A/N: Alfred doesn't eat. Alfred won't eat. And Alfred thinks he can't eat. A green-eyed outcast with an empty wallet is intent on changing that. USUK

I shouldn't have written this.

Hetalia © Himaruya Hidekaz

Anorexia, Depression, etc. © that whore

McLovin' It

"It's not that I don't want to eat. It's just… painful."

Sitting across from Alfred, he simply raised his eyebrows critically.

"I mean, like, I really don't even get hungry anymore. And on the rare occasion that I do, my brother always has pancakes ready to eat. But when I do eat, it makes me sick. I'm not a masochist; I don't like pain."

His eyes flashed with doubt.

"I'm telling the truth! Only an idiot like Ivan would like pain!"

A triumphant, bitter smirk danced across his obliviously handsome features. Alfred stepped away from the mirror, disgusted with himself.

"And I'm dating Ivan. So what does that make me?"

That makes you pathetic, said a scathing voice from his mind. That makes you desperate. Admit it, you're worthless.

Alfred F. Jones attended Hetalia High School with his twin Mathieu Williams and boyfriend of two years Ivan Braginski. He wasn't the most popular- that title was easily claimed by the star couple Feliciano Vargas and Ludwig Bielschmidt- but he wasn't a complete outcast like his brother. Mathieu was dating Gilbert Bielschmidt, brother to Ludwig and a delinquent detested by almost everyone. Normally, Mathieu wouldn't hang out with anyone- and he was okay with that- but Gilbert was friends with the other two troublemakers Francis, who was dating a punk named Arthur, and Antonio, who was dating the foul-tempered Lovino Vargas; thus making up the outcast crowd of Hetalia High School. Not wanting to put a damper on their hard earned social status, Alfred, Ludwig, and Feliciano rarely associated themselves in public with their respective brothers. Still, as much as Alfred tried, he never found himself to be "good enough".

So here he was, talking to himself in the mirror in the early hours of the morning. Despite spending the whole night wondering, he couldn't remember if today was Saturday or Thursday. He went through this every day. Maybe deep down he knew precisely what day it was, but logic was shoved aside by his immense desire to stay in bed all day long.

Collapsing on his bed, Alfred closed his eyes as tears threatened to fall. I don't want to go to school. It's awful there. It's like having to win a marathon while running in mud… while the opponent has wings. Of course, how was he supposed to explain this to his parents? It wasn't like he was being bullied. And what other possible reason could there be for wanting to avoid social interaction? Simple, he thought. I'm sick of smiling.

Nonetheless, when there were thirty minutes left to get ready before he had to be on the bus, he threw on some clothes and brushed his teeth. Even though it was hot as hell outside and inside, he put on his leather bomber jacket. It was another layer that kept people from seeing his gross body. Grabbing his backpack, he flashed a million-watt grin at his brother as they headed toward the bus stop.

When the bus finally came, he took a seat next to his best friend Kiku Honda. They jumped into a heated discussion about the new Pokémon Black, and Alfred almost forgot about the nagging that filled his head… almost. Kiku could make him smile, really smile; but the smile touched his eyes and not his heart. No smile was genuine anymore.

They got off at the school and Alfred left Kiku in favor for Ivan. His Japanese friend went into the cafeteria to be with Ludwig and Feliciano, while Alfred was forced to spend his morning with Ivan's friends. Friends was a loose definition, seeing as Toris, Eduard, and Raivis only stayed with Ivan because their parents made them; Feliks was there for Toris; Yao was really the only one who hung around Ivan willingly. Contrary to popular belief, Alfred was not stupid. He knew very well that Ivan was cheating on him with Yao, but he didn't care. He needed that love, however false, that Ivan provided.

Alfred and Ivan left to go put their soccer and lacrosse bags in their seventh period class: History. There were a couple of students taking tests, so Alfred and Ivan dropped their stuff of before heading back to the commons. After about twenty minutes of superficial conversation, the bell rang and the American headed off to his first class. It was awful.

He couldn't stand sitting through English class while Mathieu and Gilbert had eye sex from opposite sides of the room, and that posh bastard behind him being perfect. Every time Alfred would get the sentence structure wrong, Ye Olde Eyebrows felt the need to reprimand him even though they never talked to each other otherwise. Thankfully, they didn't do grammar often so as soon as the DGP- Daily Grammar Practice- was over, Alfred got to tune out the class. He had read ahead in their current book, so the teacher didn't care that he slept for the remaining forty minutes.

His next class was the only one he shared with Ivan besides History, and potentially his worse class. It wasn't that he sucked at math- no matter how much everyone said he did- he just didn't care. Despite the fact that he was so close to being kicked off the Soccer team, the Golden Boy couldn't bring himself to try. And even though he was more or less failing, the teacher let him sleep, while the people who passed were forced to stay awake or stand up for the entire period.

At the end, Ivan walked him to science, lingering outside the door with Alfred. "I'll see you at lunch, da?"

Alfred beamed at his boyfriend. "Totally! I'll save you a seat."

Alfred took his seat in the back next to Ludwig. The stoic blond gave a brief nod to acknowledge the other so he could continue working on the bell ringer.

And so the routine continued till his fifth period. His lunch started as soon as the bell rang, so he had ten minutes to kill before Ivan came with Yao. Luckily, Toris also had A Lunch. When the brunet had gotten his food, he took a seat next to Alfred.

"How've you been?"

"Awesome, as usual." He flashed another million watt grin as the two fell into a steady flow of conversation.

Ivan and Yao sat down next to each other, already deep in discussion. Toris didn't seem to notice the hurt that flashed in Alfred's sky blue eyes.

It's an unusual feeling, embarrassment. You're never really sure when it will come up; and no matter how much you do to avoid the feeling, it traitorously paints your cheeks red, wets your armpits, and shakes your knees. Alfred knew that no high school relationship lasts forever despite what Hollywood would like him to think. He knew about the loving glance passed between Ivan and Yao. He knew. But he didn't know it would end like this. With the two lovebirds kissing sweetly on the field, in front of Alfred, and the lacrosse team- Mathieu included.

Mortification spread like rapid venom through Alfred's veins. This was much worse than getting up and reciting a monologue. Much, much worse. Desperately trying to ignore the snickers and smirks- he didn't have to look to know they were there; they had to be there-, Alfred attempted to walk steadily over to his brother- damn legs, stop shaking!

"I just came to tell you I won't be home for dinner. I'm going out with some friends, so just eat without me." A lie. He had no intention of eating, but he didn't think he'd be able to go home and face anyone now. As a matter of fact, he hadn't come to lacrosse practice to talk to his brother. He had come to flirt with Ivan.

Stiffly turning around, Alfred marched away before the tears could leave his glistening blue eyes.

And yes, he was being watched, but not mockingly. No, Arthur Kirkland would never mock Alfred F. Jones and mean it.

A/N: dun dun dun~ TBC

The reason Alfred's not playing football and Ivan isn't playing hockey is because it's springtime, and where I go to school, there isn't a hockey team so I don't know the schedule of it (though I'm making a wild guess and saying it's winter). The main sport right now is soccer, with lacrosse coming in second.