Always
SilverThorn-2000
(Author's Intro: I don't own Yumi, Odd, Jeremie, Ulrich, or Sissy. I don't own the songs used in this fic either. They are copyrighted to their original owners, and I mean no harm in using them thusly. I do own Chris Addison and Molly Argent. If you've read Dance Among Stars, you'll recognize them.
Also, while the songs are meant to be part of the narration, they are essentially being sung by the character mentioned as 'being on the stage.' Just, you know, FYI.)
Yumi Ishiyama sat curled up on the bench, head resting on the back.
What was bothering her wasn't something she particularly wanted to talk about. What she wanted, in point of fact, was to be left alone.
She glanced over as her boyfriend, Chris Addison, sat gently down and drew up his knees.
"I don't want to talk, Chris. Go away."
No response came. Yumi glanced over, staring at the young man next to her for a long moment. His blond hair glistened in the sunlight. His brilliant blue-grey eyes were visible, but the rest of his face was obscured by a dusted pair of blue jeans. His eyes flickered over to Yumi briefly, as if acknowledging her presence, but turned to stare back out over the grounds of Kadic.
"I said I don't want to talk."
Chris raised an eyebrow, as if to ask "Am I talking?" Yumi growled in her throat, but Chris seemed to pay it no mind.
"Look, Chris, why are you hanging around? Why bother?"
Chris raised his head slightly, enough to clear his mouth from his knees. "Because I care. But I guess that doesn't matter to you."
"I just want to be left alone!" Yumi snapped.
"That's your choice. Be happy with it." Chris' voice was barely above a whisper as he stood, and Yumi felt sick. Most people would make a scene when their feelings got hurt. Chris Addison got quiet. She reached out a hand, and he brushed it off.
"Why'd I have to do that?" She asked herself aloud. No response came, and she rose to go home, despite home being the last place she wanted to be.
"You okay?" Ulrich Stern asked Chris a few moments later.
"Go away, Ulrich."
Ulrich stopped for a second. Chris wanting to be alone meant something had managed to do some emotional damage. Given what Chris had been through already, there wasn't much that could do it anymore. Two thing immediately sprang into his mind: Either someone had brought up his actual family, or he and Yumi had been in another argument.
"Yumi problems?"
Chris rounded on Ulrich with a calm that belayed the large boy's anger. "Go away, Ulrich. It's not your business, your problem, or your concern."
Yumi problems.
"Look, Yumi's parents don't have the-"
"Ulrich, drop it." Chris turned back to the dormitory entrance and strode up the stairs.
Ulrich sighed. "You get like this every time you can't do anything, you know? You shut down, and start keeping everyone at a distance, just like your dad." Chris whirled around, and Ulrich knew instantly he had just said something incredibly, incredibly stupid.
"Look, I didn't mean-"
"Go away." The words were whisper soft, but Ulrich made good on the offer.
Chris stormed up two flights of stairs, down the hall, and into his room. With a slam and thunk, Chris had shut and deadbolted his door.
"So the talent contest is tomorrow. You finished with your rehearsal?" Sissi Delmas asked her roommate, Molly Argent. Molly smirked in her wardrobe's mirror.
"Yeah, I-" She was cut off by a knock on the door. "You get it. I'm sans shirt right now."
Sissi muttered an "ugh" noise, got up, and opened the door. "Ulrich? What are you..."
"Is my girlfriend in?"
Molly had paused at Ulrich's name, but finished sliding her shirt on. Following that, she reached over, opened the mini-fridge, and pulled two flavored waters out before kicking the door shut.
"All right Ulrich, what'd you step in this time?" She inquired, opening the door completely and handing him one of the waters.
He told her.
"Ulrich Stern, my boyfriend though you may be, you are also the biggest idiot I have ever known."
"I know, I know! I didn't mean to say it, either. It just kinda-"
"'-slipped out.'" Molly pinched the bridge of her nose. "I love you. I really do, but sometimes I wonder if you have the verbal grace that God gave the rest of us. You know how sore a spot Chris' family tends to be. To him and Yumi both."
Ulrich said nothing. Molly had a point. For all intents, Chris was estranged from his parents, and mention of them tended to get him angry. And, as she was the only one who'd ever had contact with them, Yumi didn't react much differently.
