Author Note: Warning!: Some Ino and Shikamaru naughtiness detected. Ah, not really. (Have you seen the rating? Well, It's quite misleading. No Lemons in here.) Well, just a humorless little fic about Shikamaru torturing Ino sexually. Nice to have it on the other gender for once! -snicker snicker-

(P.S. Don't call Ayame "Ramen Counter Girl"!)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Deprivation

"No, no, no, you've got it all wrong! Any kunoichi's strong point isn't their taijitsu, or genjitsu, or ninjitsu or any of that stuff! It's their looks!" Chouji stressed. "Every kunoichi's ability to stun a man with one faithful look determines whether or not they're successful."

"Tch," Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "That means nothing. It depends on the mentality of the enemy. If the enemy is smart enough, and if they want to fulfill a mission, they wouldn't be distracted by something as trivial as a kunoichi's beauty."

The other male slammed his chopsticks down on the counter. "It's not trivial!"

Ah yes, Chouji and Shikamaru were having one of their rather scarce debates. They were at the ramen stand, when the simple mention of 'kunoichi and tactics,' turned into a full blown argument.

"It's very important in all battles!" Chouji continued, glaring at the man beside him who continued to eat nonchalantly. "I'm telling you, if the kunoichi in this village didn't look the way they do, at least half would be dead by now. Beauty is a weapon!"

"Hey, hey, hey, what's all the hubbub about?" The sweet feminine voice asked, and the tow males looked up to the brunette, the source of the voice. "Surely you're not done with your food already."

"Eh, no Ayame, we're not." The Akimichi began, a bit of hostility still traceable in his voice. "I'm trying to explain to my friend over here-" He nodded over to the jaded male. "-that a kunoichi's strongest point is their good looks. If they're pretty enough, they can stop an enemy with one good stare. And he— "

"And I," Shikamaru interjected, wanting to speak for himself. "know that attractiveness has nothing to do with it. If the woman is a strong ninja, she wouldn't need to use her good looks. And if her enemy has a good head on his shoulders, then he wouldn't care how she looked anyways. Besides, who's to say the woman's opponent would be a man?"

Chouji grunted, "The opponent could be a lesbian!"

Ayame raised her eyebrows in amusement -- these were definitely two of her rather interesting customers. "You're both idiots," she said simply. A smile made its way to her lips. "I agree with you both, but only to a small degree. You see, it depends on a kunoichi's sexuality, and how much she wishes to be noticed. If the intention was to stupefy an enemy with such looks, and that doesn't happen, that woman may be so angry that she beats the adversary senseless with her bare hands. I, being the female that I am, would kill a man if I seduced him and he didn't respond; it makes us feel as though we're not pretty. So, yes, beauty is a weapon, but it's absolutely worthless if you don't know how to use it."

They both stared at Ayame in awe.

She smiled cheerfully and shrugged. "I know these types of things."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes (expressing his discontentment about being proven wrong) and placed money on the counter. He muttered a gloomy 'Arigato' before leaving the stand in its entirety.

The shirker entered the white streets of Konoha, fluff falling steadily around him. He listened intently on the howling wind, but scowled at the bitter cold. His mind drifted back to the topic he was discussing.

He was a genius, dammit! He was never wrong, about anything. If it be women, or strength, or the two combined, he was always right. His ego was quite bruised, especially considering the fact that he had a wife at home. He was just supposed to know these types of things.

The man shoved hands in his pockets, making his way home. 'What a troublesome discussion. Honestly, why would anyone be upset by being rejected sexually? It obviously means the other person isn't in the mood. And Ino… I doubt she'd lash out.'

Shikamaru tossed his keys on the low coffee table beside him. He stretched, making his way through the dim living room. It was odd, because Ino would usually pull the curtains before he got home. Perhaps she was still in the process of slumber, maybe she was sick (she rarely ever was), or possibly it was 'that time of the month', and she was in so much agonizing pain (as she had complained, somehow coaxing him into doing the laundry) that she couldn't get out of bed.

He would simply never know, because she was just way too spontaneous to decipher.

The man scratched his head. Something… just wasn't right… ominous of sorts. He scowled. "Oi, Ino…"

When he received no response, he proceeded through the house gingerly, as if the wood beneath him threatened to cave in at any sudden movement. "Ino!"

Silence.

