This will be an extended one-shot, probably three or four parts. Am writing for a prompt - addiction/mistake - also, this is rated M, so...yeah...there's mature content (sex scenes) don't say I didn't warn you!
Young eyes be gone! If you're of age, please enjoy :)
Any and all grammar mistakes I apologize for, I write at night and don't have a beta - so my bad on that.
-oooo-
"Sex isn't dating," Santana said as she pushed me against my bedroom wall, I winced when my head clunked backwards. She didn't say anything to this but instead bit firmly at my neck, her hands held my wrists by my side effectively keeping me immobile.
"Sex isn't dating," She repeated and I breathed in heavily when her teeth scraped over my collarbone, she smelled like wine coolers and Puck and I grimaced internally.
It wasn't unusual for her to come over after a night out with Puck, or more accurately a night under him. She slept with him, she said, for fun. In reality it was for her status at McKinley – date the resident bad-ass and people are going to start respecting you, fear you as well. Which for Santana worked out to her liking.
I didn't think she enjoyed being with him. Well, I hoped she didn't. She never smiled much when she would talk about him, she always told me that it didn't matter – that he was putty in her hands, a bit of fun.
He was neither and on some level we both knew it.
-oo-
The first time she had come over after being with him, it was late. I thought it was my mum coming home from work so I didn't think twice when my bedroom door opened. She didn't say anything and it wasn't until she had crouched down in front of my bed and pushed back my hair with a quick swipe did I open my eyes.
She smiled tightly and yet genuinely and sleepily I returned it.
Too tired to question why she was in my room at such a late hour.
"Hey, Britt-Britt." She whispered and it sounded so soft I almost asked if she were an angel, perhaps I had because she laughed a second later and leaned closer. "Your mums not home." She stated and then quietly asked, "What about your dad?"
I shook my head. He was out with a few friends.
Well, that's what he called it. I called it getting drunk to the point of passing out on some random foot path and returning home the next afternoon – hung over and mashing something greasy and unhealthy into his mouth – my mum had called him a bastard once when he came home like that.
I didn't like it because she looked so sad and all my father could do was shrug and vomit in the kitchen sink.
"He's out with a few friends." I said sleepily and her face contorted to one of understanding and sadness, Santana had seen him drunk once – he had fallen asleep on the road outside their house, her parents' had called my mum, she yelled at him that night.
"Are you okay?" She asked and I didn't really see why I wouldn't be so I nodded, she smiled softly at me. "Good."
I blinked heavily a few times before looking at her, "Are you okay?" I asked back and the sleep in my voice made me sound groggy.
She shifted on the ground and breathed out. The puff of air was loud. "No."
I was immediately awake and searching her face for any answers she'd give me. She was smiling which kind of counteracted the 'no' however it didn't reach her eyes. I propped myself on my elbows.
"Why?" I whispered and she shook her head, I frowned. "San?"
Her finger pressed to my lips a second after I spoke and I kept silent, still and very silent.
Her eyes looked big and even in the darkness of my room I could make out the hint of brown, she stared at me for so long without saying anything – just looking – searching my features blindly before she finally removed her finger and leaned impossibly closer.
"Do you trust me?" She said and her breath tickled my nose, I nodded without thought and she blinked in my movement. "Are you sure?" She whispered and I frowned.
"Of course, San." I said airily and yet firmly, she smiled but it was brief and really only a twitch.
"Lay down," She instructed in a voice I'd never heard from her, she seemed nervous and yet there was something else just under the surface – something making her bold – it made me falter and her hands pressed at my shoulders gently. "Just lay back, okay?" She said in a softer tone.
I nodded only once and frowned in confusion as I shifted my elbows, falling back a moment later with a quiet thud.
She stood quickly and grabbed at my blanket, peeling it back from my warm body steadily. The change in temperature and the fact I was wearing only a tank top and shorts made me shiver, I felt exposed in a weird way and it left me feeling anxious.
"You alright, B?" She asked and it sounded so calm that I nodded, I felt the bed dip and before I had a chance to register anything else she had flung one leg over me, effectively straddling my body.