"You may as well sleep in the rec room. If Chris should catch you before his anger's burnt itself out- and we all know how long that can take!- he'll render you indistinguishable from the ground you happen to be standing on."
Ulrich suppressed a groan. "You have a real way with words, you know that?"
Molly chuckled grimly. "Comes from the books, dear." She pulled her blond hair back into a tight ponytail and smiled, the two beaded stands by her ear falling into place. Ulrich took a deep breath and carefully opened the water.
"I can't believe I did it, though." Ulrich took a swig of the water. "I can't believe he let me go."
Molly laughed. "I seem to recall him saying something about not having enough friends to go around killing them all."
"Great."
Yumi collapsed against her bedroom door. Why'd she have to do that to Chris? Was her being alone to brood really worth it?
No, she decided, it really hadn't been. But Chris' need to play the part of the white knight was a real strain on their relationship sometimes. She also knew how much he hated being helpless about things-
Her thoughts were interrupted as muffled yells drifted through her floorboards, punctuated by her little brother's sobbing from next door. This was becoming too common, her parent's fighting like this...
"I'm really nervous about this, Jeremie."
Aelita Stones was looking up at the stage. Her slender hand was folded in Jeremie Belapois', and the young boy was smiling.
"You'll do fine, Aelita. You sing just as well as you mix music."
"I wish I could believe that..." Aelita hugged Jeremie tightly, and slowly walked up the steps to the microphone.
"All right, Ms. Stones, whenever you're ready." The drama teacher said from the front row. Jeremie slid into a seat a little further back.
Aelita took a deep breath as the 'house band' behind her started the song she'd chosen.
She never slows down
She doesn't know why
But she knows that
when she's all alone
Feels like it's all
Coming down.
Yumi rested her face in her pillow. She wouldn't cry. No matter how much it hurt, she wouldn't let herself cry. No matter how much she missed Chris, no matter how loud her parent's voices got, no matter what. She wouldn't cry.
She was still telling herself that when the tears started flowing.
She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
raining down
Yumi's voice wailed softly into her pillow as she finally let her hurt, her pain, her shame come out. She lay there on her bed, sobbing into her pillows. No matter how much she didn't want Chris in the middle of this mess, she wanted her hero, her beloved angel.
And the thought that she'd been dumb enough to hurt him made her sob all the harder.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
Ink pen scratched over pencil lines on brilliant white paper. Inking was, by and large, the biggest headache Chris put up with for the serial manga he did for the school paper. But, he reminded himself, it was merely the price he paid for actually getting to draw something that people enjoyed.
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fear's whispering
If she stands
She'll fall down.
Just, he reminded himself, as Yumi's occasional snit fit was the price he paid for their almost storybook romance. At least it wasn't like Odd and Sissi's constant 'on-again-off-again' daily soap opera. He looked down, and the page blurred. He wiped the tears from his eyes. Yes, he was angry about it, but he should've respected her wishes. He just hated feeling helpless about whatever was hurting her.
She wants to be found
The only way out is
through everything she's
running from
Wants to give up
And lie down
His eyes drifted to his cell phone on the corner of his table. He reached for it, stopped. If something was really wrong, Yumi would call him. She always had before.
She would call him. Right?
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
The band behind her crashed into the song's bridge, and Aelita bobbed her head gently in time with the music. With almost perfect timing, the band quiet to nothing more than the piano sound emitted from the keyboard.
"So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain."
The whole band cut back in, and Aelita forced the last chorus out past her somewhat sore throat. She felt exhausted, but exhilarated. Singing was a joy, but to do it in front of people like she would at the talent show...
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain."
The band crashed into the song's finale, and Aelita forced herself to keep from panting into the microphone. She felt a small, embarrassed smile cross her lips as Jeremie applauded. Oh, but was that song ever an emotional drain...
"Well done, Ms. Stones. Great rehearsal. All right, get set up for the next act!"
Yumi stepped out the classroom door the next afternoon. Chris was nowhere in sight. Milly and Tamiya (Who'd collected the latest page of manga from him) had both pointedly remarked that Chris had- yet again- locked himself away in his room. Why, they didn't know.
