Author's mumblings: First of all, I apologize in advance for any incorrect spellings and whatnot. I'm just an American; I don't know any better. (Bettour?) Additional note: Made one small correction to wording to make it sound less American. (Thanks, Psychobikerjunkiewhore!)

Secondly, this story takes place one year after the events of "Parallel Universe", which would put it somewhere between Series III and IV.

Disclaimer: I do not own Red Dwarf or any of its characters. And contrary to what the propaganda would have you believe, beans are neither musical nor a fruit.

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Lister found Rimmer in their sleeping quarters, counting toenail clippings on the floor. "Hey, Rimmer."

"Why is there an odd number?" Rimmer asked. "Do you have extra toes?"

Lister ignored the comment. "I'm going down to the cinema. Do you want to come?"

"What's showing?"

"The Sands of Iwo Jima. The skutters are having their annual John Wayne Movie Fest," Lister grinned.

Rimmer's nostrils flared in disgust. "Why are you so happy? That's a terrible movie."

"Yeah, but it makes for a great drinking game. Do you know how many times he says 'saddle up' in that movie?"

"No. How many?"

Lister thought for a moment. "Dunno. Lots."

"No, I think I'll stay here and drill a hole into my head, thank you."

Lister shrugged. "Suit yourself."

He left and Rimmer studied the floor again, thoughtfully. "Maybe I've miscounted. One, two, three…"

Kryten came in wearing an apron with frills on it and carrying a broom and dust pan. "Hello, Mr. Rimmer, sir. Counting Lister's toenail collection, again?"

"Oh, God, you're right. What am I doing?" Rimmer shuddered.

"Oh, don't be alarmed, sir," Kryten tried to console him. "People have been known to do get a little strange when they're bored. Things haven't exactly been exciting around here, lately. I think the most interesting thing that happened this week was when the Cat mistook one of Mr. Lister's old socks for a space weevil and set fire to it. That smell sure lingers, doesn't it, sir?"

Rimmer sighed. "I've got to find something to do. I need a distraction."

"Well, you could watch me fold sheets. That would be pretty interesting, don't you think, sir?"

"No."

"But I haven't shown you the new technique I've developed."

"It's folding sheets, not smegging origami," Rimmer snapped.

"I beg to differ, sir," Kryten insisted. "Mr. Lister watched me fold towels a few days ago, and he seemed very entertained."

"Lister is entertained by anything. I caught him flicking bits of snot on the wall again to see which color sticks best," Rimmer sighed. "In some ways I envy him. His life is so simple. He's never bored for more than five minutes before he forgets to be bored and practices belching show tunes."

"Oh, have you heard his rendition of 'Some Enchanted Evening'?" Kryten asked. "Why they never thought to include his version on the South Pacific soundtrack, I'll never know. It's riveting."

Rimmer was about to throw a witty retort - nay, the most witty retort ever uttered in existence - when the ship shuddered violently. There was an almost immediate aftershock, causing them to stagger around the room. When it was over, Rimmer yelled, "Holly? Holly!"

Holly's face appeared on the screen, her expression deadpan, as always. "I'm right here, you know. There's no need to yell."

"What happened?" Rimmer demanded.

"It was a shockwave," Holly said. "Another ship has appeared. It looks like another Red Dwarf."

"Another Red Dwarf?" Rimmer repeated.

"Hang on," Holly said. "I'm getting a transmission from them."

The screen glitched and another face appeared. It looked like two Hollys, only one of them had slightly shorter hair.

"What on Io?" Rimmer puzzled.

"Holly? Is that you?" The double asked.

"Oh, h-hello, Hilly," Holly stammered. There was a pregnant pause, and then Hilly and Holly began looking around at everything but each other.

At that moment, the Cat stomped in, fussing with his purple blazer almost as much as his hair.

"Cat, look!" Rimmer pointed at the screen. "Do you remember Hilly? From the parallel universe?"

"I don't care who it is," Cat sputtered in fury. "Hey! Why don't you learn how to drive? Look what you've done to my hair!"

Lister came in at that moment, wearing the lager he'd been trying to drink. "Hol, what the -" He stopped. The screen changed again, and Deb Lister appeared in Hilly and Holly's place. "Deb?"

"Sorry for the rough landing," She said. "Hilly figured out how to fix the Hilly Hop Drive so that we wouldn't age any faster when we jump to your world. Would you like to take the kids for the weekend?"

"Do wha-?" Lister stared at her dumbly. "Jim and Bexley? Uh, sure. I mean, this is a little sudden."

"I didn't exactly have a way to call you ahead of time, now did I?" Deb pointed out. "Get down to the shuttle bay. We'll be there in five minutes."

The screen clicked, and Holly reappeared, alone. Holly looked crushed. "Fixed the Hilly Hop Drive? Oh, this disappointing. It makes me look stupid."

"I'm gonna get to see me sons!" Lister cried. "This is great! I haven't seen them in a year, you know."

"Oh, yes, Mr. Lister," Kryten agreed. "I can't wait to meet them. Just think, three little Listers running around, making a mess that I get to clean up. It sounds wonderful!"

The Cat leaned over and whispered to Rimmer. "The suspended animation chamber is still working, right?"