A/N: Lelouch may seem out of character, but I really wanted him to have a...human moment. I hope that comes across, and oh yeah, I have not written a fan fiction in forever. Please forgive the horrible-ness. Slight Lelouch/Suzaku, but not really. More of a friendship. o_o I am going to stop talking now.
The plan was the easiest part of it all. Everything worked out so well in his head, but as things drew on, Lelouch discovered that he wasn't as strong as he thought. His role was laid out for him, be ruthless, be evil, become hated by the entire world. It was the only way he had to save this world from this chaos. But he had made the plan, even as he fine tuned it with Suzaku, he was nothing but confident. He had figured it should be easy enough. He had lived under the mask of Zero for so long, how different could it be, donning the mask of a heartless dictator.
This role was much more consuming.
He wasn't heartless. He wasn't this bad of a monster. He had just wanted a better world. . .
He would stand before the cameras and recite his hateful speeches, daring, just daring anyone to stand up against him. No one ever did. He had it all. He wanted none of it.
After the camera's cut off, Lelouch would slump in his seat, rip the silly hat from his head, and cry. The closer his death leered, the harder he would cry. He cried in confusion, in happiness, in hope, in fear. There was so many emotions he had to release.
He thought of Nunnally, of never seeing her again. He thought of what she must think of him; all the horrid things he did. Even before Zero Requiem, he had done horrible things.
His thoughts drifted back to his days as Ashford Academy. Happy days that would never be reclaimed.
He thought about what his death would do to the world, how this would fix it. He was baring the sins of so many, and the hate. There would be no one left to blame, and people would have to look towards the future.
Still--- the closer the parade came, the more he realized just how afraid of death he really was. It was so selfish. But there was this voice, always in the back of his mind, saying "live, live, you must live."
He thought of Suzaku. This little voice was probably nothing to the curse he had placed on his best friend.
This had all seemed so much easier when he planned it out. Everything looked nicer on paper.
Two days before the parade to the execution grounds, Lelouch's private tears were interrupted.
"…Lelouch?" Suzaku stood in the doorway. Lelouch didn't bother turning in his chair. He hadn't even heard the door open. He stayed, facing the dark screen. His hands were curling around the arms of the throne. The room was soaked in darkness, though a few electronic lights cast eerie shadows around the room, and it was deathly silent, aside from the Emperor's choked sobs.
"I thought this would be easier, you know," he said aloud, not caring that his mask was long gone.
"…it's almost over, Lelouch." Suzaku said quietly. "Remember why we are doing this."
"We?" Lelouch choked out, his voice full of fear and misplaced anger. "We?! I'm the one that's doing this! This is my atonement! I'm the one that is holding the hate of the entire world on my shoulders!" He shot up from his chair, and turned to face Suzaku, not caring that his face was tear stained. He had to be honest around someone. He rarely saw Suzaku--- it made sense, he couldn't be hanging around Lelouch, he was supposed to be dead, after all. He had given him Zero's mask a few days ago, calm and collected, but somehow things were different now.
"Lelouch, calm down," Suzaku said gently, reaching out to his friend. "I've never seen you like this."
"Of course you haven't. No one has," Lelouch said, coldly.
"Remember why we are doing this. Remember our plan, to fix this world." Suzaku said, leaning forward and placing a comforting hand on Lelouch's trembling shoulder.
"I remember, damn it!" he exclaimed. "…I don't know if I…" The tears fell harder, and Lelouch grabbed at the front of Suzaku's jacket, desperate to cling to something solid. "I don't want to die," he said, pathetically.
He hadn't expected Suzaku to hit him like that. He hadn't even seen the fist coming for him. Lelouch landed heavily on the floor, his lip was bleeding, spreading dark crimson stains on his pristine white cloak.
"Get a hold of yourself," Suzaku said. His voice was cold, but he was kneeling down next to his friend. "Stop being so selfish. Remember Euphy. Remember why we are doing this."
"It's not 'we'." Lelouch did not make a move to get up from the floor.
"It is. Please Lelouch, get a hold of yourself. This isn't you." Suzaku said, offering a hand to Lelouch.
"How would you know! Maybe this is me! Who knows!" a horrible laughter mingled with Lelouch's sobs.