Odd had told her he'd also simply skipped his rehearsal, but had called and changed the song he'd be performing.
Briefly she considered going to the talent show, but decided against it. She really didn't want to go home, but she didn't want to watch the show alone, or be around any of the others. Any time she and Chris had a fight, she always felt like they blamed her. And maybe she was right.
She wondered what song Chris had chosen, but shrugged it off. She slowly walked through the school gates, the overcast autumn sky above her darkening. If she were more superstitious, she'd probably consider it an omen.
"Our next performance, Chris Addison, performing the song-" Jean-Pierre Delmas adjusted his glasses- "Burning Bright."
He looked at Chris, who was dressed in his usual t-shirt, jeans, sweatshirt, and vest. It was a surprising counterpoint to the myriad array of costumes the other students were wearing. His eyes flickered over the black case in the young man's right hand.
With a thump, the case was dropped to the stage. "This is a different song than what you signed up with, isn't it?" Delmas asked him, and Chris simply raised an arm and brushed Kadic's headmaster aside.
With a double snap, Chris opened the case, and removed a dark crimson electric guitar. Sitting back on the stool, he began to play.
I feel like there is no need for
Conversation.
Some questions are better left
Unreasoned-
Yumi walked into the Ishiyama household's foyer, and into a verbal hurricane.
And I would rather reveal myself
Than my situation.
Now and then I consider my
Hesitation.
Her parents were still at it, and her brother, little Hiroki, was sobbing on the couch. Yumi's eyes flooded. She couldn't do this again. She couldn't watch her parents fight, her family begin to break in front of her. She tore up the stairs, threw open the door to her room.
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning-
-Burning bright.
She pulled a duffel bag from her closet, opened her wardrobe, and frantically began throwing things into the bag. Her smallest pillow, her favorite stuffed Totoro, the stuffed purple rabbit Chris had won for her at the carnival a few months ago, several changes of clothing and undergarments, some make-up and other toiletries.
I wonder if the things I did were just
To be different
To spare myself the constant shame of
My existence
Tears stung her eyes. No more. She couldn't stay here. She had to get out, get away, find someplace she could rest. Someplace she could try and heal. And only one place was truly open to her.
And I would surely redeem myself in my
Desperation
Here and now I'll express my
Situation
It was stupid. It was going to be problematic for a lot of people. But it was the one place in the world she was certain she could really be safe, she could feel like she was loved.
She ran down the stairs, and between her parents, who stopped arguing and looked at her fleeing back.
The more the light shine through meI pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning-
"Yumi!" Her father called after her, but she opened the door, and got one foot out of the door as a peal of thunder crossed the heavens, and rain began to pour down. Yumi didn't stop. She didn't dare, for fear she'd loose the heart to try what she was going to do.
There's nothing ever wrong
But nothing's ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I crossed the line
It's not easy to define
I'm born to indecision
There's always something new
Some path I'm supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason
Her foot splashed through a small puddle as the rain pounded her. She was cold, scared, and almost frantic. But she kept running.
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning-
I feel like there is no need for
Conversation."
The audience sat, stunned, before the first sporadic applause started. Chris paid it little heed, putting his guitar back in it's case. With a slight bow to the audience, he hopped off the stage, walked right up the center aisle, and left.
"Boy, he's really wound up about this fight with Yumi, isn't he?" Jeremie whispered to Ulrich, who nodded.
"Yeah. Molly's on next, isn't she?"
Jeremie nodded, and Ulrich watched the stage carefully.
Molly walked out and sat on the stool, as Delmas introduced her. Ulrich grinned and gave her a thumbs up.
Molly reached up behind her head, pulled her hair back, grinned, and started singing.
Hold on.
Hold on to yourself,
For this is gonna hurt like hell.
Chris slid the guitar back into its place next to his wardrobe. He really hadn't wanted to watch the rest of the acts. The one reason he might've stayed wasn't there, anyways.
He glanced behind him at the sudden knock on his door. He calmly unlatched his self-installed deadbolt (A modification made much to the consternation of both Jim and Headmaster Delmas) and opened the door to reveal-
Hold on.
