Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan). I wish I owned an anime this popular.
No, it couldn't have happened, right? It was all in my imagination. Levi's thoughts replayed in his mind as he lay in his bed. He'd seen Petra lying dead, crashed into a tree. It seemed almost unrealistic. Almost as if it never happened. It was just this morning that she was near him on horseback. He hadn't had much time to really think about it considering he had to take care of that female Titan. It really hurt him when he had to push her body off the cart to save everyone else. If only that stupid officer hadn't gone after his dead friend! But, Levi couldn't really find it in his heart to blame him. He missed her. Just like how that officer missed his friend. If Levi hadn't been so well-trained, he probably would have done the same thing. But he couldn't now. Even if he wanted to. Petra was gone.
He winced as he rubbed his leg. God, it hurt. Almost as much as his heart. He remembered the day he picked her. She showed promise. Back then, he saw how her hatred fueled her. How it motivated her to fight and kill Titans. Over time that went away. Now, she was gentle and compassionate. She felt the most remorse over Eren's accidental transformation. He knew she was the one for him.
Of course, they both accepted the fact that they'd probably die young. But, at the time, Levi never thought he would ever like someone. He'd figured everybody would just move on after he died. That's why he never let anyone get close. But he still found that he missed his troupe so much it hurt. It just felt so unrealistic. Except for the pain in his leg. That felt pretty real.
He sighed as he adjusted his position. He needed to get a drink of water. He got up, making himself not have the slightest visible reaction to his leg, as he walked down the hall. He grabbed a cup out of the pantry and held it under the tap. The water rapidly filled it up, nearly spilling over the edges. Levi took a sip and glanced over at the table. He saw the framed picture sitting by the side. It depicted him and his comrades. It was a little over a year ago. A mission had just went successfully (something that was always rare) and Gunther had a camera. Everyone was in a good mood so they took a picture to commemorate the event.
Levi choked on his water, spitting it all over the floor. He coughed for a minute before regaining his breath. Mental note: give that picture to Hange tomorrow. I don't need it.
Exhaustedly, he trudged back to his room. He thought he was just about to pass out from over-exertion, but instead, he found that he couldn't sleep. It felt like his comrades' souls were weighing on his shoulders. His lips still tingled from when he choked on that water. Strangely, it reminded him of the incident from a month ago.
Levi snored softly. In fact, it was so soft you could only hear it if you got really close. He had been organizing some paperwork before nodding off. He couldn't help it. Erwin had been asking a bit much of him lately. Chores, cleaning, disciplining other officers, interrogation, and now paperwork. Honestly, it was too much.
Petra walked down the hallway. "Leader-" She stopped when she saw him. After a moment, her face softened. "Levi is so cute like that," she murmured.
Levi had woken up when Petra first came walking down the hall, but decided to remain still.
Petra walked over to where his sleeping figure was lying slumped over on a table. After quickly looking both ways, she pecked him on the cheek before walking away.
Levi's lips burned even though it was his cheek that had been kissed. He knew that he wanted it on his lips just the tiniest bit. But now that wasn't his priority. He had things to do. Of course, he figured he could always just try for that kiss later.
Oh well, he thought. I guess I'll never get that kiss. Seeing as she's dead. That's what he did: state the obvious. It wasn't his job to get emotional over things. Yet, he couldn't get rid of the painful stabbing feeling in his chest. It just got deeper and deeper, drilling its way into his heart.
I mean, I trust Erwin, but… why did he tell me to refuel at that moment? Even though Levi was suspicious, he just couldn't bring himself to believe that Erwin was the reason Petra - er- everyone died. Levi had always trusted Erwin and would easily trust Erwin with even his life. To doubt Erwin would challenge everything Levi had ever believed in. In fact, even Levi couldn't figure out who he cared about more, Petra or Erwin. It was just too difficult to decide. They've both done so much for him.
Levi gritted his teeth in frustration. Why can't I go to sleep?! It's at least midnight. He suddenly relaxed and leaned against the bedpost. I'll go to sleep eventually. For now, I just have to think. He nodded his head. Yeah, the more I think about it the less painful it'll feel. I think. He shifted the covers gently as he rolled over onto his side. He tried to erase that horrible scene of Petra smashed against the tree. He only tried to remember the good times with her. The times when she was smiling or laughing that joyous laughter of hers. Yeah, that sure made him happy. He wanted to erase the pain, forget all about it. He just wished he could suddenly forget what had happened yesterday. But, to do so would mean he would forget all about her. He couldn't just forget the last day they spent together. If he was going to forget yesterday, he was going to have to forget ever knowing her along with that. And he just couldn't do that. He could never bring himself to forget Petra.
Why?! he thought angrily. Why do we have to live like this? Where we live under the threat of extinction every day! Why do we have to die so young? Why… did you have to die so young..? He could finally feel himself starting to fall asleep. His temporary rage was subsiding. I'll think about it more in the morning. And while I do that, I need to pay more attention to that Yeager boy. There's lots to do. He shut his eyes as sleep flooded over him. All I know is that I need to start doing multiple things at once. You taught me that, Petra. If I don't go for things now, the chance will pass by me before I can react. Once again, he started up that light snoring of his. As if nothing had ever happened.
Fin