Hello
Author: ME!/ ooglebug
Pairing: CLARK AND LOIS :D
Summary: This is a one-shot of Doomsday I wrote before it was aired (how I wanted it to go lol).
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: don't own ANY of it... apart from the rain, thats mine :D
Notes: I have also posted this on kryptonsite so I haven't plagarised it! It was beta'ed by Sarah - much thanks to her! :D
you absolutely MUST listen to this while you read it - http://www. you tube .com/view_play_list?p=8954C011C5F8DFA5 (take out the spaces) (if its obselete, search sad piano
Lastly because of the different formats on kryptonsite and here, it reads better if you dont make the window full-screen, but minimize it a bit.
Hope you enjoy it :) please review with constructive criticism/general comments (btw its long! lol)
One Night To LiveLooking out over the dark horizon with the city quietly buzzing beneath it, its' glow only faintly lighting the clouds above, Clark stood still, thinking; tomorrow he was to die. The weight of this knowledge seemed to have manifested itself in the heavy rain clouds that hung over Metropolis, smothering the lights, the sounds, the people. Even he, who carried the sun within his very veins, felt the cold tonight.
"Tomorrow is the day you die"
It hadn't hit home yet; that every moment he stood here on the rooftop of the Daily Planet was a moment gone; one less chance to do one more thing. He had faced death before, so many times; greeted it with calm words, decisive actions, heroic deeds. But there was to be none of that now. How could he call himself heroic when he had caused so much suffering?
Certainty was not something he had thought he would have when considering his future; everything seemed to come out of the left field these days. But yet, here it was, staring him in the face. He felt the wind stir, gently caressing his cheek with an icy touch. Breathing in deeply, he leant forward and rested his elbows on the hard edge of the roof.
The ground seemed so much further now he knew his fate; the humanity that carried out their lives upon it seemed untouchable now. The sounds of the people drifted up to him, briefly interrupting the silence surrounding him. A couple walked silently along the pavement, absorbed in each other; his breath stopped as a wave of pain spread from his heart. He had to think of other things; he couldn't think of her now.
Quickly he turned his thoughts to the fight ahead. Rokk said he couldn't defeat Doomsday without death and that was okay; he would die protecting humanity and he would be fulfilled; it was what he was meant to, it was what he had fought for all this time. And fought he had; at the cost of his family, his friends, his loves... Every step of the way he had given it his all; shedding blood and tears in a desperate fight to validate his powers, to not let them go to waste. He had been blessed with so much and now he was going to pay it all back, now he was giving all he had left to give; his life.
He had one night; one night left to live. It was that hypothetical situation he used to mull over with Chloe back in high school; if you had one night left, just one, what would you do? All you ever wanted or dreamed of had to be brutally prioritised, condensed into a single desire that defined the very reason that you went on living in the first place. He shook his head to clear his mind of the thoughts that were threatening flood his mind: thoughts of her.
Things had changed so much; as a kid, he had settled upon the simplest and most obvious; he would spend it as he usually did: surrounded by friends and family at the farm, an evening filled with laughter and flaky, homemade apple pie, perhaps a game of monopoly that everyone got slightly too into and the warmth of leaning back on the couch, his mother and father on either side.
Time and space separated him from that dream and besides, he had changed and the people around him had changed or moved on. Though he had reconciled this fact long ago, it hit him hard.
His father. He missed him so much. Just to see his smile, feel his arms pull him into a hug... He had been living with his absence for so long but tonight it felt as if he had only just been ripped from him, as if it was just yesterday that he could count on his advice and steady hand on his shoulder. He wanted to see him so much. He missed his mother too, her role in his life was so distant though he was glad for her success and knew it had been for the best.
Chloe. His best friend, who had travelled this journey with him and been dragged through the carnage that littered his life. She had been there all along, helping him to grow and learn. Finally, here was one last battle that they weren't going to face together as they always had, with clenched fists and hurried shouts; standing strong together as the world caved in. She was in too deep and he could only rescue her by leaving.
Lana Lang: the girl he once thought he would love forever. She too, had been there since the beginning though not always standing by his side, instead leaving and returning in a constant state of flux that he had foolishly let continue long after he should have. They were not, never had been, destined for each other; they were never right together, never quite reaching the level of understanding or love even that he had so envied in his parents.
