Each Fold Meant Something to Me
Each year Lily folds paper cranes and James is fascinated with it. Each year the cranes mean something different to her.
He remembers in the first year when he first saw her with the paper cranes. She had been lounging by the fire place with her friends, the bright colors of the paper reflecting the light of the dying fire across the room. He had been confused, why she had been folding the paper so oddly, but to his pleasant surprise, when she had pulled the "supposed" wings apart, the bird sprung to life. It was magical in a sense that the magic he had known his entire life was not. And as much as he hated to admit it, they were quite beautiful for something so simple. He wondered why she was making them so often, only to over hear her exasperated tone explain that she and her sister planned on breaking the world record for the most folded paper cranes. Only 1,032,455 to go she had said. And then it became 1,032,454.
It wasn't until the next year until he saw her making them again. But this time, the world record was long forgotten. Evans and Remus had been sitting at a corner table in the common room, anxiously studying for their upcoming exams. The two of them, much to James's dismay, had become good friends quickly, bonding over their shared passion for doing well in class. James supposed he really didn't mind Evans as a person, but more of the fact that he was still slightly uncomfortable talking and being friendly with girls. He was fine the way he was with his three best friends. Evans and Remus both quietly spoke to each other, reviewing terms and wand movements. According to Remus, Evans had always been overly anxious about tests and stressed often. He watched as Remus slide some paper across the table, and Evans's eyes lit up. The anxiety faded from her eyes as her tiny hands folded each crease carefully. Soon enough, the table was filled with paper cranes and a sense of understanding.
In year three, he saw her sitting under the tree by the lake with Snape. Evans was chattering animatedly to Snape, and if her hands weren't already preoccupied, James supposed they'd be waving around wildly in the air too. Cranes floated around in the air, some sort of charm that Evans had cast keeping them up. The atmosphere was a dull sense of quiet except the small talk being exchanged between friends. He laid there, observing the two friends under the tree while the sun beat down on his already dark skin.
"Why do you make those?" Snape asked suddenly. Evans looked up at him, smiling softly.
"They remind me of home. Of Petunia." Snape's expression turned sour at the mention of Petunia, but she didn't seem to notice. If she did, she didn't seem to care.
"Why Petunia?"
"I miss her. I miss my home." There was a slight pause. "Do you want to make one?"
"I'm good." Snape replied curtly. Silence proceeded, the two of them not saying anything. James didn't miss the falter of Evans's smile.
It was their fourth year, and together, he and his friends had developed an amazing prank to pull on the other Gryffindor fourth year girls. During dinner, Sirius sneaked away with the cloak and headed up to the girl's dormitory while the others stayed in the Great Hall. The three of them sat giddily, waiting to leave dinner at the appropriate time in order to not raise suspicion. Finally, when it was half past seven, the three raced up to their room eagerly. Much to their shock, Sirius was sitting on his bed, his face set in deep concern and seriousness.
"So did you pull it off?" Peter asked. Sirius shook his head somberly.
"What?" James sputtered, "but everything was perfect! Seriously mate?"
"Piss off," Sirius replied angrily. He shoved past James and slammed the door of the dorm with fury. Remus looked concerned, everyone still in shock from Sirius's unexpected outburst. That was the last time they brought up that prank or that night. James never learned what really happened. He overheard from Remus that apparently Evans had been in the room. Something also about paper cranes. He didn't know if that was good or bad.
James pretended not to care how close Sirius and Evans had gotten over the past year. Ever since that one night, Sirius had never joined in pulling pranks on Evans. He had simply stated, "She's my friend." and left it at that. James didn't think that Sirius liked Evans in a romantic sense, in fact, he'd always thought Sirius and Remus may have had something. He was never quite sure though, when the other expressed any emotion, it appeared unrequited. It wasn't until one winter night that he truly saw the extent of Sirius and Evans's friendship. James, Remus, and Sirius had all been talking late into the evening when Peter rushed into the room.
