It was an average game of Capture the Flag on Turbine for the mercenaries.
Bodies were flying across the map, limbs scattered from the BLU Demoman's grenade launcher. The RED Pyro was chasing down the enemy Spy, who had tried to backstab him while disguised as a friendly Medic. Meanwhile, the actual RED Medic was lying in the map's vent system, recently killed by the opposing team's Heavy.
While this chaos was happening on the outside of the safe zone, a BLU Soldier spawned into the map. He looked around, observing the chaos that happened from in front of the glass room. He looked to his left, seeing a wounded Scout grabbing medical supplies from a supply cabinet while a RED Sniper camped outside their base.
The Scout ran over to the Soldier, looked at him, and signaled to follow him to the briefcase..
Unfortunately for the Scout, the newest member of BLU team was new to the game of Team Fortress 2. The Soldier, known to his teammates as, "Xx_EdJyMeMeLoDr_xX" wasn't thinking strategically when he ran out of the room, and as he went into the map's air ducts, he ran right into a RED Pyro. The Soldier pulled out his rocket launcher, and shot it at the enemy Pyro, who was running away from him.
The Soldier shot off the rockets wildly at the Pyro, and saw him pulling out his Degreaser. The Soldier laughed to himself, thinking how ridiculous it was for the Pyro to fight back.
However, what the Soldier didn't expect was for the rockets he just fired to come back at him, exploding into his chest.
The Soldier's curses could be heard throughout the whole map.
When he respawned, The Soldier rushed straight for the stairway to the battlefield, making sure to avoid the Pyro that was certain to be lurking in the vents.
As he rushed outside of his base, the Soldier saw the chaos of the battlefield, and the aftermath of the battle between the two sides.
Bodies lay everywhere, heads and arms blown off by grenades and perfectly timed headshots. The battlefield smelled distinctly of urine, blood, and meat sandwiches. The Soldier almost barfed, putting his hand on the wall to support himself. As he looked back up to watch for enemies, he saw an opposing Soldier standing on the balcony opposite of him, aiming his rocket launcher at the ground.
The BLU Soldier looked at the RED Soldier, watching him jump from the balcony. Certain that the opposing Soldier was going to die, the BLU Soldier chuckled to himself, waiting for the inevitable demise of his doppelgänger.
However, this death never came. The RED Soldier shot a rocket at the ground, propelling himself towards the ceiling of the building they were currently in. He landed on the other team's balcony, heading into the vents that the BLU Soldier was previously killed in.
While he looked on in amazement, the Soldier didn't notice the enemy Pyro sneaking behind him, ready to kill-taunt. As the Soldier felt a warm blast of fire go through his chest, he began formulating his plan to pull off the same trick as the other Soldier.
When he respawned, the BLU Soldier headed out to his team's balcony. He readied his rocket launcher, aiming it at the ground, and looked to his destination. There were no enemies, so the Soldier's launch was clear. He ran towards the edge, leaped off, and fired a rocket when close to his landing spot.
Unfortunately, when the rocket hit the ground, it did not cause him to leap through the skies and into the enemy base. Instead, the Soldier felt the full force of the explosion, knocking him onto the ground and breaking a few bones in his body.
The Soldier looked at his rocket launcher, hoping to find what caused his rockets to explode instead of launch him into the air. While occupied with his weaponry, a familiar masked RED enemy came up to the Soldier, a large mailbox in hand.
The Soldier looked back, seeing the green mailbox ready to swing down on him.
The Pyro brought down his makeshift hammer, ending the Soldier's life yet again.
It took some time, but the BLU Soldier eventually got into contact with his RED counterpart. They had agreed to trade a frying pan that BLU had in exchange for one of RED's rocket jump launchers.
After the trade, the BLU soldier headed back into the battle. Heading through the vents and looking out for enemies, he made sure to have out his rocket launcher for the eventual jump.
After making his way onto the balcony above his base, the Soldier looked down to where he was going to shoot his rocket. Most of the enemies were occupied with defending their base, leaving no obstacles for the launch.
It was now or never.
The Soldier backed up a little, and took a deep breath. He ran forwards, making his initial jump off the ground. He looked down and held his rocket launcher to the ground. The Soldier closed his eyes and pulled the trigger on the rocket launcher, expecting the worst to come. He heard the rocket firing, and braced himself.
However, his death never came. The Soldier proceeded to soar through the complex, the jump boosting him to heights he had never been to before. As he looked down at the two feuding armies filling each other with bullets, syringes, and other types of miscellaneous ammunition, he felt like he was in a euphoric state of bliss.
As he came crashing to the ground, the Soldier still felt the rush of adrenaline that coursed through him in his first flight. Luckily for him, the same enemy Pyro that had killed him many times before was running out of the BLU base, with the briefcase on his back.
Knowing that it was his time to shine, The Soldier picked up his weapon, and started firing wildly at his target. No mercy was shown as the Pyro was bombarded with the Soldier's onslaught of rockets.
When the dust cleared, the Soldier looked to admire what he had done to the evil that plagued his experience. However, the Pyro didn't appear to have taken any damage, still standing where he stood before, and still holding the briefcase on his back.
The Soldier stood in shock, ready to accuse the Pyro of cheating. However, when he looked at the weapon's stats, he saw one crucial detail he previously missed-"Deals no damage".
The soldier looked back up at the Pyro. The barrel of his Flare Gun was pressed up against his forehead. The Soldier tried to pull out his shotgun, but the flare hit his forehead before he could bring out his sidearm.
As the Soldier hit the ground, the Pyro ran back to his home base and delivered the briefcase.
Xx_EdJyMeMeLoDr_xX could only watch as his teammates were brutally slaughtered by their opponents.