He glanced up; thinking of fate and destiny always turned his thoughts to the stars. They seemed so solitary, drifting in their sea of black, only the glimmer of a planet teaming with life to offer them comfort. People said when you died you became a star; they meant it as a comfort, as if you would always look down on those you loved, but to Clark it was his very worst nightmare. His eyes closed as he remembered what he would sometimes dream; that he was floating, weightless, in the vast emptiness of space. He would try to reach out with his fingers but would find himself paralysed; only able to gaze hopelessly he endlessly orbited the earth, till the universe around him began to die and he was left alone and immobile for eternity.
He brought his fingers to his face and flexed them, trying to shake the trembling that was creeping over his body; he was terrified. Not because of a fear of death, or of pain but of leaving and what he would abandon in doing so. Her.
Breathing in deeply he filled his lungs as if increase the distance between his heart and the rest of the world. Suddenly he expelled the breath in a sob as he collapsed over the wall, his head held in his hands; he couldn't avoid it any longer.
Lois.
The whole time since Rokk's departure, he had been fighting to push her from his mind; willing himself to turn to other aspects of his life. But now he could do nothing except endure the anguish that just her name evoked within him. He was going to leave her behind, forever separated from her by that old cruel trick; death. You think you'll live forever; that you have all the time in the world to cautiously wait to explore your feelings to the extent that they can be.
He smashed his fist against the hard concrete in anger; how could he be so stupid, so blind? The wall shattered. His breaths came out fast in pants as he gritted his teeth, fighting his urge to lash at everything in sight. He shook his head, his nails dug deep into his palms; anger, too, was now irrelevant.
Instead he focused; one night left to live. Tomorrow she would be living her life without him; it didn't seem possible. There had never been a moment where he had thought she wouldn't be there in his life, always. Before it had been as a friend, a lovable thorn in his side with whom he could trust to enjoy himself, smile for a change. Slowly it had grown to dependence; he needed her soft, unexpected words of guidance and her arms tight around him, holding him together; completing him. But it had always been, however hidden, however unwanted, more.
One night left to live; one night left of her smile, one night left of her laugh, her eyes, her voice. She was his reason to go on living. It didn't matter anymore: secrets, lies, any of it. He bent down and picked up the pieces of the broken wall, placing them in a pile before dusting off his hands and turning to the door back down.
He had to find her, he didn't know where to go from there but he knew he needed her by his side, to savour her presence this one last time.
Walking briskly to the door, he opening it feeling a gust of warm air blow out, inviting him in. It slammed behind him as his feet clattered down the stairs, his hands gripping the handrail, feeling the friction as it slid through his grip as he ran frantically, desperate to reach her in time. Finally he reached the flight just above the basement.
All had left for the night except her, fingers still determinedly typing away at her computer, brow creased in concentration. He could see her through a gap in the door, a shaft of light illuminating his path to the room. But still he hesitated.
This meant too much; what would he say now that he knew this was the last conversation he would have with her? What could he say? How much she mean to him, how he would miss her, that she was the strongest person he knew but yet also the one he wanted to take care of the most. He couldn't explain the situation without telling her his secret but he couldn't do that; he wasn't naive enough to think his death would alleviate any danger that those who knew of his origins currently were in; it was more likely to increase, as he wouldn't be around to protect them. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't risk her coming to harm.
So he continued to stand at the top of the stairs, still studying her face, her movements, again and again. The air was cooler down there, and he saw her shiver and desperately wanted to warm her in his arms; then he remembered that after tonight he would never be there again to help her at all. It hurt so much he wanted to turn away, to not face what he had been not facing for so long, turning his face to the shadows, too afraid of losing himself in the brightest of lights. But he wasn't that boy any longer.
He walked down the steps, over to the doorway and through it to her, only her.
"Lois."
He spoke softly, but she heard him; he saw her freeze, a hand outreached towards a stack of paper, head bent down concentrating on a source. Then she looked up, a smile lighting her face and he couldn't find any more words to say.
