The Light Rises
by SpaceSkunk
Chapter I: Sleep
All was quiet apart from the lulling sounds of the legendary Falcon ripping through space.
Thirty minutes or so after their escape from Crait however, just as the adrenaline and exhilaration of being alive began to fall and exhaustion started to kick in, the sounds produced by the ancient engine had been anything but soothing.
Everyone jumped at a very loud clunk, then froze, dead silent, when it was followed by a chilling hiss that lasted five agonizing seconds. What followed must have happened in three: Rey, Poe and Chewbacca all made a sudden dash towards a little square grille right above Lieutenant Connix. Rey was the quickest to rush below it but not tall enough to reach it, and, without warning, as she abruptly climbed on Connix's lap, Chewbacca pushed her out of the way, opened the grille and tore out a wire, causing the ship to fall back into her normal lulling sounds, and Rey and Connix to fall right onto a rushing Poe.
The pilot took such a blow he was actually knocked out cold for a minute – Rey's elbow having collided with his right cheek – and was buried under the two gasping women. The sight almost made Leia laugh; but it was no time for good humor. The old ship was barely functional, worn out by the last battle as they all had been. It needed repairs just as they needed rest. They needed bacta for the wounded. They needed food, fuel and shelter.
They needed help, but nobody had answered them.
She had given them a simple plan: continue to try and find that help, or else get it by force. She had entered the coordinates to a small planet 17 hours away, that not even Chewbacca had ever heard of. The name was hardly pronounceable in basic, having too many consonants, so they nicknamed it Gôhn, a shorter, simpler version of its actual name. Were help refused there, they would steal sufficient fuel and supply to reach another system, then start again. She was confident new allies would eventually reach them.
During an eerily restricted report session, each of them had briefly explained what they'd experienced whilst separated – although Rey and Finn had both omitted significant parts regarding their respective new relationships. Leia had then broadcast an open transmission to every reachable system. The news of Snoke's death in the hands of his apprentice would buy them time, causing turmoil in the First Order's chain of command. The tale of Luke Skywalker's return and humiliating deception of Kylo Ren, the report of Admiral Holdo's brave and spectacular sacrifice, of her own supernatural survival through the void of space, the stories of Paige Tico and so many others' heroic acts, and last but not least, the news of the legendary Jedi Master Luke Skywalker having an immensely powerful apprentice; all those stories would advertize their power, send shockwaves of hope across the galaxy, revive rebellious spirits, galvanize potential allies who were currently hesitating. She, of course, omitted their ridiculous headcount, Luke's death and despair in his final years, her protégé's mistakes and the failed mutiny, the split light saber, Rey's uncertainty, and her state.
Her state… Using the Force had drained her more than she let on. She still had hope and she had ideas, lots of ideas, but she felt weary, alarmingly so. She carefully masked a strange, growing sense of completion with true exhaustion and need for recovery, but her heart ached in a way she had tried to contain since sensing Luke's passing.
And Ben's rage. Again.
Losing her son, losing Luke, losing Han, then losing Luke again.
Losing her son, constantly, but never truly. Luke's words echoed in her mind. No one is ever truly gone. "I am tired", she simply thought. She accepted help from Connix who escorted her to one of the two triple bunk rooms of the Falcon.
Han was everywhere.
For the next two hours after the little technical problem that could have ended the Resistance in a millisecond, Rey, Poe, Chewbacca and two other mechanics worked on keeping them all alive until Gôhn. Every time Poe had to say that name, a huge yawn escaped his mouth. All of the others were sleeping, or trying to. Rest had to wait for those skilled enough to scan the ship for any malfunction; there were five of them left and conscious. They split up, each going to a specific area for a thorough examination.
In total, they were twenty-eight survivors. Twenty-eight survivors in a single old, dysfunctional ship... Against how many? The thought was staggering. But they had to keep going. They had to hope.
After having checked all recesses of that "magnificent piece of history", as Poe had called it, they finally stopped to get some rest.
Rey accepted the bunk above Leia's from a young, clearly smitten communication officer, and disappeared, completely oblivious to his crush. Poe, however, refused to take a bunk out of the seven the ship held, and let an exhausted fighter take it instead. Earlier, he'd also refused to sit down and recover from the blow. It had led him to check on worn wires in tiny, deep hollows of the maintenance crawlway, a flashlight in his left hand and a ball of torn fabric wrapped around some synthice in his right, pressed against his cheek. For two hours. He now positively looked like a wreck. It took a long, murderous stare from Kalonia for him to yield.