The man stopped before their bedroom. He opened the door, only to recoil at a sudden blinding vividness. "Ah, dammit… Ino what the hell?!" He covered his eyes quickly with his arm and sighed. "At least you're not— " His eyes examined her body. "—dead…"

Her back arched on a pile of pillows, she lay with her ankles crossed on their bed. On a regular basis, this would have been fine, but… considering the fact that she was clad in nothing but undergarments was far more than just unusual. And the bra that supposedly 'covered' her chest looked as though it were six sizes too small. Any minute now, it looked like it would just…

Shikamaru knitted his brows reluctantly. If he gave in this would be roughly the eighth time this week that Ino had (successfully) seduced him. (It was only Wednesday, one might add.) This satiationwas just unhealthy.

"You didn't feel the need to get dressed this morning, I see." His voice was dryer than expected.

She grabbed a black remote from the dresser beside her, and the television flickered off. She smiled at Shikamaru. "What's the point? We both know full and well that by the end of the day, we'll both be naked."

The man raised an eyebrow. "Over-confident…" he muttered. He walked vigilantly from the doorway to sit at the foot of the bed. He was anticipating a pounce from the woman… but it never came. Instead, as he was removing his sandals, he felt her tender hands on his shoulders.

"Shika-kun…" Her voice was soothing to the ear. "You're just… so tense…" Her chest 'accidentally' pressed against his back.

"Ino…" He began warily. This day by day action was definitely not healthy. "You're going to break it…" Surely she knew what 'it' was.'Really, who cares? Just because he can't feel it, doesn't mean I can't enjoy it.' Ino thought selfishly. She rested her chin on his shoulder, whispering enticingly in his ear, "We'll just have to take that risk."

"You, maybe, but not me." Shikamaru pushed her away and stood abruptly. "Very tempting Ino, but what is a relationship when all we do is…" He ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I'm not in the mood." He left the room immediately after that.

Ino's mouth fell agape. "What?! You're kidding! You're always in the mood!" She rose from the bed, exiting the bedroom. The cloth lacking woman then made way to the study, only to discover his attention was on their computer.

She frowned -- no one could push her aside for a stupid computer. She began gravely, "Shika— "

"Did you know—" Shikamaru interjected absentmindedly. He leaned in closer to the screen. "—that Konoha has a website? It says that every shinobi or kunoichi is required to make an account. The site sends every user updates about the village…and…" He paused, studying the screen attentively. "It's especially necessary for genin, whose missions don't hold too much significance… which is convenient for sending through e-mail."

"Shika-kun…" She began coyly, knitting her eyebrows cutely. "You left me for this?

"Uh," Shikamaru began nonchalantly, turning to her. "Yes, I did. Now go put on your clothes; if you get sick I can't guarantee I'll be around to take care of you."

She growled and balled her fist. She was certainly not going to take refusal. She stomped toward him, taking a seat (an uninvited seat) on his lap. "Shika-kun, don't you find me attractive anymore? Everything was just fine yesterday… you seemed so… wanting. So…interested…"

The man merely stared up at her, face impassive. "Right now, clouds are much more interesting than you." Shikamaru placed his hands on her hips and made her stood. "I'll see you later." Once again, he exited the room. Actually, the house completely.

She growled, "Damn you Nara!"

And so, Ino lie, bundled under blankets. Day quickly turned to night, but she wasn't exactly sure when. She had spent nearly half the day in bed after all. She was… depressed? This had never happened before. Shikamaru never turned down any of her sexual advances.

"He hates me," she mumbled into the sheets. "I did something wrong… he really, really hates me…"

Almost instantly she heard the door swing open. She saw brightness flicker on through the comforter. "You should have turned on the lights… or something. I almost tripped on one of your magazines. You seriously need to clean up around here."

Ino seemed to sink further into a black hole of sadness. "What's the point? Why clean when there's nothing in life to look forward to? What's the point of clearing a space we'll never use?"

Shikamaru fell on the bed, staring at the curled lump he called his spouse. He attempted to pull the covers from her face, but she held them over her head. "Ino, why are you upset?"

"Cut the shit Shikamaru. If you're not gonna bed me, then you're not sleeping in this bed tonight," she mumbled back hotly, though her voice was a bit strained.

Shikamaru smirked -- he literally had her wrapped around his finger. "If that's what you want. At least I won't have to listen to you bitch all night."

As the weight on the bed lightened, the blonde threw the comforter off her still cloth-lacking body. She growled, "Yes, you will, so just go away! You're being stupid and it's really irritating me!"

The man stared back at her flashing blue orbs impassively before proceeding to shove his hands in his pockets. "What's the matter with you?"

"The matter with me?! What's the matter with me?! Things were just fine until you decided you needed a change! I'm beginning to think you're interests may be a bit wavering! You homosexual!"

