Ancient Contemplation
I don't think you can fully appreciate how hard being lonely is, unless you've been like that for a long time. You see there is a difference between being alone and being lonely, and at first you may think they are the same, but I can tell you they aren't.
Being alone is what I've been most of my life. Yes I've had a family, friends, people that I've loved, and that have loved me, but soon life takes its toll on them and they die and wither, and I'm all that's left. Yes, there have always been new people to follow the ones that have died, but they can never fill the void of those personalities and eccentricities.
Being lonely, on the other hand, is what I have been constantly. It's difficult to conceive the idea of standing in a room full of people and being unable or unwilling to connect with anyone around you. That's me.
After my family died it was almost a relief to separate myself from other people. Now I go out of my way to avoid people, because there is less chance that I'll get hurt emotionally when they die, or when the hand of fate delivers a personal betrayal which it inevitably does.
Some people are always surrounded by people; they share so many deep connections with those people, but I've limited myself because so many people have torn a piece of my soul away. I sometimes feel like a collander, where nothing sticks around except me.
I'm sure eventually you will learn to understand the path I have taken. Years from now, when you are old and frail, you'll be one of the only people alive that remember things how they used to be.
But until that time arrives may I make a suggestion?
Don't live how I've lived, separate and alone. Fill each moment you're given with a sense of purpose, even if that means you always seem overly excited about the small things. Better that than always being sullen. Grasp opportunities as they present themselves, and if they don't show, create those opportunities yourself.
Learn to trust, like I have never been able to. Not in the 2000 years I've been alive. Trust, Ianto Jones; but don't trust me.