I swallowed and my mouth felt like I had eaten cotton, her thighs squeezed my waist securely and her weight pressed me into the mattress a little harder. She was wearing her Cheerios outfit and the heat from her skin fought valiantly against the cold of the room.
I heard her breathe in steadily and when I looked up she was staring at me again, for the second time she searched my features blindly, I didn't know what she was looking for or even if she found it but a moment later she leaned down.
"I slept with Puck," She stated and I nodded because she had done it a lot of times.
"You're dating him." I replied in confirmation of her statement, she frowned at me.
"Sex isn't dating." She said lowly and so softly I thought she was an angel again, her hands grabbed lightly at my wrists and I allowed her to place them above my head, she held them firmly against the bed and leaned only inches from my face. "Say it." She demanded kindly and I swallowed the cotton in my mouth.
Her breath was again tickling my nose and mingling with my own rapid inhalation, I blinked a few times and she waited.
"Sex isn't dating." I echoed, unsure as to why she had asked me to repeat her words. The confusion must have shown in my voice because she smiled and shook her head, her hands tightened around my wrists and I became painfully aware of our situation.
I felt warm and still anxious – her behavior made me nervous and confused – my body itched to be able to breathe properly, it wasn't because she was heavy, because she wasn't – I was just acutely aware she was on top of me and the thought alone made her weight seem like a ton of bricks.
She shifted on me and my breath hitched in my throat, "Brittany…" She whispered and I looked fleetingly at her before shutting my eyes, "Hey," She soothed and the word fell effortlessly from her tongue, she loosened her grip on my wrists and I opened my eyes.
She looked concerned and there was something akin to guilt that burdened her eyes, I didn't like it, I wanted her to smile but instead she frowned.
"Please don't be scared," She whispered throatily and I wanted to say that I wasn't, that she could never scare me but she talked before I could, "Are you uncomfortable?" She asked and her eyes studied my reaction.
When I thought about it on some level I was, but it had nothing to do with her or her actions, more like how my body was responding – it felt strange and my skin burned in a way that was pleasant yet painful – I couldn't really describe what my heart was doing, it sort of lurched and then sprang to life every few seconds.
It made me feel dizzy.
I shook my head after a moment's thought and she seemed to relax at the answer, her frown didn't leave though.
"We can stop whenever you want," She said sincerely and I immediately knew what was happening, my throat constricted and my heart dipped and she looked at me carefully, "Whenever you want okay? Just say it and I'll stop, we'll take things slow, okay?"
She pressed herself against me harder and my skin raced with a fire I was sure was in my blood.
I nodded and swallowed down the fluff making my mouth dry, "Okay." I whispered and she smiled.
"I'm going to kiss you," She explained and the words made my stomach do flips.
Even with the warning I was still taken by surprise when her lips pressed tryingly to mine, it was soft and nothing more than a peck but it made my whole body feel awake and warm – and when she pulled back she smiled with nothing but the excitement I felt.
She hadn't kissed me like I'd seen her kiss Puck, when she kissed him it was rough and unrestrained – carelessly done – with me she seemed more controlled and gentle.
It lulled me into security.
I smiled back at her and she dipped her head, her lips met mine again – this time with more pressure – and I leaned into the comfort that came from it. Her mouth parted slightly and her tongue tryingly swiped my bottom lip, a rush of heat ran through me at the warmth and eagerly I allowed her access. Her tongue wasn't forceful like most the guys I had kissed and instead of forcing it down my throat like they did, she coaxingly met my own tongue and then pulled back teasingly.
She moaned the same time I did and her soft lips moved easily to swallow both our sounds, she pressed harder against me and I jutted my hips up in reply. Wanting to feel some friction, yet not entirely sure how to do it.
My skin blazed and by the time she pulled back my mouth ached for hers, she breathed a bit heavier and her hands let go of my wrists, she shifted between me – her thigh pressed against my center with seemingly a practiced ease and my breath hitched at the sensation.
She smiled at my reaction and pressed down again, my hips canted upwards with little control on my part and her mouth was on mine to again swallow the moan. I kissed her back desperately and she began a steady pace of rocking, her thigh applied more pressure as the kiss deepened and when her tongue pushed over my teeth I met it wantonly with my own. My hands somehow found their way to her hair and I let my fingers tangle gently through her smooth tresses.