"Smallville. Thought you'd gone home." The lightness of her voice was as beautiful as any music Clark had heard; he remained where he was, captivated. She laughed softly before grabbing the paper she had been reaching for and leaning back, tilting her head in consideration. "You're such a dreamer Clark, I swear one day you're gonna wake up and find you're fifty with five children and not a clue how you got there."
He bit his lip and smiled a bitter smile; she had hit so close to the mark, as always. He sighed softly and shook his head; she was amazing. It seemed as if the area around her was lit by the soft glow of her smile, the colours surrounding her hued with warmth. Gathering courage to do what he had to, he walked over to the side of the desk that they shared - it seemed as if they shared everything -and pulled out his chair to sit down. He leant back, a mirror image of her and took a deep breath.
"Lois... I just need you to listen, ok?" Lois' smile faltered; sometimes it seemed as if she was as attuned to his emotions as she was her own.
"Sure." She smiled hesitantly, as if afraid of what he might say, "It might shock you but I can stop talking once in a while." How could he put this? How could he explain that she was all he ever wanted to look at, but that he would never see her again?
"I just, I want you to know that I really, uh, value you." He winced; this wasn't coming out right.
"You, uh, value me, huh?" Lois raised an eyebrow.
"What I mean is... you mean a lot to me. And I always want to be there for you, even if it's not possible." Her face darkened.
"Riiight. Why would it "not be possible"?" She leant forward on her elbows, her eyes narrowed; he wanted to reach out, place his hand on her cheek, to feel the warmth of her soft skin. But the paralysis of his dreams stayed his hand; he was destined to remain on his lonely orbit, all was left to do was tell her those unspoken words that were his gravity; weighing him down but also keeping him from drifting away.
"Because Lois, people don't live forever." He whispered. "And people move on and change... and get separated by seas and time, and mistakes. I don't want that to happen to us, but it might and I thought, before it does, I wanted to tell you that-"
"So you're leaving me?..." She interrupted; her eyes widened in hurt. She got up, pushing back her chair with one hand and using the other to rub her eyes. "I mean, all of us, Jimmy, Chloe... "
"No! Well... I don't know. I don't want to Lois..."
"What!" She shouted in anger; she had walked round so she was standing above him now, her chest rising and falling rapidly with indignant breaths. "If you don't want to leave, then don't!"
"Lois calm down; I never said I was leaving." He ran his fingers through his hair, glancing at his shoes, mere inches from hers; so close.
"Well, are you or aren't you?" She said, her voice sounded tight and strained; she was struggling to stay in control. He rose to stand in front of her, not meeting her eyes, though his hands found hers and held them gently, connecting them.
"Yes. One day; yes, Lois, Okay?" He said softly, to the air beside her ear. "One day I will be leaving, or you will be leaving me. Because that's how life works." She yanked her hands from his and stepped back, away from him.
"No it isn't Clark; the people you love never truly leave. I thought you, of all people, would know that." Her words, quietly spoken, were laced with ice that found its way as shards into his heart. He watched her turn, her dark hair whipping out behind her with same force as her words. She grabbed her bag and left, not glancing over her shoulder as she walked quickly away.
Without thinking, knowing that this was his last chance, his only chance, he super-sped to the entrance of the Daily Planet, it's iconic archway providing a backdrop, the lights lighting the dark pavement. She was walking out, one hand brushing tears from her eyes, the other clutched tightly to her bag. She didn't notice him, standing there, waiting, and walked headlong into his chest.
"Umph!" She looked up, her mouth open in shock "Clark?! What, how?" She dropped her bag, its contents spilling across the pavement, into the dark, and stepped back to gaze at him, slowly shaking her head; trying to understand.
Suddenly, the rain that had been holding back, almost in anticipation of this moment, now let go, driving down from above, soaking everything around them. Their hair was soon flat on their heads but there they stood just taking in each other: neither aware of their sodden clothes or the chaos surrounding them.
He walked up to her and pulled her into him, with his arms wrapped tightly around her while hers instinctively wrapped themselves are him; he could feel her head nestled on his chest just beneath his chin, her small hands grasping tightly to his back, his fingers rested on her waist. Bending his knees, holding her tight, he jumped.
