One-Shot: Still Cleaning This Gun

It was a calm morning in Luke's Diner. Luke Danes was cooking behind the counter, trying to meet the demands of the breakfast rush. Just then, his daughter April came through the front door. She was almost 24, and was getting ready to attend graduate school.

And now she was holding the hand of a boy.

Luke's eyes narrowed. But he slapped on a huge smile as he greeted her, "Hey, sweetheart! Who's your pal?"

April smiled back a little nervously. "Daddy. This is my boyfriend, Peter."

At the word boyfriend, Luke continued about his business, but even more deliberately than before. He now whipped out a giant cleaver and began chopping vegetables, pretending not to notice April's mouth drop open in disbelief.

"Dad, since when have you had Sookie's cleaver?"

"This isn't Sookie's cleaver. It's my cleaver," Luke explained as he continued to chop vegetables.

"Oh, really? Then why does it say, 'Property of Sookie Belleville' on the handle?"

Luke looked down to see this very inscription. Now, Sookie had gifted Luke with this cleaver before she and her family had moved from Stars Hollow, but even so, Luke was not about to admit that. So instead he said, "Uh... fake news?"

April scoffed. "I don't believe you!" And she took Peter's hand and dragged him out of the Diner.

That night, Luke and his wife of only a few months, Lorelai, were getting ready for bed. As they lay together in the darkness, Luke pondered aloud:

"You know, we have some darn beautiful daughters."

"Hmm," Lorelai agreed, as she snuggled closer to him, thinking of her daughter, Rory.

"They're quite the catches, April and Rory. So young and full of life. They're really something, our daughters."

"Well, ordinarily, I would say we make cute babies together, but..." Lorelai's voice trailed off as she felt Luke's grip tighten around her. She knew he hated to dwell on the fact that Rory was not biologically his, and that he had not known about April until she was 12.

"Still they're our babies," Luke said.

"That's because you still think Rory is 10 and wearing fairy wings inviting you to a dead caterpillar's funeral. And I know you didn't get any memories of April as a little girl..."

"Exactly. Which is why... I went out and bought a gun today."

Lorelai sat bolt upright in bed. "Well, that's very... Andrew Carnes of you."

Luke frowned. "Who the hell is Andrew Carnes?"

"Oklahoma? Ado Annie? Come on, babe, work with me here."

"I'll listen to the cast album," Luke growled.

"Yes, but before we do that, let's get back to the topic at hand. Like, why would you buy a gun? You told me you hated guns. You said once you thought Wayne LaPierre looks like the Keebler Elf."

"I do hate guns. And I do think Wayne LaPierre looks like the Keebler Elf. All the more reason that I promised I would be a responsible gun owner. I would only use it for... recreation."

Lorelai stared at her husband hard, everything clicking into place. "Oh, so killing our daughters' boyfriends is considered recreation now? What are you, Dick Cheney?"

Luke's gaze deflated at being outed. "Do I wanna know this reference?"

"Dick Cheney mistook one of his aides for a moose and shot him in the face."

"When he was still Vice President?"

"No, when he was Santa Claus's evil twin. Of course when he was still Vice President!"

Sighing exasperatedly, Lorelai lay back down in bed, curling against her husband. "Luke, I think it's sweet you being all protective, especially for Rory. Just... promise me you'll be careful."

Luke huffed and held her tighter. "I promise."

"Good boy."

The next morning, down in the Diner below the apartment, April, Jess, and a pregnant Rory were cleaning the diner for the morning rush. Music from the Hamilton soundtrack was blaring as the girls were signing along like teenagers.

"You wanna a revolution, I wanna a revelation, so listen to my declaration. 'We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal'. And when I meet Thomas Jefferson, I'mma compel to him to include WOMEN in the sequel! WERK! Angelica... Eliza... and Peggy!"

Jess rolled his eyes at his cousins' antics. "Who's Peggy?"

"She's Maria," April responded.

Jess blinked. "Maria is Peggy?"

"Yes, she's the one who seduces Hamilton," Rory explained.

"Who seduces him - Maria or Peggy?" Jess asked, getting more exasperated. He hated this damn show, anyway!

Just then, Luke came down, all dressed in his flannel, "I'm heading out!" he announced. As he headed for the door, he suddenly gave April and then Rory uncharacteristic kisses on the cheek. "I love you... and I love you!"

He then tickled Rory's stomach. "Goodbye, little Lorelai." He tousled Jess's hair. "Behave yourself." The bell jingled as he bounded out the door.

The three young adults looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

"He so got laid last night!" Jess crowed. "Did you see his smile?"

"I know!" Rory giggled. "And what was with the free 'I love you's'? Luke used to have a hard time giving me so much as a hug!"

It wasn't until later that the kids found out why Luke was so happy.

That night, the family gathered for dinner in the closed Diner. Peter was there at April's invitation, and Logan Huntzberger was in town to visit Rory and check on her pregnancy. Luke was at the head of the table... cleaning a Colt .45 in between bites. A country song was playing over the radio in the background.

"...I'm gonna be up all night, still cleaning this gun..."

Logan and Peter both gulped, glancing at each other. Jess was using every muscle in his face to keep from smirking.

Lorelai, meanwhile, looked fit to be tied. "You, sir, are not getting anything from me tonight!" she hissed at him.

But Luke only grinned triumphantly. "There's always tomorrow night..."