She moaned deeply at the action and it made small fires burst over my skin, I wanted to hear it again. I wanted to hear it forever in that moment. She broke the kiss swiftly and a second later her lips attached to my neck, peppering quick kisses to my pulse point.
Her skin was hot against my body and she smelled like cinnamon and something that was entirely her. It was intoxicating and I felt dizzy from all the sensations in my body. Her rhythm grew quicker and I breathed against her neck as she nipped lightly at my collarbone, her right hand moved to cup my face and slowly she ran it downwards – I gasped softly when her hand ran over my breast and felt her smile against my skin.
She was much lighter with her touch then any boy had been, she didn't squeeze forcefully like most of them had. Instead she covered her hand with a controlled eagerness and pressed down, flicking her finger over the sensitive bud as she rolled her hips into me.
The combined sensation made me breathe in quickly and her mouth found mine again as she kissed me passionately, the feeling of her teeth pulling at my bottom lip sent a shiver down my spine and I arched into her thigh with a moan, she responded with a breathy grunt and her hand left my breast as she tracked it down my stomach.
She was pulling at my shorts drawstring a moment later and adrenaline bolted through my body, for the first time during the whole experience I felt worried – things suddenly felt a whole lot more real, we weren't just grinding against one another – it was leading somewhere – and that somewhere was a big deal.
It was sex. With Santana. My best friend.
I felt a rush of nerves hit at my stomach and my heart swam with little flutters, I'd never been this nervous with anyone else. But this wasn't just anyone, was it?
I shut my eyes and swallowed so thickly it made a noise and when I breathed out the air in my lungs hitched violently, the sound I made was soft yet hardly describable and within seconds Santana's lips left my skin and her movement stopped completely.
It was silent for a second. All I could hear was my heartbeat and her somewhat labored breathing.
I didn't open my eyes and I felt her shift to hold herself steady, a kiss was placed smoothly on my jaw and I melted internally at the arousal that sifted through my muscles. My whole body buzzed uncontrollably, and a sort of tickling sensation was running up and down my limbs. My fingertips numb.
Every kiss she had placed on my neck left a delightful sting, it made my mind spin and my heart flutter in a way I thought could not be healthy.
The warmth from her body made me weirdly tense. Not the bad kind. I just felt tense, like my muscles were on fire in the most pleasant way possible. I could feel her body moving every time she breathed in or out – pushing against mine – it kept me in a state of tense-comfort.
A feeling I hated and yet loved.
"Do you want me to stop?" She asked in no more than a soft breath and I opened my eyes to look at her, her pupils were dilated to the point I could no longer see brown and her cheeks were tinted a slight red. She looked worried, however her eyes held a certain safety and care.
"No," I muttered quickly and shook my head, "I-I'm just," I looked past her and stared at my ceiling, studying the shadows. "I'm just nervous." I explained and her breath hit my neck as she let out a small chuckle – warming my skin, yet causing goose bumps.
"Yeah, me too." She said softly and with a rasp, the words made me feel suddenly at ease and I looked back at her. She smiled kindly.
"Really?" I asked and my breath all but fell out of my mouth, my lungs were being infected by the tense feeling. She nodded immediately.
"You should feel my heart, its going loco." Her hand moved from my shorts to my chest and silently she placed her own hand over my own heart, "So is yours." She stated and I smiled up at her, she returned it easily. "Remember, anytime you want to stop B, just say." She studied me with what I knew was concern, and then glanced to my lips.
It was reassuring hearing her say it, however when she did I realized how little the chance was that I would even consider telling her to stop. I didn't want this to stop, my arousal overpowered my nerves and I leaned up to kiss her.
She kissed back heavily and I grabbed her hand clumsily as I pushed it down to where it was before, she smiled into my lips and that alone comforted me enough to smile back.
She made quick work undoing my drawstring – which was impressive because I'd tied it in a double knot and quickly yet with a certain hurried control she pushed under the light fabric. She didn't stop kissing me as her hand ran over my panties, pressing firmly almost expertly. I bucked into her at the heat it caused and she moaned deliciously into my mouth, my arms wrapped around her neck pulling her impossibly closer. Bunching her Cheerios shirt in my hands I breathed in.
