Global Warming

America gazed around the table, observing all the nations present for the UN Meeting. There was Japan, as unflappable as ever. Switzerland looked grumpy and was fingering his gun, which he somehow managed to get past security again. Italy had fallen asleep, his head resting on Germany's shoulder. Said German looked both very uncomfortable and embarrassed, yet, for some reason, didn't wake or reprimand the pasta-loving country. France looked very smug and, when he noticed America looking at him, gave him a suggestive wink. Yup, nothing new there. Next to France was England. England was fidgeting and playing with his pen. America blinked, England wasn't paying attention to… um, America had to glance back up to the head of the table to remember who was speaking. Right, Canada was talking right now. Anyway, England was staring at his pen, very determinately not looking at anyone. And was that a blush on his face? There was just a very light pink color dusting his cheeks, not very much at all compared to his normal deep red blush. But all the same, none of this was normal behavior for England.

There was a sudden silence that made America look up to see what was going on. He glanced up in time to see Canada sit back down. Several nations glanced up, startled by the abrupt quiet. France cleared his throat and spoke up. "Ah, Angleterre, I believe it is your turn to speak."

England cleared his throat nervously and stood up. "Ah, yes. Er," The blond nation shuffled his notes, the light pink on his cheeks darkening to a light red. Intrigued, America sat up straight and gave his former empire his full attention. "Well, I have a proposal as to how to, at the very least, slow down global warming."

From his seat, France rolled his eyes. "Just say it Angleterre."

England glared at his fellow European. "I propose we use condoms—" He was cut off by the loud uproar that filled the room. The room which had previously been absolutely quiet was now bursting with laughter, babbling, arguing, shouting, and, well, mayhem in general. America sat back in his seat, completely shocked by what the stodgy nation had said. Still in shock, he ducked automatically when Switzerland began waving his rifle around (no one was sure if he actually meant to fire or not).

All of the sudden, Germany's voice roared over the commotion, "Schweigen!" As all the turmoil died down and everyone settled back into their seats (the Baltic nations crawling out from under the table), he addressed the room. "The idea has merit. Thank you, England." The German glared around the table, daring someone to say otherwise.

Nervously, the next person to speak stood up. As the meeting returned to its normal, dull state, America found himself watching England and France. England's face was bright red and he was actually slouching in his chair! France looked delighted with the way things had gone and had somehow produced a condom and was waving it under England's nose. America watched, amused as those thick, furry brows drew closer and closer together until finally the island nation stood up and shouted, "Shut up, you bloody wanker and leave me alone!" The entire room stared at England. Interesting, America hadn't thought England could get more red, but apparently he could. America watched with a mischievous glint in his eyes as England turned and fled the room.

France merely grinned and shrugged, "What? I was only suggesting he make good on his offer." The other nations groaned and just went back to what they were doing, which for most was doodling on their notes or playing with their cell phones.

America was startled by someone placing their hand on his shoulder. Jumping, he spun and saw that Canada had been trying to get his attention. "What?" He whispered, hoping Germany wouldn't notice.

Canada looked nervously at Germany before replying, "D-don't you think someone should go after him?" His little brother looked very worried, and America could hardly claim to be a hero if he let his baby brother get upset like that (even if it made him look so adorable that all America wanted to do was sweep him up in a great big hug). And America did take being a hero very seriously.

So, without saying a word to anyone, America stood up and left the meeting, ignoring Germany's angry voice following him. Luckily for America, he didn't have to go far to find England. The grumpy blond was sitting in a small sitting area, staring at the hands in his lap. The crimson flush that had decorated his cheeks was gone and his large brows were no longer furrowed in anger. America hesitated for a moment before sitting beside the other nation on the couch. "Arthur?" He asked quietly, unsure as to whether his presence would be welcome. When his former mentor didn't say anything, he continued, "I-I'm sorry, I-I probably shouldn't have laughed…" He trailed off awkwardly. Damn, why couldn't Canada have come with? Canada was so much better at this comforting stuff than he was.

England gave a snort, "Don't feel too bad." England finally raised his head and looked at America, a rueful smile across his lips. "I laughed too when my boss told me." He sighed, "The idea is to lower the birth rate."

America paused at this latest information. "Isn't your birth rate already low or something? I thought I heard a lot of European countries were like negative or something." At least that's what he thought he'd heard, maybe he was thinking of something else.

England blinked at him in surprise. "…You actually looked at birth to death ratios?" He shook his head, "Actually, my birth rate is 1.82. It's gone up in recent years. Besides," he added, "It was aimed more at the African and Middle East Nations, not Europe."

America laughed, "Wow, I don't think I even know what my birth rate is, probably around two or something."

England rolled his eyes. "It's 2.05, you git."

America stopped laughing and gave England a wary look. "…It's kinda creepy that you know that off the top of your head."

"I looked up all the countries birth statistics before I came, you prat." England said irritably. "I hardly go out of my way to keep track of you."

America just laughed and offered England a hand up. "Hey, wanna grab something to eat? I'm feeling kinda hungry." England sighed and accepted, grumbling under his breath the entire time about obnoxious nations with bottomless pits for stomachs.

A.N. Okay, this was based off some confusion my friend had when she read an article in the paper. She must not have been reading very closely, because I have no idea how she decided it was the UK that came up with this solution. But here's the article:

U.N. agency: Condoms can help fight warming

The battle against global warming could be helped if the world slowed population growth by making fee condoms and family planning advice more widely available, the United Nations Population Fund said. The agency did not recommend countries set limits on how many children people should have, but said: "Women with access to reproductive health services … have lower fertility rates that contribute to slower growth in greenhouse gas emissions." The U.N. Population Fund acknowledged it had no proof of the effect that population control would have on climate change.

Schweigen - Silence in German (I think, please correct me if I'm wrong)