A/N: I was listening to the song Not in That Way when I got the idea for this one shot. Please leave a review after reading. :)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Dan and Phil or any song lyrics used. Song Lyrics in Italics.
Dan's P.O.V
And I hate to say I love you.
When it's so hard for me
I sit beside Phil on the sofa, playing Mario Bros with him. His concentration face is adorable; I just want to kiss his rosy lips. But I can't. Phil doesn't know I'm gay or that I'm in love with him. He looks across at me, aquamarine eyes full of excitement.
"Come on, Dan! I can't do this level without you!" He says before turning back to the TV screen. I mumble an apology and try to lose myself in the game.
And I hate to say I want you.
When you make it so clear you don't want me.
I don't even know if Phil's gay. All I know is that he dated a guy about a year ago but he's been going on dates with girls recently. He could have been trying out guys but didn't like it. I don't want to ruin my friendship with Phil over some stupid feelings. He'll hate me forever if he doesn't feel the same way. I don't know what I'd do if I lost Phil.
"I'm going to get a drink. Want one?" I ask, standing up. Phil doesn't tear his eyes away the game.
"No thanks!" He calls. Finally, a chance to escape.
I'd never ask you 'cause I'm certain I know what you'd say.
You'd say I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way.
I sit on the kitchen floor by the refrigerator, tears falling down my cheeks. I wish Phil knew how I felt. I even wish I didn't feel this way, at least I wouldn't feel excruciating pain every time Phil goes out on a date. I want him to dress fancy for me, to take me to posh restaurants and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, making me blush and giggle. I need him to never leave me but he will, one day when he's with someone he loves. Phil will get married and have children and I'll be left alone, drowning in my sorrow, mourning the loss of someone I never had. Wiping my eyes, I pull myself up and get a bottle of wine out of the cupboard and a glass. I pour some wine into my glass and drink it all in one go. I pour myself another, full glass this time and take it and the bottle into the living room and plop back down onto the sofa next to Phil. He sighs.
"I swear, you have a serious problem." He says.
"Why do you care?" I snap.
"I CARE because you're my best friend." He replies putting emphasis on the word 'care'. I shrug and begin to take long sips of the wine.
And I'd hate to say I need you
I'm so reliant
I'm so dependent
I'm such a fool
Pausing the game, Phil snatches the glass out of my hand, slipping some on my jeans. I gasp and spring up.
"That's enough wine." He states.
"PHIL! Give me it back!" I shout, lunging for the glass.
"NO DAN! You've had 4 glasses, that's enough!" Phil shouts.
"You're not my mum! I decide when I've had enough!"
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, DAN?!" Phil throws his arms up.
"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" My voice echoes throughout the flat. Phil lets his arms drop, shell-shocked. Realisation sets in. I just told Phil I'm in love with him. My chest tightens. Choking out a sob, I run out of the living room to my bedroom.
When you're not there, I find myself singing the blues
Can't bear, can't face the truth.
You'd never know that feeling
You'll never see through these eyes.
"Dan wait!" Phil calls. He barges into my room. I turn to face him. Tears are falling down my cheeks like rivers. We stand in silence before Phil walks towards me until we're barely an inch apart. He stares into my eyes, hoping to find any signs that I didn't mean anything I said. His eyes widen and he takes a step back.
"Please tell me it's not true." He begs.
"I can't do that Phil because it is true. I do love you." I whisper. Phil shakes his head. I hear him whisper something like 'No it can't be true.' Grabbing his wrist, Phil flinches and I see a look of anger and pity on his face. I feel my heart sink. I know what Phil's going to say before he says it.
"I'm sorry believe me, I love you but not in that way." He says. I let go of his wrist and he walks out, shutting the door behind him. I sink down onto my bed. Burying my face in my pillow, I sob uncontrollably. Phil is rustling around in his bedroom. Ring. Ring. Ring. The ringing abruptly stops and I hear Phil I hear his footsteps outside my door. Dragging myself up, I walk to the front door to see Phil with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. Red rims his eyes, tears leaving streaks on his cheeks. He gives me an apologetic smile. I feel a tear slip down my cheek; I wipe it away quickly.
"I'm going to stay with my girlfriend." Phil states. I begin to walk towards him. The door slams in my face.
I'd never ask you 'cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say.
You'd say I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way.
You'd say I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way.
A/N: I hoped you enjoyed this! Feel free to review.