A/N: Alright. Here, I'm starting a ConAi fic as a challenge. On a forum, someone mentioned disliking ConAi fics because they always ended up "shallow" or seeming "forced together" so I wanted to see if I could write something that would be different than that (at the very least in his/her eyes - this is for you, anonymous! \o/). I wonder if I'll succeed? Here's hoping so!

Before starting though, Pandakitty if you see this, the other fic is in the works. Weirdly enough, I do my best brainstorming for ideas for it off the computer. Until I've got everything planned and perfect, I'm not going to post it. It'll be worth it though, I assure you. I'm planning so much…because I'm going to try something riskier than I usually go for. Y'know, for fun :B

Anyway! Here goes nothing~

Grey Shades of Love

Prologue: Denial

"If I'm told it's white, I'd say it's black" ~Vanilla Salt Yui Horie (Eng. Translation)

"Ai-kun!" If not for the open door, Ai wouldn't have heard Agasa's shout in the basement room. Responding with a yell of her own, she sighed when he continued with his message, "I'm going to clean the bathroom now! I've…already done the kitchen, so you can do the living room instead!"

Knowing the old inventor too well, Ai made a mental note to interrogate him on the likely now-missing curry leftovers that had been in the fridge once she finished tidying her room. It was surprisingly dusty considering the long periods she was often down there. However, once she thought about it, she realized that she hadn't been spending as much time typing away theories and formulas on APTX lately. In place of that she'd been socializing with the Detective Boys and going on countless adventures.

Strange, that's what it was. The more she thought about the escapades, the more she had to hide a smile. To think, only months before she'd been a criminal in an organization, designing a drug that would eventually change her life. …Hers, and someone else's.

Halting her reminiscence in the middle of folding her blankets, Ai resumed her pattern after a shake of her head. She should be cleaning, not losing herself in thought. Almost as if to argue that point, something moved to the side. Next blanket in hand, Ai felt it fold on her feet as she lost grip of it and her eyes widened. Wedged between the frame holding the mattress and the wall was a worn book. Recognizing all too well what it was, Ai threw the blanket at her feet to conceal it while she closed and locked the door. She didn't want Agasa to walk in on her, not while it was in view.

In a way, it was ironic: he was the one who had suggested she should try it, yet he had no clue about her use of the diary. If Ai could help it, he never would and neither would anyone else. Truth be told, she wasn't sure why she'd started in the first place, especially taking the time into consideration. It was quite the liability: if one of Them found it, everything would spiral downwards. She knew that…yet she'd dug it out of the trash very shortly after moving in to the house, a time in which she was far more paranoid (and she was the one who had 'thrown it away'). For this reason, her curiosity overflowed and she opened the cover.

Grey Shades of Sorrow

Should the situation ever arise, these sad words will burn to grey ashes.

'Ah. I really haven't looked at this in a while. I forgot I put a fake title to throw off Agasa if he peeped,' reading it again, Ai smirked, 'Though, even now it's appropriate…especially with my name.'

Despite knowing it was a waste of time, she flipped to the first entry. Momentarily confused, she chuckled when she remembered that she hadn't bothered to date the accounts. After reading a few lines, she also recalled that she didn't specify any names and wrote in a strange narrative alien to a regular diary. In retrospect, with all of her caution, it really did seem like a short novel. Only those who knew the true story would be able to tell otherwise.

Full of a slight nostalgia now and noticing that there were far more blank pages than filled, Ai decided to read through it one last time. Once she was finished, she'd burn it just as she'd promised on the first page. After all, she was cleaning her room, she hadn't used the diary in a while and she probably never would again.

At least, that's what she thought when she began to read.

The life I was born with has nothing left. My mother, father, and now my only sister, they've all been taken from me. No doubt it's some sort of divine retribution for the work I do. Yes, someone who cruelly pulls the strings of my life for mere entertainment and drama. Why else would I be the only one remaining, the only one with a chance of a new beginning?

Most would see it as a blessing straightforward, but I know it's mixed, especially considering the irony. By trying to end my life, I allowed myself to start a new one. I suppose in the end, my life truly did end, but I'm still living on this damn rock. Truth be told, I don't know why I bothered to go along with this new beginning. There really was no point.

But I suppose there was that. That: such a vague way to word it, but the only way I can think of. From "undetermined" to "deceased" and now to "that" when I want to say "curiosity". However, "curiosity" is only part of it, I don't know the rest.

I came searching for "that" - for my curiosity, and I found a new home, a new life, a new name, a new school, and a new feeling. Tomorrow, I'll leave my home to start my life at my school with this unfamiliar feeling leading the way. While I'm there, hopefully I'll meet

Wait. "Hope". Is that what this is?

No. That can't be the case. There's nothing for me to hope for, not anymore. There's nothing that can be done.