Her scent was soothing and her kisses were heated, my body felt like someone had poured gasoline over me then set me alight, every part of my body yearned for more. I whimpered against her lips wantonly and she shifted her hand, dipping it under the hem of my panties. She hesitated only a second, so did I. Our breaths stopped before she pressed her lips harder against mine. Her touch was soft at first and I sighed eagerly at the feeling of her fingers running the length of my core, she moaned throatily and I gripped her tighter.
Every cell in my body was dancing, I still felt tense and somewhere deep down my nerves were again nearby – but I swallowed every worry down and lost myself in her affection.
With a little more pressure her thumb stroked at my sensitive bud and I keened my hips upwards, she pressed harder and rubbed in a circular rhythm. I literally felt like I would explode, that my racing heart would go into arrest and never start again – I broke away from her lips as my head dug into her neck, I was on fire, my breaths came out irregularly and I wondered why I had never felt like this the other times I had sex. Was it different because it was Santana?
No guy had touched me the way she was, my body felt out of control and yet completely safe. My skin burned feverishly and yet I shivered. It was all so overwhelmingly blissful.
Her breaths grew with mine and every time I moaned she'd respond with one of her own, it sent electric waves across my stomach and I pressed into her as much as possible. She responded by doing the same.
She slowed her rhythm and I was about to protest when I felt her fingers slide down my wetness, she stopped at my entrance and pulled back slightly to look at my face. Her eyes were dark, darker then I remember ever seeing them before and with a slight twitch of her eyebrow she asked for permission. I nodded and she slowly dipped her finger forward, she watched my expression the whole time with the utmost attention and I watched her.
The feeling of her inside me felt like nothing I had ever experienced before, it was different to what a guy felt like, softer, smoother. She pulled back slowly and then pushed in a second time, my eyes shut and pleasure shot across my abdomen as I moaned breathlessly.
I felt her lips crash onto mine and she took the distraction to add another finger, my breath hitched at the sensation and I rocked into her, she moaned at the movement and started up a quick pace. My hips worked in time with her rhythm and I bunched her shirt – if possible – even more tightly in my hands.
I hugged her to me, breaking our kiss breathlessly and she adverted her lips to my shoulder. Her mouth was warm against my skin, soft and yet desperate. Her thumb returned to my clit and I mewled quietly into her neck, my body felt like it was going to explode again, a warm throb overtook my blood and every part of me ached for release.
"San…" I choked out in a whisper and she pressed her body nearer, I was so close.
As if sensing this, her rhythm picked up and she pushed deeper into me. I rolled my hips smoothly at the action, my breath heavy – matching hers easily. Her fingers curled inside me and at the same time she bit tenderly on my neck. My whole body in that moment was set alight, I felt the tense feeling disappear completely and her tongue swiped out to sooth her light nips. The sensation toppled me violently and without warning I fell into the clutches of my orgasm.
I shut my eyes and saw white spots. They kind of looked like stars.
I could feel myself tighten around her fingers, pulsing against her movements when I came.
Her mouth found mine as I called her name and she swallowed my moans eagerly, almost hungrily. Her hair created a shield to the outside world as I rocked against her. She slowed her pace and rode out the after waves of my high, kissing me continually as she did.
Her breathing was heavy and quick and our breaths mingled warmly together, she pulled out of me slowly and peppered a few stray kisses on my jaw.
"You are so beautiful," She whispered and her hand brushed back hair from my face as she looked at me, there was so much warmth in her eyes that my heart clenched, I smiled up at her and she pecked me quickly on the lips.
That was the first time she had come to me after being with Puck, it was gentle and magical and addictive.
-oo-
"Sex isn't dating," She sternly said and I winced again as I was drawn into reality, her teeth scratched over my collarbone again and I instantly missed her gentleness from our first time.
She was angry, not at me. But she was still angry.
She was also slightly intoxicated and I could taste the alcohol when she roughly kissed me, I tried to move my arms but she held me still, pushing me against the wall harder. She was kissing me like she would Puck and I didn't like it, I pushed my body into her trying to throw her off balance but she countered it with her weight and my head smacked against the wall again.
