Title: Not like them… (One-Shot)

Set during series 7 and 8.

Characters/Pairings: Ros/Lucas, mentions of Lucas/Sarah

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Rating: T

Word Count : 1200

Disclaimer : I do not own Spooks

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing Spooks fanfiction. Anyway, I've always wondered what a Lucas/Ros relationship would have been like, and this is how I see it.

Hope you'll enjoy it. =)

It has happened before. It will happen again. They know it and they accept it.

It's not like they care for each other. They're just colleagues, even if in their world, colleague is closer than friend. It's just that when she isn't doing well after Meynell, he's the one who notices something is wrong. He doesn't try to talk to her, because he already knows her well enough to know it would be pointless, so he follows her instead, one night, when she is going home. The surprise of finding him on her doorstep prevents her from sending him away, and she lets him inside her flat. They never realized it, or put precise words on it, but being together as Pete and Jenny brought them closer, somehow. By allowing him to touch her, while he was posing as her boyfriend, it broke one of the many invisible shields she had created to protect herself. So when he asks her if she is alright, and she turns away from him and starts shaking, he finds it natural to step closer and put his arms around her. And she lets him. And when she pulls him closer and starts kissing him and unbuttoning his shirt, he lets her.

It's not like they need a shoulder to cry on. It's just that when Dean gets shot, and he feels guilty, he rings her doorbell. And once again she opens her door to him. She finds a bottle of wine and they drink it, sitting on her sofa. They remain silent, because talking is unnecessary. He rests his head on her shoulder, and she caresses his hair until he feels better. That night they make love again, like they knew they would from the moment he showed up.

It's not like they miss each other when they're not around. But when he returns from Russia, after they found out Connie was the mole, she has to fight the urge to blame him for not telling her he was going there. She goes to his flat that night, guessing he is probably not asleep. And indeed he isn't. Moments after she steps into his small living room (he is the only person she knows whose home is just as impersonal as hers) she is kissing him with a determination and a fever even she didn't know she still had in her. Afterwards, as he is watching her sleep, he wonders why she can only open up to him during those brief moments of shared passion. He feels there is so much more hidden beneath the surface, and part of him wants her to allow him access to it, but he knows he can't ask more of her than what she is already giving him, otherwise he can say goodbye to what little they have. And he doesn't want to.

It's not like they need each other. Still, when he asks her if he'll be seeing her later and she doesn't even bother to answer, it hurts him. It happens on the day they stop the nuclear bomb from exploding and Harry goes missing. She tells him to go home after his wound has been seen to, as if she doesn't want him around. Of course she is busy, and worried, and tense, just as much as he is. It hurts anyway. But it's not important, because he doesn't need her. And even if he does, she obviously doesn't need him.

It's not like they're jealous. It's just that the thought of him with that Caulfield woman makes her want to throw up. Of course she never admits it, neither does she show any sign of her missing his touch, his embrace, or waking up next to him. But she is angry. Angry with him for falling for a woman like that, angry with herself for feeling this way, even though she knows it is stupid of her. It was not a relationship that they had; they never even talked about it or defined it. So it's not like she has to let him go, because she never really had him.

It's not like they worry about each other. He knows she is strong, perhaps stronger than he is. But after Jo's death, he has to be sure she will be okay. She knows he will come even before he decides to do so. He tried to talk to her after the accident, but she managed to avoid him. She won't let him believe she needs him. This time she won't let him in, oh no she won't. Except she does. When she looks at him, she wants to punch him in the face. She hates him, she hates him and that look in his eyes, that mix of guilt, and concern, and "I know you're suffering, please talk to me". She is about to close the door and send him away, but he takes one step forward and grabs her wrist with one hand, the other hand lifting her head, forcing her to look him in the eyes. This time her defenses are not strong enough and she has to let go. When the tears start rolling on her cheeks, she lets him brush them away with his thumbs, and she doesn't resist when he presses his lips against hers. Later, while he is making love to her, more passionate and yet more tender than ever, she holds him tight, and tighter still, as if she were afraid he is going to evaporate. But he stays.

It's not like they love each other. It's just that when he looks so lost, after Darshavin, it breaks her heart. Obviously, she has seen him fight against invisible monsters during his nightmares, and she has calmed him down many times after he had woken up from them, but this is different. It has brought all the memories he has been trying to push away for more than a year back to the surface. She knows what it feels like. She also knows he won't come to her, because he isn't sure he is entitled to, so she has to show him she will be there for him as he has been there for her. There is hope in his eyes when he hears footsteps behind him, and the shadow of a smile crosses his face when he turns around and realizes it is her indeed. This time she is the one to offer her help and he takes it gladly. They are aware that, in a way, he is betraying Sarah, but they don't mention it.

It's really not like they need each other. He doesn't have real feelings anymore, he says so himself, and she has made a rule not to need anyone, ever.

He could find someone else, he's charming and attractive. She could find someone else; she's got that special charm men find it hard to resist. Still, they always come back to each other, in the end.

It has happened before. It will happen again. They know it and they accept it.

It's not like they really need it. It's not like they really want it. It's just that they can't help it.

Please review! =)