"A car is coming, Kurt" I scream. He's taken back by the bright light coming towards him, struck with fear. Why isn't he doing anything?
I think it's too late; this car is going to hit us. I push my body towards him and turn the wheel to the right side. There was a tree there and we had hit it. Kurt began to yell out painful cries.
Destiny. It's a funny word. I never thought much of it until I met Kurt. He changed my way of looking at life.
And love.
We'd been friends for over 4 months now. Everyone thinks we're more than just friends but I've never had the courage to pursue a relationship with Kurt. I see the way he looks at me. I never understood the way cartoons would put hearts over someone's eyes, but after looking at Kurt's eyes when he sings, that's all I can see. I'm scared of how much I like him because I've never felt like this towards anyone before.
As we impacted the giant tree on the side of the road, all I could think about was how I was going to die.. and then I saw Kurt. His head had rammed into the steering wheel and there was blood seeping through almost every inch of his skin. What was happening?
Destiny. An hour ago we were just having coffee at the Lima Bean. It wasn't our usual after rehersal coffee run at the usual time, but the coffee shops tend to get a bit quieter around 6 pm and I wanted to have a serious conversation with Kurt. I didn't want to get him excited though because I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. This was one of those conversations that involve feelings and all that mushy, Nicholas Sparks novel-type conversations. I'm not very good at romance, I'm not very good at anything like that at all but I was ready to tell Kurt that I liked him.
Like-liked him.
I felt like a kindergartener around him, it's weird. Almost similar to a celebrity crush where I'm urging to find out every little detail about him, predicting his every thought, wondering how he would react in a certain situation, I am so intrigued by him. I'm always laughing and giggling like a child. Nobody else does that to me.
He walked over with my medium drip and I smiled at him.
"Is something wrong?" he asked me, "we never come here at this time, I don't know if I should be worried or excited."
"I wanted to talk," I said back, "and I felt like it would be nice and quiet at this time so we weren't distracted."
He looked at me with the usual Kurt Hummel look of astoundment. "Ooh, sounds serious"
I didn't really know what to say so I just blurted it out instinctively. Something inside my gut told me this was the right time.
"Kurt, my feelings for you have grown in the past few weeks, aggressively actually, I can't stop thinking about you. I know it sounds crazy but day in, day out, I find myself running through conversations with you in my head and I just have this insane craving for more. I want to talk to you all day, I want to see you when I'm not supposed to, I want to hold you and just feel something for a moment because I know you're the one person that can do that for me." I paused.
His eyes lit up. I couldn't tell what he was thinking so I stopped talking and pretended like I was finished. I could have gone on but I didn't want to creep him out. "Really?" he said quietly. I almost couldn't hear him.
I closed my eyes and looked down and lightly smirked. "Really," I replied, looking into his eyes.
He reached over his hand and gently grabbed my hand that was resting on the table. "Took you long enough!" he jokingly commented but with a softer-than-usual tone. He sounded quiet like he wanted to think. "Let's go for a drive," he said. I foolishly agreed.
If I had the courage to tell him this earlier, we wouldn't have had to be at that coffee shop that night. We wouldn't have had to drive away. We wouldn't have been at that moment at that time. We wouldn't be here crying for help, hopeless that anyone would find us. Why did I wait? Why did I have to wait?
Destiny. Kurt's crying for help, I feel helpless. How is it that this is happening right here and right now? How is it that he is in so much pain and I feel nothing but a scratch on my head. How is it that nobody has seen us stranded on the side of the road?
My cell phone rings. This is my chance to find my phone in all this rubble. There is so much debri everywhere, it's worse than they show in the movies. I can't move, I can only move my fingers. My legs are crushed but I cannot feel them. I get a hold of my phone and try to dial 911 the best that I can. I keep failing. All I can do is cry. I don't know what else to do, so I begin to cry. "Kurt? KURT?"
He begins to whimper, "I can't Blaine... please.. help me." He begins to lose conciousness and slowly slips into a deep sleep. His body had shut itself off and I don't know what to do.
Helpless. I knew I was going to lose him.
Destiny. I see a shadow on the tree. Everything is blurry now. I don't know how much longer I can stay awake. I scream for help, fighting my body's need to shut down.
Destiny. I wake up in a helicopter. Kurt is next to me. I hear heart monitors. I see IVs.
Destiny. I'm in a hospital bed. There are people crowding my bed, crying with sad looks on their faces.
Destiny. Burt Hummel looks me in the eyes and begins to sob.
I know what had happened.
Destiny.
I walked away with a concussion and a broken leg that day but destiny took Kurt away from me. The same day it made him mine. I had him, he was the sunlight when there was only rain and now his memories will haunt me and be the rain that takes away the sunlight. The universe had defeated me when I was at my most vulnerable.
Kurt had not only left me that day, he left all of us. He left his father, his old friends at McKinley. But he's in a better place now, with his mother. His pain has disappeared. She will finally be able to see the smile on his face.
I know he's not here and I know that he won't be back, but in 4 months, he changed my life. He taught me how to feel, how to love, how to care for someone beyond yourself and how to open up my heart. I never knew love before I knew Kurt. I will always remember him.
I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do now, but I'm going to get through this. Maybe destiny has something in store for me in the future.
Life's kind of like a candle. You play around with it and use it up until there's not much left and then when your electricity goes out, you wish you hadn't done so. They say you never really know what you've got until it's gone, I guess I just realized it a little too late.
"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another." -Thomas Merton