"Santana," I breathed out and she silenced me with her mouth, her tongue battled for dominance and I submissively allowed her the upper hand. The control I gave to her seemed to calm her somewhat and she pulled back, releasing her grip on my wrists as she grabbed at the collar of my Cheerios jacket.
She yanked me forward and I clumsily fell against her, the momentum knocked her backwards and she allowed herself to fall onto my bed – I went with her and we hit the mattress so hard the air from my lungs smashed over my lips.
Her body was beneath mine, however as I struggled from my temporary loss of air she managed to flip us, she straddled me and my arms were held above my head. Much like our first time, only rougher.
I sucked in air and tried to wiggle free, her legs squeezed around my waist and she crashed her lips to mine, it was needy and hungry and despite myself I kissed her back in much the same way. My lungs screamed for air painfully. Burned violently and sort of throbbed within my chest. Just when I thought I was going to pass out – or even suffocate – she broke the heated kiss abruptly and instinctively my body inhaled the much needed oxygen.
I gasped like I had come up from the water and she watched me with a look I couldn't distinguish, but I saw the concern in her eyes and chose that over the anger she still portrayed. Because the concern was for me, the anger wasn't.
"San…" I tried to say but she was kissing me again, not as rough as before but hardly the sweet lady kisses I was use to.
She pulled back a second later and her hands were at my jacket, trying to unzip it with fast movements. With my hands now free I grabbed at her wrists gently, she didn't stop her movements and my jacket was unzipped hastily – I tugged at her wrists trying to get her attention, my worry for her outweighing my confusion over her coarseness.
"Santana," I said and she ignored me as she pulled from my grip, pushing my jacket to expose my cheerleading top underneath, my hands ended up on her thighs – they were covered with the Cheerios winter trousers – but the heat from her skin still radiated through.
She dipped down and her teeth bit firmly over my pulse point, I shifted under her at the dull pain and she nipped harder – not enough to break my skin – but it still hurt and I hissed at the sensation.
It dawned on me then that she was treating me the exact way she treated Puck, what she was doing was devoid of emotion and a series of actions – of steps – she told me once that sex with him was just a habit, a routine she'd go through. She was rough with him, callous and uncaring. She was in control.
With me it had always been different, we were equals – she made sure I was okay with everything and I did the same - we moved as one and all our emotions were left unguarded and laid bare.
It hurt too much to ask why she had suddenly changed and I was confused at her careless actions. I felt uncomfortable and anxious and I just wanted to hide until I got my Santana back and not Pucks.
Her teeth clamped down again and I hissed out a second time, my heart thudded in my ears and desperately I pushed her back. She seemed to have expected this because the second I did she had my arms above my head again, I tugged downwards but she sat forward and leaned her body to add more pressure to my captive arms.
"Stop," I said and she completely ignored me, I wanted to cry at her vacant stare but instead I wiggled my body furiously. She leaned down again and her teeth grazed my neck hard, I bucked trying to counter her off balance but she didn't waver. "Santana," I breathed.
She squeezed my wrists and I furrowed my eyebrows as she dug her teeth into my collarbone again.
"Stop!" I said louder and moved against her more strongly, she tried to restrain me but my upper strength was stronger then hers and I wiggled my arms free. She pushed at my shoulder and I yanked her hands back, holding her at arm's length, "Stop…" I whimpered, out of breath and confused.
She stopped when my voice all but broke on the last syllable and the anger fell away immediately as she looked down at me, almost like she was seeing that it was actually me under her and not Puck. The shock turned to concern and almost at the speed of light she was off me, her hand over her mouth as the other one gripped her stomach.
"Britt," She whispered and I smiled because it felt nice to have my Santana back, "I'm so sorry, I-I didn't, I'm sorry are you okay?" She looked horrified with herself and I quickly nodded to ease her distress, she watched me sit up with a carefulness about her eyes and I smiled.
"I'm fine," I stated and stood quickly with a bounce to show her, the quiver in my voice was gone however she shook her head.
"No," She said and my lips thinned in confusion, she stepped closer and her fingers ghosted the bite marks on my neck. "I should leave." She shakily muttered and turned to go, I grabbed her arm before she reached the door and she twisted to look at me warily, as if she expected some kind of revenge or something.
