Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, or any of the lines that Falcon says. However, I do own the English language, so I hope you can speak French during the trial.
"Yoshi's Island" said Master Hand, random shots of said island showing at a pace of four per second, "A mysterious place of which almost nothing is known about."
A picture of a library filled with books on the island was shown.
"20 castaways have been force- I MEAN VOLUNTEERED to be marooned on this island for 30 days. And only one will emerge as the-"
The camera fell over.
"ULTIMATE SURVIVOR!" said Master Hand, not noticing he was offscreen.
Random pictures of the castaways were shown.
Team Yamauchi:
Peach (Minimum Wage McDonalds Employee)
Captain Falcon (Bounty Hunter)
Snake (Part Time Real Estate Agent)
Wario (Weight Watcher's Prime Target)
Roy (Pyromaniac)
Pikachu (High School Student)
Toon Link (Pirate)
Popo (Mountaineer)
Nana (Mountaineer)
Dedede (Annoyance)
Team Arakawa
Kirby (Prime Time TV Producer)
Zelda (Princess)
Pichu (Prime Time TV Star)
DK (Garbage Man)
Yoshi (Retired CEO)
Mario (Self-Proclaimed Plumber)
ROB (Robot)
Lucas (High School Student)
Samus (Metroid Headhunter)
Sonic (Electrical Appliance Salesman)
The boat pulled up to the island. The contestants got off. This sure is exciting, isn't it?
"Survivors!" said Master Hand, "You will be stranded on this island for 30 days, unless you count the camera crews following you the whole time. You will have to search as a team for food and shelter, and bear in mind that you're on national television, so anything stupid you say willbe uploaded to Youtube a million times under the heading 'LOL'"
Several other contestants that were going to be on, such as Pit and Marth, immediately quit the show.
"You will be split into 2 teams which I will not say for the sake of redundancy. So you guys go there, and you guys go there," said Master Hand, pointing completely at random.
"You will each have to go to your respective camps. Team Arakawa, this is your camp. Team Yamauchi, yours is on the other side of this 50 mile wide island.
All of team Yamauchi groaned, except for Peach, who just smiled stupidly, and Falcon, who passed out on the ground.
All of team Arakawa grinned, except for Mario, who got hit on the head with a coconut, and ROB, who is incapable of grinning.
"Why does it always have to be me?" moaned Toon Link, cutting himself.
Team Yamauchi walked over to the other side, dragging Peach and Falcon.
"Good riddance," said Kirby.
Toon Link
Age 11
Pirate
Tribe Yamauchi
"I can't believe that they would make us walk all this way!" moaned Toon Link, "It's unjust! It's unfair! It's- WHY DOES NOBODY UNDERSTAND ME?"
Toon Link cut himself.
Tribe Yamauchi
"Well," said Falcon, staggering drunkenly, "I object to all this sex on the television. I mean, I keep falling off."
Everyone stared at Captain Falcon.
"On a scale of one to ten, I'm very drunk."
Captain Falcon passed out on the ground, drunk.
Wario started to eat the body as Roy roasted it.
Pikachu groaned.
Tribe Arakawa
"Don't worry guys! You can do it if you believe in yourself!" said Lucas, watching the others attempt to make a fire.
"Lucas, it would be useful IF YOU FREAKING CAME OVER HERE AND HELPED!" screamed Kirby, throwing various objects at Lucas, such as a flaming stick.
"Because I know you can do it if you try!"
"Affirmative," said ROB, shooting lasers out of his eyes, starting a fire and burning down any signs of a shelter they had made.
"AAGH!" screamed Mario, running out of the shelter.
"We're never gonna surivive!" groaned Zelda.
"I remember doing an episode like this on 4 and a Quarter People!" said Pichu, smiling.
Roy
Age 19
Pyromaniac
Tride Yamauchi
"I came here because I heard that one of the challenges was for SWEET GLORIOUS FIRE BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN!" said Roy, "And because I need the money. FOR MATCHES TO SET THINGS ON FIRE BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN!"
The camera melted.
Tribe Yamauchi
"HEY!" yelled Dedede, "WHERE'S MY FOOD?"
"You were the only one that didn't bother to get any," said Pikachu, "So who really deserves it?"
"Me, you bitches," declared Falcon, "I'm high on crack!"
"I deserve it!" yelled Dedede, hiding Falcon's imaginary stash, "Because I'm awesome!"
"No," argued Toon Link, "You're degrading and hateful. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!"
"What are you talking about?" asked Pikachu.
Toon Link cut himself.
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!" shouted Toon Link, crying. "I'll just write this in my MySpace!"
