I Will Always Love You
Suggested Theme:
Main Theme- Love Crime by Siouxsie Sioux & Brian Reitzell
Kaz has been having a rough day. Actually, today started off pretty well. He spent his morning clobbering past foes with his Ancient UnderWorlder scans. Each victory made him heady and overconfident to the point that he would drop not-so cryptic puns about his "new" scans. He was filled to the brim with hubris like an epic hero; and like all epic heroes, his ego became his downfall. Well, his downfall was actually in the form of SamShady.
After his loss, his best friend decided it would be best to chew him out for practically revealing their secret. Then, to top it all off, Inga decided it was the best time to punch him in the gut and give him a message from M'arrillianaire. The message made him feel sick and he could almost believe that M'arrillianaire was stalking him on Earth. How else would M'arrillianaire know that he can sing? However, there was something about his Fear Valley doppelgänger.
Kaz knows that he wasn't in Fear Valley today; he was too busy with his revenge-a-thon to port to Perim today. However, there's someone who looks eerily similar to him, and can sing, roaming around in Fear Valley. The Location can be quite creative in conjuring illusions, but it's not flexible enough to imitate a human voice that well.
Rather than staying for another lecture from Tom, he decides to investigate this so-called look-alike in Fear Valley. It's quite possible there's a shape-shifter like Iparu. It's also quite possible that shape-shifter just happens to be very talented and creative. And it's also quite possible that M'arrillianaire and Inga are just pranking him as payback for his smugness. It's most likely that.
Fear Valley is a frightening Location if this is your first time here. The last time Kaz was here was when he was trying to get a scan of Ultadur; it ended with Chaor getting the Telebracers and a piece advice from the UnderWorld Lord himself.
"Friends are expendable." Kaz doesn't believe that, but his hero was clearly speaking from experience. Tom, Sarah, and Peyton mean more to him than his…..own mom. They're always there for him and they accept him. He just can't imagine a life without them, even if they are currently pissed with him.
Fear Valley is the same twisted landscape of carved nightmares and dead trees. He walks around the Location, hoping he'll run into his look-alike. M'arrillianaire's message did not disclose where he met the look-alike, so Kaz feels like this could last a few hours. However, he knows that this Location likes to play mind tricks after a few hours. He'll give himself three hours and then he'll go back to Chaotic. It's not like he has anything better to do; the gang is pretty angry with him and will probably just chew him out like Tom did earlier.
He walks for an hour and finds nothing. He walks for another hour and still no sign of his doppelgänger. The Location has yet to play its nasty tricks on him. The trees still look dead and twisted like thorns. The jagged rocks still look like someone carved scary faces into them. No monsters or Creatures have popped out. This Location has yet to terrify him, which in itself almost frightens Kaz.
It is seven minutes until his promised time to leave the Location. He's tempted to port out now because he's almost certain that M'arrillianaire and Inga were screwing with him.
"Oh, the skies, tumbling from your eyes,
So sublime, the chase to end all time."
Kaz almost loses his grip on his Scanner. He hears the voice; it's raspy and low like despondency incarnate. The voice….it's his own voice! Singing! He knows his singing voice from anywhere. He runs toward his voice and goes into a forest of thorns like a suicidal starling.
"Seasons call and fall, from grace and uniform,
Anatomical and metaphysical."
He runs faster and harder than he ever did for his track team tryout. He garners a collection of superficial cuts and welts across his body like the branches are made of vampire teeth. His scalp aches from the branches scraping and pulling his hair. He's grateful that he didn't lose his glasses through his mad run.
"Oh, the dye,
A blood red setting sun."
He makes it to the end of the thorny forest. He finds his voice at the end of the forest. It's him; he's looking at himself. Well, a version of himself. His look-alike is wearing their father's clothes and has his hair down. The glasses are gone too, which allows Kaz to see the far too big and hollow eyes. It was like looking into an alternative universe.
"Hello, you." The look-alike purrs like a mincing villain. Kaz briefly wonders if he's just suffering some kind of hallucination from his wounds. The branches could have sort of poison in them that makes their victim hallucinate. It's possible, especially in Perim.
"You're just an illusion. You're not real." Kaz has uttered these words before. In Fear Valley, realizing that an illusion is just an illusion made the illusion disappear. His look-alike does not disappear.
"No, I am you. Well, you in a year from now." Kaz feels his throat tighten like he's choking on anxiety. He's talking with his future- self! But, but he looks so different! What could've happen? Kaz's eyes search for an answer into his future self's eyes. All he finds is smoldering darkness in those eyes.
"Something horrible must've happened….for me to turn out that way." Kaz bravely opts to voice his theory. His future-self whistles like he's summoning the hounds of Hell.
"Maybe. Maybe not. It's all supposed to happen that way, really." He sounds wistful like he accepts everything that has happened to him in that year. But there isn't a hint of happiness in his tone.
"You could tell me what happens and I won't make your mistakes." The future can be changed like with the M'Arrillian invasion. The M'Arrillians didn't flood Perim and conquer the world; the Tribal Alliance were informed of the dismal future from Rhaden and went about in changing the future. He can still save himself from becoming…..this.