She lifted her head to look up and gasped as they soared towards the rooftop he had stood not so long ago. He felt different, this wasn't a jump; this was flying. He slowed them down until they were floating, turning in gently circles, the roof just feet away, and the cool night wind gently stroking their cheeks. The rain still fell.
"I'm the Red-Blue-Blur." He said, water rolling down his face like tears. "Don't say anything just yet, I need to explain some things." He looked into her eyes; they were sparkling with the glistening rain and reflected starlight.
She just nodded and swallowed, biting her lip.
"I wanted to tell you. I did. But people get hurt because of it. Chloe, my parents, Lana, even Lex; they've suffered so much because of me. You deserved to know but I didn't want to risk it." He paused, and then lifted his chin to carry on. "I did tell you, once, but, this is going to sound crazy-"
"Smallville, we are currently floating at God knows how many feet above the ground, outside the rooftop of the Daily Planet; not much is going to sound crazy right now" She laughed.
"Well, I reversed time," She raised her eyebrows incredulously. "I told you!" He laughed. "Anyway, it got too dangerous... so I reversed time. And you didn't know anymore."
"So, why are you telling me now?" She narrowed her eyes. He hesitated wondering how much to say.
"Because... today I found out something, and it means that I had to tell you or you'd never know the real me and I want you to." He glanced away from her eyes, fixing his sight on the darkness beyond her.
"Clark, what did you find out?" There was urgency to her voice and she leant back slightly so that she could look at his face, aware of the gravity of the situation but unsure of to what degree. He brought them closer to the roof and stepped down, carrying her in his arms, before placing her feet firmly on the ground. He avoided her eyes as he avoided the question.
"I-" He stopped himself. He remembered all he had thought of earlier; tomorrow he was to die and this was what he wanted his last night to be; spent with her. She was the reason for his smile, he felt incomplete whenever she was gone, she was the girl with whom he shared more than anyone. Standing here, studying her, he realised he needed to tell her how he felt before he told her about tomorrow; he didn't know if she felt the same but it didn't matter.
"Lois." She looked so vulnerable; the tough, army girl she'd always pretended to be was stripped down. She held her chin high but he saw her lip quiver and knew she had lain all before him; she had nothing left to hide.
"Yeah?" She said softly, barely a whisper.
"I'm sorry. I don't want to list all the times I made the wrong decision but I've done it, over and over and... well I'm sorry."
"It's okay Clark; you're only human." She smiled.
He laughed; "See the thing is: I'm not, human that is... I'm an alien I guess you'd call it." He paused to take in her reaction; she seemed calm and unruffled; waiting for him to carry on. "I'm from a planet called Krypton but it got destroyed and my parents sent me here as a baby. I have powers and they meant for me to help protect humanity with them."
She blinked and swallowed, and walked to the edge of the roof, turning away from to look out over Metropolis.
"I always knew there was something about you Clark, that you couldn't put your finger on." She looked back at him, standing alone in the middle of the roof, rain dripping off him. "This is all completely crazy but, well, it makes sense." She looked back across the skyline, glittering with the jewelled drops of water still falling, unceasing from the sky.
"It's the Blur bit I'm having trouble with." He walked over to stand next to her. "I just can't believe it's you, and that I missed it." She turned to face him. "I mean I'm like your..." She looked hopelessly at him, searching his eyes for an answer. "I'm your friend and-"
"Lois you're more than that." He said definitively, laying a hand on her arm.
"So what am I Clark?" Bitterness was evident in her voice; a hardness had crept over her features; despite her forgiving of his past mistakes, she seemed to expect him to make yet another.
"All I know, Lois, is that... You're beautiful... and intelligent, and hilarious-" He began but she cut in,
"And generic?" She said dryly.
"Never that Lois." He laughed but the smile faded from his mouth instead setting into a serious line, his eyes creased with sadness. "Look, the best way I can think of to put is it that... well, you can drive me insane but yet still leave me needing to be with you every moment of every day. What I'm trying to say is..." He leant forward, peering at her from under his lashes. "I love you." There was utter silence except for the continual, softly pattering rain; there was no one on the street below or planes in the sky above. Just them.