Toon Link realised there were no computers.
Toon Link cut himself.
Tribe Arakawa
Day 2
"And I can't believe they have THE NERVE to send us to a place like this!! It's so isolated!" moaned Zelda.
Yoshi waved to his horde of friends passing by.
"..And there's no way to get food!" panicked Zelda as DK came back from a momentary excursion with a towering pile of fruit.
"...And the weather is downright terrible!" yelled Zelda, while stepping over Kirby, who was momentarily sunbathing.
"......And...um, the wildlife is...annoying?"
...
There were no animals in a 10-mile radius from them.
...
"Damnit."
"..." said Samus.
Tribe Yamauchi
Day 2
"Check. Your email. And check your email. Ch-check your email and ch-check yo-your e-e-mail-mail." sang Falcon in the makeshift straitjacket that Pikachu had constructed for him.
"Let's see..." said Pikachu, getting out the tree mail. "Emo weekly..."
Toon Link stopped applying his makeup and grabbed the magazine from Pikachu.
"Ad blocker, enlarge your... not reading that out load, aha! Here's something!"
Everyone stopped doing whatever they were doing and started to listen to Pikachu, except for Toon Link, who cut himself.
"We don't feel like writing a long, insightful poem, so just letting you know that there's a reward challenge today."
"I can't wait to bomb some Dodongos!" said Falcon.
"Wow! A reward challenge! Doesn't that sound exiting, Popo?" asked Nana.
"Well," replied Popo, "I suppose so, but-"
"SHUT UP! Who asked you to talk? I can't believe this! I'm breaking up with you!"
"... I'm your brother."
"Of course you are, silly!"
"THIS IS FUN!" yelled Peach, running across the camp on fire, Roy chasing after her.
Toon Link
Age 11
Pirate
Tribe Yamauchi
"This sucks," said Toon Link, "I can't tell about the woes in my life on my blog, and they wouldn't let me take my iPod so I can't listen to Green Day."
Toon Link cut himself.
Captain Falcon
Age 45
Bounty Hunter
Tribe Yamauchi
"You know what they say," said Falcon, one of his eyes becoming unfocused, "All toasters toast toast!"
Reward Challenge
"Well, hello!" greeted Master Hand "Nice to see you, but I don't think there's any reason to-"
Both tribes held up the treemail.
"Oh."
...
"So, Survivors! This challenge is for fire!"
Roy instantly started worshipping the flint Master Hand held up.
"But... most of us can already make fire..." said Pikachu.
"Shut up," yelled Master Hand, "Now the challenge is... um..."
...
"Did we ever even make a challenge?"
...
"I get it. That guy over there," said Falcon, pointing to ROB, "Is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend, so that makes you...
A gay robot."
Everyone stared at Falcon.
"Anyway..." went on Master Hand, holding up a Shy Guy, "What is this?"
...
"A Shy Guy?" asked Yoshi.
"You did it!" cheered Lucas. "I knew you could do it if you tried!"
"Alrighty then," droned on Master Hand, "Tribe Yamauchi gets the fire, blah blah blah blah blah, now get the hell out of my sight."
Roy sobbed.
Toon Link cut himself.
The tribes went back to their camps.
Master Hand went home.
The camera crew starved to death 4 months later.
Mario
Age 37
Self-Proclaimed Plumber
Tribe Yamauchi
"I don't see what the point of that challenge was," complained Mario, "I can shoot fire from my hands already, and,"
A chainsaw comically fell on Mario's head.
Mario died.
Tribe Yamauchi
"Oh man..." said Sonic, "Look at all the colors..."
"What are you doing?" asked Pichu, smiling cutely.
"What are you doing, Sonic?" shouted Lucas in disbelief, "Drugs are bad!"
"Shoot yourself in the leg," said Sonic.
"Where did you get those, anayway?" questioned Yoshi.
"Wait..." said Kirby, "Those are cherries! You're smoking freaking cherries!"
"..." said Samus.
"What are cherries?" asked Donkey Kong.
Everyone stared at DK.
Toon Link cut himself, but that was at the other camp.
Tribe Arakawa
Toon Link cut himself.
"This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! His metabolic processes are now history! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! Bereft of life he rests in peace! He's off the twig! He's a stiff! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil and gone to join the choir invisible! This- is an ex-parrot!" listed Falcon.
"SHUT UP!" said Nana, whipping him.
"In West Clownopolia, born and raised, on a playground, where I spent most of my clown-"
Snake forced several tons of sand down Falcon's throat.
Wario ate the sand.
"But a couple of clowns, who were up to no good, started making trouble in my-"
Snake shot Falcon.