"Lelouch, please, listen to me. Please. Be strong. Please. I need you to." Suzaku said, still hold his hand out for his friend. "This is our plan, we are doing this together. Yes, this isn't easy for you, it's no picnic for me either! You say you're scared of death, well, I am scared of life, and that is what, you, and this plan has cursed me with. Please, I need you to snap out of it."
Lelocuh grew quiet though his body was still shaking. "I just think about it, about everything. I…I know I deserve this. Everything. I wasn't expecting it to affect me like this," he said, fists clenched and eyes locked on the floor.
"You do deserve this," Suzaku said, "but I am selfish too, I need you to be strong. You deserve all the suffering in the world for what you did to Euphy, but I need you to be strong, for two more days now. Please."
Lelouch raised his eyes and looked at Suzaku. He had taken his contacts out, and seeing those powerful eyes covered in tears was the most bizarre thing Suzaku had ever seen.
"I never told anyone, well, any human being, anyway, I didn't mean to do what I did to Euphy. It justifies nothing, I know, but…my Geass, I lost control of it. It was an accident, a mistake."
Suzaku said nothing, but his eyes widened in surprise.
"…sorry…" Lelouch mumbled, and looked away. He ignored Suzaku's helping hand and pushed himself to a sitting position. He wiped his face with the back of his sleeve, leaving a trail of tears and blood.
" You are human." Suzaku said, softly, green eyes locked on Lelouch. The emperor of the world sitting on the floor next to him, lip still bleeding, face still puffy from crying, and body still trembling. This demon, his friend, he was the most human thing he had ever known. "I had my doubts, you know. Even recently, I figured you were heartless, cold, a monster. I never knew you were actually human. I always assumed that 'human' was just another mask you wore occasionally to further your goals, but you are actually…human."
A sad smile appeared on Suazku's lips.
"I guess I am," Lelouch said, voice cracked and rough. "I am humans. And part of being human is death, isn't it?"
"A bigger part is taking responsibility for your actions," Suzaku said, leaning closer to his friend.
"Thank you, Suzaku," Lelouch looked his friend in the eyes, "At least one person knows I am human. Knows the real me, know that I…that I am not just a monster."
"Again you curse me," Suzaku laughed, softly "This would be easier if you were a monster."
"It would be easier for me too," Lelouch said.
Suzaku leaned even closer and pulled Lelouch into a tight embrace.
They stayed like that for a while; neither wanting to moment to end, because that meant going back to reality. Like this, it was almost like they were children again, in a much simpler time.
Eventually they were forced to detach. Lelouch had things to do as the most hated person in the world. He had to go sign the execution orders for people he once called friends, and his sister, knowing that it was his own he was actually signing. Suzaku had his own planning to do. It was almost over, Zero Requiem was almost over.
"Good bye, Lelouch," Suzaku said from the door.
"Bye, Suzaku," Lelouch replied. He was upright again, face clean, his cloak straighten out, and a familiar cold smile on his lips.
He wore his mask well. The parade was hard, seeing Nunnally like that, tied down, helpless, and the look of hatred she cast at him tore at his heart. But he was Lelouch, dictator of the world today. He took his place at in his grand throne, counting down the minutes in his mind as they moved closer to the horizon.
It was eerie to see Zero standing there in the distance. His mind knew everything, but it was still a strange sensation. It was so symbolic. It was as though he was killing himself. He pretty much was, wasn't he? Still nothing escaped the mask. He played his role well, even with Suzaku, no, Zero standing before him, sword at the ready to end him. Everything was silent to his ears. He could see people panicking, screaming, he could see the confusion, but he heard none of it.
It didn't hurt. Compared to the ache his heart, the sword piecing his stomach was nothing. He whispered his parting command to Suzaku, smearing his own blood on the side of the mask he once wore.
This was it. He stumbled , vision blurred as he looked out upon the world.
Blame me, world. This was all my doing. It was all me. Please, stop this, and move forward. Hate me, please.
His thoughts became jumbled and he fell. Fuzzy, and growing numb he landed next to Nunally. He saw his life in her eyes. Everything he had done, everything, and he finally closed his eyes. It was over…all over.