"You're letting me do this alone, Houston. You're supposed to be my partner, but it's not the way things are," she told him, matter-of-factly.
"CJ, we have always been partners. I am here for you; but there are cases that, from time-to-time, need my priority," he said, trying to placate her.
"No. That is not the way it is, and you know it. For a long time now, you've been more of an absentee father and husband; the kids and I are going it alone. Not all of your cases are high priority. And, let's not forget who you're talking to, here; I know better, remember? Jake, Jenna, and I deserve more than this." She was calm in her delivery, almost as if she wasn't bothered by what she was telling him. He knew it wasn't the truth, but a tinge of unease shot up his spine nonetheless.
"CJ, I promise I'll try to cut back on my hours, and I'll come to more of Jake's soccer games. We'll all do more things together, I promise." As he made to step closer to her, she put her hand on his chest to stop him.
"I'm not worried about me, Houston. It's Jake and Jenna. They need you to be there for them. I've gotten used to your increasing absenteeism, but you're their father, and they need you to take an active role in their lives. If you don't, they'll be grown and gone before you know it - and won't know much about you, save for what they've read in the rags. You will have missed out big-time because they're really neat little people," she finished with a heartfelt mother's pride.
This conversation disturbed him on so many levels. He loved his children! And, he loved his wife beyond measure. So, it struck him to the core that she felt they had to have this conversation. Part of him knew it was coming, and the rest of him was in denial.
"Honey, I'm sorry. I promise I'll try to do better and be there for all of the important things..." he tried, again.
"Do you even hear yourself? Empty promises. We are your family. Those kids sleeping down the hall are your children. So, you don't just try. You do! Whatever happened to you...because God knows the man I married and the father you started off being with Jake is slowly disappearing...there are changes that need to happen. Maybe, you should think back to the day we got married. The promises you made – and used to keep. Because I'm tired of doing this by myself. But, if it's the way it's going to be, then I might as well be by myself. I don't want an illusory partner, and while we're at it, you can cut the 'Honey' act, too. If you want the right to call me by any endearments, you're going to have to earn it, again."
With that, she made to turn away from him, but he grabbed her arm to keep her near.
"So, what are you saying?" He felt his blood pressure rising. "That you're going to leave me, if I don't cut back on work, my livelihood. The very passion we shared and built something out of – together?" He was angry, now.
She just looked at him. "Poor Houston. You just don't get it, do you? My passions, my priorities changed the day Jake was born. For awhile, yours did, too. But, after Jenna...well, I think you know exactly what's been happening. You're gone so much, now, that you're leaving me to raise two children by myself. And, you have the nerve to stand before me now in anger because I'm telling you to shape up or ship out – that we need you to prioritize us over strangers?" She looked at his hand on her arm. "Let go of me, Mattlock."
Not once in her delivery had she raised her voice, which notched his fear. Shouldn't she be more upset, if she still loved him?
Shocked at this thought, he let go of her and watched her calmly walk away.
An hour later, he made his way to their bedroom only to find it empty. That brought a new fear of its own, so he began looking for her – and found her curled up in Jenna's bed with both kids cuddled in front of her. A little train of heavy-breathing deep sleepers, and it brought such a pain to his heart – to watch them from across the room and not be a part of it – that he had to walk away.
Climbing into their bed down the hall, he lay staring at the ceiling. Breathing heavily from the weight in his chest, he pondered what he was going to do. He loved his family, and he didn't want to lose them. He loved CJ more than he'd ever loved anyone in his life, save for the kids, so he wasn't going to let them slip through his fingers. What he was going to do, he couldn't say. But, he was bringing his A-game back to the table.
Saturday dawned bright and sunny, and though Matt had to go into the office to finish up a bit of paperwork, he had dressed in jeans and a t-shirt so that he would be able to go straight to Jake's soccer game from the office. When CJ saw his choice of clothes, she raised an eyebrow but didn't say a word. It was evident that she still didn't think he would be making good on his promise to be there, but she was keeping her mouth shut.
After their argument the other night, things had calmed between them. But, he was ticked at her, now, for her lack of faith in him. Though, mostly, he was ticked at himself. It pained him to admit it, but he really had been away too much...and after quite a bit of self-reflection, he realized that he had done it on purpose. During Jenna's birth, both mother and daughter had almost died from unexpected complications - and the fear nearly paralyzed him. He knew now that he should have sought counseling, but it hadn't happened. And, up until CJ's recent wake-up call, he'd survived the last two-and-a-half years by increasing his time away from home - a ridiculous attempt to protect himself, in case something happened to them. Totally ass-backward thinking; as if he could protect himself from the pain of losing any of them...
Now, it wasn't to say that he and the kids didn't know each other or get along. Quite the contrary. They laughed and played, when he was around. But, that was the key – when he was around, and it wasn't as often as he should have been. He wasn't as close to his children as he could; he was mostly on friendly terms with them. And, he really had left their rearing to CJ, which went against everything he had ever believed in about families and parenting.
Up until she took her stand and was making him tow the line, if he wanted to be a part of their lives. Just as it should be.