Dedede grabbed the body, for personal reasons.
Peach made out with the body.
Tribe Arakawa
Day 3
"ROB, get the treemail," said Kirby.
"Affermative," said ROB, getting the treemail and handing it to Mario.
Mario got a serious paper cut.
On his neck.
No seriously, it went through his jugular vein.
"WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT OUT ALIVE!!!" screamed Zelda.
Kirby took the treemail.
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Immunity challenge today,
SO FREAKING COME YOU MORONS!!!"
Sonic took the treemail and started to smoke it.
"What does immunity mean?" asked DK.
Everyone groaned.
Immunity Challenge
"Survivors!" bellowed Master Hand, "This challenge you will be going for immunity!"
He held up a smily face sticker.
"This is immunity!"
"WHAT?" yelled DK.
"Immunity! It allows you to not get voted off, and makes you feel special."
"ARE YOU ASKING FOR A CHALLENGE?????" asked Falcon, staggering drunkenly.
"In order for your tribe to get it, you need to climb up the rope thingamajig, then slide down some mud under a wire thingamabob, then swing on a vine over some pixelated alligators, then shoot the oncoming Goomba, then burn your team flag. You must all go as a team, 5-4-3-0 go."
Both teams went on the ropes, Mario somehow becoming hung from his.
"I hope you made lotsa spaghetti!" yelled Falcon, his head becoming caught on the wire on the slide down.
Tribe Arakawa was mainly on the other side of the cleverly-named pitfall.
"Hurry up already, ROB!" screamed Kirby.
"Affer- MA- tiv-" said ROB, running out of power.
"Darn."
"I wish I was an Oscar Myer weiner..." sang Falcon shooting the Goomba, and Wario.
Roy ran up to the flag and set several things on fire, including both flags, the challenge area, and Mario.
"Tribe Yamauchi wins, whatever, tribe Yamauchi is going to Tribal Council," said Master Hand, throwing Snake the sticker.
Toon Link cut himself in celebration.
Yoshi
Retired CEO
Age 22
Tribe Yamauchi
"Yeah, um..." began Yoshi, "I blame ROB. Because, well... um..."
The cameraman got bored and switched to someone else.
Samus
Metroid Headhunter
Age 30
Tribe Yamauchi
"..."
Tribe Yamauchi
"It's all your fault, ROB, you jerk!" shouted Kirby "If it wasn't for you, we'd be home free! You slimeball, you idiot!"
"..." said ROB.
"Playing silent with me, eh? Well I know how to get you to talk!"
Kirby shot ROB.
"..." said ROB.
"Don't worry, guys!" said Lucas, "We believed in ourselves, so it was a win in spirit!"
Tribal Council
"Get your fire, fire is your life." said Master Hand.
Sonic started smoking the torch.
"What's fire?" asked DK, putting his face in the torch.
"Shut up. Now, Samus, have you found any problems with your tribemates?"
"..." said Samus.
"Fasinating. Now ROB, has there been any tension among the camp?"
"..." said ROB.
"Great. Lucas, has anyone told you that you're freaking annoying?"
"If they find me that way, they should listen to my advice. Brush your teeth every day!" cheered Lucas.
"Your mother never loved you."
Lucas cried.
"Now, time for the voting. Samus, you go up."
A montage showed.
"Now, the votes are in! ROB, you lose."
"..." said ROB.
Master Hand threw ROB in the direction of the hotel, snuffing his torch.
"That is all. Good bye."
Farewell Speech
"..." said ROB.
Voting things you never got to see
"..." said Samus, voting for ROB.
"Jerk," accused Kirby, putting in a vote for ROB.
"..." said ROB, voting for no-one.
"Sorry," whispered Yoshi, a vote for ROB in his hand.
DK smiled, holding up a stick figure drawing of Zelda.
"You made the challenge so horrible!" said Zelda, voting for Mario.
Mario put in a vote for Sonic, then got shot.
"The magic flying monkey toolstool king told me to," confessed Sonic, voting for ROB.
"You didn't believe in yourself! That's bad!" exclaimed Lucas, putting in a vote for Mario.
Pichu voted for ROB then smiled cutely.
"I'm rigging this game," said Master Hand, voting for ROB.
Next time on Smashy Survivor:
Lucas starts to try to pry Sonic away from drugs...
"There's a hundred thousand million ways to say no," sang Lucas.
He was mauled to death instantly.
And Pikachu begins to snap!
"Yes, everything's fine, nothing's wrong..." said Pikachu, hiding himself in the corner.
Now it's time for- Who's gonna Sue YK!
Just go back and send me where Falcon's lines came from in a PM... yeah...