Homer Simpson & the X-Men
I don't own X-Men and the Simpsons, blah blah blah, got this idea after watching the Simpsons Movie… it should be HILARIOUS! Hope you guys enjoy
It was another typical day in Springfield for Homer J Simpson, the resident village idiot and father of Bart, Lisa, Maggie and wife to Marge as he drove down the road to his work, the Springfield Power Plant. However, like most ordinary days, fate has a trick up its sleeve…
"Gee, this doesn't seem like Mr. Burns' house. Wonder who lives there?" Homer asked sheepishly as he entered a mansion, unaware that he was entering the famed Xavier Institute for the Gifted Youngsters, home of the famed mutant heroes; the X-Men!
And needless to say, the X-Gang themselves were busy having a game of water polo, all unaware of the monumental life-changing event that was about to occur. "Jean, could you get that? It's probably the delivery boy again." Scott called out, as Jean was relaxing in the spa. Getting up, she walked to the front door, and opening it to find…
"… Can I… help you?" Jean asked, a bit curious on the appearance of a large, overweight, balding yellow-skinned man on her front porch. "Uh… is this Springfield?" Homer asked goofily, Jean suddenly knowing that this man clearly wasn't very bright. "No sir, this is Bayville, New York. Now, can I ask for your name please?" Jean asked warmly. Homer's beady eyes then gazed at Jean's brassiere through her shirt. "Uh, sir? Is everything ok?" Jean asked nervously. "Huh? Oh. Hehe, I couldn't help but notice how huge your melons are!" Homer giggled obnoxiously. That did it. Jean then pulled Homer into the house, shutting the door behind her
"What did you say?" Jean hissed, appalled by Homer's sense of sexism when Scott walked into the scene. "Jean, I heard something and… who's this guy?" Scott asked, amazed by seeing such a unique human being in front of him. "My name's Homer Simpson, sir." Homer responded cheerfully, before he smelled the scent of a very certain type of food. "Mmmm… donuts…" Homer muttered, loosening himself from Jean's grip and sauntered into the kitchen, the two staring in wonder
"How did he get here anyway?" Scott asked, wanting to learn more about the X-Men's mysterious guest. Jean, however wouldn't want to be anywhere near the thought. "Scott, that man just stared at my breasts! Isn't that inappropriate?" Jean asked, Scott trying to hold back laughing, his cheeks blushing. "I can tell when you're teasing, you know." Jean smirked, Scott then holding it in before a loud belching sound occurred, causing the walls of the mansion to rumble.
"HOLY MOLY!" Gambit yelped, amazed at the sight before him: a rather exuberant Homer sitting on the sofa, his pants top unzipped, a beer in one hand, and a box of donuts by his side on the couch. What the real reason for Gambit's sudden holler of surprise was the fact that the springs on the sofa were starting to shrink.
"What the? Gambit, what is he…" Rogue started, amazed as more people came over and inspected their new visitor. Suddenly, another crashing sound occurred, causing all eyes to glance at Homer. "Uh, wasn't me. Must've been the water heater." Homer sheepishly replied. Scott giggled a bit, finding Homer's sense of humor amusing. Jean then noticed Homer, being a bit of a slob and a rather bizarrely obese man, was kind of unique. The signs of joy then quickly turned to fear and terror as the infamous Mystique entered the room, followed by the very misanthropic and horribly fattened criminal Blob.
"Well well, if it isn't my favorite band of freaks." Mystique cruelly teased, her sadistic motives causing everyone to cower. Everyone… except for Homer, who clearly had no idea who or what that woman in blue was talking about.
"Psst. Who the heck is that?" Homer whispered to Scott. "That's Mystique. She's a mutant outlaw who can shift into any person or thing she chooses that fits her form. She's nothing but trouble." Scott commented
"Homer, do something!" Jean hissed, trying to motivate her new ally into finding a way to get the uninvited party crashers out of the house. "Hmmm… I got an idea!" Homer piped up, boldly getting up and then stared Mystique down eye-to-eye, her effects of terror and manipulation having no absolute effect on Homer whatsoever.
"And who… or what are you supposed to be?" Mystique coolly jeered. "I'm Homer Simpson, and I demand you leave these nice people alone and stop being a manipulative passive aggressive bimbo!" Homer boldly bellowed, everyone gasping in awe. Never in such long years has anyone, anyone dared to speak against or even challenge Mystique. This amazed the X-Men.
"Blob… kill this insolent fool! Let him be an example!" Mystique coldly commanded, Blob grinning as he lunged for Homer, only to have him boldly kick the overweight mutant villain in the only unprotected part of his body… the groin
"Gaaargh! That was a… low blow…" Blob weakly blubbered, crashing out the window and landing on the ground, dead. Seeing her most unstoppable and prized henchman being beaten by nobody but a normal human mortified Mystique. "Scared aren't you Mystique? You bloody ought to!" Pyro taunted, the X-Men gathering next to Homer bravely.
"Homer's one of us now. So you mess with him… you're going to answer to all of us." Victor Creed snarled, Mystique realizing that one more false move would spell her imminent demise. She made the mistake of holding Rogue at gunpoint when all of a sudden…
SMASH!
Mystique crumpled to the floor, battered as a broken bottle of wine laid on the ground. Everyone turned to see Homer standing triumphantly, holding the half of the wine bottle he used to beat Mystique.
"You… you saved my life!" Rogue gasped, astonished by his boldness. "Eh, it wasn't nothing. She sounded like a bit of a jerk, anyway." Homer shrugged, letting Forge bury Blob's corpse in the yard. Scott proudly placed his hand on Homer's shoulder
"Homer Simpson… welcome to the X-Men." Scott announced, proudly placing a newly designed X-Belt on Homer's pants. "You've earned it." Jean added, giving Homer a thumbs up. "Woohoo! No more working for Mr. Burns!" Homer cheered wildly. "so, who's this Mr. Burns guy you were looking for?" Bobby asked, the X-Men and Homer at the dinner table. "gee, where do I begin?" Homer asked
"Don't worry, we got all the time you need." Scott replied. Homer had a goofy grin on his face before starting "well Mr. Burns is my boss, he has his assistant named Smithers… my son Bart is in elementary school… daughters Lisa and Maggie…" Homer added, the conversation going on and on as the X-Men added yet another unexpected but very unique person into their ranks. And it seemed quite clear that with such a fun-loving, food-eating, and bumbling man like Homer Simpson in the team, life for the X-Men will never be the same.
"uh… Homer, there's a spider on your pants leg." Jean piped up, as a spider was indeed inching toward Homer. "D'oh!" Homer grunted, everyone cracking up like it was the most unique phrase of language they had ever heard.
Yep, things for the X-Men were never going to be the same…