After our passionate love making, if that's what I could call it, we laid in silence. I rested my head on his chest and twirled my finger absentmindedly along his collarbone. Oh, how I loved his collarbone…
Although it may have appeared to be dual-sided contentment, my mind was screaming at me to say something, anything, of my inner turmoil.
I swallowed down my fear and seized my opportunity.
"I missed you." I murmured, while nuzzling my face in the crook of his arm, hiding my face from his eyes.
"Hmm, I missed you," he half sighed. I observed how he tightened his arms around me slightly and rubbed his hands along my naked skin in contentment.
I sat up slightly, still refusing to meet his gaze, and spoke between kisses to his chest. "I just care about you so much!"
After the words had finally left my mouth, I once again retreated to the refuge in his arm.
As expected, my ears were disappointedly greeted with prolonged silence.
I desperately tried to keep it from upsetting me; to reassure myself it didn't mean anything, and that I knew it would end this way. However, I couldn't stop the stinging of my eyes, and the unrelenting flow of tears slowly escaping my blank stare.
I tried to hide the ridiculous fact that I was crying by moving my face slightly and pressing it against the pillow under his arm, but I knew he could tell. He'd be able to feel it in my tense posture.
"It's cold, let's get dressed," he said, and began to sit up. I knew he was trying to distract me, but whether it was for my comfort or his I couldn't tell.
I made a bit of a show looking for my clothes, keeping my head down and sweeping the shadowed floor with my eyes. After finally locating my underwear and shirt, and quickly pulling them over my exposed body, I sat next to him on the edge of the bed. We pulled our socks on together and then sat in silence.
Suddenly he stood up and stepped in front of me. I noted how he was already fully dressed. He looked me in the eye and I realized that we hadn't locked eyes since before we had sex. He leaned over me, forcing me to lay back on the bed. He cupped my face with the palm of his hand and kissed me. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the feel of his lips against mine. For a moment I almost forgot why I was upset.
He pulled back slightly, looked down at me and said, "I do care about you."
I closed my eyes immediately, the tears already squeezing through my clenched eyelids. I desperately pulled his face to mine and kissed him. Lips, teeth and tongues clashed. I'm not sure why I refused to let his mouth leave mine, either to spare me more time to compose myself, or because it made me happy to hear him actually say it.
When I finally let him go, he laid back down, spooning my side against his chest. "What is it?" he asked, wiping the tears away from my face.
I closed my eyes and took slow, deep breathes, willing myself to calm down. I knew if I tried to speak, I would just start crying again. After a short moment and gaining a bit of composure, I returned to hiding my face in his arm. He welcomed me willingly.
I sighed shakily. "I just keep feeling like I'm going to lose you."
He tightened his arms around me, but I didn't dare look to see the expression on his face. He pressed his lips to my hair. "I don't want to lose you."
I paused, knowing he didn't say anything meaningful to me without meaning it. "I just… have never felt good enough." For you, I wanted to add. We'd been like this for over a year, I wasn't sure how much longer I could take without him loving me. Even if I had never said it, he knew how I felt. If he didn't love me after all this time, I wondered why he would love me later.
"You're the best I've ever had, Harry."
I tightened my grasp on his arms around me as his words sank in. He pressed his lips to my neck and then looked down at me once more. "I mean that," he said.
I held his face and looked into his eyes "I know." Kissing Draco once more, I didn't allow myself to overthink his words and felt a bit better.