Confronting the Counselor

By Shadowgate

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This story takes place after "South Park Faces Pain for the Secret is Revealed" so you might want to read that first.

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Craig just finished washing his face in the bathroom after lunch. When he came out he saw everyone was heading out to recess. He noticed Kyle screaming at Cartman "you fat worthless fuck tard."

Clyde said "oh look Kyle and Cartman are at it again."

Craig says "oh who cares? Oh and furthermore if I were 50 pounds overweight like Cartman then I hope you'd come down hard on my ass as well. His fat ass was on a scooter not long ago."

Clyde and Craig both laugh.

On the playground Craig caught up with Stan.

"Stan I have a meeting with Counselor Mackey after at 3PM and it will last about 30 minutes. I'd like you to join me because I know it will be worth it for you."

Stan finds it odd that Craig but soon feels intrigued by the request.

At 2:59 PM Mister Garrison is paddling Mister Slave.

Mister Garrison said "now class" and suddenly the bell rang.

After the bell rang Craig and Stan headed toward the counselor's office.

Funnybot came by and said "halt, where are you two headed?"

Craig explained to the robot that he and Stan had a meeting with the counselor. Funnybot said it was okay and went on to say "just remember when you have diarrhea to wipe your assholes."

They passed the robot hall monitor and knocked on Counselor Mackey's door.

Counselor Mackey said "come in" and they entered.

Craig explained that he brought Stan along because he felt it would be beneficial and that they'd spent time together including visiting the grave of Corey Duran.

Mister Mackey said "yes well Stan come in."

Craig said "I'm glad you're still the counselor and I do owe you the biggest apology for not holding me back in third grade. I think it's great you're the counselor at South Park Elementary School."

Stan added "there's something else though. Something we saw before the death of the Evil Gerbil Wikileaks and you were able to take down the whole website soon after the death of the Evil Gerbil Wikileaks."

Counselor Mackey replied "what might that be?"

Craig said "School Faculty tries to poison students!"

Counselor Mackey stated clearly "well you may very well have seen that but you cannot prove it now. Furthermore I just might go ahead and share with you what you saw but it must not leave this room. Even if it does leave the room nobody would even believe you."

Stan and Craig observe a wicked smile upon the counselor's face.

Then they get an explanation.

"When Pete Melman shit his pants we were scared of having a second suicide on our hands. Due to the fact Eric Cartman had been the one responsible for inciting the bullying that left Cory Duran feeling suicide was the solution we called Eric Cartman into the big meeting room to talk with him."

Stan commented "I remember right after the story hit on Eavesdropper he was called into the principal's office."

Counselor Mackey replied "exactly" and he went on to say "well then Cartman using convoluted logic went ahead and gave Jenny Simon a cupcake full of laxatives and horse sauce from Arbys and we had another fucked up situation on our hands."

Craig said "oh Mister Mackey you talk so dirty did your mother ever wash your mouth out with soap?"

Stan giggles and the counselor immediately replied "that's not the issue right now."

Counselor Mackey went on to say "well after that Cartman was in a shit load of trouble."

Stan asked "a pun intended there Mister Mackey?"

All three giggle.

Mister Mackey continued "that's when Eric Cartman suggested the unthinkable. He said to announce that the students did so well on the recent state exams that a pizza party would take place. Only we'd have the pizzas tainted with laxatives and Arby's horse sauce. It was suggested to him just before he left to head back to class that some students might not eat the pizza. He then stated the vast majority would. The goal was to have all students or the vast majority eat the pizza and shit themselves and then nobody could be singled out or made fun of for shitting their pants. This was something done for the greater good."

Craig said "but then Wikileaks must have stumbled upon you and you along with other staff members involved were busted."

Mister Mackey said "that's right Craig."

Stan said "I'm shocked that you and other staff members would work with Eric Cartman. Wouldn't it have been easier to have conveniently transferred him to some other school or even juvenile hall for a month or two until Pete Melman's number 2 incident blew over?"

Mister Mackey answered "in hindsight Stan that might have been a better idea."

Craig said "I nominate Stan Marsh for the position of South Park Elementary School Principal and you Mister Mackey should be demoted to janitor."

"Demoted to janitor" exclaimed Counselor Mackey.

Craig then added "you had some shitty situations on your hands but you were able to clean up so why not make you the janitor?"

Counselor Mackey stated "Mister Venezuela is a good janitor."

Craig stated "oh now that's just racist."

Counselor Mackey said "Craig I think you need to shut up umkay, and let me get back to telling the big story umkay."

Stan stated "umkay Mister Mackey."

Craig stated "umkay Mister Mackey."

Counselor Mackey explained "well we were busted by that little rat Wikileaks so we had to retreat to a restroom and plan something else. The only thing that would make a juicy story go away is a juicier story. The only story bigger than one about the kids shitting their pants would be a student killing himself. So we staged Eric Cartman's suicide."

Stan said "oh you all must have drugged Eric Cartman and threw him under the damn bus we were on."

Counselor Mackey says "bingo but again none of this leaves the room and even if it does nobody will believe you. Oh and Craig I'm well aware of your juvenile delinquent record that was going to be exposed on Eavesdropper."

A tear streamed down Craig's face and he said "yes sir."

Stan said "well not only could you and the other staff members have lost your jobs criminal charges could have been filed as well from drugging all of us kids with laxatives without our knowledge."

Craig responded before Mister Mackey could and said "that's right and it's not fun to be convicted and put in handcuffs."

After a few more minutes the boys leave the counselor's office.

Craig said "you can see the sun shining bright. Oh I do feel better after that session with the counselor."

Stan said "hey Craig handcuffs aren't always uncomfortable."

Craig said "hmm?"

Stan said "a week ago I was at Wendy's house and she had a pair because her little cousin plays cops and robbers. She handcuffed my hands behind my back and my heart started racing and my pants bulged. Nothing happened after that it was just for fun."

Craig had a big smirk on his face.

The End