Hold on to yourself
But know that only time will tell.
Yumi. Wet, bedraggled, and gasping in heaving sobs. "Yumi? What...what happened? Is everything all right?"
"I..." She swallowed, choking back her tears as best she could. "I need someplace to stay. I- I can't be at home, it's just..."
What is it in me that refuses to believe
This isn't easier than the real thing?
My love
You know that you're my best friend
You know that I'd do anything for you
Chris led her inside, pulled a towel from the stack in the drawer under his bed, and wrapped her in it. "I need my angel," Yumi sobbed, laying her head against his chest.
My love
Let nothing come between us
My love for you is strong and true
"Shhhh, shhh...It's all right. You can stay." Chris held her as best he could. He was surprised at himself. Yumi'd only ever slept in his room once, and only then by complete accident, the result of a nightmarish chain of events.
Am I in heaven, hero?
Am I?
At the crossroads I am standing.
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow
And we'll see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile
Across your face.
Letting Yumi go, he opened his wardrobe and reached behind the stack of clothes. Fishing around, and knocking a couple of shirts out of the wardrobe completely, he pulled out his sleeping bag.
"I don't think sharing the bed is an option, love. Not unless we want the staff and your parents to go into cardiac arrest."
He unrolled it next to his bed, and opened the drawer under the main section of the wardrobe. He didn't fish around, but pulled his favorite blanket from it and laid it on top of the sleeping bag.
Yumi looked at him in surprise. That blanket was one of the few good things from his home that he still had. Hand knitted by his mother, she knew he was very protective of it. "Your blanket...Are- are you sure?"
Oh, God, if you're out there, won't your hear me?
I know that we've never talked before.
Oh, God, the man I love is leaving
Won't you take him
When he comes to your door?
"She always hoped it'd be used by someone I loved, Yumi." Chris looked at her. "I'll step out so you can change, okay? It's probably best if you got into something dry and warm. There's a sweater in the wardrobe you can use after you're done."
Yumi blushed furiously, but nodded. Chris shut the curtains and walked out. Yumi looked at the door, and threw the deadbolt just in case.
Am I in heaven, hero?
Am I?
At the crossroads I am standing.
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow
And we'll see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile
Chris stood outside his room, eyes shut. "Oh, this isn't gonna go over well with any of them."
He felt grateful that the talent show would be running for another half-hour or so. He was in no hurry to explain this entire brouhaha to Jim. Or Ms. Hertz. Or Mr. Delmas. Or even the rest of the group, for that matter.
Not that he would know where to begin, anyways.
The deadbolt unlatched, and he nearly fell backwards as Yumi opened the door. Catching the door frame, Chris looked at her. It was her usual all-black fare, but the neck of her turtleneck poked out from the top of an oversized grey sweater. Her eyes were red-rimmed from her crying.
Chris led her back into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. He slipped out of his shoes, and sat down on the sleeping bag next to his bed. She slid down next to him, her still-damp hair falling over his vest and sweatshirt.
He picked up the blanket and wrapped them both in it, his arms holding her close. Yumi sniffled softly, and Chris sighed.
Now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow
And we'll see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile
Across your face
"Chris, I'm so sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to-" Yumi nearly broke down again, and Chris shushed her softly.
"It's okay. Part of being in love is being hurt by how the other person acts. You can't always do something about it. As much as I hate it."
"Then why do you try?" Yumi asked, and she felt Chris' shoulder raise in a shrug.
"Because I think you should try to help where you can. If it's in your power to, even if it means just being a comforting presence."
Hold on to yourself,
For this is gonna hurt like hell."
Molly bowed as the audience applauded her, leaving the stage and walking down to Ulrich.
(Author's outro: Okay. I know. It's not a light story, it's not the easiest read in the world, but I thank you for reading it. And, hopefully, for reviewing it as well.
Songs used:
Superchick- 'Stand in the Rain'
Shinedown- 'Burning Bright'
Sarah McLachlan- 'Hold On'
If you want to hear these songs, odds are you can find one AMV or another on YouTube for them. I know of a particularly good one for 'Stand in the Rain' that was done by Kurode7, in point of fact. -ST-2k, October 10th, 2007)