"W-what?!" She looked at him with a slight shake of her head, confusion and disbelief clouding her face, and then turned away sharply with an intake of breath shutting her mouth firmly closed. "Clark, I'm not Lana, however much you want me to be." She spoke coldly, her words clipped and sharp.
"Lana?! Lois, I don't want you to be anyone but you!" He leant on the wall as she was, and spoke quietly, looking across the city; he found it too difficult to look into her face. "Look it's hard enough to admit it to myself, let alone say out loud to you but I meant what I said; I love you, okay? I mean you're right! You're Lois: the girl who steals all the hot water, who constantly rags on me for moping, who I'm not supposed to be able to live with. But as it turns out," He paused. "You're the girl I'm not able to live without." At those words he risked a glance at her; she stood immobile, with her head turned so he could see only her profile; the rain dripping off her nose onto her chin.
"Things have changed, haven't they?" She said, matter-of-factly; a half smile on her face. "I just, I can't believe... looking back at who we've been to each other; it just kind of hard to imagine that you could feel like that." She tilted her head to face him and placed a cool, delicate hand on his cheek.
"We've come so far, Clark." She took a deep breath. "I mean; we're close, really good friends but I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything or, you know, if you're lonely, that you need to be with someone; I'm always here for you, you know that? We'll always be friends" She took her hand off his face and leant forward to place a soft kiss when it had just been. He held his breath as he felt her lips graze his cheek, his heartbeat filling his ears; she was leaving him. She had stepped away from him and was walking slowly towards the door, her heeled feet stepping lightly over the puddles as they rippled gently in her wake.
"Lois!" He shouted but it didn't carry through the rain, now pouring thunderously down. There seemed to be a wall of grey between them; she was disappearing into the veil of water, fading from his sight. He super sped in front of her and grabbed her arms, holding her back.
"Lois, I meant it; every word I meant it! And you just have to deal with that. I love you Lois and if that's too difficult for you to handle then quite frankly I don't give a damn. Because you're not going anywhere without accepting that."
He peered at her, his eyes almost closed against the rain that was cascading itself from sky all around them. She wasn't saying anything just letting him hold her there. He gently pushed her dark, bedraggled hair from her face, revealing her large, hazel eyes, her eyelashes glittering with raindrops. His thumb stroked her cheekbone softly, and she brought her hand up to cover his, closing her eyes as he leant forward, still cupping her face. He lifted her chin slightly; her lips so near to his that he could feel her light, warm breath touch his mouth. Cautiously, he closed the gap, his lips meeting hers. For a moment that was all it was: their two mouths lightly touching. But then they both came alive; kissing each other desperately, meshing their mouths together, their tongues intertwined; years of holding back, of silent torment released in one kiss.
Slowly they pulled back, both breathless; their foreheads rested against each other's.
"I meant it Lois; I love you." Clark whispered.
"So why are you telling me now?" She said; her voice empty, sounding almost desolate, "What is it that's caused this sudden need to tell me all?" She sounded as if the reason would detract from everything he had just shared.
An icy jolt ran through him; while he had been caught up in Lois, he had almost completely forgotten what was to happen. His throat suddenly closed and he choked, tears were threatening to escape; he would never talk to Lois again after tomorrow. They didn't have a future; there was nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for. He bent double in agony, the pain of his loss racking his whole body.
"Clark? Clark, what's wrong?" She sounded panicked, terrified. He realised it had stopped raining and that the dampness on his cheek came from his tears that had silently escaped from his eyes. She crouched down to his level and used her thumb to wipe some away, her other fingers gently cupping his face.
He felt hollow; no matter what she said or did now it would never be enough. He didn't want to imagine how his death would affect her; it seemed so presumptuous. But he knew saying it out loud, to her of all people, was going to bring its reality smashing into his heart.
He knew her so well, he knew how many people had abandoned her; he despised the fact that he would be the next one to do so. What could he tell her? Only the truth. He looked away, angry that either way he would end up hurting her.
"Smallville, look at me." She lifted his chin so their faces were directly on the same level. "Just tell me, I can handle it; you know I can." He breathed in deeply.
"Lois, I'm going to die. Tomorrow." She reacted immediately.
