi-Wan. Losing Tahl has caused me to think about things in a new light. The time you spend with ones that you love is very important. It must not be taken for granted. I believe both she and I thought we would have years to spend in each other's company. As I found out, we had very little time. And...I regret not only her loss but the time I would spend with her in the future. Pleasant memories have been replaced with ones that fill me with emotions that I am not comfortable with. I need to put this behind me. And I believe I have begun to. Thanks to you."
"Me?" Obi-Wan wasn't used to this type of attention from his master. Qui-Gon had never opened up to him as he just did.
"Yes. You could have very easily left me to myself during this time. I know our relationship has not been strong, and I would not have blamed you if you'd walked away. But you didn't. I am very grateful for your support, Padawan. As I've told you in the past, everything in the Force happens for a reason. And I can't help but think that Tahl's death was meant to bring you and I closer together."
Obi-Wan smiled. He could sense that Qui-Gon's struggle was still not over, but the raw feelings of anger and intense pain had lessened. The boy wanted to say more. Wanted to continue to offer that support that Qui-Gon needed, but he was lost for words. His master sensed the uncertainty and knew it was his turn to be supportive.
"You are unsure. I know. It's all right to feel that way. We've been through something that is new to both of us. It's okay to be uncertain. Nervous. They are normal human emotions, Obi-Wan. Do not fear them."
The young Jedi nodded, but still no words came. Qui-Gon took it upon himself to move them along.
"I will speak with the council tomorrow and inform them that we are prepared for a new mission. I think it'll be good for us. Help to take our minds off of things and...we can get to know each other better. It's time we allowed our relationship to develop as it should have from the beginning. I will always have my memories of Tahl to comfort me when I need them. But you and I must live for today. We will honor her life, but we will not dwell on that which we cannot change."
Both Jedi stood and Qui-Gon draped an arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders. A show of affection that Obi-Wan was not used to. Qui-Gon was surprised too that things between them had changed so much in so short a time. And that he'd suddenly felt a closeness with the boy that hadn't been there previously. As they left the gardens and into a new future, Qui-Gon's dark eyes lightened a bit. After Tahl's death he found himself almost dreading those days that lay ahead. After one last look at the loyal apprentice beside him and a securing touch to their bond, he knew everything would be all right.
END