"How well did that work for Emrys again?" His future-self is referring to the events in "Merlin" where Merlin tried desperately to alter Arthur's future but instead created a self-fulfilling prophecy. But that was a TV show, and Perim's future was changed and that was on a grander scale than changing his own future.
"Have you forgotten how Rhaden and the Tribal Alliance were able to change the future? Look around, this place isn't flooded and filled with nasty M'Arrillians! Just tell me, and I can spare us the pain!" Kaz thinks about going over and punching his future-self for being this stubborn, but he is afraid that he'll destroy the time-space continuum or create a paradox like in anything involving time-travelling.
"We're not from Perim. We're from Earth. And Earth is far more stable than Perim is, amazingly enough. The future isn't ever-changing for us." Kaz scowls at his future-self like he was SamShady. His future-self is such a fatalist; he's accepting his fate, even though he has the power to change the future. If he goes by his future-self's logic, then they should have the power, the knowledge, to change their future right here in Perim.
"All of the bad things happen on Earth, don't they? I understand that I can't exactly change every little thing about the future, but maybe I can change the outcome." His future-self looks at him with affection like he was their father.
"Rushing through my veins,
Burning up my skin.
I will survive, live and thrive,
Win this deadly game."
"We're in Perim, the place with the ever-changing future. We can change our future here. You can tell me about what happens on Earth from here, and I could change it. I could prevent us from ending up alone!" His future-self stares hollowly at him like he was nothing more than a mirror to sing to.
"Love crime,
Love crime."
"Would you knock it off with all the singing?! I don't like you at all. I don't like your look. I don't like your eyes. I don't like that blasé, melancholic attitude of yours! Just give me a straightforward answer!" Kaz spits out like there's blood in his mouth. He expects his future-self to continue to ignore him and sing.
"I will always love you. Looking at you has made me realize that truth. You will go to Kirvak Mound a year from now and enter the portal to the past. You will come back here and have this very same interaction with your past-self like I did. You will also come to the wonderful realization that you will always love him." Kaz gapes like he has witnessed Maxxor and Chaor being friendly with each other. It sounds so weird and narcissistic for his future-self to say those things to his past-self. After all, they are the same person.
"I will survive, live and thrive.
I will survive, I will survive,
I will."
"I love you, which is why I'm going to offer you my compassion. M'arrillianaire is far more loyal than Tom will ever be. He deserves your charity." His future-self pulls out his Scanner. The Scanner is exactly like his, red and not a single scratch on it. He ports out, presumably to Kirvak Mound to return to the future.
Kaz falls to his knees and drops his Scanner. He tries to think, to think about ways to alter his future. To prevent this sort of thing from happening. He thinks about self-fulfilling prophecies and paradoxes. He thinks about his friends. He thinks about Tom. He thinks about how his best friend will stab him in the back.
"Friends are expendable." Kaz bites back his scream. He refuses to believe in Chaor's words. Those words are from Chaor's experience, not his. He's nothing like Chaor. Even his future-self is nothing like Chaor. His future-self….himself…he's burnt out. He's mad. He's lost Tom. How can he avoid ending up like him?
"I believe in Tom. He's my best friend. He will never betray me. The future isn't set in stone. It'll change. I just got…got to….got to…" Kaz doesn't know how to end his statement. His belief is as unclear as his future-self. A lot can happen in a year, but he'll just….just port home and try to not let this moment haunt him. Kirvak Mound leads to all sorts of versions of the past and the future; his future-self is just one of those infinite possibilities. He might not end up like him, so he shouldn't….shouldn't just give in to fate. The future can change.
But the truth is Kaz's future is already set in stone.
Author's Comments- Originally, I was going to use The Cure's Lovesong as the song that Kaz sings. However, I got into listening to the Hannibal season three finale song, which seemed more fitting for what I was going for. The title is supposed to be a reference to one of the lyrics in The Cure song, but I didn't get to use the song. Also, Kirvak Mound first appeared in season two's "Time's Up" episode.
Now to the story, have you tried to think about what your past-self, albeit you from a few years ago, would think about you now? Honestly, I think your past-self wouldn't like how you've turned out, but it's a natural reaction to change. People change in time, and it can make us uncomfortable to see the change. Now, Kaz's future-self is from a year from now, and he's fundamentally different to Kaz of the present. Kaz of the present doesn't like the change in his future-self because it seems incredibly drastic; he shouldn't be that different in year from now, but he is. Kaz of the present rejects and opposes his future-self, much to his future-self's approval.
About Kaz's future-self's declaration of love, it's actually quite strange and almost distressing. Whenever I look back at what I did in the past and how I acted, I always feel embarrassed or even ashamed at how stupid or childish I was. Vice versa, my past-self would probably disapprove of my way of thinking and my actions of now. In a way, people sort of dislike themselves because no one is perfect. However, Kaz's future-self is practically beaming with pride at his past-self; his warmth disturbs his past-self because it's such an unnatural reaction. His future-self is so utterly alien that Kaz of the present can't help but reject him.
I'm planning on writing more one-shots about this and getting how Kaz ends up like his future-self, but I don't feel like writing anymore sequels for this story at the moment.