Kickin it one shots : Jerry Martinez show
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Jack is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Brett. So everyone please put your hands together for Jack!
Jerry: Okay, now Jack you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: Kim.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Kim, is actually here tonight...
The crowd SQUEALS once more.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Jack, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Eddie!
You: What the HELL!
Out of nowhere you pull out a Pocket knife. Eddie reaches for the Vase. Out of the shadows Grace appears.
Grace: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Eddie.
Eddie: Because I saw Jack and Grace making out at Club!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Grace: That's a lie! I was home watching Full house!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Eddie?
Eddie: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Brett who has recently become engaged to Grace.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Brett out here because Jack had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Kim that's right! Brett: Grace:
Brett: Because I knew that I could never have Kim. But Jack promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Grace: What about respect for MY feelings!
Eddie walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Brett.
Eddie: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Grace: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Grace runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
Grace: Jack take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Grace: Married?
You nod.
Grace: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Kim.
Brett: (screaming) WHAT!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Kim: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 4 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Jack is married to Kim who Brett has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Brett has recently become engaged to Grace who was recently spotted kissing Jack in the Club. Now on top of this Eddie has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Brett.
Kim: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.
(c) 2011 The Shrine of Insanity