He sighed, but it was in determination. Nothing mattered more to him than his family. Nothing.
He made it to the soccer fields with ten minutes to spare, before the start of Jake's game. He was so proud of himself – and the fact that traffic had been light. He hadn't actually left the office as early as he would have liked, but he obviously hadn't done too bad.
He saw CJ's mini-van, and smiled to himself. They'd made it this far; they were married, had children, and the family-friendly vehicle to prove it. The same thoughts that made him smile also gave him pause. CJ had a family-friendly vehicle; he didn't, and he realized it was something that needed remedying - as in, yesterday. He would never be able to load his family into this show car comfortably.
Not letting it bother him too much because it was easily rectified, he got out, shut the door, and pocketed his keys. Walking towards the fields, he looked around for CJ and Jenna. It took him a minute because their backs were to him, but he finally spotted them on the sidelines of the field to the right and made a beeline in their direction. Except, as he neared, he noticed that CJ's lawn chair was awfully close to the man next to her. In fact, as he neared, he watched as Jenna welcomed the man picking her up and hoisting her onto his shoulders. Hell, she didn't just welcome it; she squealed in delight.
That made his gut clench, and he saw red. The familiarity this man had with his wife and daughter really pissed him off. At least he had the presence of mind to stop and cool down before coming upon them. He did see that CJ had brought an extra chair for him, and it was folded neatly in its carrying case next to her. Reminding himself that they were husband and wife, and they loved each other no matter what, he felt sufficiently capable of joining the trio.
To his heart's delight, Jenna spotted him first and reached her arms towards him while squealing, "Daddy!" She was turning on the man's shoulders, making it difficult for him to keep a good hold on her wriggling little body, but Matt easily lifted her from him.
"Hi, pumpkin," he said and hugged her close, while brushing a kiss on her temple. "How's my princess, today?"
"Good!" and she smiled a smile that melted his heart.
From the look on her face, he could easily tell that CJ was surprised he had made it as promised. But, he was warmed by the fact that there was also more than a hint of the love and appreciation he used to see in her eyes on a regular basis. He bent to give her a brief kiss on the lips, careful to keep hold of Jenna as he leaned down.
"Hi," he said and looked into her eyes intently.
"Hi, yourself," she said. He was pleased to hear a touch of huskiness in her voice.
Jenna giggled at being held at such an angle. Then, she grabbed Matt's face and said, "Me, too, Daddy!" and planted a wet baby kiss on his lips.
He laughed and stood upright, allowing CJ to remove the extra chair from its case and set it up next to her.
"There ya go, partner," she said easily and patted the scooped seat for him to sit down.
Just then, a little girl came running up to the man on CJ's left and said, "Look what I got, Dad! Mom said I could have it," and she smiled at the packet of Fun-Dip held firmly in her little hand.
"I see," he said, "and will you be sitting on Mommy's lap, while you're digging into it?" he asked good-naturedly, as a pretty and petite blonde-haired woman finished walking up and sat down in the chair to his left.
At this point, Matt was glad he'd made himself cool down a few minutes ago. In his moment of jealousy, he hadn't realized there was a line of chairs, and CJ wasn't alone with the man; he was part of a complete family. Thank God.
The petite woman replied easily, "Nope. She's all yours. I had the joy of concession stand duty for the last two hours. I got enough goo on these jeans; your turn, pal."
"The joys of parenting," he muttered, while planting his daughter on his lap and helping her to rip open the sugary powdered mess.
He and his wife shared a smile, then both looked towards he and CJ.
The woman said, "You must be Mattlock. It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Janie, and this is my husband, Steve. We're Cameron's parents; he and Jake are on the same team. When they finally make it onto the field, we'll point him out. Though, he won't be easy to miss if you keep an eye on Jake; they're usually inseparable, much to their coaches' delight." CJ and the couple snickered because it was obviously anything but a delight to their coaches.
"I see. Well, it's nice to meet you both." He and Steve even reached in front of CJ to shake hands, and he could tell that she appreciated his part in the gesture.
When their handshake ended, she looked at him and asked, "Not too busy at the office, today?"
He didn't sense a bite to her words and answered, "No, it was busy, but it always is. I just made sure I left, anyway."
He was met with a genuinely bright smile, and it lit up his world. He smiled back and grabbed her right hand with his left. Jenna snuggled into his right side, and his heart felt like it expanded ten times its normal size in that moment.
This is where he was meant to be, and he was never going to forget it, again.
In a timber and volume meant only for her, he said, "I love you. Never forget it. Because I'm never going to forget where I belong, again."
Her eyes blinked back a rush of tears, and she nodded. Unable to speak for several seconds, she sniffed slightly and finally managed, "That's all I've ever wanted."
"I know." He raised her hand to his lips, placed a tender kiss on the back of it, and finished, "You're all I've ever wanted, and I'm here to prove it. I swear you'll never doubt it, again."
Then, she spoke the sweetest words she could have given him. "I believe you."
They smiled at one another, and just like that, there was no longer a divide between them. They were going to be fine – more than fine. They would go on to make others wonder what kind of magic they'd found to give them such a happily-ever-after.