"You can't Clark; you won't." She said with absolute certainty.
"Lois, I'm going to die; tomorrow I won't be here any more." He said again, his voice tight with emotion; each time he said it made it more real.
"No! No you're not." She pulled her lips tightly together, her brow furrowed. Then her expression cleared with understanding. "This is what you were trying to tell me earlier, wasn't it?" She clenched her eyes shut tight, then collapsed against him, her head buried in his chest, her body shaking with sobs. He pulled them both down to sit on the soaking floor, leaning back against the wall beside the door. "No, no, no." Her voice was muffled against him. He wrapped her in his arms, rocking her gently, kissing her head softly.
"A guy from the future, a time traveller, he came back to warn me." He continued, though his voice was trembling, struggling to go on. "A while ago he and a few others came to the present; they helped me save Chloe from the monster at her wedding. Though I didn't know it at the time, by saving Chloe, I condemned myself." Lois pulled herself back from his chest to look up at him.
"Is there nothing you can do? Nothing at all? Can't you go the future, hide out, anything?" Her face was slick with tears but her skin was deathly white; she looked so scared. He shook his head sorrowfully, his eyes filled with tenderness.
"Lois, the monster's back; only I can defeat it, but I'll die in the process."
"Why does it have to be you?" She said angrily "Can't they use the army or something?"
"No." He said simply. "As much as I hate the word, it's my destiny... my duty and I have to do it; whether I want to or not."
"Clark, say what you want but don't pretend that this isn't a choice; you're being a hero, you're choosing to save people." She lay her head back on his chest, pressing it against him he ran his fingers through her wet, silky dark hair, and he rested his head on top of hers.
"I have one last night; that's it. And that's why I had to tell you; it was the one thing I needed to do, above everything-else. My family know I love them and Chloe and there's no one-else important except you. I want to spend tonight with you."
He stood, lifting her up with him, one arm tucked under her knees, the other around her waist. He rose off the wet ground with no effort, water dripping off his shoes; simply the knowledge Lois was in his arms was enough to give him the courage to be greater. They drifted over the edge of the building and out, across the city.
He flew them to the farmhouse, both silent during the journey; watching the world pass below, envying those who slept in their beds secure in the knowledge they would live one more day. Though their clothes were still soaked through with the rain, the cool of the night air went unnoticed; all their senses focused absolutely on each other.
He alighted gently on the veranda, setting Lois on her feet so they were both standing, hand in hand. The wind softly rippled the grass surrounding the house in a sigh and the empty barn's wood creaked as if in recognition of these two who had shared so many moments inside of it. Clark took Lois' hand and together they walked into the house.
He opened the door slowly; the familiar smell of cooking and flowers welcoming them home. They still said nothing, as they stood in the dark empty kitchen, their heartbeats the only sound. It was dim and only the outlines of familiar furniture could be seen; everything seemed different tonight. Clark found the light switch the room returned to normal but that image of a stranger's home remained.
"When you said that you wanted to spend the night with me," Lois said nervously, breaking the silence, "What exactly did you mean?" She stood by the kitchen table, her sodden work clothes looking out place.
He shook his head at her implied meaning. "Not like that Lois, I just want to be with you, to talk to you, like usual."
"Right." She tore her eyes from his and glanced down at the table, running her fingers over its dents. "You know, I can hardly look at you now; every time I do I just think how after tomorrow I'll never-" Her voice caught, "-never see you again." She began to cry softly.
He lifted her hand off the table where it had been frantically running over the surface, as if she was trying smooth the bumps away, trying to make everything okay again.
Without saying a word, they walked upstairs to his room and only bothering to take off their shoes, lay on his bed on top of the covers. They pulled each other in, clasping hands, their arms entwined around each other's waists, tears occasionally seeping from their eyes. They fell in and out of sleep; moulding to each other's dreams as they fought the horror that reality would bring them in the morning.
"I love you Clark." She whispered as dawn began to seep through the curtains. Her head was nestled comfortably against his chest, her arms pulled into hers and his tight around her waist. Their legs lay on top of each other's; their feet knotted together.
Though, the day was upon them and soon they would be torn apart forever, they held on tight to each other; this one last night was all they had.