"What's wrong?" I said quietly and she scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion and fury.
"I just fucking bit you, that's what's wrong B, its all kinds of wrong!" She looked away and then back and then to the ground, I shook my head a little.
"No, I meant what was wrong before that." I explained and she glanced up carefully, her eyes were glassy. "Why were you so mad?"
Her defenses kicked in and she shrugged, "I wasn't." She said lowly and I stared for a long while in misunderstanding.
"Yes you were," I stated simply and she unconsciously looked to the small bruises on my neck. She breathed out and her shoulders slumped.
"Puck dumped me." She explained and it confused me as to why she was so mad at this.
I scuffed my white sneakers on the carpet and tilted my head, "Oh." I breathed and she shrugged at my response.
"Yeah," She mumbled, I stepped closer.
"How could he dump you?" I asked after a few moments, she looked up like I'd grown two heads.
"He just said it, you know." I shook my head at her reply.
"But you said sex wasn't dating…" She swallowed at my words and I wasn't sure if she was caught off guard or it was me.
She shrugged again and crossed her arms lightly, "It's not, B." She explained softly even though the anger was back, "What he and I had meant nothing." Her eyes watched mine carefully and I mashed my lips together in thought.
"Then why did it make you so angry?" I asked, hardly containing the quizzical look on my face, she stepped closer and her arms twitched as though she wanted to reach out, she didn't however.
"It just did." She said loosely and then shook her head, she looked to the ground. "He was good for my rep in Lima, without his Mohawk and badass scowl I'm like," She paused to think then waved her hand dismissively, "Just another Cheerleader."
She glanced at me and suddenly I understood.
He was her shield. He gave her a reason to come to me every night. Because no one expects the girl with the hottest boyfriend in school to be fucking her best friend on the sly. He was her beard. Her excuse that what we were doing was nothing more than sideline fun, because she had a boyfriend it was okay, in her mind it was acceptable.
Without him she was just another Cheerleader, a Cheerleader who slept with her friend – and to her that was unacceptable.
For me it would have been reversed.
But Santana didn't think the same as me, she said once that I thought in colors and that she thought in black and white. I wasn't completely sure what she meant but on some level it made sense.
"Does this mean we can't have sweet lady kisses?" I asked and she snapped her head up to look at me, she seemed like she was in pain, yet her features softened before she spoke.
"Why would it mean that, Britt?"
I shrugged so lightly it looked like a twitch before swallowing, "You and Puck aren't –" I paused, dating wasn't the right word. "You're not with him anymore." I finished lamely and she had that look of confusion that tells me she's trying to figure me out.
"Why does that mean anything?" She said slowly and squinted in thought.
I looked to the ground, "You only come over when you've been to see him, but now that he dumped." I loosely said the word and shrugged onwards, "you, there won't be any reason for you to come over and have sweet lady kisses."
She smiled softly at my words and then quickly frowned as though she hadn't realized her habit of seeing him, then running to me. From my point of view it was blatantly obvious.
"I'll still come over." She said however it lacked any conviction and I jutted my jaw from side to side.
"Will we still make out and stuff?" I questioned quietly, like a child asking for candy when it's bedtime.
She looked like she was about to cry, although when she spoke her voice was flat if not detached. "Sure."
I frowned at the reply, "Are you lying to me?" I queried, she bit her bottom lip as if in thought before walking the few steps between us and throwing her arms around me.
It was a tight hug and I return it in full, she clung to me for minutes before whispering in my ear.
"I'll still come over."
Then she pulled away and with a hurried carelessness she grabbed her school bag and left my room, I heard her feet descend the stairs in quick beats and then the front door clicking shut.
I dug the palms of my hands into my eyes and willed away the tears, sitting heavily upon my bed I grabbed my phone from the bedside table, I stared at the screen for ages before I scrolled through my contacts – I clicked Quinn's name – typed out my message and pressed send.
Puck and San broke up the thing they had – I need to get them back 2gether, can you come over? X
My logic was simple, get Santana back with Puck - and get her back myself.
She needed him to be her shield and I needed her.
Simple.
Or so I thought.
I don't write many, ahem, sex scenes...so I'm hoping it was okay.
...?