But I suppose there's still curiosity, so for the sake of that, I'll tread through one more day.

It was so different, so much so that Ai almost didn't feel she'd written those words. However, in the back of her mind, she knew she had. She could even remember the lighting in the room and the knot in her gut as she scribbled with her pen. That feeling in her stomach arose again as she read over the words…and she didn't like it. Deep down, she wanted to stop there, but just as she had while writing that first entry, she went on for the sake of curiosity.

Though this new world is white, it's still familiar. Everyone blends together like numbers on a screen, not one of them distinct. But when there's difference, everyone takes notice. They all stare. They all wonder. They all judge.

I came into the white from the black: it's grey. I've tainted the world, and they've taken notice. They want me gone, I can feel it. Especially my so-called "hope".

My suspicions were correct: I met him today…the other, as I like to call him. While I wanted my life to end willingly when I started anew, the other never wanted to die in the first place. Because of my work, I've bent another life. The other resents me for that, I can feel it. At least it's familiar: resentment, hate… The darker side of humanity still does exist here, it seems.

However. It's still…light. More so around the other.

It's strange…or perhaps it'd be better to say the other is strange. After I revealed myself to him and the hate set in, we went on a search for a relatively pointless disc (though at the time, we thought it was worth something). At the scene there was a murder. Seemingly hopeless, I paid it no mind, but the other was highly interested. Somehow through a twist of fate and - in my opinion - a twist of physics, the culprit was revealed, swift and easily.

That was when I "saw" just how much the other really hated me.

My sister. With his abilities, the other could have easily saved her. Yet for some reason, he didn't. Did he know she was related to me? Did he know that I was the cause of his torture? The other wanted revenge, that's what I thought.

But, when my emotions overflowed and I couldn't control myself, the other stood still when I bawled. He didn't scold me. He didn't beat me. He didn't even glare. Eventually when I saw his face, it almost seemed as if the other…wanted to cry himself.

Why?

I remember when my sister told me about the other. She seemed genuinely happy to be around him, but that's how she was with everyone, even when she didn't know them well, like the case with the other.

So why? Why was the other sincerely effected when reminded of my sister's death? He barely knew her.

I don't understand him at all.

Reading over the last line, Ai frowned. She'd written the entry right after they'd obtained the floppy disk from Hirota's home, but deep down the last line still partially rang through her. Despite the time she'd spent with him, Kudo was still a puzzle. Or a mystery, as he'd prefer.

With the word 'mystery' in mind, a phrase from the same night of the entry came back to her: "There's not a mystery in the world that can't be solved." She had to wonder. Was that really true? Kudo had said it with the utmost confidence, but how could she take it at face value from the very mystery she was trying to solve?

Realizing she was drifting off into thought once more, Ai lightly smacked her forehead before refocusing on the diary.

I never thought that going to a soccer game could ever amount to anything more than a migraine, but I've come to notice that with the other around, anything can happen. The score at the end eluded me, but it's not all surprising with what occurred behind the scenes during the game.

However, that's a story the newspapers would cover, or in the very least the police report. Something more useful would be observations of the other.

I had thought of him as some sort of deductive genius, but seeing him bounce around like a child simply due to a kick of a ball has convinced me otherwise. I can't grasp what it is that makes him tick. I even sent some playful remarks his way to see how he'd react. But before I knew it, I began to say odd things that seemed to spontaneously pop out of my mouth. It inclined after the other lent me his hat.

I don't get it. I saw the hate in his eyes when we met. He even labelled me a murderer. I've seen it all before, I recognize it. So then why is he different? Where did his hate go? Today, the other even treated me as if I were one of the crowd.

As if I were normal.

One thing is for certain: the other is a bigger mystery than anything else I've encountered. Coming from someone who's solved many a complex equation, this is saying something. I'll stick around, if only to figure out the puzzle that is the other.

At certain sections, Ai had to do everything in her power to resist erasing the words she read. So badly she wanted to scratch out those specific phrases - the ones that gave off that impression. That was a time long past, she knew that. Yet the handwriting taunted her. It didn't outright say it, but the words were easy enough to decode.

One glance by someone such as Kudo would reveal the truth: a crush. Unfortunately, it wasn't the painful crush Ai would wish upon the pages, it was the pitiful one. Now aware that it was long gone, she continued on to remind herself just what she used to be…and why change was a good thing.

The other must be affecting those around him. Out of the blue, with no real explanation, a girl asked me how I felt about the other. I knew that she liked him, and I know jealousy can reveal the peculiarity in people, but this was too much. Of course I told her how she was wrong in her thinking, but I still wonder how she came to even think of her question.

Perhaps there are certain "signs" in this world of white that didn't exist in the black. I'll have to watch out for them.