He raised his eyebrows thoughtfully as an amused smirk crowed his features. "That's an unpleasant vision…"

"It has to be that! Otherwise you're getting your needs fulfilled elsewhere!"

"It's only been a day. Stop being so dramatic."

"It only takes one day for you to cheat on me!" She gasped, digesting what she had just said. "You adulterer! It's that sand chick isn't it?! Ooo, I knew she had a thing for you! And I just let you slip between my fingers! What the hell could she possibly have that I don't?! Kami knows I've satisfied you to the point of overindulgence, and this is how you repay me?!"

Tch, Shikamaru and an affair? That would seem all too troublesome too keep up with two overbearing woman. Besides, it was hard enough proposing to Ino. He had just tossed the solitaire to her and asked what it made her think. As far as originality went, Ino had never seen any(lazy)thing like it.

The man decided to tease her, despite the fact that she was looking murderously. "Well, she is smaller than you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"

"Your thighs are fat."

There was a silence, as if the florist were imagining things. The words replayed in her head until she chose to decipher them. Yes, it was quite peaceful, but it was merely the clear blue ocean before a storm.

All hell broke loose.

Anything Ino could get her hands on, she flung at him. "You insensitive-" she shied a she which he successfully (unfortunately) avoided. "-heartless-" a pillow went flying "-self-centered-" a heeled shoe "-idiotic jerk!" Last but not least she reached for a lamp, and he knew it was time for him to leave.

Once he exited the room hastily and closed the door, he heard the heavy shatter. It was then that he began to rue his actions. 'Okay, so there is a very thin line between teasing and insulting.'

It was much later in the night, somewhere around midnight. Shikamaru decide it was best to give Ino her space, before she committed murder. As he slept on the floor of the cozy den, he could have sworn he heard soft padding heading toward him… '…oh shit!'

Warily, he sat up, drooping eyes finding the dim lit doorway. Finally, she had gotten out of that (six sizes too small) lingerie. Now she wore a large t-shirt that barely veiled

her thighs, white socks and (what's this?) she held a furry gold bear by its arm.

She just stood there, seeming sad, allowing the fire place's crackling to make all noise. Shikamaru watched her warily, anticipating any attacks. This would have gone on for a while, had Ino not mustered up the courage to speak.

"I…" She pouted sweetly. "I wanna cuddle." Her usually ranting voice was almost meek.

Shikamaru squinted his eyes. He could already tell that it was possibly another one of the woman's tactics. But then again, who was he to jump to conclusions? In the end, if he did wind up injured, at least he'd be satisfied with giving her the benefit of the doubt.

"What?"

She held the furry bear to her chest, holding it in place with both forearms. "Well, I've never slept in there without you, and I don't want to start. It's really cold and lonely… and no matter how many blankets I cover myself with, it could never compare to the warmth you can give me." She cursed herself for being so pathetic, but somewhere inside, she truly felt that way.

"Really?" He smirked — she was all too adorable. It seemed as though it really came from her fragile heart-- (what was that?) Since when did Ino have a stuffed animal? "There isn't a kunai in that thing is there? Where did you get it?"

Ino didn't appreciate her words of honesty being blown aside, but more argument wasn't necessary. "You got it for me… a while ago on Valentines Day. Well you didn't actually give it to me… you kinda chucked it at me and asked me what I thought of it. But I was walking down the stairs and tripped after being hit by the thing -- turns out here was a rock lodged in it. And when I woke up in the hospital, it didn't have a card next to it…"

Oh yeah… that's were she had gotten it. And he thought she was fully aware after he had called her name five or six times! As for the rock… Kiba had some explaining to do. But that was beyond the point.

He scratched his head nervously recalling the event. "Yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea it was so… dense."

Slowly, she made way with light footsteps to the floor where Shikamaru sat. She sat atop the blanket beside him. "Um, I guess I'm sorry too for destroying the lamp." She bit her lip and looked away. "I'm not sure antiques can be replaced…"

"Don't worry about it Ino, just go to sleep." Lying down, he replaced the blanket over his head.

She did the same. "Shikamaru?"

The woman released a quiet gasp when his arms went around her. "I said go to sleep."

"Not yet."

Sighing, the man placed a quick, feather-like kiss on her soft lips. "There," he whispered huskily. "A good night kiss."

She smiled and snuggled into him. "I love you."

His answer was expected, and it was good enough for her, "The feeling's mutual."

Owari

"Nee, and Shikamaru?"

"Hm?"

"We're going to have sex even if I have to rape you."

"Tch, try your best woman."

Owari...?!

Author's Note: I semi-like this. I may be compelled to write a sequel. Maybe!