Author's Note:
Tequila: VIEW HALLOO!!! nice to see the Potterverse once more!!
Justin: well… what can we say?
Tequila: slytherin's always been our favorite house, up there with ravenclaw!! Woot snakies:D
Justin: and the fact that the Houses are ridiculously polarized has always irritated us…
Tequila: so here's a little tribute to the serpents, set in a nebulous post-book world
Justin: and it's mostly tequila letting loose her b-----y side!
Tequila: yep ;)
Disclaimer: yeah. Sure. We own Harry Potter… and we'd also like to sell you some melt-proof cauldrons, and a share of the Brooklyn Bridge… okay, maybe not.
Hisss…
They have no idea—none of them. They sneer in the halls, they snicker. Slytherin, they say. Isn't that the House Voldemort was in? Isn't that the House the Malfoys were always in? Wasn't that the house that—fill in the Death Eater here—was in? Why does Headmistress McGonagall allow it? Why keep around a House when nothing good will ever come of it?
They giggle and they mutter and frown, well, every witch or wizard who went bad was a Slytherin, weren't they? So it just goes to show, doesn't it? Stupid snakes. And then they hiss when you pass in the halls, and back off when you're standing in the courtyard.
But they don't know. They don't understand—they won't listen. And sometimes you want to scream. Sometimes you want to hex them all for being so blind. Yes. It's about power, and ambition, and purity. But it's also about subtlety (something a Gryffindor couldn't understand if they tried), and cunning (why can't the Ravenclaws, at least, respect that?) and a kind of loyalty that has more to do with who you've been for the past thousand years than with who you are now (and take that, Hufflepuff).
And yes. Yes, yes, Voldemort was in Slytherin, and so was every other Death Eater you've ever heard of, and yes, they did torture Muggles, and yes, they were bastards, weren't they?
Yet, for some reason, whenever they're talking about Slytherin alumni, the only one they bring up without that pinched lemon look on their faces is Severus Snape. Severus bloody Snape. Who was a hero. And they never mention Druella Gamp, the youngest Animagi ever (completed the transition at only fourteen), or Callidora Gaunt, the inventor of the common Protection Charm, or Caspar Prince, who was the first to brew a successful Polyjuice Potion.
Somehow, when everyone is being angry and horrified at the racism and prejudice Slytherins have "always" shown towards Muggles and Muggle-borns, no one notices how prejudiced that assumption is. And no one mentions how many wizards and witches died before 1689, how many stories about Muggle-Wizard interaction aren't as cute as burning at the stake. Stories that illustrate that it is not always possible to escape a mob, about the elderly women who were burned or hanged not because they processed any actual magical talent, but because they were different or unusual, about the children who couldn't Apparate away, who couldn't survive being burned or stoned or drowned or beaten or hanged.
Oddly enough, when the discussion turns to Slytherin, no one feels charitable. And no one, ever, brings up Peter Pettigrew, the traitor that has gone down in the history books, the one who was from Gryffindor. Somehow, no one remembers him.
But it doesn't really matter all that much, because being in Slytherin means not caring what other people think or do or say.
Because being in Slytherin is about planning ahead, and watching your back, and really thinking. It's about using your mind for what matters, not for dusty logic, it's about looking before you leap, it's about trusting your own principles before someone else's. And yes, it's about being selfish. Everyone is selfish.
Slytherins just know how to get the most out of every last piece of selfishness.
Being in Slytherin is about being part of something older than you are, about continuing traditions and remembering the past and preserving the future. And sometimes, to be in Slytherin you need to be mean. And sometimes, to be in Slytherin you need to sacrifice some ethics.
Because being a Slytherin means getting things done. And always, the gains more than make up for the losses.
A/N, the sneaky second one:
Tequila: yeah, I know I said I wouldn't be updating… but we wrote this before Justin left!! Ha! We win!!
Justin: um, tequila, I don't think that's much of a 'victory,' per se…
Tequila: shhh!! Don't ruin my happy…
Justin: --sigh-- and do try and add to our 'happy' by reviewing, won't you?
Tequila: oh, and 1689 was when the International Statute of Secrecy passed…