In an instant, the need to slide her hand down her face left Ai and was instead replaced with a minor tremble. Subconsciously combining 'black' and 'watch out for them', she was quickly reminded just what was next. Despite it only being a memory, it still chilled her to the bone. She knew what the coming entry was going to entail.

I want to say it started with that dream, but I know better. I know that my old life wasn't going to abandon me that easily. No, it enjoyed torturing me too much to let me go. But I never remembered it being so horrifying.

Perhaps it's true: you don't know what you've got until it's gone. After living my life in the dark terror, I became immune and I could go on despite the black. Then after I came into the light and adjusted, the black swallowed me, making me blind.

I didn't think I'd make it back to the new white world. I didn't think I needed to. I had nothing to lose anymore, why not embrace death? That's what I thought. I was better off dead, I shouldn't escape death again.

And again, the other came in and changed everything. What is it that drives him? He always strives to find the truth with his beloved logic, and yet logic seems to bend around him. I should've died and after getting involved the way he did, the other should've died as well. But he didn't. I didn't. Both of us are still alive. Both of us are living our new lives, as if nothing happened.

I never thought such a thing was possible. Usually the darkness always wins. It taints the heart so easily. I, above all others, should know this.

However.

It's unlikely, but

Maybe I'm the one that's changed.

Staring at the last line, Ai couldn't help but blink. For her current self, it was all too obvious that she wasn't the same person she'd been at first, but never had she thought the change had started so early. Had it really been that gradual? Interested now, she went on, hoping to visually notice the small details that eventually lead to her new self.

There is another. Yes, that's what I'll call her: Another.

She is a woman who the other lives with. Intriguing enough, she's also the apple of his eye. To top it off, though the other strives to hunt for the truth, he's forced to deceive her. Perhaps the force above doesn't only have eyes for my misery alone.

I haven't truly met her, and frankly, I'd rather not. Another reminds me too much of what I've lost, specifically my sister. However, even so, when I give her the cold shoulder, something feels wrong. It isn't the pain of remembrance that makes me do it, I can tell. What's wrong is that I don't know what does.

Aside from that, I came up with an interesting plan involving the other and Another. He mentioned that Another was onto him. That could be a liability, so I knew we'd have to deal with the situation, and I knew the other would go along with it, despite it risking his life. He'll do anything to keep Another safe.

It rattles me. Despite his care for her, the other continues to hide everything from Another. I can't deny that I've pushed him in that direction on more than one occasion, but I can't quite understand how he hasn't told her yet. It's rare that he takes my, or anyone else's, advice, so it's his own choice to keep the truth from Another. I know that it'd be dangerous for her to know, and I prefer that she doesn't, however, the other thinking that same way

It just doesn't seem like him.

We've successfully tricked Another, and the other was quite happy in his old life while I lived his new. I can just tell he's going to beg me later to let him have "a few more minutes". How I can't wait to bluntly shut him down. He should know that he's already taken more than enough chances with his first comeback. Another is tricked, that's all that we were aiming for.

Preferring not to think too much on "Another", Ai flipped the page.

Already, the dark has returned. Just a simple ski trip, that's what it was going to be. But that bus ride quickly turned into hell. It wasn't because of the event that occurred, either.

It was because she was there. I didn't see her, but I could sense her. That horrible, vile woman. All I could do was cower. She didn't even show herself. That's the extent of her darkness. Everything around me became a blur while I worried.

"They can't see me." "They'll kill everyone." "This can't happen, not today." I thought.

Even with the other right at my side, I still trembled. If anything, his presence worried me more. I didn't want the black to engulf him. Especially since

If not for him, so many people would've died on that bus. The children, the old man, innocents, and me.

Well I would've died alone, but the other saved me. I've wondered about his reasons before. I assumed it was simply to regain his old life or to repay me for covering him, but even now that doesn't seem to cut it. From what I can gather, he simply saves people because he can.

What sort of mindset is that? The best of people can't deny that they value their own lives over others in dire situations, so how does he make it look so easy to throw it all away?

Ai smirked at her past ignorance. If anyone that knew Kudo were asked right then about it, everyone would reply that he saves the lives of others as if it were his job. He also spewed words of wisdom, much like what was scrawled on the next page.

"Don't run away from your fate."

She wasn't surprised in the least that the small phrase had its very own page. Those words meant a lot to her. Uncertain and treacherous as her fate was, she knew that Kudo had been right. Running had never accomplished anything for her, not once. Everything she ran from had only left a trail of death. But when she faced it head on…

Reading over the quote a few times over, Ai had to reconsider her earlier resolve. Burning the book would dispose of some of the pathetic implications, but other, precious words would also fall to ashes. Perhaps she'd just rip out the pages she wanted to keep. As she put a mark on the edge of the page with Kudo's quote, she was taken aback by another sentence that claimed its own page.

