Title: Even a Siha Needs Protection
Pairing: Thane/Shepard
Summary: When Shepard is confronted with her past paramour and receives a rejection she hadn't expected, she grabs some ice brandy from Omega and holds up in her room. Thane begins to worry about the woman he calls 'Siha.'
A/N: Some positive results with Human At the Core, so hey, why the hell not? I'm in a writing mood, anyway. Plus, I love the chance to add to the Thane/Shep fanfic collection. Thank you for reading. Review please.
Kaidan had left her. He had left her high and dry with a whole galaxy to save, and bunch of psychos to make sure her back was protected. Oh, and the two Cerberus operatives that she didn't trust as far as she could throw them. Garrus was there, she supposed, and so was Tali, but what did that count for? They had both distanced themselves after she had been spaced nearly two years ago. They didn't want to get attached to her again. Who would? Even Ava was having a hard time trusting herself. How could she expect to gain their loyalty? It would be so much easier with Kaidan at her side. Someone to share all these negative thoughts with. Someone to tell her everything was going to be all right.
"Yeah, right," she said out loud. "Kaidan would never lie."
But maybe she needed a little lying every once in a while. Maybe she wanted to be blissfully ignorant like the fools on the citadel and not see the coming threat. She was human, too. Wanting to believe everything was okay was just nature. And she couldn't blame them. Not really. Had she not seen the Reapers herself, she would never believe it either.
Shepard took another swig from the bottle clasped tightly in her fingertips. They were completely frozen around the neck. Someone would have to pry them apart. The brandy had had a nice taste in the very beginning, but now it just made her dizzy with each swallow. It added to the blurred edges that threatened tears. No, she wouldn't cry. Not Shepard. It was stupid to care so much about her lieutenant. Hadn't she been the one to caution him? It was against regs, she'd said. There was a good chance that tragedy would split them apart. That's why they had made love just before reaching Ilos. Because they might have died together.
At least they would have died 'in love.' Oh, sure, Kaidan had said he still loved her. Or maybe he hadn't. She'd replayed the moment in her mind so many times she could no longer remember what he'd said. She was beginning to twist and turn it so that he would come back with her. Come back to the Normandy where he belonged. Beside her and staring into the face of hell. Ignoring her fantasy, if Kaidan had ever really loved her, wouldn't he have been completely overjoyed at the prospect of seeing her again? Regardless of who the hell she was working for? If Kaidan had died two years previously, even if she had moved on, would Shepard care that he was working for Cerberus?
Not a chance.
No, maybe it had just been lust. A human need to reach out to those around you because you might die any second. Yeah, that was probably it. But—in Kaidan's warm arms, in his embrace—it had seemed like so much more. She had loved him, regardless of what he'd felt. She had loved him.
It was the brandy that made her choke back a sob. "Stop it," she scolded herself harshly. In one swift motion, she stood and threw the bottle of empty brandy at one of her walls. It exploded upon impact, green glass going everywhere on her carpet. Red liquor oozed down the walls. A tear fell upon the carpet beneath Shepard's feet, and she trembled with anger.
Oh, if she ever got her hands on Kaidan she'd—
Smile tentatively and be glad he had ventured that close, she finished the thought in defeat.
Ava Shepard sunk onto her bed and fell back, feeling the soft comforter give under her weight. She threw an arm carelessly over her eyes and groaned. What a stupid, stupid thing to do. Throw the bottle of brandy at the wall. Now she was depressed and deprived of liquor. And she had a mess to clean up.
The fish in her tank had been startled by the noise. The light played curiously across her skin, and she watched it for a time. Buying the fish had been a good idea. It wasn't so lonely at night anymore. They were a kind of friend. Of course, she probably could have bought that hamster, but it would have taken too much effort to take care of. Well, she had thought. In fact, the fish had proven more troublesome. Before inviting Yeoman Kelly Chambers to dinner one night, Ava had forgotten to feed the foolish little creatures and walked in, bloodied and bruised, to find a few of them belly up in her tank. A gross and morbid thing to come home to when all she felt like was a nap.