"I've just seen the weirdest thing," he gasped. "Evans is down there, crying like a madman and just flinging all these paper cranes into the fire."
"What?!" Sirius jumped up in worry. "Is she still down there?" Peter nodded, and Sirius flung himself out of the room and raced down the stairs. James ignores the pain in his heart because for some reason he wishes he was the one down there with Evans. He pretends not to hear the crying from downstairs and Sirius's soothing whispers. He pretends to be asleep when Sirius walks back in several hours later, tired and without Evans clinging to his shirt, and James can finally fall asleep knowing she's okay now. He pretends not to notice the charred scraps of paper in the fire place the next morning.
It's their sixth year and surprisingly, Evans and him have been civil towards one another despite the incident last year. He's in charms class when McGonagall pulls him out of class and into Dumbledore's office. His friends and Evans all throw him worried glances as he leaves, and he can't help the anxious feeling erupting in his stomach as McGonagall sends him a grim smile. He sits in the chair across from Dumbledore's desk, picking at his nails as he waits. And when Dumbledore tells him that his parents are dead, he's pretty sure everything inside him shuts down. Because it was not supposed to be this way, his parents were too young to die, they were supposed to see him get married, they were supposed to see him graduate, they were supposed to see his first child be born, they were supposed see him grow up, they were supposed to see him make them proud. He can't even remember starting to cry but his cheeks are already wet, and he's on the ground clutching himself, trying to keep back his choked gasps. He feels the bile rising in his throat and suddenly he's vomiting because surely he can't be human if he's hurting this much. They are gone, and he never got to see them smile again or say "I love you." Then he registers that someone is holding him, and everything begins to drift away into oblivion. It's two weeks later, and he's finally back at school; he hates it because the pitied looks people send him and the endless amount of flowers and casseroles he received are not helping whatsoever. In fact, all he wants to do is be alone and shut the world out. His friends sort of form a circle around him, one of them always being with him to protect and support him. He can't express his gratitude to them of how it feels to know that these three still love him when there is no one else. One day when he's sitting alone lost in gazing at the fire, Evans sits down beside him with a stack of paper. Somehow James understands why she's here and what she's doing. They don't speak at all, but Evans slowly shows him how to fold the paper so that it becomes a crane. Together they sit staring at the fire, cranes spread out across the table. When he wakes up the next morning alone, he notices the small red crane next to the black one, and he wonders if it means something or not.
A year later and James can't stop smiling. Lily sits across the room from him, smirking at him as she braids her hair instead of listening to the lecture. He focuses his attention on the professor again until a tiny white crane floats across the room and lands on his desk. His gaze flits to Lily's again, and she mouths "open it." James glances around to make sure the professor doesn't see the note, and he unfolds it with ease. Scrawled across the paper are three small words "I love you." He almost spits and looks up with wild eyes. Lily sends a shy smile to him, and he can't believe it because Lily loves him and Merlin he loves her so much and she's never said it before and he really really wants to hear her say it and not just on the paper crane. His heart is beating like crazy in his chest, and he doesn't get butterflies around her like he used to, but he is now. He keeps blinking trying to figure out if this is a dream or reality. He suddenly stands up because he has to hear her the words fall from her lips. The entire class looks at him, including the professor.
"Uh, I - I forgot that Lily and I have a head's meeting with Dumbledore right now." He says quickly. The professor looks at him suspiciously but lets them go. James is in such a hurry to get out of here that he doesn't even wave goodbye to his friends, he just grabs Lily's hand and pulls her out into the corridor.
"Do you mean it?" He gasped quietly. Lily nods, her cheeks flushing. "Say it, please," he whispers.
"I love you." He kisses her right there, and it's never felt so good.
It's years later, and James and Lily are married and expecting Harry when Sirius asks, "What do cranes even symbolize?" Lily grins and looks at James.
"Hope."