Sakura's Cookies

Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece

Summery: Sakura needs her cookies NOW, and Sasuke tries to trick her. Written for Zhem

Author's Note: Out-of-characterness, swearing, Sakura-bashing, and abuse. Copious amounts of abuse.

Constructive Criticism is always welcomed

Published: 11 October 2007

Rating: T

Naruto liked to think that he was a fairly brave man, but he challenged anyone to face Sakura when she was holding a rusty kunai to their crotch and snarling 'I need chocolate chip cookies and I need them NOW!' and not shit themselves.

Hell, even Sasuke nearly pissed himself, almost making Naruto giggle.

For once, Naruto's survival instincts won out and he concentrated on making himself as non-threatening and not-there as he possibly could. Females, he decided—not for the first time—were crazy and strange.

When she pointed to the door and bellowed 'Fetch me some, bitches!', neither Naruto nor Sasuke stuck around long enough to see if the order extended to the small animals in the area.

Sasuke looked distinctly unimpressed as Naruto summoned Gamatatsu and bribed the toad to go and get about four dozen cookies, half of which the permanently hungry little amphibian could eat. "Why are you wasting your chakra like that?"

"Trust me, it isn't wasting it. I happen to like all my bits attached and plan on surviving this mission, and if Sakura doesn't get something fast, neither thing will happen."

Sasuke snorted and held up a handful of leaves. "Moron. Watch." He henged them to look like fresh chocolate chip cookies.

"Whoa! Do NOT do that! She'll take off parts that I happen to like a lot!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and improved the henge by casting a genjutsu on it. "She's not gonna fall for that!" Naruto snapped. "She's better with genjutsus than you are and she's not gonna fall for it!"

"If she doesn't like it, I'll just tell her it was your idea." Sasuke smirked and headed back inside.

"Ohhhhh man, we're gonna die." Naruto looked around frantically for a place he could hide until Sakura's homicidal tendencies wore off. "We're gonna die!"

There was a roar and a decidedly unmanly scream from inside the little cabin and Naruto abandoned any hope of an escape plan and settled for curling up in a fetal position and chanting 'please don't kill me, I had nothing to do with it, it was all his idea, please don't kill me!' when Sakura came storming out, still brandishing the rusty kunai.

"How DARE you trick Sasuke-kun like that and tell him that I won't notice—give those to me, NOW!"

Gamatatsu let out a terrified noise and all but threw the cookies at Sakura. She grabbed them and it wasn't until she had devoured three of them that the insane and murderous look melted off of her face.

"Oooooh Sasuke-kun!" She called as she waltzed back into the cabin. "Guess what that darling little toad summon brought—what did you do to him?!"

Naruto immediately returned to his fetal position and Gamatatsu vanished in a cowardly move. "I didn't do anything, I swear to the gods above, I've been out here!"

Sakura snarled and moments later, he felt her chakra flare as she healed Sasuke from whatever damage she had done earlier. "Sasuke-kun! Whatever happened to you?"

Naruto didn't stick around for the answer. He hid, reasoning that his lover would be able to find him later, once Sakura got back into 'mission-mode' and he wasn't bitter about Naruto being right.

Until that point, Naruto wasn't staying in the vicinity.

He was so going to make Sasuke pay for it later.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Shizune was right, Sakura reflected cheerfully as she ate another cookie later. A little mood swing and men would do just about anything for her.

She wondered what she'd threaten them with when she needed a cheesecake.

x Fin x