Rolling onto her side, Ava stared at her armor thrown carelessly into a corner. She should polish or something but truthfully felt like doing nothing of the sort. Maybe she should take a shower.
That was a very good idea.
Enlightened at the thought, Shepard gathered some underclothes and made her way to her private bathroom. It was smaller in comparison to the cabin but much better than the sad little stalls that the other crew members had to share. The very thought made her shiver. She stripped quickly and ducked into the hot water.
It burned her skin. Welts appeared, but she dared not turn up the cold water. The feeling in her fingers was returning, if slowly. She could wiggle her toes, and the oil build up on her face was washed away with the water. She didn't feel so crummy and dirty. The hot water also soothed the red splotches on her face and rinsed the dirt out of her hair. So awestruck had she been upon returning that Shepard hadn't bothered with a shower. Brushing off all but the illusive man, as he was her boss and she couldn't avoid him for long, Shepard had trudged straight up to her room and began drinking the ice brandy she'd bought Dr. Chakwas. Of course, she'd have to buy the good doctor another bottle now.
Stepping out of the hot water, Ava wiped away some of the condensation on the mirror. A tired, pale ghost of a woman stared back at her. When had she gotten so thin? So tired? Deep bruises lined her eyes. Sure signs of exhaustion. Perhaps she would wait a few days before visiting the derelict reaper. Who knew what they would find on that godforsaken husk? Shepard had no desire to find out when she was so very tired. A good night of sleep would fix that. If she could manage it.
Upon walking out of her bathroom, Shepard was surprised by a figure of a man, clean cut in a suit of black, standing in the middle of her room. Without thinking, she drew her gun and pointed it right at him. Only, it was Thane, and surely no threat to her.
Thane held up his hands in quick surrender. "I apologize for intruding, Siha." The sound of his nickname for her made her wince. She was not deserving of the title right then. "Yeoman Kelly Chambers asked me to check on you. She seemed to think you were...distressed."
A pale, lifeless thing of a laugh escaped her lips. "You could say that, Thane. Really, I appreciate the concern, but I'm quite fine. Just a bit tired is all."
Thane nodded once. "I see." With a quick flick of his wrist, he tossed a shattered piece of brandy bottle at her feet.
Ever the vigilant assassin. Taking in every detail. Damn him.
She spared him a stoic glance. "I can have periodic moments of insanity and incoherance, too."
"And you are one of the most deserving of such moments," his deep voice rumbled. "I have no doubt, however, that it is because of the young lieutenant we encounted recently that you are so very volatile."
"Hit the nail on the head," she mumbled.
"Pardon?" inquired the assassin.
"Metaphor," she answered. "Means that you're a very good guesser, Thane Krios."
"It was simply an observation, Siha. Were you very close?"
Had it been anyone else who asked that question, in any other voice, she would have snapped that it was, in fact, none of his business. There was such honesty and very little prodding in the way that Thane asked that question that she could hardly be rude to him. The gentleman assassin. Another man she had grown close to recently.
Another nail in my coffin, she thought. A coffin that the council had started building her nearly three years previously.
"Yes," she said quietly. "We were very close, indeed."
"Ah," he breathed.
"I shouldn't trouble you with such things, though, Thane. It was kind of you to stop by. Kelly really shouldn't worry so much." Shepard tried to laugh it off. Tried to get him to leave with subtlety, but apparently that was lost on Thane for he did not move.
Instead, he took about four paces, watching her as a snake would a bird caught in its gaze. His hands, scaly and warm, reached down to grasp hers and bring them up to hold them at waist height. His eyes burned into hers, making her dizzy from just being so utterly close to him. "She is not the only one who is worried, Siha," he admitted softly.
"I miss him," she found herself saying sadly, staring at his hands holding hers. They fit perfectly together. The contrast between green skin and the thin white was not strange in the least. In fact, she rather liked the color of Thane's skin. It was as unique as he was. And incredibly warm.
