I had no control. I was the nothingness feared by every living creature, a part of the never ending terror that would not cease. I had slipped through the cracks in the earth but it had been my choice and I had chosen to escape. The pain had been unbearable and then I heard his voice telling me to let go. It was a cowardly thing for me to do, giving in and running away, Yelena would be ashamed of me if she knew but Yelena was dead.
It had not been the first time the voice had come to me, offering protection from the torturous pain, but it caught me in my weakest moment and I was incapable of declining.
At first it felt wonderful. I was free and no one was ever going to hurt me again, I could float for the first time in my life. When the darkness came I welcomed it and let it take over me, thinking it was the next step on my journey. Every day my fear grew until it was the one of the only two things I could feel, the other being regret. I wanted to take back succumbing to the darkness, both times. Because that's all I had left, the darkness inside of me.
There were times when I thought of Mogkan. Did he miss me? How was he coping with losing me? Our affair was more amazing than I could have ever imagined when I was younger. He held me when I was frightened, treated me like I was a Queen and made love to me when I needed him so much that I felt as though I would burst. I thought I loved him but whenever I was with him I had a doubt that wouldn't leave. This dank hole didn't help me sought out my feelings but it wouldn't matter. I would never see him again.
Whenever I thought of Mogkan, I thought of the terrible torture Brazell had inflicted on me. The tests he put me through seemed innocent enough at first but when the harmless ball coming at me turned into knives and when Brazell started to shove sticks of fire on my face and telling me to stop it with my mind. He made me run laps while I was weighed down with chains and had no issue with beating me into submission when I failed a test.
It had not always been this way. The tests only started when I turned sixteen, before then I grew up with the other children in Brazell's orphanage. It was in the orphanage that I met Yelena and May. We had just been children at the time and Yelena was a year older than me and May was five years younger than me, just a baby. Yelena was the one to look after us and act like our mother. I used to dream about Reyad falling in love with her and asking her to marry him. A life of luxury was nothing less than she deserved.
When the news of Yelena's death reached us we weren't given any details. I never knew what happened and a sorrow that I had never known filled my heart. Even though we had barely seen her for two years, ever since she turned sixteen, I felt like everything in my life had changed. She was the one thing I could count on, the only constant in my life that couldn't be taken away from me. I couldn't remember my family, so it had always been the three of us and the thought of being alone in the world was isolating. I had to put my feelings aside to look after May, so that she would still have someone she could count on.
I couldn't differentiate between minutes, hours, days, months or years. I could have been a part of the darkness for a century and I wouldn't be able to tell. Nothing would have made me happier than to have my body back. Now that I knew what it was like to be so completely alone, I understood the importance of being able to move and have control in my life. There were so many times when I tried to open my eyes only to be unable to. I could barely feel them anymore.
Once again I turned to my ritual of attempting to open my eyes. It started off the same way it usually did, with a feeling of helplessness that settled in my stomach, adding to the massive pile that was already there. But then something changed. I felt my eyelids for the first time since I had deserted my body. This revelation changed everything. I focused everything I had into opening my eyes and then...They did.
My name is Carra and for the first time in a long time I'm waking up.
AN: Hi Everyone. I've had this idea in my head for a while now and I've finally had some time to type something up. Has anyone else wondered what happened to all of the orphans that Brazell tortured? I know they were meant to stay mindless forever but I'm really interested in what Carra would have been like. I can leave this as a one shot or I can write some more chapters. It all depends on how many reviews I get. If I get more than five then I'm going to continue it, so please review.