Sleep… Stopping to get some sleep seemed as reachable a goal as flying straight to Kylo Ren and giving him a big, warm hug to sway him back to the Light. Poe sat down on the floor in the lounge space across from Finn and Rose, and his eyes looked like they couldn't see anything, his face blank from exhaustion, his mind too overwrought to sleep.
Chewbacca, needing less rest than them, was flying the ship, although there wasn't much to do, as they were steadily cutting through space at light speed. He was lazily keeping himself alert, along with a few other Resistance members on watch in other quarters.
His back against a bulkhead, his head resting on his folded leather jacket and the pain in his swollen cheek now a faint ache, Poe thought about Leia. He didn't worry for her; she was stronger than he could ever be. She was his rock; their hope, their leader. Knowing they were still in her hands was the only thought that calmed him, aside from his faith in the Force.
He thought about Luke. When he'd rushed up to Leia immediately after the Falcon had taken off to ask her what had happened between Luke and Kylo Ren, he hadn't even spoken a word when he'd understood from the look on her face. A small smile on her lips, eyes sparkling, she had shaken her head ever so slightly. He wondered how he could have both felt shocked and not surprised at the same time. Which one had he really been? He had later learned during their rushed report session that Luke had not actually been killed by the enemy. He'd listened in awe at Leia's explanation. Then again, he had felt wonder and relief, but not real surprise.
The awe he had felt upon seeing him… It had grounded him. Like a weird sort of closure. Luke Skywalker. He had dreamed of him all his life. A direct, living proof of the Force. A validation of his faith. He remembered all the fleeting thoughts he'd had when he'd watched him slowly walk to the enemy. An image of his Tree - the gift Luke had given to his parents – and of his childhood home, had come up to his mind, and then he had felt the presence of his mother, whatever that meant and however crazy it seemed.
Poe felt her ring against his chest and closed his eyes. He saw Holdo's large, ravishing eyes, the transports exploding, and then his squadron. Black Squadron.
Don't dwell on the passing of others to the eternal Light. Move on. Fight on.
His father's words resonated every time new loss fell upon him. Grief had always bounced back upon his deep faith in the Force, and he had always laughed at death, because that's what a pilot does and a squadron leader has to do. Or was it because he was constantly grieving? It was routine, the pain. It was part of him. It had been since his mother's death.
But this time, his father's words didn't soothe him.
It had happened so quickly. Jakku. Torture. Starkiller Base. D'Qar exploding. The bombers. Holdo.
Black Squadron, his friends...
He tried to fight back against gut-wrenching grief and shame and self-loathing. He had failed them. He had been wrong, so wrong. He felt the dizziness of those who have to violently grow up. Sleep couldn't come.
He slowly blinked. His eyes were drawn to Finn, sleeping on the floor next to Rose still unconscious on a bunk. He stared at his beauty, through the fog of his dazed, romantic mind, distantly taking in the fact that he wouldn't be the one showing him what love is. Deep down, he had kind of already known ever since Finn had asked for Rey, barely paying any attention to him. For a second, he felt like crying, then laughed internally at himself, repeating for what seemed like the hundredth time: This is war, he's just a kid, and you've just met him! Kriff, get a grip, Dameron! He watched Rose, then Finn, then Rose, then Finn again, and a small, sad, but genuine smile lit up his kind eyes, although not without a little frown of confusion. He had thought Finn would end up with Rey. Hell, he was too damn tired to make any more guesses. Come on, sleep, softy, he pictured Jessika Pava telling him.
We're one with the Force now, way cooler than you ever were. See, in the end, I beat your sexy ass in awesomeness, Commander! The Jess in his mind winked. I second that, Snap would've added in a serious tone, making Karé laugh. Sarcasm mixed with true kindness. He would miss them all so very much.
Out of the corner of his right eye, he suddenly felt eyes on him. Too tired to even turn his head, his eyes looked back at Rey and she immediately looked away, as if caught prying upon his privacy. When had she come in? As sudden as a blaster shot, fear shot up his spine. He swallowed it as best as he could. The fact dawned on him, that she could do it just as he had done it to him. He looked back to see her watching him again, but this time she didn't look away.
Guilt, sadness, confusion.
Concern, understanding, kindness.
Poe swiftly relaxed, holding her gaze. He attempted to smile but couldn't tell if he actually did. She smiled back and mouthed "Sleep." Poe tried to think of something sarcastic to respond to that, but nothing came out.
When he woke up, Rey was sleeping.