"Courage is a word that gives you the strength to do what's right."

These words hadn't come from Kudo, instead they'd been uttered by the one he treasured most. Perhaps that made the most sense of all. Maybe what inspired her to say those words was part of what Kudo liked about her so much. It might've also been what made everyone like her so much.

Mouri Ran: referred to as 'Another' in the diary, she was mentioned repeatedly in the entries the Ai had begun to skim. Not surprising her, some of the passages with her mentioned were less than friendly. It made sense: though at the time she'd thought it was the reminder of Akemi that made her act that way, Ai knew then that it had just been jealousy. What did shock her was that she'd realized that sooner than she'd thought.

It was, in fact, detailed in the section she'd just turned to…the last section in the whole of the journal.

The other and Another are definitely a pair for the ages. I never thought it'd be possible for two people to be so much like each other.

Including stupidity.

Yet again the black made an appearance, and of course the other made no hesitation to throw himself into danger. I tried to stop him, but it was he who ended up stopping me. Through a method I won't detail here, he knocked me out, and when I woke up, something dawned on me.

Before I had fallen asleep, I was worried his actions were going to put many in danger, but when I awoke and realized he was already making way with a foolish, risk-filled plan, my mind emptied and I could only think of one thing:

The other cannot die. I won't allow it. For if he was gone

I would be without a point.

At the time I didn't make the inference, but this almost assuredly is the reason behind my disdain aimed at Another. I suppose I always felt that she was taking the other away from me. Not that I own him, but deep down perhaps I thought I did.

Or I wanted to.

These petty feelings aside, that night made me come to a conclusion: with this new life in my hands, I'm going to make the best of it. I've come to face my past and it won't haunt me anymore. I'll live for the future.

As for the other

He is not mine. He never was. And he never will be. He is not Another's either. He is his own.

That is what makes him so unique. So special. I'm happy I was able to meet him. To meet Ano

No. Perhaps it is I that is Another. To the other, I am Another, and Another

Is The One.

Silently making her way through the remaining pages of the book, Ai quietly closed it once she reached the end. Not a single word was written after the entry she'd just read, despite much having happened. The event detailed - the night of the double disguises and Vermouth's reveal - had been some time ago. Ai was almost confused as to how she hadn't written anything since that day, but part of her understood.

Writing in that book just made her think of that trivial crush she'd had on Kudo, and after getting over it, she didn't want to be reminded of it at all. However, despite this, Ai didn't feel the way she'd finished the diary was right.

For this reason, she picked up her pen and began to write. A few times she had to think on how she should word things to fit with the rest of it, but on the whole it didn't take long to complete her thought. Even so, just as she put her pen down, Agasa called to her from beyond the door following a knock, "Ai-kun! What's taking you?"

"I'll be there in a second," closing the diary, she headed to its hiding place. Before placing it back in its spot, she stared at the cover that concealed the newly printed words.

Finally, after the longest time, the other has confessed his feelings for The One. From me this would sound odd with the humiliating crush I'd had before, but in reality it's made me relieved. This confession was a long time coming and was the final step I needed to trash that old crush for good. Daresay

I'm happy for the other and I'm happy for The One. I'm also happy for myself.

I have friends, a home, and a new look on the world. While I still have doubts on how safe my life truly is, I'm thankful for what I have and I'm thankful to the other. I couldn't have asked for more than to see him happy as he is for the help he's given me. And knowing his snooping qualities, if he reads this

Should you hear a gun at night: that'll be me, you no-good peep.

Chuckling as she imagined Kudo's face should he ever read the last line, Ai waved off Agasa's obligatory question and replaced it with one of her own, "Why are we cleaning so early in the month, anyway? Not that I disagree with a polished home, but it doesn't seem like you."

"It's not that early, only a few days," flashing one of his usual toothy grins, Agasa continued, "Anyway, we'll be having the kids overnight before going on that camping trip, remember? I thought it'd be better to clean ahead since we'd be gone during the usual time we do it."

Looking up, Ai mumbled to herself, "That's right, another camping trip with the Trio of Trouble." Hiding a smile behind the back of her head, she added, "…and the other."

Out of her field of view, Agasa rose a brow.

(Prologue: END)

I think I'm liking the direction this is going. Those diary entries were fun to do…despite the fact I usually don't like doing diary things. It seems a bit cheap, but I wanted to clarify my perception of Ai's character for this and going over significant events in view was the easiest way to do that.

Regarding the song lyrics at the top of the chapter, I've decided to do that for each chapter. That being a line or two that I think fits the AiCon pairing and likely the chapter itself. It's just a detail I liked, not that the songs are necessary :P

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this so far. And also, from previous stories it's been proven reviews help me write faster so… ;) …Of course, as I'm using my father's computer to write (as the usual one is in the works) updates probably won't be frequent. :C