"That is only natural," Thane assured her. Shepard found herself thinking that perhaps he was consoling her about Kaidan just as she had consoled him about Irikah, his wife. A certain jealousy had pooled in her stomach at the thought of Thane married. But all the good men were taken, weren't they? That was the ancient saying, anyway.
"It's over between us. I-I didn't mean to disappear for two years. I would have stayed beside him, but he...I guess he doesn't care anymore. All because I'm working for Cerberus!" Anger flashed in her eyes, and Thane tightened his hold on her fingers.
"You are doing what is best for humanity. For all of the galaxy," he said. Exasperated, she pulled away.
"I'm so tired of doing what is best for the galaxy. Maybe I want to do what's best for me. Maybe I want some kids, a nice house on a remote planet, a dashing husband." Truthfully, she couldn't see herself with any of that. Not risking her life every day would just be incredibly strange. She didn't know if she could ever just be serene and content like that.
Shepard sat on the bed and buried her face into her hands. What was Thane doing in her cabin, anyway? Why did Thane, of all people, have to see her at her worst? It was like a cruel joke. She'd started to flirt with him, maybe a little, but still couldn't get the thought of Kaidan out of her mind when she did it. And they were complete opposites.
Kaidan had been an awkward lover, all hands and uncertainty. He was also human. And not an assassin. Shepard couldn't picture the Drell doing anything awkwardly. Thane had a certain unnatural grace about him. Plus, he was a gentleman who withheld judgment. Kaidan liked to speak his mind. The Drell was handsome enough anyway. Shepard wasn't going to pretend that she had a thing for aliens, but Thane was good-looking and very fascinating.
What am I doing? Checking Thane out when he came here to see if I was all right because I was distraught over my 'boyfriend'. Am I really serious? She asked herself incredulously.
"Look, Commander, there's writing on the wall here and someone isn't reading it."
That particular sentence of Kaidan's stuck out in her mind. But why? She felt a warmth pooling in her stomach when Thane sat down beside her and took her hand again. Was she the one not reading the writing this time?
"I cannot make what you've lost right. It is entirely unfair that you are the only one who can save the galaxy. But we will stand behind you, Siha, and support you. If and when you do fall, we will be there to catch you. That is the significance of a team. We are here because of you. Because you have led us this far. Perhaps, when this is all over, your Kaidan will come back for you. Once the danger has passed." It was a sweet thing to say but far too much to hope for.
"If he comes back when I need him the least, that defeats the point. Like rescuing your lover from pirates after twenty years when you saw her taken and knew exactly where she was," she mumbled miserably. Thane's scaly thumb rubbed circles on her hand.
"I am sorry," he said softly.
"Don't be. I'm just a miserable person. I'd ask you to get inebriated with me, but I've smashed the bottle of brandy," she said, gesturing to the wall. He glanced at it.
"He is a fool to let go of you."
A question formed in her mind. "You tried to do your best by Irikah, didn't you?"
His eyes darkened. "Yes," he said simply. "And I do regret the fact that I was not there when she died. I lost too much time with her. I regret that."
"Do you think he will regret it?"
Thane looked straight into her eyes. "Yes, I think he will."
"Sorry to interrupt, Commander," Joker's voice resounded in her cabin. "Omega is in sight. We should board now before Aria gets impatient and shoots someone. You know how she is."
Shepard stood up, unfortunately breaking his hold on her fingers. Thane stood as well.
Just at the elevator, she turned around. Thane was incredibly close. "Thank you. I guess I haven't been earning my title as Siha recently, huh?" she laughed.
"Even a Siha needs protection sometimes, Shepard," he answered quite seriously. She sobered immediately, stepped up to him, and gave him a kiss on his Drell cheek. His eyes widened.
"Thank you. I appreciate it."
"Anytime," he answered simply.
Maybe, in time, Shepard could move on as well.
I don't know. I'm too big of a baby to do this from Thane's point of view. He's so hard to capture sometimes. Thanks for reading! R&R